"Error Processing Data" -- by Allora Atwater
A/N: Okay, this is short, sweet and to the point. FF.net *NEVER EVER* works when I want it to the most! It's so infuriating! ARGH! So anyways, this little piece is inspired by my struggles to get anything done on this damn page!
Disclaimer: I don't own Zell, FF8, or FF.net for that matter!
One fine evening, Zell Dincht resolves to head down to the library and ask the cute little pig-tailed girl on a date. (For no apparent reason other than that's what the author needs him to be doing in order to write this fic) When he arrives, his confidence is immediately shattered as he sees her incessantly flirting with a certain young man called "Joker". One of the geeky card-wielding CC members no less.
"Ooooh Joker, can I see your Leviathan card again?" she purrs.
"Sure thing." he smiles, pulling it out of his pocket. She gasps audibly.
"It's so wonderful!"
"Wanna go back to my dorm and see something *else* wonderful?"
Needless to say, the two rushed past Zell, trampling on his heart a few times as they made their exit. Damn. And he even wore his lucky socks today too. Shoulders sagging, Zell almost walks out of the library, but stops in his tracks, suddenly inspired.
I could turn this into a poem! he thinks excitedly, running to the nearest terminal. He opens a new file and starts typing.
"Library Girl"
Oh pig-tailed princess
I think you're hot
I hoped you liked me
But you do not
Because you left me
To go to bed
I wanna smack you
Upside your head
But you're a girl
Or so I thought
You may be slutty
But you're still hot
Perfect! he gloats in his mind. And when Zell gloats in his own mind, that really means something. It means he's practically rolling around in ecstasy, kind of like a pig in shit. So for some reason, he takes pride in the crap he wrote. Deciding to post it on GardenFanFiction.net, he types in the URL and waits patiently for the damn page to load.
"Come on, come on, hurry up." he mutters, swinging his legs back and forth impatiently. The screen finally stops loading, and Zell clicks on the little tab the reads 'Authors'.
AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
Zell sighs, usually too lazy to sign in but he's also too excited about his poem to let it sit around and rot without getting posted. He types in his email address (every1wantzmysexyass@balamb.com) and his password (hotdog) and waits for another 10 mintues for the page to load.
AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
"Dammit!" he groans aloud. "I *knew* I should've logged out the other day!" He rushes angrily to type in his address and password, bumping a few extra keys on accident. Hey, it's late, he's tired and careless, he just wants his poem posted so he can get it over with, YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT? Oh. Okay. I was just kidding anyways.
AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
"DAMN YOU!" Zell swears, kicking the CPU where it hurts. As a retaliation, the computer restarts. "Son of a bitch..." he mutters under his breath.
Another 10 minutes and countless curses later...
AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
Slowly, deliberately, Zell punches each key and double-checks to be sure he's pressing the right ones. He applies extra force to the enter button, grinning psychotically as he does so. Damn computers think they can get the best of you. WELL YOU HAVEN'T WON YET! Huh? I'm not taking out my aggression. I'm narrating. There's a difference.
The system finally logs him in, the little hourglass flipping around obnoxiously as the page loads. Zell strums his fingers on the table, making strange little melodies with his rhythmic tapping . I should be in a band, he muses absently. Ah, the many things one thinks of when waiting for FanFiction... I mean GardenFanFiction.net to load.
The screen finally pops up.
ERROR PROCESSING REQUESTED DATA
"What the hell do you mean?!" he yells, grabbing the moniter and shaking it. He clicks the Refresh button, trying to control his tremors of rage as he does so. DAMN YOU ALL! *twitch* Sorry...
ERROR PROCESSING REQUESTED DATA
"No! No, no, no! You are GOING to post my goddamn POEM or ELSE!" he threatens. He attempts to just reload the entire page again, going back to the home page and clicking 'Authors'. This is so tedious. I can't stand it anymore. Can't you see that all I wanna do is upload a stupid piece of literary jargon? Can't you see you're depriving me? DO MY NEEDS EVEN MATTER TO YOU?! Umm, Zell was thinking all of this of course. I just forgot to put that earlier.
AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
"Ahhhh!" Zell slams his fists down on the keyboard several times. The CPU makes on odd beeping sound and Zell knows it can only mean one thing. Hesitantly, he looks to the monitor. The blue screen of death appears.
A FATAL EXCEPTION HAS OCCURED
NO! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU DAMN COMMUNIST COMPUTER, YOU JUST DON'T SEE THINGS MY WAY! WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME?! I JUST WANT MY MINIMUM OF 12 HOURS OF SLEEP BUT NOOO YOU HAVE TO MAKE LIFE DIFFICULT FOR ME!.... Uh. Yeah.
Zell presses Ctrl+Alt+Delete and waits for the computer to restart once more. Once again, he logs on to GardenFanFiction.net. Do you realize how many times I've done this? DO you?!
AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
Zell assumes a bland expression as he types in the required info once again. It lets him log on, by some miracle of fate. He clicks 'Upload' and, surely enough, it takes him to that page too. Zell rubs his hands together excitedly. He's back in business. And it's about damn time. I'm... *he* was getting sick and tired of trying to upload some stupid 0kb poem unsuccessfully. He types in the necessary fields (Title, Genre, Rating, List of People to Kill... oops...) and when he reaches the last one, Upload, he has to stop and think.
"Now what did I name my file?"
Nothing you idiot. And you know why? Cause I had to be stupid and not save the thing before I decided to brawl with FF.net. Noooo, you'd think I'd know better by now but I just assumed I could merrily upload my DAMN STORIES WHENEVER I WANTED! I mean Zell. Whenever *he* wanted. Uh, yeah. He just realizes that.
WHAT THE HELL?! WHY IS LIFE SO UNFAIR?!
ERROR PROCESSING REQUESTED DATA
The End
*Shudders* Yes, based on a true story. Well, except for that Library girl part. I know, it's psychotic and probably pretty stupid, but don't yell at me cause you know that most of you can sympathize with my situation!
A/N: Okay, this is short, sweet and to the point. FF.net *NEVER EVER* works when I want it to the most! It's so infuriating! ARGH! So anyways, this little piece is inspired by my struggles to get anything done on this damn page!
Disclaimer: I don't own Zell, FF8, or FF.net for that matter!
One fine evening, Zell Dincht resolves to head down to the library and ask the cute little pig-tailed girl on a date. (For no apparent reason other than that's what the author needs him to be doing in order to write this fic) When he arrives, his confidence is immediately shattered as he sees her incessantly flirting with a certain young man called "Joker". One of the geeky card-wielding CC members no less.
"Ooooh Joker, can I see your Leviathan card again?" she purrs.
"Sure thing." he smiles, pulling it out of his pocket. She gasps audibly.
"It's so wonderful!"
"Wanna go back to my dorm and see something *else* wonderful?"
Needless to say, the two rushed past Zell, trampling on his heart a few times as they made their exit. Damn. And he even wore his lucky socks today too. Shoulders sagging, Zell almost walks out of the library, but stops in his tracks, suddenly inspired.
I could turn this into a poem! he thinks excitedly, running to the nearest terminal. He opens a new file and starts typing.
"Library Girl"
Oh pig-tailed princess
I think you're hot
I hoped you liked me
But you do not
Because you left me
To go to bed
I wanna smack you
Upside your head
But you're a girl
Or so I thought
You may be slutty
But you're still hot
Perfect! he gloats in his mind. And when Zell gloats in his own mind, that really means something. It means he's practically rolling around in ecstasy, kind of like a pig in shit. So for some reason, he takes pride in the crap he wrote. Deciding to post it on GardenFanFiction.net, he types in the URL and waits patiently for the damn page to load.
"Come on, come on, hurry up." he mutters, swinging his legs back and forth impatiently. The screen finally stops loading, and Zell clicks on the little tab the reads 'Authors'.
AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
Zell sighs, usually too lazy to sign in but he's also too excited about his poem to let it sit around and rot without getting posted. He types in his email address (every1wantzmysexyass@balamb.com) and his password (hotdog) and waits for another 10 mintues for the page to load.
AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
"Dammit!" he groans aloud. "I *knew* I should've logged out the other day!" He rushes angrily to type in his address and password, bumping a few extra keys on accident. Hey, it's late, he's tired and careless, he just wants his poem posted so he can get it over with, YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT? Oh. Okay. I was just kidding anyways.
AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
"DAMN YOU!" Zell swears, kicking the CPU where it hurts. As a retaliation, the computer restarts. "Son of a bitch..." he mutters under his breath.
Another 10 minutes and countless curses later...
AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
Slowly, deliberately, Zell punches each key and double-checks to be sure he's pressing the right ones. He applies extra force to the enter button, grinning psychotically as he does so. Damn computers think they can get the best of you. WELL YOU HAVEN'T WON YET! Huh? I'm not taking out my aggression. I'm narrating. There's a difference.
The system finally logs him in, the little hourglass flipping around obnoxiously as the page loads. Zell strums his fingers on the table, making strange little melodies with his rhythmic tapping . I should be in a band, he muses absently. Ah, the many things one thinks of when waiting for FanFiction... I mean GardenFanFiction.net to load.
The screen finally pops up.
ERROR PROCESSING REQUESTED DATA
"What the hell do you mean?!" he yells, grabbing the moniter and shaking it. He clicks the Refresh button, trying to control his tremors of rage as he does so. DAMN YOU ALL! *twitch* Sorry...
ERROR PROCESSING REQUESTED DATA
"No! No, no, no! You are GOING to post my goddamn POEM or ELSE!" he threatens. He attempts to just reload the entire page again, going back to the home page and clicking 'Authors'. This is so tedious. I can't stand it anymore. Can't you see that all I wanna do is upload a stupid piece of literary jargon? Can't you see you're depriving me? DO MY NEEDS EVEN MATTER TO YOU?! Umm, Zell was thinking all of this of course. I just forgot to put that earlier.
AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
"Ahhhh!" Zell slams his fists down on the keyboard several times. The CPU makes on odd beeping sound and Zell knows it can only mean one thing. Hesitantly, he looks to the monitor. The blue screen of death appears.
A FATAL EXCEPTION HAS OCCURED
NO! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU DAMN COMMUNIST COMPUTER, YOU JUST DON'T SEE THINGS MY WAY! WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME?! I JUST WANT MY MINIMUM OF 12 HOURS OF SLEEP BUT NOOO YOU HAVE TO MAKE LIFE DIFFICULT FOR ME!.... Uh. Yeah.
Zell presses Ctrl+Alt+Delete and waits for the computer to restart once more. Once again, he logs on to GardenFanFiction.net. Do you realize how many times I've done this? DO you?!
AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
Zell assumes a bland expression as he types in the required info once again. It lets him log on, by some miracle of fate. He clicks 'Upload' and, surely enough, it takes him to that page too. Zell rubs his hands together excitedly. He's back in business. And it's about damn time. I'm... *he* was getting sick and tired of trying to upload some stupid 0kb poem unsuccessfully. He types in the necessary fields (Title, Genre, Rating, List of People to Kill... oops...) and when he reaches the last one, Upload, he has to stop and think.
"Now what did I name my file?"
Nothing you idiot. And you know why? Cause I had to be stupid and not save the thing before I decided to brawl with FF.net. Noooo, you'd think I'd know better by now but I just assumed I could merrily upload my DAMN STORIES WHENEVER I WANTED! I mean Zell. Whenever *he* wanted. Uh, yeah. He just realizes that.
WHAT THE HELL?! WHY IS LIFE SO UNFAIR?!
ERROR PROCESSING REQUESTED DATA
The End
*Shudders* Yes, based on a true story. Well, except for that Library girl part. I know, it's psychotic and probably pretty stupid, but don't yell at me cause you know that most of you can sympathize with my situation!