They were sitting in the kitchen, having a normal morning after a night of almost dying about twenty different ways. Rory had made them all breakfast before his wife and daughter were up, with the Doctor's "help." After two eggs were hopelessly mangled and burnt by way of the Time Lord's efforts, Rory'd decided that it might be better to have him go wake their wives up and then make coffee or tea for everyone. The Doctor had happily agreed and dashed into the hallway. It wasn't long until there was a resounding thump, presumably the Doctor hitting the floor as a result of trying to wake one of them up. It could have been either one of them, so Rory brushed it off as he tipped the large pan of scrambled eggs onto a plate in the center of the small, rounded table. Moments later the three had appeared in the doorway, two of them still groggy and the other holding an ice pack to the back of his head.
Amy and River had taken (more like flopped into) their respective seats while the Doctor had busied himself with tea, muttering about the "damn psychopath." It still hadn't given much indication as to which woman had done the deed.
By the time Amy had finally shaken her sleepiness, the rest of her family was participating in a normal conversation. Well, as normal as any. They were talking about the passing of personal time, something that Amy couldn't really contest with them about. The Doctor was over a thousand years old, River was living out part of her life in prison, and Rory (definitely the expert on the subject) had waited outside the Pandorica for two thousand years. It made the fourteen years she had waited for the Doctor seem insignificant, especially since she had had Rory and Mels by her side. So she just sipped her coffee and waited for a lull in the conversation. When one appeared while the Doctor was getting another cup of tea, Amy brought up something that had often bugged her in the back of her mind.
"River... Have you ever acted? Like, in an Earth movie?" Okay, that felt ridiculous to ask.
River laughed anyway. "I actually I've done it a lot! And not just movies, there was this one show called ER-"
"So it was you!" Amy turned to Rory and poked him in the chest. "HAH! I told you it was her and I wasn't hallucinating!"
"Do you remember those movies that I told you to never watch when we were high schoolers?"
"Yes..."
"When I was about the equivalent of fifteen, I got a message from my future self to make sure you didn't. You know why? Nudity." She laughed again. "Those movies may or may not have graphic sex scenes in them."
The Doctor spit the sip of his tea he had taken all over the floor as he was walking back to the table and stared, his jaw going slack.
"Ugh," Rory muttered. "I'm really glad I listened to you. And I was tempted to watch them quite a few times." He shuddered.
The table shook slightly as the Doctor slammed his tea down and sprinted out of the room. When River asked him what he was doing he shouted back, "We're going to Earth because of reasons!"
A/N: this was inspired by two things: a post on Tumblr about how dorky Matt Smith is (like the Doctor) saying "plot twist: the Doctor decides to play himself on television", and a picture of Matt Smith (or is he really the Doctor?) holding up a copy of The Fortunes and Misfortunes of Moll Flanders, which stars Alex Kingston, and, as you might have guessed, has sex scenes in it. So the result is plot twist: River adopts the persona of Alex Kingston and leads an acting career on Earth to try and get the Doctor's attention.