Fix You

"Optimus, can I talk to you… alone?" Jaxine asked. Her voice was flat, emotionless. The Autobot leader knew she was trying to conceal something by masking her voice like that. Something was wrong. Clicks and tings sounded through the brown-haired girl's ears as he transformed smoothly to alt. mode, headlights winking at her and passenger door swinging open. Cool air infused the cab of the semi, protecting Jaxine from the burning heat of the merciless sun. She climbed in and leaned her head back onto the headrest, the seatbelt sliding over the trunk of her body and clicking into place. The engine started up with a roar. The sound usually made Jaxine grin every time she heard it, but this time she didn't. What was the point of doing it anymore after the devastating news she had received just a couple of hours ago? Optimus drove for a while, reaching their favorite spot in the desert: a cool cave placed on a cliff that was big enough for the huge stature of the Autobot. It housed a beautiful view of the sun settling over the sandy dunes of the desert. The semi backed into the cave and parked. Jaxine spoke before Optimus could even transform to bipedal mode, unbuckling the seatbelt and sinking lower into the seat.

"My dad's dead," the words came out in a rush and silent tears fell just as quickly. She'd already cried once today, but that wasn't nearly enough to release the immense amount of grief and pain she felt. Her hands covered her face, pain washing over her voice and face. Pity and sorrow coursed through Optimus when he heard that; the pain in those three words was more than he could imagine the happy human feeling. He could feel her shaking from the sobs.

"Aw, Jax… It'll be alright. Shh, shh…" his deep voice drifted from the radio, desperately trying to comfort the hazel-eyed girl he cared so much for. Not being patient enough to wait any longer, he transformed and cradled her in his servos, holding her close to his chest.

"Jax…" sadness enveloped his voice when he saw her covering her face. She curled up against his chest. Hands held onto armor plating as if he was the last chance of survival in the world, hair falling in her tear soaked face. Optimus' spark swelled with warmth at the touch, but still held sorrow. He knew that no matter how much he tried to comfort her, it wouldn't help much; Jaxine was inseparable from her father, and now death had ripped him from her hands. Optimus wandered back to a thought he said to Sam a while back: Fate rarely calls upon us at a moment of our choosing. Now was a perfect example for that, whether he wanted it to be or not. He cursed the gods for making her so sad, so grief-ridden and miserable. The courageous leader wanted to take it all away. No one deserves to feel this way; no one deserves to have their loved ones taken away so harshly… But death is inevitable; no one can escape its clawed grasp. Optimus continued to comfort her, whispering small words to her and gently stroking the length of her spine with a careful digit. I wish I could take away her pain… he thought sadly. His blue optics looked to the horizon, deep in thought. He knew how great of a loss it was to lose her father; after all, Jazz had died. A great comrade had fallen in battle, but not in vain. Prime didn't know how Jaxine's father died, and he was hesitant to ask. He shook his head and stalled the thought, thinking it would be a little too soon to ask that. Humans were like an insurmountable puzzle: it was very hard to put together the pieces of their emotional thought processes. Optimus had grown extremely close to Jaxine ever since Sam first introduced the fragile human to him, and he knew what made her smile and what could grind her gears, but she still surprised him sometimes. It wouldn't take a medic to know her stress levels were off the charts. About an earth hour later, she stirred, removing her hands from the plating she was holding onto, and climbed up Optimus' arm to his shoulder. She used her shirt to dry her eyes and face of the tears, sniffling every once in a while. Bright hazel eyes were dull now, a thousand sad thoughts swimming in them and reaching deep into her soul.

"Do you feel a little better…?" Optimus asked cautiously. She let out a shaky sigh.

"I don't know that I'll ever feel better, Optimus… I feel like I'm going to lose my head… I don't know how I'm gonna live without him, Optimus…" her voice broke at the end. It was a few minutes before she whispered:

"I'm broken…"

"Jaxine, please don't say that… I'll fix you, no matter how much of my energy and time it takes… There is hope for you. You will get better. That is something that I will make sure of; I will go to the ends of the universe if that's what it takes. I promise." His spark swelled with determination and passion; that was one hundred percent true. Optimus wanted to see her happy again, he wanted all traces of grief and sorrow wiped clean from her face. She leaned her head against his, closing her eyes and letting out another shaky breath. Daddy… why did you have to go…? I never spent enough time with you, never talked to you enough… You should hate me. I need you so much, but you're gone now… I can't have you anymore… I can't feel your comfort, your hugs, I want to hold your hand, but I can't… I don't wanna say goodbye… Silent tears fell from her eyelashes again. She fell back onto Optimus' smokestack, and then slid down, burying her face in her hands. She moaned softly, grief overtaking her again, along with anger at herself. Optimus powered up his holoform and wrapped his arms around Jaxine, kissing her head.

"Shh…" he whispered as she let out a sob. She wanted to run away. The hug, the kiss, the whisper, everything reminded her of her father. Pain raked her body with no mercy, threatening to tear her apart. She wanted to rip her heart out and die; the pain and grief was unbearable. She didn't want to cry. She had no idea what she was going to do with her life now. How could she go on? She let out another sob, one word slipping her mouth: Daddy. Optimus winced; he could feel the emotion like a knife. He grieved with her, rocking her back and forth. He suddenly wished he had someone to comfort him. The pain spread to his spark, and in a way, he lost the most important person in his life too. Jaxine was gone, only a shell of her remained, and a grief-stricken, vulnerable, fragile girl took her place. He hated seeing her hazel eyes cry. Make it go away, they both thought. Jaxine couldn't think; the only thing she knew and was aware of was the burning and terrible ripping feeling in her heart, and a pounding in her head. There was no perception of time, no physical awareness. She forgot where she was, who was holding her, what had happened. The only word she saw in her mind was dad. Pain, grief, sorrow, dad. Why? It was an endless, vicious circle.

A few hours later, Optimus fell asleep, even though he tried as hard he could not to. Jaxine did not.

~Dawn~

"MAKE IT GO AWAY!" A scream jarred Optimus awake, his optics searching for hazel eyes. She was gripping her hair, her face twisted into rage and pain that no human or alien could ever comprehend. She sobbed, but no tears came. If they could come, they would. Jaxine coughed and dry heaved, scrambling to the edge of the bot's shoulder and heaving again. Optimus hid a grimace, he still held pity and sorrow for her, worry building up again and clearing out the fogginess of sleep. Her slender frame shook drastically as she slowly crawled back to her previous place, leaning against his head. He was silent. What could he say? The worried leader wanted so much to do something, but what would help? She didn't seem to be improving at all, even though she went through hours of comfort.

"We need to get you back to the base… You need to be properly cared for," Optimus spoke softly. Jaxine shook her head.

"I-I don't want t-to go anywhere…" He sighed.

"You need to restore your health levels." He thought for a moment. "…I know you're hurting and grieving, and I wish there was some way I could change all this so you wouldn't have to go through more pain, but you need food and sleep, Jaxine." The Autobot leader gently picked her up off of his shoulder and set her on the ground, and then transformed and opened the door for her. She got in silently and was quiet all the way back home. Her thoughts wandered a bit as she tried to get them straightened out, remembering what Optimus had promised her.

"I will fix you…"

I hope you can, Optimus…