Sirius x Remus

Of Firelight, Dittany and Breaking the Rules

I'd steal the sun from the sky for you
words can't say what love can do
I'll be there for you
- Bon Jovi

The full moon was always considered to be a difficult time of the month for the four boys currently sitting around the fire in the Gryffindor common room. Not an insurmountable problem, more of a casual annoyance, but a difficulty, all the same.

However, the only one of the group who could say that there wasn't a part of the full moon he didn't enjoy was the one sitting on the single seating sofa-chair, his friends being bunched together on a low lying sofa made really only for two people.

There could be no doubt that the group were friends- their relaxed expressions and casual conversation left no doubt to be had that they were comfortable together, as good friends should be.

The faces of the students- for they are too old to be called boys, but not yet quite graced with the maturity of adulthood- were rouged by the firelight and the red banners draping the walls.

And of course it was only firelight that glinted in the eyes of Sirius Black, who sat slightly apart from his tussling friends on the sofa.

The conversation died out, leaving them in a comfortable silence, and the student on the chair stared into the fire, thinking and no doubt worrying about the next night.

Sirius regarded the figure who sat, hunched up in a subconsciously defensive position, on the chair with almost an animalistic gleam in his eyes, a gleam which was not uncharacteristic in this students eyes- he was regarded as the wild-card of the group, although none of them, to be perfectly honest, were that rule-abiding, or normal, for that matter.

Sirius regarded his friend though grey eyes, the slight shading underneath them a testament to late nights and not enough sleep. His almost sharp features were softened by his hair, which was slightly longer than usually accepted in school. It hung in untamed strands, slightly covering his face, a shaggy black mane that yelled rebellion.

His lips were tilted upwards slightly at one side, smirking slightly. It was not with a cruel smirk, however, that he regarded his friend. Sirius was not even aware that he was smirking- it was a force of habit which gave him a slightly dangerous aura, and gave out the impression of one that would not hesitate to break rules.

He was very different to the student he was watching.

Remus Lupin was still staring at the fire, slightly entranced by the flames. He was tired, not as used to such late nights as some of his friends were. His face was prematurely aged, a deep frown line obvious when he knitted his brow.

It was the face of a person that had been through too much too young.

"Moony," Sirius stated, clearly and calmly, causing the addressed to jump, "stop worrying, will you?"

Remus turned half around, his eyes still for a moment keeping the reflections of the fire in them, making them appear animalistic and devoid of compassion, but that quickly passed as he turned fully away from the fire, his eyes turning back to their normal colour, a soft, mellow brown, warm but slightly too old for him.

He smiled at Sirius, an unspoken word of thanks hovering on his lips- gratitude for Sirius caring enough about his friend to worry. Remus did not say that though; he simply smiled, and nodded, and murmured a few words of agreement to Sirius before turning back to watch the fire.

The next day, the four boys were walking down a deserted corridor, laughing and joking among themselves the way that teenagers do.

In most respects, they were completely ordinary.

But in a few ways, they were extraordinary.

James Potter, upon first looking at him, would strike you as an almost geeky side-kick to Sirius- his hair was almost as messy, and his eyes glinted in a similar way which spoke of guilty pleasures and unmentionable ideas behind his glasses. In actual fact, this student was more the leader than any of the others were, and they often tagged along with him on his mainly dangerous plans. He could set an almost regal posture, and one could almost liken him to a stag in that respect.

Peter Pettigrew was smaller than the others, a mousy, quiet boy who looked up to the others with something alike to hero-worshipping. He was the weak link in the chain of friendship- although none of them would have guessed that. And, looking at him now, it would be hard to believe that this boy (for in stature and mentality this student was little more than a boy) would go on to ruin lives.

Remus was watching his friends out of the corner of his eyes, a smile hovering on his lips. It would have been obvious to anyone that he was worried- it showed in the lines on his face, the compassion in his eyes- but it wasn't worry for himself, it was for the three walking beside him.

Sirius caught his eye, and flashed him a quick smile.

You see, Remus Lupin was probably the most unusual of them all.

For he was a werewolf.

Once a month he would go through a secret passage, concealed by a large and violent tree, down a long tunnel, and emerge in a shack not far from school. As a werewolf, he was a violent, angry beast, but when accompanied with other animals he calmed down, becoming, usually, more docile.

Not that he was a puppy even then, which was why out of the animals accompanying him, two were large and strong, and able to keep him under control. The third was small, small and quick enough to creep under the trees thrashing boughs and press a knot of wood that would freeze the tree, and grant them access to the tunnel.

It was these animals that made the other boys different. For once a month, as Remus transformed, the others would as well, voluntarily, to keep their cursed friend company.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I have the pleasure of introducing you to the world's youngest animagus.

Sirius Black, a large, long furred black dog.

Peter Pettigrew, a light-furred rat.

James Potter, a tall and strong stag.

Of course it was illegal, and of course it was dangerous. But try telling that to those three- it was their favourite part of the month, and it was the danger that gave it an edge over anything else.

It was later that day, and two figures were stealing across the school's grounds, keeping to the shadows that the twilight provided.

Both figures seemed slightly on edge, the woman glancing routinely at her watch, the boy looking around him nervously, on edge.

Remus often found that his senses became better tuned before his transformation, and, despite his nervousness, he smiled slightly when he heard a muffled swear word from behind them as Sirius stubbed his foot on the ground.

It wouldn't have mattered if Madam Pomfrey had heard- if she had looked around she wouldn't have been able to see the three boys who were following them closely.

That's what invisibility cloaks are for, after all.

The two made their way in silence to the tree, where Madam Pomfrey levitated a stick to make it hit the knot in the bark. Remus turned to the woman and thanked her, and she in turn smiled at him and patted his shoulder awkwardly.

As she walked away, she couldn't help but think what a nice boy he was, and 'isn't it a pity that he's like that?'

Had she turned round, she would have been most astonished to see that almost as soon as the young willow tree started to move again, it stopped almost a moment afterwards.

But she didn't turn around. She never did.

Remus waited for the others to catch up with him a few meters in the tunnel. He's learnt from bitter experience not to wait at the start, as he would always end up being hit by flailing limbs as James and Sirius half-fell down the steep entrance to the tunnel, followed by a scrambling, half-falling Peter in rat form.

True to form, they arrived.

Sirius smiled sheepishly up at Remus from the floor, and Remus laughed, an unusual thing for him to do on a full moon.

Sirius felt torn- embarrassed that he was looking like such an idiot in front of Remus, and almost smug that he had been able to make him laugh.

It was as Sirius pondered this, as they made their way at a leisurely pace down the tunnel, that he realised that maybe it was becoming a bit too obvious that his feelings for Remus were hardly platonic anymore.

Peter led the way, as he always did, followed by James, then Remus, with Sirius bringing up the rear. He stared at the student in front of him, taking in the very slight curve of his hips, the length of his back, where scars were concealed by robes. Grey eyes took in the soft v-shape of his hair as it fell on the back of his neck, and then the neck itself. Pale bare skin was interrupted only by the soft ridges of veins, only slightly raised off the skin.

Sirius fought down his very animalistic urge to bite that neck.

As if sensing that he was being watched, Remus turned his head to grin at Sirius, whose cheeks coloured red immediately as he realised how intently he had been staring at Remus' neck.

For Remus this was one of the few good parts of the full moon, this walk down to the shack, knowing that the people with him were here by choice, for him, because they wanted to. That was one of the nicest feelings for Remus- knowing that they accepted and liked him, despite what he was and what he became.

These three students meant the world to Remus- not that he would ever admit that. He thought they knew, anyway. James, who always made him feel much braver than he would have been; Peter, who comforted and helped at every opportunity; Sirius, who, for some inexplicable reason, made him feel normal, and cared for.

Sirius, who could always make him smile.

Sirius, who's pleading eyes he could never quite resist.

Sirius, who had slowly made him realise that it was okay to trust them.

Sirius, who he would willingly do anything for.

Remus shook his head, as if to clear it. 'Focus, Remus, focus. It's not the time to think about him.'

One by one they pulled themselves up through the hole in the ground to the shack, James, grinning manically with glee, lifting Peter up with one hand. Remus was more dignified, and Sirius scrambled up with surprising speed and agility.

James shook his head at Peter.

"You spend too much time as a rat, you know? I wouldn't be surprised if you opted to spend the rest of your life like that."

Peter looked up at him, and grinned as best a rat could.

They waited out the moon, which was still an hour or so away. James and Sirius soon followed Peters example, transforming. Remus sat in the shack, surrounded by animals, and waited, tense, for the moon.

The stag was sitting; it's head on the floor, as the rat crawled on its antlers, slipping occasionally to the amusement of the large black dog that was padding around the room, unable to make up it's mind about what to do.

"Oi, Padfoot. Sit down, will you?"

The dog looked sheepishly at Remus, and flopped down on the floor next to the only one left in human form.

James gave the still doleful looking Sirius a look that clearly stated he thought his friend had been severely whipped.

If a dog could blush, Sirius would have done.

Remus stretched, his elbows popping with a fluid click. Absentmindedly, he started playing with Sirius' ears, and moved on to stroking the soft, tangled fur on the top of his head.

The four relaxed, Peter now curled up on the floor, waiting out the last few minutes till the sun set. They made the perfect image of contentment, of peace, but that was soon to change.

As the moon rose, the shack was filled with fierce snarls and growls, half-human and so animalistic, as Remus went through the painful task of changing.

Sirius regarded the transformation with an unreadable expression in his eyes. Remus writhed on the floor, his whole body changing. His bones extended, distended and locked together to give him a whole new shape, and his jaws lengthened, his teeth growing with serrated edges. He screamed as he changed, the pain immense, but soon after the scream left his mouth it became a howl, a long, primitive and dangerous noise.

And then it was done.

The wolf looked up from the floor, and growled, at the surrounding animals.

James and Sirius shared a quick glance of confusion. Even immediately after transformation, Remus never normally acted like this. Both were tense, on edge in case the wolf before them made a sudden move. Peter backed away into a corner, worried.

The wolf growled again, a deep, guttural growl from the depth of his throat. He regarded them with cold eyes, no human emotion present in them, unlike those of the animals surrounding him.

Without warning, he threw himself across the space between them, aiming for the haunches of the stag in front of him. Acting with lightning quick reflexes, James bucked, sending him flying across the room. But James miscalculated the throw, and was hit across the face with a paw, making him see stars as the wolf flew into Sirius.

The wolf latched itself onto Sirius, digging its claws viciously into the skin. The dog roared in pain, and threw him off, but not without pain, since the wolf's claws tore through the skin of the dogs back and shoulder before he was released.

The wolf landed without grace, but immediately got up again, and the two circled each other briefly. Sirius found himself torn- the human half of himself telling him not to hurt Remus, the animal reminding him that this wolf wasn't his friend any more- he was a wolf, dangerous and unfriendly.

Almost as soon as they had started circling, the wolf attacked. They fought, one with caution and the other with venom, one minute far apart, the next close together, on their hind legs, snarling jaws snapping, swiping paws, armed with claws sharper than most kitchen knives made contact, and Sirius howled in pain as they raked down his exposed chest.

The wolf was stopped from doing more damage by a pair of antlers swiping him away from the dog, throwing him across the room. He landed with a whimper of pain as his head made contact with a wall, and the wolf blacked out.

A dazed looking James turned back to Peter, who had transformed back, and was shaking badly. They looked at each other, and then both looked at Sirius, who had used the last bit of his strength to change back, making a mewling sound with the effort, and promptly collapsed on the floor, bleeding heavily.

Peter drew his wand.

Remus woke up to an awful headache, and a worrying feeling that he couldn't remember anything about the night before.

He sat up, noting that it was daylight, worried. Why was he still in the shack? Normally, as soon as dawn broke and Remus transformed back, they would go back to Hogwarts and try to catch a few hours sleep before school started. What was strangest was that none of the others appeared to be there- why had his friends left him there? And what had happened last night?

"You're awake then?"

Remus jumped. He hadn't realised anyone else was in the room, and as he turned to see Sirius, he almost wished it had stayed that way.

Sirius was sitting against a wall, and it appeared that it was only the wall which kept him propped up. He was shirt was on, but open, and Remus shuddered as he saw the long cuts running across his body.

A set of gouges were visible on one shoulder, and another across one side, down by his hips. There were three deep, long cuts running across one shoulder and down his chest, ending just above the bottom of his ribcage. The edges were open, but surprisingly it wasn't bleeding as much as you would have expected it too.

Remus felt slightly sick.

"James and Peter put staunching spells on them so I wouldn't bleed to death. They're wearing off though… Can you redo them for me, in a minute?"

Sirius smiled.

"It wasn't your fault, Remus. Don't beat yourself up about it."

Remus just continued to stared, and Sirius, slightly unnerved, started to ramble on in the uncomfortable silence.

"Peter and James have gone to steal some dittany; they reckon it won't scar too badly once we get that on it. Only problem is, we're supposed to be in lessons in half an hour or so… And since you'll be excused from lessons, we won't have to worry about you not being there- the problem is me and the others. So James and Pete have gone to lessons, and they're gonna leave the dittany near the tree on their way to Care of Magical Creatures, where I think I can 'accio' it, and then-"

"Sirius… I am… I am so sorry… I… I never meant to…"

Remus broke off, and stared at the floor in shame. His voice sounded almost broken, filled with pain.

"I'm… I… I don't know how I… I'm sorry Sirius. So sorry."

He slumped over, his head on his temples, as if trying to rid himself of a headache. Unable to look at Sirius, he stared at the floor until he felt arms wrap themselves clumsily around his shoulders. He felt the blood from Sirius' continuously opening wounds soak into the front and sleeves of his shirt and he grabbed the front of his friends, resting his head against the boy's chest, being careful to avoid the deep cuts.

Sirius rested his forehead on the top of other boy's head, and Remus could feel the other smile into his hair.

"You can be an idiot sometimes, you know that?"

Remus couldn't help but laugh softly at that.

"It doesn't matter, you know that? I'm just glad we were there. You'd have ended up hurting yourself if we weren't there, and I don't want that. I'd prefer to loose a couple of limbs rather than see you hurt, you know that?"

Sirius paused, realising he may have gone too far. But the warmth he could feel against his skin from Remus' forehead and the feeling of his breath on his chest made him decide.

He had waited long enough.

"The thing is, Remmie… Well the thing is that… I would never want to see you hurt. Ever… Because it's hard enough to see you transform, you know that? It hurts to watch, because I know that it hurts you… and the thing is that… I… well, the thing is, Remmie… I think I-"

He was interrupted by Remus, who placed a finger over his lips and smiled.

"You talk too much, Sirius, you know that?"

Sirius blinked, and started to blush.

They continued to stare at each other, Remus' finger still keeping Sirius quiet, Sirius still going red. Eventually Remus removed his finger, and averted his eyes.

"Sirius, don't say anything. Not until I've finished, anyway."

Sirius looked at him, bewildered, but nodded.

"I've got something I want to tell you, Sirius, and I'm not really sure if you'd want to hear it, but I want to tell you it, and when I'm done, it's up to you. We can forget this whole conversation ever happened, or we can sort it out. I don't care. I just need to tell you. Because the thing is, Sirius, is I think I like you. I mean, like you in a more than friendly way, and I don't blame you if you want to avoid me because of it, I really-"

"And you say I talk too much?"

Sirius tilted up Remus' face, which was stained red from embarrassment, and kissed his lips softly.

"Why would you think I'd ever want to avoid you? I want to be with you more than anything else."

Remus leaned up to kiss him again, and smiled into it as Sirius moved one hand up to stroke his neck, the other at his hips, stroking his skin through the fabric of his shirt.

Sirius sighed into the kiss, closing his eyes, and pulled Remus closer to him, ignoring the screams coming from his now rapidly opening wounds.

Remus pulled quickly away, aware of the worsening condition of Sirius' injuries by the blood that was soaking through onto his own shirt. Pulling out his robes, he muttered a spell at Sirius' chest.

"Impedivi Cruenta!"

Sirius smiled sheepishly at the lycanthrope, who in turn leant down to kiss him gently on the cheek. Sirius draped his arms around Remus, and pulled him down, laughing, on top of him, to steal another kiss.

Remus was quite content not getting up.

It wasn't that long until the third lesson ended, and the Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs made their way down to the outskirts of the Forbidden Forest, to have another Care of Magical Creatures lesson. Compared to the History of Magic lesson that they had just sat through, the students were looking forward to the next.

Which was why it was unusual that James and Peter were staying behind, voluntarily, after a History of Magic lesson to question the teacher about the historic significance of Galderic the Imposter, a goblin lord, on the goblins input on modern wizarding finance.

When asked this question, however, the teacher simply gave them a bewildered look and floated off through a wall.

The poor man hadn't quite been the same since he died.

They wandered behind the rest of the class, making a brief detour to inconspicuously drop something nearby.

A few moments later, the wrapped up bottle levitated itself, and hovered across the ground to a hidden hollow in the tree, where it disappeared.

If you'd have followed its path downwards, and James and Peter did under the cover of the invisibility cloak later that day, you would have come across a most peculiar scene, as the young animagus did.

Sirius Black and Remus Lupin sat, propped up against the wall, both their shirts covered in blood with the sticky red substance drying on Sirius' chest as his healed wounds left only pale, almost invisible scars.

But the most unusual thing, and the first thing that Peter and James noticed, was how Remus' head rested on Sirius' shoulder, who rested his own head on Remus'. They sat closer together than normal friends would, and their fingers were locked, Sirius' thumb slowly stroking Remus' hand.

Authorial Comment: the spell comes from the Latin impedivi – to hinder/delay and cruenta – to be covered in blood. It's nice to know that the five years I spent studying Latin came to good use.