Disclaimer: I do NOT own Stargate: Atlantis. I still hope I might one day, but chances aren't too good... so: Not mine! No money made.
Summary: John's last thoughts. John/Liz Warning: Character death!!!
Rating: T
Category: Drama
Author's Note: I hate to let him die, but I can't get this story out of my head. First SG:A fic.
Thanks to johnliz4ever for beta reading my story.
I never told you
By IceCream Junkie
John tried to suppress the scream which build up in his throat. Being fed on by a Wraith caused a hell of a lot of pain. He didn't want to give them the satisfaction to hear him scream. He grit his teeth but could not hinder a low groan to escape his lips.
"Does it hurt, human?" the Wraith laughed.
John ignored him. He had already wasted to much energy on trying to break out of the grip of the two faceless Wraith soldiers who held him. Instead he tried to focus on something else. Just any kind of happy memory to help him through the pain. He knew he would not survive. But at least he wanted to die with the last bit of dignity he had left. Kneeling on the floor held down by two Wraith while a third one was feeding on him after getting his butt seriously beaten there wasn't very much left. But it could be worse. He could be screaming.
John imagined Liz' face. Her smile. She is so beautiful. Did he ever tell her?
He remembered the day of his suicide mission. When the Daedalus teleported him back to Atlantis she came up to him and hugged him. She seemed so relieved he was back. Maybe a little more than she should considering she was his boss and all.
John tried to remember how it felt to be hugged by her. Oh God, she smelt so good. The smell of her had hunted his dreams for weeks. Sometimes he wasn't able to look at her without being reminded of his dreams. She would probably be shocked if she knew what he dreamed of. 'Naughty' did not even describe it.
A different kind of pain captured his mind. Not physical pain like that from the feeding Wraith. It hurt him as he realised how much she meant to him. He had never allowed himself to think of Liz in any other way than as his boss and well... his friend. Seemed like he had been pretty good at lying to himself.
She was more. Way more. He would kill for her. Die for her. He'd tried to reach the stars and take them off the sky for her if she'd ask him to. Calling it a big crush was probably an understatement. He loved her.
John was not sure when it started. Just some point along the way they went together. And it did not matter. The only thing that mattered was that he had been too stupid to realise it before.
A wave of physical pain hit him. John groaned again. He felt his energy fade. He would not last much longer. He stared into the Wraith's face which just caused the monster to laugh again.
John retreated into his memory once more. He pictured Liz and himself together. How it could have been to be with her. Not just as colleague or friend but as lovers. He would carry her on his hands.
But it was too late. She would never know how much she meant to him. He had missed his chance to tell her. If he'd just realised it sooner, he would have left a letter for her. Just in case. But he hadn't. So she will never know...
John felt dizzy as the pain increased. The only thing he regretted was that he had never told Liz how much he loved her.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard could feel a single tear rolling down his cheek before everything around him went black.
- The End.
Author's Note: This sounded way better while I was thinking about it. Reading it on paper I realise I was not able to put it into words the way I'd like to once more. But at least I got rid of the plot bunny. ;-)