Don't ask - I have no idea why! At least it's probably just a oneshot...and let's face it. Who didn't crack up when Gemma asked Hanssen if he'd ever talked about sex with his father?
Enjoy x
'Is there a problem?'
Serena turned round and raised her eyebrows at Michael as he slammed the door to his office behind him, scowling round at the organized chaos of AAU and muttering under his breath. Her tone of voice implied that, even if there was a problem, she didn't want to know about it just now. They were busy enough without anything else, and unless it was a dire emergency the 'coffee and shoulder to rant on' that she and Michael normally provided for each other would have to wait. She had her suspicions – it surely wasn't a coincidence that she had seen Gemma Wilde exiting the same office just two minutes beforehand – but she pushed them to one side.
'What?' Michael looked at her, distracted. 'No. No problem'.
'Good'. Serena smiled sweetly. 'Then you won't mind seeing to the bowel obstruction case over there while I do the knife wound, hmm?'
Michael glowered, but Serena was surprised when he didn't argue. She watched him stomping off towards the elderly man with the offending obstruction, and suddenly felt a bit bad. Not for Michael, but for the patient; a blocked bowel was bad enough without having a grumpy doctor treating it. Still, too late now.
She kept a discreet eye on her colleague for the next hour or so, noticing that his mood did not seem to improve. She also noticed that Gemma was nowhere to be seen – which was a pain in the backside since they could have done with the help, even from a green F1. When Michael declared that enough was enough and he was going for a coffee, she abruptly left a bewildered Chrissie to finish organising the preliminary tests on a road accident victim and hurried after him.
'Hey!'
She slowed as she caught up with him, and matched his long stride as he headed towards the cafe.
'What is it, Serena?'
'You. You're acting funny'.
'What can I say? I'm a funny guy'.
Michael seemed to change his mind about the cafe and stopped at the vending machine instead, contemplating the various chocolate bars and crisp flavours on offer before digging in his pocket for some cash.
'And where's Gemma? We've been busy in there, and she disappeared off the face of the earth after spending half an hour in your office'.
'Not what you think'.
'Really?' Serena watched as he thumped the machine, prompting it to slowly release a Mars bar. 'I do hope not'.
Michael sighed as he tore off the wrapper and took a bite. He looked as if he was about to speak, but stopped mid-chew as he caught sight of something behind Serena in the corridor.
'Oh, great'.
As he swallowed, Serena turned to see what had got him so worried and saw a tall figure in a dark suit walking towards them. She thought he looked a bit like the Grim Reaper, with his serious expression and looming stride, and she found herself wondering if the man ever smiled.
'Oh goody', she murmured. 'It's the Swedish Chef'.
Michael spluttered over a mouthful of Mars bar just as Henrik Hanssen reached them.
'Ms Campbell, Mr Spence'.
His greeting was cordial, as ever, but Serena sensed a bollocking on the horizon and wondered whether she should try and make herself scarce. Hanssen, however, seemed to read her mind.
'No need to worry, Ms Campbell. I merely wished to ask Mr Spence whether he and Miss Wilde would be able to come to my office later this afternoon. A surprising...matter, shall we say, has come to my attention which requires an explanation'.
Michael looked as if he wanted the floor to swallow him whole.
'We're pretty busy on AAU...'
'Yes, I have just been there looking for you. Both consultants and an F1 AWOL, and yet the ward is still standing. So, four o'clock this afternoon, please, Mr Spence. And make sure Miss Wilde has surfaced by then'.
As he moved off down the corridor, Serena turned back to Michael. She wasn't sure whether to be amused or worried.
'What the hell have you done this time?'
'For once, it's not me'.
Michael finished off his chocolate bar and lobbed the wrapper into the nearby bin, smirking at Serena as he did so.
'And the Swedish Chef is a new one. What does that make you, Beaker?'
'Michael, Michael'. Serena shook her head in mock despair as they started back down the corridor towards AAU. 'You're American and you don't know your Muppets? Beaker worked with Dr Honeydew'.
'Hey, don't mention that round here'. Michael looked around him. 'Sensitive subject'.
Serena was thoroughly confused now.
'What, Bunsen Honeydew?'
'No, course not. Dr Honey'. Michael said it as if it should have been obvious, and Serena stopped, her hand on his arm.
'OK. You've lost me. What is Dr Honey?'
'Not what'. Michael looked as if he wanted to laugh, but knew that he shouldn't. 'Who'.
'Oh God', Serena groaned. She was fighting laughter at the same time as not quite being able to believe what she was seeing. 'Please tell me this is not real'.
'Oh, it's real all right'. Michael leaned back in his desk chair as Serena leaned over his shoulder, looking at the images on the computer screen in front of them. 'And it gets better'.
He reached for the mouse, but Serena slapped his hand and stood upright, shaking her head.
'Don't. I don't want to know any more. And you knew about this?'
'Ah, come on, Serena'. Michael held up his hands. 'Who hasn't made a few mistakes? I bet even you did a few things as a student that you're not too proud of'.
'Oh, I certainly did. I just wasn't stupid enough to let semi-pornographic photos of myself appear on a website that I had no control over, all under the guise of Dr Honey's sex education for teenage boys'.
Michael shrugged.
'There but for the grace of God...' He stopped as he saw the murderous look on Serena's face.
'And how in hell's name did Hanssen hear about it?' she demanded.
Michael sighed.
'A patient's son recognised Gemma as Dr Honey. When she cocked up the diagnosis on his mother, he decided to get sweet revenge by making a complaint direct to the big boss'.
'And included the fact that the F1 in question used to moonlight as a...' Serena paused, not quite sure how to classify Gemma's exploits, and in the end she gave up.
'How bad was the misdiagnosis?'
'To be honest, anyone could have made the same mistake. And she realised quickly enough, there was no harm done'.
'So the patient – and her son – would have no grounds for a formal complaint?'
Serena's brain had switched into damage limitation mode, and Michael shook his head emphatically.
'No way'.
'Well then, you shouldn't have anything to worry about'. Serena smirked. 'I'm sure Mr Hanssen will see the funny side'.
Michael gave her a look that said he thought she had lost the plot.
'See, I was kind of thinking that you might like to be there this afternoon as well. Since you are in charge down here too, and as clinical...whatever you are, it's something that you should perhaps take an interest in'.
Serena turned towards the door.
'No'. Her tone was final. 'Categorically no. It's nothing to do with me'.
'Moral support for a beleaguered colleague?'
'Don't use big words, Michael, it doesn't suit you'. Serena grasped the door handle. 'And I don't think my presence would actually help anyway. I'm hardly flavour of the month in the kitchen upstairs'.
Michael grinned despite himself.
'True'.
'But good luck'. Serena returned his grin as she pulled open the door. 'I think you might need it'.
Five o'clock that afternoon saw Serena standing outside Hanssen's office, a pile of paperwork balanced in one hand and a takeout coffee in the other. She wasn't sure whether to try knocking or not. She didn't usually, and she couldn't hear anything from the other side of the door, but she didn't particularly want to barge in on the Dr Honey meeting. Although on the other hand...a sly grin crossed her face. It could be quite amusing. And after the day she'd had, she needed a laugh.
She was almost disappointed when she turned the door handle with her elbow, kicking the door gently in place of a knock, and entered the office to find Hanssen alone, sat behind his desk and concentrating on his computer screen. He looked up as she walked in, his expression momentarily betraying his surprise and slight annoyance at her intrusion.
'Ms Campbell, it is customary to knock before one enters another's office'.
'I did'. Serena dumped the folders unceremoniously on his desk.
'No, you kicked the door as you opened it', Hanssen corrected her, looking at the pile with distaste.
'Details'.
Serena's breezy reply elicited a small shake of the head before he returned his gaze to his computer, but she continued to stand in front of his desk, sipping her coffee. Eventually he sighed, and looked up again.
'Is there something else I can do for you, Ms Campbell?'
'No'. She shook her head, and then changed her mind. What the hell. She was clinical executive director. That meant that, technically, she could stick her nose in wherever she wanted.
'Yes'.
Hanssen raised his eyebrows.
'How did the meeting with...uh...' She was tempted to say 'with Dr Honey', but thought better of it when she saw Hanssen's expression. 'With Mr Spence go?'
'Very well, thank you'.
Was it her imagination, or was there a little twinkle of amusement in his eyes despite the poker face?
'Very well?' Serena repeated, laughter bubbling up inside her. 'Did you see the website?'
'Yes, Ms Campbell, I did'.
She saw his mouth twitch, and was convinced that he too was trying not to laugh. So, she thought, the man does have a sense of humour after all. Who knew?
'And did she explain the serious medical purpose of it?'
Hanssen nodded.
'It seemed a slightly flimsy argument to me, but I'm sure some people got useful information from it'.
'I'm sure they did', Serena murmured, trying to swallow her giggles. 'Information regarding the female anatomy'.
'I did pose the question as to whether they couldn't have looked elsewhere for the facts, but it seems Dr Wilde was convinced she was performing a genuine service'.
Serena couldn't help it. A bubble of laughter escaped her at the thought of Hanssen sitting behind his desk, seriously questioning Gemma on the activities of Dr Honey.
'Oh come on, Henrik'. He looked vaguely surprised at the use of his first name, but Serena didn't care. 'Who didn't do things they're not too proud of as a student?'
She should have known that using Michael's argument would be a bad idea, and Hanssen looked at her enquiringly.
'Is there anything you wish to share, Ms Campbell?'
'Certainly not'. She wondered whether to try a little teasing since, despite appearances to the contrary, he did seem to possess some human characteristics after all. 'At least, not when sober'.
'Was that an invitation for me to take you out and get you drunk?'
Serena's mouth dropped open. A twitch of the mouth, a twinkle in the eye – that was one thing. This was quite another.
'Why, do you really want to know?'
Hanssen looked at her for a moment, and she could have sworn he was trying not to smirk as he watched her try to recover herself. His gaze was disconcerting, and she couldn't believe the way he had managed to throw her completely off balance.
'Not really'. He finally decided to put her out of her misery. 'But it seems the patient's son is wanting to make a formal complaint. About the misdiagnosis, rather than….the other matter. I will try to dissuade him, but you should maybe be aware of the details. And I would really rather the Wyvern Post didn't get hold of it. I'm sure you can imagine the headlines'.
'Hmm'. Serena grimaced. After her own experience with complaints lately, she wasn't sure she was the best person for this and she wonder if he was doing it deliberately.
Once again, he seemed to read her mind.
'If you would rather not take on the extra work, I completely understand'.
She shook her head.
'No, it's fine. So...?'
'If you come to my office again tomorrow morning I will run through it with you. Best to be prepared.'
Serena nodded, and turned to leave before her imagination went into overdrive again and the giggles returned.
'Oh, Ms Campbell?'
She turned back to see Hanssen gazing at her, his expression neutral.
'I have never felt much of an affinity with the Swedish Chef. Perhaps Statler is more appropriate'.
Serena's eyes widened. Oh, shit. She couldn't believe firstly that Hanssen had heard her earlier, and secondly that he appeared to know one Muppet from another. She swallowed, waiting for the coup d'grace which she knew must be coming.
'Which, I'm afraid, would probably make you Waldorf'.