Disclaimer: all recognizable characters belong to J.K. Rowling and various companies. No copyright infringement intended, no money made, for entertainment purposes only.

Notes: Blame it on 3,000 Miles to Graceland. (Quick association game: Graceland starred Kevin Costner, who starred in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, which also starred Alan Rickman, who is playing a drool-worthy Severus Snape in Harry Potter. See how it all comes around in my head? Makes perfect sense, doesn't it? Doesn't it?!)

Enjoy!

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The King

The annual Hogwarts' Talent Show, although not as popular as the Halloween gala or the End of the Year ball, was still a talked about and well-attended event. It was a chance to see fellow students in a light other than budding wizards and witches. No magic was allowed, Dumbledore insisted; it's all based on other abilities.

Of course, some students scoffed. Mainly from Slytherin, they protested that "Muggle abilities" had no place in a wizarding institution. They were silenced by Professor Snape himself.

Snape, surprisingly, enjoyed each year's talent show. He'd never admit it aloud, but he delighted in seeing the students—many of whom he couldn't fathom how they managed to dress themselves in the morning, based on their performances in his class—doing something that they were good at and proud of. Several students were accomplished pianists, a few were dancers. Neville Longbottom, believe it or not, was passable with Muggle 'magic tricks.'

This year, Professor Snape would be up on stage.

He'd harbored a dark secret, ever since his own time at Hogwarts and his Muggle Studies class. Most of the time, the class was boring, but when they'd studied Muggle music, something had woken up inside of him. Rock and roll, damn Yankee rock and roll, the original stuff from the 50s and 60s, really got his blood pumping.

It was unexplainable and for a very long time during his life, inexcusable. For years he'd been covertly working on a new potion, one that would remove the British accent from his voice and give him the unsophisticated harshness of an American.

He'd finally perfected it the week before. For the past week he'd been practicing with a voice that wasn't his own. The songs finally sounded right. It was amazing.

Before the show, Snape had carefully gone through a list of his favorite singers. In the end, there was no choice. With a trembling hand, he wrote on a piece of parchment his secret talent and gave it to Dumbledore, who was Master of Ceremonies.

Now he was backstage, nervously waiting to be called. He worried that he hadn't used enough Sleekeazy's Hair Potion. He took another swig of the voice-changing elixir, to give himself something to do. He fidgeted with the fake sideburns and smoothed down the sequined jumpsuit. He readjusted the thin scarf around his neck.

And now, before he was ready, Dumbledore announced him.

The moment of truth.

Do or die.

Severus Snape swallowed, then sauntered out onstage to thunderous applause.

His rendition of "Jailhouse Rock" brought down the house.