The room was dark. Every light was off. Every light but one.
The remaining light stabbed into my eyes as my fingers clicked at the keyboard, setting up the webcam, the sound recorder, the screen recorder. Then, opening up the copy of Star Wars Jedi Knight I had on Steam, I turned on the recorders.
"Hello, Underseers," I laughed. "Welcome to my play through of Star Wars Jedi Knight. Now, you see here, the menu is awesome-"
I broke off. The computer had started humming in a stereotypically ominous way. Tapping it, the computer stopped making the noise and it was all back to normal. But I had sworn that I saw a generic sucking-up-into-the-game portal flickering on the edges of the screen.
"Well dat was weird," I chuckled, my eyes wide. "So here we go. Now, the character customization is cool, so here..." I made my character have blond hair, armor-like clothes, and an orange saber.
Suddenly the noise started again. Annoyed, I opened a debugger. This time the portal was swirling in larger waves from the corners of the display. As I typed in some debug code, the portal disappeared.
"Jackass trying to hack me, eh?" I asked nobody in particular.
I began the game.
As I watched the opening cutscenes, the portal leaped out.
"Aw bitch pl-" I began.
Then my vision shattered.
OOO
The shadowy figures watched the portal.
"Mwehehehe," one of the shadowy figures cackled in a thoroughly stereotypical way. "He will never know he was abducted by the Vampires!"
OOO
I opened my eyes. I recognized this level. It wasn't actually a level but the intro cutscene. You see, I knew it was a game element because I, unlike many other people who were sucked into games by mysterious portals, had read my fanfiction.
"Hey bro," came a voice which turned out to be PewDiePie, or Felix.
"Hey bro," I replied. "Brofist?"
"Aw hell yeah," said Felix and we both brofisted.
"We'll go on the stupid quest that we need to go on now because we were sucked in to do so," I ordered.
"I'm freaking impressed," said Felix. "Most bros that come in games don't know what the fuck they're doing there."
OOO
As Felix and I walked off the burning ship, suddenly there came a whoop. Ao Oni leaped down from a tree and dashed towards us.
"Ah, he's going to rape me!," Felix screeched, and hid behind me.
"I've read too much Fanfiction to let you hide," I snapped. "I know you good at games, bro, but you gotta prove it. After all, you're in one."
OOO
The dark figured watched Ao run towards Felix.
"That guy in front is a dickhead," the first figure said.
OOO
As Ao dashed into my personal space I decided to give self-reliance a miss and kicked the purple demon in the face. It sprawled back, then stood up and raised its hands.
"Whoa motherfucker," it cried, "keep it the fuck down! I've got fucking broken ribs because of you dumb fuck!"
Sorry for the creature, I helped it up to its full balance. Or tried to.
"No you fuckhead!," Ao screamed. "I'm self-fucking-sufficient! Leave my fucking self alone!"
"Okay, okay, God," I replied. "Don't forget to jump over the river!" But Ao had already tripped and fell over the edge to the riverbed.
"GOOD FUCKING GOD!," it bellowed. "YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID?! YOU FUCKING KILLED ME!" Ao Oni then died in a gruesome way.
To be continued...