Aurora Whisperwind: This idea is not mine! My brother is the master idea giver! But he's too lazy to write anything, so… anyway, read on for a Meiji version of 'A Tanabata Carol'!
Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin or any of its characters. I also do not own 'A Christmas Carol' by Charles Dickens. Thank you.
Title: A Tanabata Carol
Characters:
Saitoh Hajime
Narrator(s)
Kenshin Himura, Saitoh's clerk
Ghost of Okita Souji
Tokio Takagi
Kaoru Himura, Kenshin's wife
Yahiko Himura, One of their first born twins
Yutaro Himura, the other twin
Kenji Himura, their second born
Sanosuke Sagara, the family gambler cum trouble maker cum bad influence
Megumi Takani, flirtatious fox doctor
Misao Makamachi
Aoshi Shinomori
Random people
Random couples
And so…
Scene 1
Sappy violin Music Clock strikes three times. Music continues. At its climax, a door opens out of nowhere.
Saitoh: (barking) Stop it, stop it, I say! (Glares at authoress) Why am I talking like Himura?
Authoress: Cut! Shut up Saitoh and just read your lines, will you?
Saitoh: Grrrrr….all right.
Scene 1, take 2
Sappy violin Music Clock strikes three times. Music continues. At its climax, a door opens out of nowhere.
Saitoh: (barking) Stop it, stop it, I say! (Music stops) Get away from here. We'll have no crappy music here. Understand me! No sappy music! (Looks to his left) And you two ahous; get a room will you?
Guy: (breaking away) A Happy Tanabata to you
Saitoh: Get away, I say.
Girl: No need to wish him a Happy Tanabata. That's old Saitoh.
Saitoh: All right, that's it! Which ahou wrote these crap lines? I am not old!
Authoress: Cut! Keep that, we'll just edit a little. Saitoh…will you just read your lines?
Saitoh: (Storming off stage to get his makeup repaired, cursing) Yes.
Authoress: That's right, now we all agree right?
Music: More sappy violin music and some piano added to it.
Narrator: Yes, that's old Saitoh (gets gatotsued)
Authoress: Oh dear, well we need a new narrator.
A few minutes later.
Narrator#2: (shivering uncontrollably) Yes, that's Saitoh, Saitoh Hajime. It is the afternoon before Tanabata day in some crap Meiji year. 1800 something… Well, because of the beautiful spring weather, all of Japan is in a mushy mood. But there's no romantic expression on Saitoh Hajime's lined, well faintly lined face as he closes the front door of his Police station and returns to his office. (Music stops) He throws a glowering look at his clerk, Kenshin Himura. Satisfied that the poor wretch is hard at work, Saitoh takes out his cigarette. Then, without warning…
Sound: Door opens. Sounds of someone crashing and falling.
Authoress: Cut! Who put those cables in the way?
Saitoh: (Sniggers)
Authoress: Give us a minute, will you. Narrator, start saying something.
Brief interval.
Take 2!
Sound: Door opens.
Tokio: A Happy Tanabata, darling! God save you!
Saitoh: Bah! Get out of my office! And Tanabata isn't till tomorrow!
Tokio: Surely you don't mean that, love?
Saitoh: Happy Tanabata indeed? What right do you have to be happy?
Tokio: What right do you have to be dismal? Unless, of course, you forget to bring me flowers… (Looks murderous for a second, causing Saitoh to edge away nervously for a minute)
Saitoh: You do understand that this is just a stupid movie, right?
Tokio: (Smiling) Oh yes, pookie! (Holds out arms) I'm sorry!
They embrace.
Everybody on the set: Aaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwww!
Authoress: Uh, cut?
Tokio goes back to her position.
Saitoh: (whispering) Kenshin, do you have any flowers I can borrow?
Kenshin: umm…let me see…
Authoress: And action!
Saitoh: Happy Tanabata indeed? What right do you have to be happy?
Tokio: What right do you have to be dismal?
Saitoh: What's Tanabata time to you but a time for paying for flowers without money; a time for finding out that the prices of candy have sky rocketed? If I had my way, every ahou who goes around making out shamelessly on the streets and later explaining with a 'Happy Tanabata' should be boiled in his own candy and buried with his own flowers. You keep Tanabata in your own way, and let me keep it in mine.
Tokio: I came here to ask you to spend the day with me.
Saitoh: (flatly) No! (Looks nervously at Tokio)
Tokio: (Looking highly affronted) but I want nothing from you, sweetie, other than your company. (Pause) Won't you change your mind and have dinner with me?
Saitoh: Good afternoon, Tokio.
Tokio: A Happy Tanabata.
Saitoh: Good afternoon, Tokio.
Tokio: And a happy- happy- (Starts sobbing and runs off set)
Saitoh: Tokio! Come back! It was just an act, honey! (Looks at Kenshin) I'd really appreciate it if you can get me some flowers now…
Kenshin: (Producing a big bunch out of his magical pink Gi) here you go.
Saitoh: (Nodding in thanks and running off after Tokio) Here, I have flowers! Don't you lock yourself up! Open up, Tokio!
Authoress: I think we should just leave it at that for today…
Aurora Whisperwind: Whadya think? Next scene, Saitoh turns away a Good Samaritan and how does Kenshin ask for a day off? Read and review please!