Title: Valentines day Surprise
Author: Me!
Rating: PG 13
Pairing(s): Malik/Bakura though I threw the whole gang in there. ^_~
Original Characters: Only a child who needs to be changed.
Type: Yaoi if any
Status: Please! Let the badness end at one!
Spoilers: None really, but the story takes place after Battle City
Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own Yugioh or any of these characters.
Summary: Bakura is determined to defeat Malik, regardless of the consequences… or casualties.
Every character and everything on the list should appear somewhere in this fic, despite it's badness. ^^;;
Enjoy!
In AD 2101, it was Valentines Day.
"I can't I can't I can't!!!!!!" said Malik. He was sad.
"Yes you can!" Bakura tried to help. He looked in the refrigerator. "Wonderful! An eggplant! Here you go Malik."
"Mokuba why are you here? It's cold." Malik pronunciated. He took the eggplant and took a bite out of it. It tasted like a horseradish.
Mokuba fell out of the refrigerator. "Brr, it's cold in here."
"Yes I agree." Yami Yugi announced. "But that can wait. First I must tell you of a plan. A terrible plan of horrible tragedy… tragedy and woe."
"Ewww you bit into the eggplant Malik that's gross!" Mokuba whined and fell on the floor. It was cold.
"You will not believe it. The pain. The suffering. The torment." Yami Yugi said, thinking of the pain and suffering and torment.
Pegasus walked by.
"Brr. Bad luck just came out of the bathroom." Bakura chided and played Dance Dance Revolution. He was glad that he didn't have a broken leg.
Mako walked in holding a box of crackers. "Look at what I found in the street!"
Everyone "ooh"ed and "aww"ed. Bakura was still playing Dance Dance Revolution. "An Egyptian penny?!!!"
Mako laughed a hearty laugh he borrowed from the sea and its creatures. "No my dearest of evil friends. But there is something really cool inside this box that you will like." He said, an ominous glint in his shiny eye.
"Days upon days. Years upon years. Millennia upon millennia. It will haunt you forever." Yami shook the kitchen floor with the bellowing of his mighty loud voice.
"Hey quiet down you're being loud." Yugi rolled over from the couch. He was sleeping so everyone had to be quiet.
Pegasus skipped around the couch.
Mako opened the box and…. "You may have just won a trip to Acapulco!!!!! To find your results call 1 (555) 555-5555."
Ryou nodded sympathetically. "That's a lot of fives."
"You betcha! And I'm going to win a nudist contest tomorrow at noon even if Mako does not win!" Bakura pronounced, brandishing his lucky pointy stick.
Tomorrow at noon, they went to the nudist contest. Bakura was sad because Malik won.
"That's not fair! You won because you have a tan and muscles and it looks so cool!" Bakura cried. Malik agreed.
Pegasus walked by and admired the show.
"You can't stop it. It will come whether or not you like it. We are doomed." Yami confessed solemnly. "Doomed."
Yugi rolled over on the couch. "Yami stop it you're still being too loud."
"Oh sorry." Yami apologized and spoke quieter. "Doomed."
Suddenly a small child walked by!
"Excuse me gentlemen, but do you happen to know where the portable restrooms are? It seems I need to be changed and my mother is nowhere nearby." The small child said very intelligently.
Nobody answered. That was just too weird for Yu-Gi-Oh!
Noah came by in an ark and exorcised the child. The child started to cry. He let the child look at his green hair. The child was mystified.
Bakura came back with a lampshade that he found. "I will win a million dollars for this at the Antique Roadshow tomorrow at 5!"
Tomorrow at five, they went to the Antique Roadshow. Bakura was sad because Malik won. Again.
"You can't bring a dead parrot to the antique roadshow!" Bakura said.
Malik shrugged. "Why not? It's an antique." Bakura could not make words.
"In consolation, take this." Kaiba grinned like a fiendish hound, or a caterpillar. He couldn't decide. "For winning, I present you with…. a cookie recipe!"
"Yay I won the Antique Roadshow!" Malik took the recipe and gave it to Rishid since he was a better cook.
"Yugi…." Anzu murmured wantonly.
"Quiet I'm trying to sleep!" Yugi said. He was mad. He didn't sleep for three days.
Pegasus hopped by, looked at Kaiba, and left. Kaiba wasn't happy.
Bakura wasn't happy either. He came back in brandishing a water pipe that he broke off the water fountain. The little kids screamed in terror.
"Never will the world see the likes of this day. It will be the oblivion… the total end. And nothing we can do, absolutely NOTHING will stop it." Yami declared angrily. The kids ran away. Honda ran with them screaming like a rabid banshee that had just been bathed in hot artichoke sauce.
Rex Raptor watched from the top of a shopping mall in the distance. It was a very tall shopping mall. At least one hundred feet. "Mine mine mine! Hehehe haaaa! It will all be mine!"
Bandit Kieth walked by and said, "Whatz gotten into you yo? Foo don't you give me tha' sheet!"
Suddenly a swarm of psychologists ran by saying a mental patient had escaped! They grabbed Bandit Kieth and ran away. He was kicking and screaming and saying "No I won't go!" But they didn't care.
At the same time, Yugi's friend with the yellow hair came to talk to Yugi. "Hi Yugi. What's up?"
"Not much." Yugi said. He looked at his friend with the yellow hair once, then rolled back over and went back to sleep.
Suddenly Otogi walked by with Mai and a donkey! Yugi's friend with the yellow hair glared angrily. "What're you doing Otogi?!!!!" He bellowed from deep inside his body. The bellow was loud. Louder than most people could ever bellow.
Otogi only smirked and held a finger to his cheek. "Me and my girlfriend are walking our bet donkey, Sam."
Mai smiled. "Yes I named it after that Hobbit from the Lord of the Rings because he is so cool."
Otogi frowned. "But what about me?"
"You are so cool too." Mai smiled.
Yugi's friend with the yellow hair frowned. "But what about me?"
Mai smiled. "You are not as cool."
"What?! Why I oughta…" Before he could finish, Kaiba walked by to discipline.
"What is this, a hungry dog?" He glared at Yugi's friend with the yellow hair, distracting him long enough for Otogi, Mai, and Sam to walk away.
Suddenly they were all distracted by a noise! Bakura and Yami Malik were having a broken pipe fight over the bridge!
"I will beat you Yami no Malik!" Screamed Bakura as he swung the pipe straight at Malik's pointy head. He missed because the other guy ducked just in time making it very dramatic.
"But soft, what pipe from yonder bridge-side break? Tis Bakura the light!" Malik no Yami pointed to the other side where Ryou was sitting, fishing for a penguin on the lake. But this distracted Bakura and the yami fell into the lake after being hit with Malik's pipe!
Weevil walked by and laughed. Pegasus walked by too, but didn't laugh.
"Something horrible. Something awful. It won't end until the world is wrapped about in a tight blanket of darkness and anguish!" Yami pronounced. Isis looked into the golden thing she wears around her neck and nodded.
"You may think you have won Malik. YOU MAY THINK SO BUT YOU HAVE NOT!" Bakura screamed, producing the mystical eye of Hours from his pocket. The children shrieked in fear. "With this, I will take us back two days, back to before you ever beat me in anything besides that shadow game on the blimp!" He held up the mystical eye…
In AD 2101, it was Valentines Day.
"I can't I can't I can't!!!!!!" said Malik. He was sad.
"Oh no, don't you give me that again! You CAN and I know it!" Bakura turned around and dug into the refrigerator. He pulled out some chocolate sauce and smirked. "And I know how to make you." He dipped his finger into the tub, licked it off, and beaconed Malik closer. "Come here precious."
Malik came.
Yugi's grandpa walked in. "Eww Malik, don't have sex in the kitchen!"
!!!!!The end!!!!!