He looked.
The room was filled with things not touched for a while. Things that have been forgotten.
His eyes flew about the room, taking in all that had been there. Old books, which had been set on the bed. The pictures, hanging from the wall. It killed him to look at those pictures.
Slowly he made his way over to sit on the bed. His hands reached to pick up a book. It was the children's book, "Alice in Wonderland". It was no surprise that the book was in the room.
He knew.
John knew, what it meant to the person that had lived in that room.
John knew what it meant to Gary.
He got up from the bed and made his way over to the shelf, where he placed the book. His eyes fell back on the picture frames. The smiles that came from them. The love that once was his. It killed him to just look at them.
"John, how long do you think you'll love me?"
He looked at the man across from him. The golden eyes that flashed, and the chocolate brown hair that shaped that face so well.
"Why are you asking me this Gary?" John looked up from his coffee mug. A smile spread across the man's face. Those damn beautiful eyes watched him as he spoke.
"I was just asking..I don't know why I asked it. Just came up into my head." The smile on his face got wider. It was just, so beautiful.
"Well if you're just asking, I will tell you it will be forever. Don't ever think I would leave you alone." John smiled back. Gary's hand reached out to hold his. A soft touch of saying that he knew it was a promise.
They both leaned over to share a small kiss. John did love him so much. He had never loved someone so much. Gary smiled wide, without looking away.
"Hey Gary, I know you'll love what I got you." John reached in his bag to pull out a book. Gary's face beamed up with delight as he looked at the cover.
"Alice in Wonderland? You seem to know me too well don't you? Thank you John, I love it."
"It's reminds me of you, because you always seem to be in your own little world."
John snapped out of his daze and looked over at the window. It was pouring rain. His eyes closed and he breathed out harshly. The tears were hot coming down, almost burning. He didn't want to think about what happened on a rainy night. It was too much to take.
Slowly he leaned on the wall and sunk down. Tears making their way down his face, to the floor. He tried to stop them and his breathing became hard. Felt as if someone was choking him. His hands came up from his sides and wiped at his face. His mind slowly going back in time.
John was making his way home. Rain was coming down hard that night. He never liked it when it rained so hard. This was only because he knew Gary rode his motorcycle to work. It would worry him a lot. Whenever it rained he tried to make Gary take the car with him, but he said he didn't want to impose.
Once he reached the house, he sighed in relief that the motorcycle was there. He quickly got out of the car and ran into the house. There was noise upstairs. Music was playing, and the sound of the shower running. John made his way up the stairs and to Gary's bedroom.
"Gary?" John knocked on the bathroom door. He waited for a response and got none. Knocking, he waited and called out his name again. Still he got no answer. John opened the door and walked over to the shower.
"Gary is something wrong?" The still was no answer, so John pulled the curtain back. Gary was facing the other way, covering his face. This made John reached out and grab his shoulders.
He turned him around and removed the hands covering the man's face. The beauty was covered under cuts and bruises. Blood flowing from his broken nose. Lips cut up. John stared quietly at him. Gary looked back and slowly hugged him.
"What the fuck happened to you?" John placed his hands on Gary's face. He tried not to hurt him by doing so. Gary looked into his eyes and whispered quietly.
"They beat me up because I'm gay."
John was too shocked to say anything. He just looked at Gary with a blank. Slowly he grabbed the wash rag and wiped the blood from the man's face. Gary smiled at him quietly as he did so. After John was done with his face, he checked everywhere to see what was hurt.
A few bruises on his legs and stomach. Some cuts on his fingers. John was starting to boil inside. The water started to get cold, and John was soaking wet in his clothes. He started to undress, and went to get towels for him and Gary.
"Are you in pain?" John wrapped the towel around the other.
"No, I'm alright. It stopped hurting after a while."
They both made their way over to the bed and lay down. John stroked his lover's wet hair. Gary's eyes slowly started to shut, but he wasn't asleep yet.
"I wish I could escape to my own wonderland. Live there forever without worrying about anything. Just to be happy all of the time."
"I would love to give you your own." John spoke quietly to him. Soon Gary was asleep, and John pulled the covers over them both. He wanted to keep him safe, from whoever was hurting him.
It hurt to remember all of it. It hurt to seem him like that. Why would something so beautiful deserve that? It angered him so much. It would never make sense why people who do something to someone who had done no harm. Someone that was so sweet to everyone around him.
So terrible he felt right now. John slowly got up from the floor and made his way into the hallway. Empty boxes where lying by the wall. He picked up one, and maybe his way back to the room. Setting them down on the bed, he looked up back at the photos.
One by one, the photos were being taken down and placed in the box. He placed each one gently, making sure not to damage any. Now the wall was bare, no smiles to brighten up the room. John picked up the box and made his way to the living room.
Just as he got in there, he heard a car pull up in the driveway. A jangle of keys, and the door opened. He turned away, already knowing who was coming in and made his way back to the room.
"You don't bother to say hello to people when they walk in?" Simon sat his bag by the door, and went looked at John.
"Sorry, just kind of busy."
"Even too busy to pick up the phone, when someone calls you?"
John sighed and rubbed his head. He knew he was making Simon worry about not answering his calls. He couldn't help it though. His mind has been so busy with other things. Simon looked away from John and his eyes fell on the wall.
"How about we go out for a walk? I think you need to get out of here for a while. Clear your head."
Patting his friend's back, Simon tried to give him a smile. Just something to get John's mind off everything that has happened in the past month or two. After a few moments, he finally got John to get out the front door.
The two made their way down the street, passing by crowds. It was drizzling. Not so much that it bothered the people that lived here. Lights were already up as the sun slowly gone down. Young people going somewhere with friends.
John's eyes took in everything around him. His mind was slowly slipping away back into thought. When Simon noticed his friend not interacting as he should be, he nudged his arm.
"C'mon, try not to get down again. I know it's hard, but keep your mind off him."
"I'm sorry." John looked at him then looked over at the bridge up ahead.
He stopped.
That bridge.
His feet moved back by themselves.
He wanted to turn and run.
He didn't want to remember.
Gary watched the cars pass by as he sat in the diner with John. His gold eyes followed each one careful, like it was a game. Trying to make sure he saw every color. John didn't speak as he took in Gary's features. Things had gotten worse for him. Gary hasn't told him who had been hurting him. No matter how many times he would ask, the man would just say that it didn't matter. That it wouldn't happen again.
"Well, I have to go to work John." The man got up from the window he was sitting by and turned to look at the other. John nodded, watching as Gary made his way over to him. He wrapped his arms around the others neck, and kissed him softy.
"I love you John." Gary's voice seemed to crack as he spoke quietly. John noticed it and hugged him tightly. Something was bothering him. He didn't know what but something was off.
"I love you Gary. You know I always will."
"John?"
"What?"
"John, are you ok?" Simon stared down at him. There were paramedics above him too. He had passed out. Slowly his eyes went around. The lights in the ambulance were blinding him. John looked at Simon as he rubbed face.
"What happened to me?"
"Well, you started to stagger away, and then you fell down."
After a while, the paramedics had let them go. Simon noticed John still staring at the bridge, but didn't say anything. Nothing was said between them as they sat on some benches. There was storm clouds rolling in and traffic was backing up.
Suddenly Simon's phone started to ring. He looked at John then reached in his pocket. He got up saying he had to take the call. John nodded and folded his hands in his lap. He watched his friend as he walked around, talking to whoever had called him. Simon hung up the phone and walked back over.
"Sorry John, they called me back into work. Need me to take you back home?"
"No, I'm just going to stay here for a bit. I'll see you later. "
Simon patted his shoulder and waved as he turned to leave. John waved back slightly then breathed out. His mind was on fast forward. Once he tried to think about one thing, another thing would come along. Then two or three more. He couldn't stop thinking.
John's eyes opened as he heard ringing. A ringtone? It sounded familiar. He walked over to the kitchen table and picked up what was making the noise. It was Gary's phone.
"Hello?"
"Gary?" The man sounded confused on the other line.
"Uhm, no, I'm John, I live with him."
There was a talking in the background.
"Do you know where he is? He isn't at work yet. Is he sick?" This caught John by surprise. Gary had left, and it usually took him thirty minutes or less to get to work.
"He said he was heading there earlier. Are you he isn't just late?"
The man was quiet for a while, and John could tell he was listening to people around him. This was worrying him a lot. He looked at his watch. Almost an hour after Gary had left the house.
"Please tell me if he gets there, I have to go out and look for him." John hung up and headed out the door. He looked around town, anywhere that Gary might be. It was starting to rain hard. John called out for him, hoping he was nearby and heard.
John reached the bridge and stopped. He saw Gary's motorcycle parked at the end. Quickly he ran to see where the man was. What caught his eye was someone standing on the edge of the bridge.
"GARY!" His heart almost stopped as he saw him standing there. Gary turned his head around and smiled at him. John couldn't move his legs, because he was too shocked by what he was seeing.
"I just want everything to end John, I can't stop the pain." The smile on his face was starting to quiver as tears made their way down. He turned back to face the water below. John moved closer slowly, trying to talk him away from jumping.
"Gary, don't, please just come over here. I promise I will keep you safe. I will try to take you away from whatever or whoever is hurting you. Gary please, just don't."
He reached his hand out to him.
"I can give you a wonderland; I can make you happy, even if it gets bad. I can't live without you here with me!" John could feel the hot tears come out. They blurred his vision some. He wiped them away, and continued to hold his hand out for Gary.
The man looked at him, processing everything that was being said to him. The words stung, and burned. Gary looked at John for a moment.
"Do you really mean it?"
"I do mean it, I mean every word."
As Gary stepped to the side, his foot slips off the edge and he falls back. John screams out and tries to climb over the railing. Some people that were driving by had seen what happened, and had gotten out of their car to stop John from jumping in after Gary. The fall was a long way down to the water, and would have killed him too.
John was screaming out to be let go, that he had to save Gary.
John found himself standing where Gary had fallen. He didn't remember walking over, but he didn't bother to turn back. All he did was stare at the water below. He knew he could never forget what had happen. He could never forgive himself that he couldn't get Gary to stop from falling to his death.
"I'm sorry I couldn't help you Gary. Truly I am."
He closed his eyes.
When he opened them again, he was somewhere else. He wasn't sure where, but it didn't seem to matter. John heard his name being called. When he looked, there was Gary standing there smiling at him. John smiled back and made his way over to him. Gary took his hand gently, and John felt like he was floating.
He stepped off the ledge.