Notes: Well, I said I wouldn't do it... and yet I did it anyway. Myeh. Yes, I, Lady Celebare, hater of all things Anakin and Hayden (ok, ok, Life as a House was good, but not 'cos of him), have written an Anakin songfic. Yep... you read correct... an Anakin songfic to Matchbox 20's 'Disease'. This is for all you fangirls (and Vader fans) out there... enjoy! 'Twil probably be the only Anakin fic I ever write. Sheesh.
Rating: PG for Angst... well, it is Vader after all. What d'you expect?
Summary: As Anakin slowly becomes Vader, he expresses his feelings towards one Padme Amidala. Hoo boy.
Feels like you made a mistake
You made somebody's heart break
But now I have to let you go
I have to let you go
I never should have seen you again. I never should have let myself think of you, not after we parted so long ago... it seems like forever. Forever since you comforted me in my time of sorrow, forever since I called you an Angel... my angel. Mine. You were mine, all mine, but I destroyed you. They say you're dying. I say you're already dead, just like I am. And you'll kill others too, oh yes. I'm not the only one whose heart you stole. You remember your 'guardian'? My mentor? He loved you too. Oh, don't tell me you didn't see it. That you couldn't see the way he watched you, the pain in his eyes when he realized you were far beyond his reach. He was far too holy and self-righteous to reveal his heart to anyone. You know why I see it? I can always see when others are trying to steal something from me. He would have stolen you, given half the chance.
You left a stain
On every one of my good days
But I am stronger than you know
I have to let you go
This is the end. I can't be with you anymore. Your very presence is torture... yes, I loved you once, but not anymore. Not anymore. I'll divorce myself, my mind, my spirit from you, so that when you physically die I won't bear the burden. Because I intend to outlive you. I'm far stronger than you are. You're a weak woman, too weak to resist me. If you had kept your guard up, none of this would have happened. I wouldn't be the way I am. If you had just told me no... if we hadn't come back... if my Master didn't feel for you the way I once did...
But none of that matters now. The past is gone. I am who I am...
No one's ever turned you over
No one's tried
To ever let you down,
Beautiful girl
Bless your heart
Nobody's ever denied you anything, m'lady. If you wanted something, you got it, no matter who was stepped on in the process. You were benevolent, but in your own way you were cruel... but that's what leaders do, isn't it? They step on others to make their own goals real. That's what I'm doing now. I'm just like you... I am you... your darkest thoughts, dreams, feelings, that's what I am. I feed on fear. Your fear. Our son has my fear. Our son will be just like me... like you...
You're the cause of all this.
You're a virus.
My virus.
I got a disease
Deep inside me
Makes me feel uneasy baby
I can't live without you
Tell me what I am supposed to do about it
Keep your distance from it
Don't pay no attention to me
I got a disease
That's what this is, isn't it? I'm diseased. I've got a virus, a tumor, a malignancy eating its way through my body. It brings in the darkness, rotting away my good self bit by bit until nothing remains. The only feelings I have left are hate and sorrow... and even the tears are drying up. I'm fevered, hot as fire, like the lava that ate away my healthy self, the black disease, the cancer...
Help me.
I'm beyond help.
Nobody can help me now. I'm too far gone to make a recovery. But I don't want to recover. I don't want to face a life without you... because you're still going to die. No matter what happens to me, you're still going to die.
I don't want to live to see that.
If my eyes have changed by the time your life fades, it won't matter that I'm still alive. I won't be me anymore. I'm not me anymore.
Feels like you're making a mess
You're hell on wheels in a black dress
You drove me to the fire
And left me there to burn
You drove the hand that hurt me. You drove his hand to fight me... he did it only to protect you. He didn't have the heart to hurt me without your interference. He loved you... he loved you, he loved you, and that drove him to defend you one last time. Perhaps he did tell you... maybe you do know his heart. Maybe you've known since long before... before we were wed, even. It burns me up! It eats away at me, the thought that you gave your heart to another before me! I'll slay he that stole you from me, and he will burn just as I have! I'll be gone before you meet your end, but he'll live with it forever. He'll live a hell for eternity!
Every little thing you do is tragic
All my life before was magic
Beautiful girl
I can't breathe
You kill me. You kill me slowly. You are the virus... and I have no cure. My only cure is dead... my only cure is on your side. My only cure is my pain. You are the virus, he is the agony.
I got a disease
Deep inside me
Makes me feel uneasy baby
I can't live without you
Tell me what I am supposed to do about it
Keep your distance from it
Don't pay no attention to me
I got a disease
I think that I'm sick
But leave me be while my world is coming down on me
You taste like honey, honey
Tell me can I be your honey
Be, be strong
Keep telling myself it that won't take long till
I'm free of my disease
Stay away from me. Don't come closer to me. I don't want my hand to work in your death... not any more of it. Not anymore. I've slain many, but I don't want to add your name to the list. I have only one more target... and I'll do anything to get to him. He and you both, viruses. You destroy my immunity, and he provides the poison... and you won't let me be. You won't leave me alone. Here you are, inside my head, laughing and screaming and clawing at my thoughts. You've infested my brain. You're like a maggot. You're like a malignancy. I can't stand it any longer! You drove me to the edge, and now I'm falling off and dragging you with me!
Yeah well free of my disease
Free of my disease
But not for long.
I'll cut you lose.
You'll die your own death, no longer bound to me.
I got a disease
Deep inside me
Makes me feel uneasy baby
I can't live without you
Tell me what I am supposed to do about it
Keep your distance from it
Don't pay no attention to me
I got a disease
I'll be free of you soon...
I think that I'm sick
But leave me be while my world is coming down on me
You taste like honey, honey
Tell me, can I be your honey bee
Be strong
Keep telling myself it that won't take long till
I'm free of my disease
Yeah well free of my disease
Free of my disease
Free... and your death will lose the chains.
Rating: PG for Angst... well, it is Vader after all. What d'you expect?
Summary: As Anakin slowly becomes Vader, he expresses his feelings towards one Padme Amidala. Hoo boy.
Feels like you made a mistake
You made somebody's heart break
But now I have to let you go
I have to let you go
I never should have seen you again. I never should have let myself think of you, not after we parted so long ago... it seems like forever. Forever since you comforted me in my time of sorrow, forever since I called you an Angel... my angel. Mine. You were mine, all mine, but I destroyed you. They say you're dying. I say you're already dead, just like I am. And you'll kill others too, oh yes. I'm not the only one whose heart you stole. You remember your 'guardian'? My mentor? He loved you too. Oh, don't tell me you didn't see it. That you couldn't see the way he watched you, the pain in his eyes when he realized you were far beyond his reach. He was far too holy and self-righteous to reveal his heart to anyone. You know why I see it? I can always see when others are trying to steal something from me. He would have stolen you, given half the chance.
You left a stain
On every one of my good days
But I am stronger than you know
I have to let you go
This is the end. I can't be with you anymore. Your very presence is torture... yes, I loved you once, but not anymore. Not anymore. I'll divorce myself, my mind, my spirit from you, so that when you physically die I won't bear the burden. Because I intend to outlive you. I'm far stronger than you are. You're a weak woman, too weak to resist me. If you had kept your guard up, none of this would have happened. I wouldn't be the way I am. If you had just told me no... if we hadn't come back... if my Master didn't feel for you the way I once did...
But none of that matters now. The past is gone. I am who I am...
No one's ever turned you over
No one's tried
To ever let you down,
Beautiful girl
Bless your heart
Nobody's ever denied you anything, m'lady. If you wanted something, you got it, no matter who was stepped on in the process. You were benevolent, but in your own way you were cruel... but that's what leaders do, isn't it? They step on others to make their own goals real. That's what I'm doing now. I'm just like you... I am you... your darkest thoughts, dreams, feelings, that's what I am. I feed on fear. Your fear. Our son has my fear. Our son will be just like me... like you...
You're the cause of all this.
You're a virus.
My virus.
I got a disease
Deep inside me
Makes me feel uneasy baby
I can't live without you
Tell me what I am supposed to do about it
Keep your distance from it
Don't pay no attention to me
I got a disease
That's what this is, isn't it? I'm diseased. I've got a virus, a tumor, a malignancy eating its way through my body. It brings in the darkness, rotting away my good self bit by bit until nothing remains. The only feelings I have left are hate and sorrow... and even the tears are drying up. I'm fevered, hot as fire, like the lava that ate away my healthy self, the black disease, the cancer...
Help me.
I'm beyond help.
Nobody can help me now. I'm too far gone to make a recovery. But I don't want to recover. I don't want to face a life without you... because you're still going to die. No matter what happens to me, you're still going to die.
I don't want to live to see that.
If my eyes have changed by the time your life fades, it won't matter that I'm still alive. I won't be me anymore. I'm not me anymore.
Feels like you're making a mess
You're hell on wheels in a black dress
You drove me to the fire
And left me there to burn
You drove the hand that hurt me. You drove his hand to fight me... he did it only to protect you. He didn't have the heart to hurt me without your interference. He loved you... he loved you, he loved you, and that drove him to defend you one last time. Perhaps he did tell you... maybe you do know his heart. Maybe you've known since long before... before we were wed, even. It burns me up! It eats away at me, the thought that you gave your heart to another before me! I'll slay he that stole you from me, and he will burn just as I have! I'll be gone before you meet your end, but he'll live with it forever. He'll live a hell for eternity!
Every little thing you do is tragic
All my life before was magic
Beautiful girl
I can't breathe
You kill me. You kill me slowly. You are the virus... and I have no cure. My only cure is dead... my only cure is on your side. My only cure is my pain. You are the virus, he is the agony.
I got a disease
Deep inside me
Makes me feel uneasy baby
I can't live without you
Tell me what I am supposed to do about it
Keep your distance from it
Don't pay no attention to me
I got a disease
I think that I'm sick
But leave me be while my world is coming down on me
You taste like honey, honey
Tell me can I be your honey
Be, be strong
Keep telling myself it that won't take long till
I'm free of my disease
Stay away from me. Don't come closer to me. I don't want my hand to work in your death... not any more of it. Not anymore. I've slain many, but I don't want to add your name to the list. I have only one more target... and I'll do anything to get to him. He and you both, viruses. You destroy my immunity, and he provides the poison... and you won't let me be. You won't leave me alone. Here you are, inside my head, laughing and screaming and clawing at my thoughts. You've infested my brain. You're like a maggot. You're like a malignancy. I can't stand it any longer! You drove me to the edge, and now I'm falling off and dragging you with me!
Yeah well free of my disease
Free of my disease
But not for long.
I'll cut you lose.
You'll die your own death, no longer bound to me.
I got a disease
Deep inside me
Makes me feel uneasy baby
I can't live without you
Tell me what I am supposed to do about it
Keep your distance from it
Don't pay no attention to me
I got a disease
I'll be free of you soon...
I think that I'm sick
But leave me be while my world is coming down on me
You taste like honey, honey
Tell me, can I be your honey bee
Be strong
Keep telling myself it that won't take long till
I'm free of my disease
Yeah well free of my disease
Free of my disease
Free... and your death will lose the chains.