Things to do on a Water Bed
Banana Beer and Slitheens
Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who but I'd buy it any day ;)
A/N: This fic is supposed to be funny. I don't know if it is or not but that's for you to decide. But of course it's a 10/Rose oneshot fluff ;)
Rose pranced along through the TARDIS corridor. The Doctor had disappeared again. It was nine o'clock in the morning, and the Doctor was nowhere in the TARDIS. She knocked on Jack's bedroom door.
"Yea Rose honey?" Jack replied flirtingly.
"Seen the Doctor anywhere?"
"Nope but I wish he was here," Rose laughed. She walked into the console room. Rose wandered around the console with a fixed expression on her face. She looked about the room then heard a sudden noisy clatter and some murmured cursing from bellow her. She looked down at the floor and sighed.
"I know you're down there again," She said whilst resting her hand on the console. Rose heard a sudden metallic sound coming from below her feet. A familiar head with brown tousled hair appeared from a hole in the TARDIS console floor. The man was holding various wires and tubes in his hands and teeth. Rose turned to look at him peculiarly with one eyebrow hoisted slightly. The Doctor looked up and down at Rose and dropped everything he was holding. The Doctor had an old bandana wrapped round his face that covered his mouth and nose
"Ah it's only you Rose. Has the smell gone?" The Doctor said whilst removing the bandana from his face.
"No! I'm actually a slitheen in disguise. Of course it's me, dumbo and what do you mean? What smell?" Rose yelled sniffing the air. She then crossed her arms and her nose crinkled up as she stared sternly at the Doctor as he climbed out of the hole.
"The smell!" He said, "How could you not smell it? It was lingering about the TARDIS earlier and it was revolting!"
"Well, just suppose I was… well… well I don't know! Let's just say I was lucky. What or who caused it?"
"I see. Well…" The Doctor said stroking his chin, "My theory of the smell was from a slitheen and since you mentioned it earlier… yea I did think you were a slitheen in disguise 'cause there was that awful smell and something stomping about like a dinosaur but obviously it's not since I saw you just there! Seriously, I thought the TARDIS was gonna…" The Doctor trailed off as he seen an open palmed hand heading straight towards his face. It was obviously Rose's hand closing in to slap him. The Doctor tried to dodge the blow but he was too slow and Rose managed to smack him painfully hard on the cheek.
"OOUCCHHH! THAT WAS UNCALLED FOR! WHAT WAS THAT FOR ANYWAY?" The Doctor cried holding his aching raw cheek.
"Are you seriously thick?" Rose yelled, with her mouth wide open, "It was because of what you just said about me, dumbo!"
"Yea, but… Well… I…" The Doctor trailed off, "How am I thick? I'm the smartest being here!"
"Are most aliens full of themselves?"
"No! No, no, no, no, it might be the banana beer talking, ya know, the stuff we had on Becorio 5 yesterday? Oh, my head's throbbing and I feel just a tad ill!" The Doctor brushed his hand through his messy hair. Rose looked at him blankly, whilst bottling up a small giggle. She started to smile and couldn't help but laugh at the Doctor.
"What? What is it? What's so funny?"
"Doctor,"
"Yep," The Doctor said popping the "p".
"How many banana beers did you have after I went back to the TARDIS?"
"Ehm, let me think, about 6?" Rose burst into more laughter and started to cry, "Oh god! What have I done that's so amusing?"
"Hm, let me think? Got drunk!! I wish I was up to see that!" Rose's laugh became louder as it started to echo through the room. Tears started falling from her eyes on to her dainty soft cheeks. As she brushed her tears away from her face, her laugh became faint.
"Finished at all?" The Doctor asked.
"Yep, think I am," Rose smiled at the Doctor.
"Anyway Rose, do you think beer in an alien planet would be the same as on Earth, hm? The Becorion's are the gentle race of Becorio that are allergic to alcohol so it is ninety-nine percent pure fruitia,"
"Yea, the Becorion's are real gentle when they tried to flaming kill us!"
"That was the Tweeviarians not the Becorions and what I call the "Tweevs" are natural born hunters that can smell your skin cells and hormones kinda like the slitheen but we won't start that topic again!" Rose looked at the Doctor blankly but started to smile. She cheekily stuck her tongue out with her teeth pinching down on it lightly. A cheesy grin spread across the Doctor's face.
"Another question Doctor,"
"Yep, fire them out. I'm in a gleeful mood,"
"What the hell's fruitia?" The Doctor's jaw fell open. He closed his mouth as he felt a laugh sneaking up his throat.
"It… it means fruit in Becorion, obviously but it's not like fruit we eat. The fruit there is like leaves and grass. Remember, apple grass? " Rose nodded.
"All right smart arse. That question was… was… just a test! Just… a test,"
"Sure. It always is Rose Tyler. It always is," The Doctor shook his head and walked towards the TARDIS door and opened it, "How could she have not known what that meant? It's not at all hard to figure out. Humans, dumbest race in the universe," The Doctor thought gazing into space literally. He was standing at the TARDIS door staring at the Hercul Nebula. Rose walked towards him and hooked onto his arm. The Doctor looked at her and she looked at him. Oh, she was so close; he could make a move now that he has the chance.
Rose started edging closer. She looked up and down the Doctor. Rose's lip reached the Doctor and they started to kiss. Rose brushed her hands through the Doctor's scruffy hair as the kiss started to get more and more intensely passionate.
The Doctor placed his hand on Rose's back, stroking it slightly. Various moans crept out between Rose and the Doctor.
"Me! Making out with the Doctor! Oh my god! My dream has come true!"
The Doctor and Rose slowly stopped. They smiled broadly at each other.
"Do you wanna…?" Rose asked
"Wanna what?" The Doctor said bamboozled.
"You know…" It finally got to the Doctor.
"Ooh right. Sure," The Doctor and Rose started running holding hands to the nearest room with a bed.
"In here, Doc," Rose said cheerfully. A smile spread across the Doctor's face. They ran in the room and closed the door. They looked at each other smiling. Rose jumped onto the bed. The Doctor took his brown pinstripe jacket off and joined Rose. They embraced and started kissing even more passionately. There were smiles all round.
The next day, The Doctor and Rose woke up lying next to each other beaming away.
"Wow," Rose said, "That, was the best night of my life ever,"
"Agreed," The Doctor said nodding. The kissed for a mere second until they here footsteps. The seen the door open and a shadow emerged. Rose and the Doctor looked at each other in horror.
"Hey," An American accent said, "Guess I missed the party,"
"JAACCKK!" said Rose pulling the duvet up. The Doctor rolled his eyes.
"Oh it would be you!" The Doctor yelled.
A/N: Did you like it? Did you hate it? Please review. I'm crap at ending stories if your wondering why it's rubbish. Did I say review?