Ok, I am tentatively stepping back in the world of fanfiction after a looong hiatus. Here's some darker work but don't worry- I usually can conjure up happy endings. Usually.
Summary: They thought that once they were together, all the pieces would just fall into place. They never thought that it would cause everything to fall apart. [JDCox, dark slash]
Rating: It's very dark, but not rated M.
Pairings: JDCox. Dark, may not end that way. JD may die.
Regular text.
"Speaking."
Thinking.
(Author's notes within story.)
My Bad Relationship
Chapter One: Precedent of a Point of Breaking
Perry was confused- in an angry way.
He could remember how the relationship began, how shaky his heart felt every time he saw him and how cold he had to make his eyes to hide it. How much of a rush it was to drag him to the roof and crush him against the walling around the stair well, to see his eyes dark and glazed in lust and his lips reddened from a desperate kiss.
But it was different now. He spent nights on end at Perry's apartment, now that Jordan had vacated permanently. Perry would roll over and see his face, peaceful in sleep, and compare it to the fear that flashed on his gray eyes while in the waking world. Sometimes, when Perry slept, he dreamed of how he used to be, before fear had taken over his lover's life.
JD was scared. Not for his life, but for what he might lose.
He'd moved his stuff from the apartment he and Turk once shared and taken up in the empty bedroom in his apartment. But that was after JD had first been grabbed by the wrists and pulled away, after JD had first tasted his lips in the winter sunlight on the roof, after he hesitantly asked JD to come over, which had resulted in one of the greatest nights JD could remember.
But it was different now. JD would lay awake for hours, wondering about his choices, going in endless circles about questions he didn't have answers to. JD would examine the bruises on his arms or the cut on his cheek he'd gotten from the countertop and say to himself, I could leave and never come back and he wouldn't, couldn't, do a thing about it.
Then he'd close his eyes and force tears back down as he remembered how tenderly the hands had first held and stroked him. He'd hear the sweet murmurings in his ear or the glint of pure happiness in his eyes- something JD had never seen before.
And JD would talk himself out of it, out of leaving forever and getting his life back. He'd tell himself that his lover was a good person at heart, and that he was just frustrated when ever his eyes blazed in anger and JD had to curl up in a tight ball to protect himself. He told himself that if he stuck it out a little longer, the man he loved would come to his senses and they'd be happy again.
JD wasn't finding himself very believable anymore.
Perry remembered the first time he'd lashed out physically in anger. After that, all his 'episodes' blended together in one messy, dark blur of anger, then regret. He could see the raw pain in his eyes as he'd stumbled against the wall, how he couldn't find anger or hate in those blue-gray depths he'd come to love. How there was only the hurt and despair.
His lover didn't flinch every time Perry moved after the first 'episode', but when Perry had strayed to the scotch on the counter, he'd become tense and watched Perry's every move warily. When he had finally risen from the couch, his partner held his breath and waited for Perry's next move.
It had surprised him to see Perry's arms wrapping around him, to feel his warm lips against his own and taste the burning scotch in his mouth, to hear the soft whispers of regret and love against his neck. He'd been filled with hope as Perry seemed to be completely in regret. Perry had been, at the time, horrified and disgusted with himself to have possibly hurt someone as kind and gentle as him. Perry had pleaded for forgiveness and, knowing undoubtedly that it would come, kissed him sweetly without hesitation
After the first episode, JD had left the apartment, avoiding him as much as possible, until finally, Perry had approached him with an apology and an invitation to his apartment. JD had once known what that meant, where he'd end up if he followed Perry home. But now, he wondered. If he went into a place where he had the disadvantage of area familiarity, would Perry hurt him? Again?
But JD saw the desperate apology in his eyes and felt his heart go out to him. He told himself that it was a one-time thing, that Perry would never do it again. JD believed it and when Perry stepped cautiously around him, he knew that his words had been sincere. JD let himself trust again.
It had hurt that much more when Perry snapped once more, weeks later.
And that was how it started, how Perry would promise, JD would hesitate but in the end go back to his apartment and when things got a little stressful or a little rough and JD said the wrong thing, Perry would lash out. But Perry would come back seeking forgiveness. Which he always got.