A/N: I was sort of in a random mood when I wrote this. I don't know how much luck it will have but here it is for anybody who wants to read it. Reviews are welcome.

Disclaimer: All characters, except for Kenneth belong to J.K Rowling. As does the sport which is the topic of conversation.

Slytherin Finally Wins The House Cup!

The Interview with Draco Malfoy and Kenneth Schneider

Kenneth: You're late Malfoy.

Malfoy: And your point being what?

Kenneth: I've been waiting for nearly an hour.

Malfoy: A minute, an hour, two minutes, five seconds. Who cares? I'm here now.

Kenneth: Right then. (Malfoy rolls his eyes, slouching, his arm up on the rest.) Let's get started shall we?

Malfoy: Bring it on.

Kenneth: Tell me, how do you feel about finally, after four years of failure winning the house cup?

Malfoy: What? We did?

Kenneth: (?)

Harry Potter's Interview with Kenneth Schneider

Kenneth: Potter! Your team and the Slytherins were neck to neck at the end of this season for the house cup. How does it feel to lose the championship to your worst adversary? How are your teammates handling the fact that you lost the house cup to the Slytherins and to a Malfoy?

Potter: (Groans) Don't remind me. (Hides his face in his hands embarrassed.)

Kenneth: How did he do it? Would you say he's just become a better flier than you over the past years, or was something off that day?

Potter: How else do you think he did it? He cheated.

Draco Malfoy's Interview with Kenneth Schneider

Malfoy: That's what he said, did he?

Kenneth: Yes. Is it true? Is that the reason you won?

Malfoy: No! I won fair and square that day. It's not my fault Potter can't handle it.

Kenneth: No offense Malfoy, but you never just win fair and square.

Malfoy: You want me to prove I can win fair and square? (Malfoy stands up threateningly.)

Kenneth: Moving on.

Malfoy: You want to know why Potter accused me of cheating?

Kenneth: Do tell.

Malfoy: I heard he had the runs.

Kenneth: The runs?

Malfoy: Yeah. Diarrhea. Couldn't hardly fly his broom. I guess it would be hard to have a stick crammed up your crack when you're in that delicate condition.

Harry Potter's Interview with Kenneth Schneider

Kenneth: We've just had some interesting news in. Malfoy told me you had the shits.

Potter: He said what!

Kenneth: That you had diarrhea. Is that why you ran off the field at the end of the game so quickly? (Potter turns beet red.)

Potter: No comment.

Kenneth: No comment? You can do better than that.

Potter: (Sighs) I don't know what happened. One minute I was fine, the next my stomach revolted. It's hard to look for the snitch when you're concentrating so hard on clenching so that you don't have an accident. Can you imagine what Malfoy would've done if I would've spilled the beans fifty feet in the air?

Draco Malfoy's Interview with Kenneth Schneider

Malfoy: (Holding his stomach, and laughing extremely hard. Tears come out of his eyes.) You should've seen his face! Sweat was streaming and he looked like he was concentrating very hard. He was flying his broom quite stiffly. Not as graceful as Potter usually is.

Kenneth: So when was it you caught the snitch?

Malfoy: Well. I was mocking Potter like I usually do. I like to get in his head. I was saying, "What's the matter Potter? You don't look too hot. Is it because you know I'm going to win this time?"

And of course he said, "Sod off Malfoy."

Then I looked up and the snitch was hovering right above his head. We were so close that I reached up and grabbed it right out of the air. Potter never even knew what happened.

Then he said, "Oh thank God!" and went in for an emergency landing.

Harry Potter's Interview with Kenneth Schneider

Potter: I couldn't hold it any more. I had to get into the locker rooms. So I landed and dropped my broom on the field.

Draco Malfoy's Interview with Kenneth Schneider

Malfoy: Didn't you notice he was clutching his ass as he ran?

Kenneth: Doesn't it make you feel slightly ashamed that the only time you beat Potter was when he was sick?

Malfoy: Nope. Potter's no God. Everybody has to lose once in a while.