When You're in Love
Author: Myinnerme
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and 20th Century Fox.
Spoilers: Post Season Seven "Chosen"
Rating: M – Adult Situations, Language
Summary: Am I accountable if I'm in love………Complementary Piece to 'Tried to Make Me Go to Rehab'. (F/B)
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"Shit Red, you're her bestfriend," I shout, slamming my fist on the table in frustration. The second I see Red flinch and her eyes blink rapidly a few times I realize my mistake. Lowering my eyes from hers because I don't like seeing the fear I saw flash through hers, I blow out a puff of air and run my hands through my hair. Ok I need to calm the fuck down.
"Faith I…I really haven't heard from her. If I did, I'd have told you. Its not--"
I hear Red gearing up to go into a babble fest. I know I'm being a little unreasonable. Okay, a lot unreasonable. But how could Buffy not even call Red since she left. If she'd had call, Red is right she would have told me so. We've all become like friends now. She wouldn't hold something so trivial back from me. So what's the deal? What's up with Buffy? Fuck, I need to get out of here and think this through before Red gives me a headache.
"Listen Red," I say cutting her off from whatever she was ranting on about. "I know you wouldn't lie to me about shit like that." I say this in a nice calm voice. Trying to rectify the damage I had just done. I smile at her when she gives me one her shy smiles. Damn all that power and Red still can do shy.
Walking around the kitchen table to me, she places a reassuring hand on my shoulders. I don't jerk away because I have gotten use to the Scobbies. And they're a pretty touchy feely group. I have sort of grown to like it. Well kind of love it, especially when Buffy gets excited about something and rushes into my arms. And that just feels a whole lot of good there. Blinking, I realize I haven't heard a fucking word that just came out of Red's mouth. Trying to fake it but not really getting any clues from Red's expression. I don't know if I should be nodding or shaking my head. I sort of do a mixture of both and hope for the best. I guess it must have worked because she gives me another smile, a quick hug and leaves the kitchen.
Shrugging it off, I make my way over to the coffee machine and pour a cup and sit at the table. Taking a sip, I know I'm going to need at least two or three more of these to calm my nerves. Sighing, because what I really want to do is go take a smoke out back and loose myself in nicotine heaven. But I gave that shit up a while back when B told me how she'd kissed this guy once and he had cigarette breath and it was just gross. Then she smiled at me, all nice and shit, and said she didn't mind me smoking though. Needless to say, that was the end of that fucking habit. I went cold turkey the instant I crushed out the one I had just lit. It took her a few days to notice I wasn't smoking anymore. I came up with some lame excuse that I didn't want no cancer stick controlling my life. But the way I figured it was if by some miracle I ever got to kiss Buffy, I don't want her thoughts to be Faith's mouth taste like shit. All I want her thinking about at that time is I want Faith to continue to do this for the rest of our lives. Because that's the shit I'll be thinking about. Even without kissing her that's what I think about all the time. Knowing these thoughts are not going to lead to anything good. I jump up pour myself another cup and go to find Giles. Maybe he's heard from Buffy.
Approaching Giles' office I can hear him talking on the phone through the closed door. I could listen to what he's saying if I wanted to. But who gives a shit. I turn around and make my way back to the kitchen for another cup of coffee. On the way there I spy in the TV room and see Xander stretch out on a couch watching some cartoon. Now that's my kind of thing. Quickly heading into the kitchen, I fill up my cup and make my way back to him.
"What's up X-man?" I say plunking down on one of the other sofas, careful not to spill my coffee.
"Hi Faith, just chilling" Xander says with a smile on his face. But his eyes have not left the big ass plasma screen. One of the only good things The Council has ever done for us. Well this and all of the other little toys, like my Harley sitting in the garage Giles got me for Christmas. He got all of us trans. Yep, good ole Council. They were better to us dead than alive. I shrug because I don't feel sorry for them. They never meant me any good. You tend to loose your sympathy for people when they keep trying to kill you. I guess that's why it took the Scoobs a little while to trust me again. But they know now I'll never hurt them. They've become the family I've never had. That's why it kinda bugged me when I caused Red to be a little afraid of me. I'll have to really make that shit up to her later.
Thinking of Red makes me think of Buffy. I snicker. Everything makes me think of Buffy. I know it's pointless asking Xander if he has heard from her. If she hasn't called Red, she definitely hasn't called him. But hey, Buffy has been action all weird and shit recently. And stranger things have been known to happen.
"Hey X-man, you heard from Buffy." I see his eyes dart real quick to me then back to the television and then he frowns. What's up with that shit? Does he know something about Buffy he's not saying? Did she call him? Is something wrong with Buffy? Oh god is she sick or something? What the fuck aren't they telling me? I try to keep a serene look on my face while I feel like I'm about ready to crap myself. Okay X-man just give it to me straight. I plead with my eyes and even manage a tight smile.
He sits up. Oh shit this is really bad. Fuck fuck. I got to get to Buffy.
"Umm Faith…" Talk fucking quicker X-man. My legs have already started a small shake.
"Faith" He tries again, his voice sounding unsure. Yeah I know my fucking name X-man. Just tell me what's up with B. I feel like I'm about to explode.
"I think something's wrong with Buffy?"
I fucking knew it. I jump up. Unable to sit still any more I start pacing. Not even aware of the coffee splashing on my hand and burning it.
"What's the fuck's wrong with B?" I turn quickly to Xander. His one eye widens as he taken back my sudden movement and the intense glare I give him. I feel myself going over the edge but I don't give a fuck, something is wrong with Buffy.
"It's just…It's ju--" he stammers.
"Spit it fucking out Xander." I step a little closer.
Maybe realizing that him sitting down with me towering over him is not a good idea because he shuffles to his feet.
"Calm down Faith," he gets out.
I'm not going to get any information from him any quicker if I don't pull back the rage. See, I've learnt a lot of things over the years. I'm not stupid. I know my rage right now is fueled by the fact that the women I love make be sick or in trouble and there's not a damn thing I can do about it right now. I'm feeling helpless. And I want to tear this whole fucking mansion down and cry because I'm worried and hurting so much inside now. Taking two steps back from him, I let my façade down and let him see the real me. The me that's in love with Buffy. The me that loves her more than life itself. The me I've never shown anyone else.
"Please Xander, what's wrong with Buffy, just tell me?" I beg. A tear slipping out the corner of my eye and rolling down my cheek.
Xander looks at me with this shocked expression.
"Faith… I didn't know." he says softly trying to take a step towards me. I take a step back, the back of my legs hitting the coffee table, and just shake my head. I'm feeling too vulnerable right now. I don't want anyone's concern or pity. I just want to know what's wrong with B.
"Please Xander just tell me."
He stops walking, figuring out that I don't want to be crowded right now. "Faith, I don't think anything is wrong with her physically or that she is in any kind of physical danger."
I breathe a deep sigh of relief and fall back onto the coffee table. I didn't think my legs could hold me anymore. They were starting to feel wobbly. Wiping the tear from my face I look back up at him. No longer trying to hide anything. He knows now how I feel about Buffy. We'll have to deal with the rest of what it all means another time.
"So what's the deal then, X-man?" I say. Finally noticing I still had that fucking cup of coffee in my hand and the little burn marks. Resting the cup on the side of me I'm not worried about the marks, slayer healing will take care of them.
Walking back to sit on the couch, he still eyes me in amazement.
"It's just I overheard Giles in his office talking to Angel on the speaker phone. And they were talking about trying to set up some psychiatrist…" I already don't like where this is going. My muscles are starting to tighten. "…to talk to Buffy." What the fuck?
"What?"
"Yeah, that's what I thought at first too. Giles was telling Angel how Buffy has been acting edgy and cranky." I know B has been a little off but a psychiatrist. "…that is why he recommended she take some time off to relax. And then Angel told him how Buffy sleeps all day and looks so depressed." That fucker. When I called to ask him how B was doing, he made it same as if she was having the time of her life. I tried not to dwell of this to much and stay focused on what Xander is saying. "…and he says that she slays all night and he's afraid she may get herself hurt or killed." I perk up at that shit. Because if something ever kills B. There won't be a fucking rock that thing could hid under where I won't find it. I'll crawl through hell and back to get at it. I would fucking gut it and skin – I stop my thoughts when I realize that Xander has gone quiet. He's looking at me like he afraid or something. Oh shit. I think my face is projecting my thoughts. I relax and smile a little just to reassure him I haven't gone pycho again.
"What else did they say X-man?"
He blinks about twice then continues.
"Well at first Giles told Angel it may be post dramatic stress. You know from all those years of fighting. But then Angel to him he didn't think so. That he thinks the problem is--" Xander stops abruptly and just looks at me real serious like. Then he turns his head away and shakes it. "I don't want to say anymore Faith"
"What?" I jump up. "You can't just say all that shit Xander and leave me hanging. What did Angel say?"
"I don't want to say Faith. I shouldn't have been listening to their conversation in the first place."
Fuck, this is a load of bullshit. I walk a little closer to him. But he's avoiding looking back at me. If he doesn't want to say what Angel said then that's probably what really wrong with Buffy. He knows Angel knows Buffy.
"Xander come on. This is bullshit. You gotta finish it. What did Angel say?"
Xander turns back to me looking all sad and says softly. And I swear if I didn't have slayer hearing I don't think I would have heard him. "Angel said the reason Buffy has been acting weird these last couple weeks and being a mopey Rambo is because she can't handle the fact that she's in love with someone who doesn't love her back"
I freeze. I don't hear fuck all after Buffy's in love. "Fuck." I think my heart just broke. Shit I got to sit down. But my legs won't fucking move. I don't even register in the background Xander's pleas of sorrys or when he takes my arm and guides me to the sofa and sits me down.
"B's in love," I mumble. "Fuck!" I lean back in the chair and close my eyes. Fuck. B's in love.
"Faith, Faith" I feel Xander gently shake my shoulder. I don't know how long I been laying back in the chair. But I don't hear the tv on anymore. I finally open my eyes and look into his concerned eye. "You okay Faith." Okay. If I'm fucking okay. My heart just got rip to shreds because the girl I love is in love with someone else.
"I'm five by…" I go to come up with the same bullshit defense I've been using for years to protect myself. You know what, fuck it. I'm not doing this bullshit anymore. "…no X-man I'm not okay." I see his eye register surprise at my honest answer. What was I trying to hide for anyway. Stevie Wonder could see right now that I'm not fine. "Feels like I'm dying inside Xander. I'm in love with Buffy and she's in love with someone else."
"Faith, I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say." Xander says struggling to get over the fact that I confided in him and that I called B Buffy.
"It's okay X-man," I say getting up. "Listen, I'm going to go now. I got some things to do today." Yeah like drink 'til I pass out. He looks at me like he knows exactly what I mean.
"Alright Faith. But just remember if you really need a big strong shoulder I'm your guy okay." I nod my head because I don't think I can speak right now. I feel the tears pricking at my eyes.
I go to walk out of the room and pause and turn around when I hear Xander call my name. Before I know what's happening his arms are around me in a tight hug. "We'll get through this okay." Well the tears fall freely after he says that. "Ok" I muffled out from his chest. Now I really have to get out here before I break down further. When did I become such a wimp? I push off a little and he lets me go.
Clearing my throat I choke out as I look in his teary eye, "This shit stays between us Xander."
"Only us. I promise Faith." I see his sincerity. I know he isn't lying. I give his a small waggle of my eyebrows to let him I'm not fine now but I will be. He smiles in understanding then I turn and leave.
Hours later, I inhale deeply again. This fucking shit is to die for. I give Buffy's pillow a kiss before hugging it tighter. Yeah I know this isn't rationale. Why would I be hiding out in her room after finding out she's in love with some else? Well the answer is simple, I love her. Don't matter to me if she's in love with someone else. I need my Buffy fix. Since she left on vacation I've been going a little insane not seeing her or talking to her. I don't understand it, for years I went without seeing her. Now I can't go a week. The first night she left I stayed out partying all night because I didn't see a need to come home. But all I did was think about her so that shit didn't make sense. I tried calling her cell the next day but she must have had it turned off or something so I left her a voice message. You know something really casual and friendly, nothing desperate like how I was truly missing her. After patrol that night, I still hadn't heard from her so I snuck into her room and slept on her bed. Just to be surrounded by her things and her smell. As I was leaving her room the next morning Kennedy saw me coming out. I made up some bogus bullshit about returning a weapon I had borrowed. But I don't think she believed when she shook her head and raised a sarcastic eyebrow. I mean come on, how do you raise a sarcastic eyebrow. I ignored her little chuckle and made my way quickly to my room. Of course I was embarrassed about being caught but all that meant was that I had to be real careful next time. I have slept in B's room every night since then.
It's comforting. I may be a badass but I need my comforts like everyone else. Being in here also reminds me of the time B slept in my arms all night and I almost told her I loved her. Her nose was all snotty and her eyes were puffy but she was still beautiful. Man she had felt so good. When I kissed her cheek I thought she'd moaned but I wasn't too sure. I was too busy trying not to moan myself and move my lips a few inches lower and kiss her lips. Fuck her cheeks were so soft and she smelt all Buffylike. Thinking about it I inhale her pillow again and smile into it. No body drives me crazy like B or makes me hornier.
When she had first left for vacation and I didn't hear from her it crossed my mind that maybe she was mad with me or had picked up on my feelings and was trying to get away from me. See since that night we slept together. Damn that has a nice ring to it. Anyway, since then I have been extra friendly with her. Sort of hoping that if I had accidentally let anything slip about wanting more than friendship she wouldn't reject me and be all disgusted and kick my sorry ass to the curb. I even went as far as parading a few jocks in the front of her for good measure and made sure plenty of our talks involved members of the opposite sex. I know B is cool with the same sex thing for other people but she has never hinted at it for herself. And as much as I wanted to say, hey B you down for some hot lesi sex and especially hot lesi sex with me I couldn't. And it's a good fucking thing I never did either. Now B's all in love with some dumbass.
I groan. Now I have to pretend that I'm fine, while she hangs all over some dipshit. I remember the couple of times she brought a few guys around. I think when I growled at them they finally got the message not to fuck with me. How I'm I suppose to be all friendly and they have their arms around my girl. Motherfuckers. Just remembering them makes me angry. But at least I knew B wasn't in love with any on them. Sure she make have hung out with them but you could tell it was nothing serious.
But Mr. Mystery Man sounds real serious. And she never mentioned him to me before. Hey. How come she never mentioned him? I thought we were friends now. Plus, I never heard Red babble nothing about him. So how come Angel knows. Wait Xander mentioned that the person didn't love her back. Fuck. I wonder if it's Angel. But I know Angel still loves B. When you're in love you pickup on shit like that. Maybe he told her he didn't love her because of the curse. Man, I really thought B was over all that shit. But who the hell takes a vacation and goes to see and ex-boyfriend. Fucking no one is the answer. I knew I should have staked his dead ass years ago.
I jump out of bed all antsy because I can't be still for this shit when I feel myself getting angrier with each passing second.
"Ok Faith, you got to calm down" I tell myself as I pace.
Why have I been hearing that so much lately? B's got my ass in a tailspin since she left, that's why. Okay, I can't just kill Angel, everyone will be mad with me and besides I like the guy now. But would if having B that close is too tempting for him and with her confessing undying love he may give in. Shit I know I'd give in. Fuck the world. Everyone would burn if it was a choice of being with B or saving the world. I stop walking and take a deep breath. What if he gives in and Angelus comes out to play and hurts or even kills B. "I would play connect the dots all over his ass with his own fangs before I dust him."
Alright, the slayer in me is fully awake now. This is more serious than I thought. I don't give a fuck who B loves. No one is going to hurt my girl. I got to get down there and see for myself what's going on. I yank B's down open and stomp outside in the back to Giles cottage.
Giles opens the door all crumpled up and bleary eyed behind his glasses. "Faith?"
"I need to get to LA now Giles"
"Faith? What's going on?"
"I need to get to LA now Giles" I repeat. I don't have time for bullshit and I'm not taking no for an answer.
"Faith, it's 2 o'clock in morning. We'll talk about this later." Giles tries to close the door on me until my hand shoots out and hold it in place.
"Giles I don't give a fuck what time it is. I need to get to LA now." Giles eyes finally opens wide when he looks in mine and realizes he's no longer talking to Faith but to the slayer.
When is this fucking jet going to land? It seems like we have been flying forever. I wonder if the pilot is taking the long route because he's pissed at having been woken up to make this flight. Well I don't give a fuck. He can join the line. Pretty much everyone in the house is pissed at me, except Xander. Who I guess understands what's going on more from our little talk earlier. He wanted to drop me to the private airstrip but Giles wouldn't let him. I guess he thought I may go a little loco and wanted a slayer with me in case it came to that. So he sent Kennedy. Fucking please. He would have been better off sending Willow. At least she can use her mojo to slow me down. I'd wipe the floor with Kennedy's ass blindfolded and with one hand tied behind my back. There's only one slayer out there who can match me and she's who I'm heading to right now.
The whole ride over to the private jet I had to purposely ignore K, keep my mind focused on my mission. Yeah, that's what I'm calling it, my mission. She kept giving me dirty looks but she knew not to open her mouth. I would have smacked her fucking teeth right out and walked the rest of the way after we crashed into something.
Sighing, I stare at the intercom. I want to ask again how soon 'til we get there but I've already asked five times and I'm not for any more of his attitude, plus I can't fly the plane when I knock his ass out.
Finishing up my glass of JD, I lean back when I remembered how I got B hooked on the stuff. When we'd first started partying together, she would always order these really girly drinks. But I'd slip her a glass of Jack no matter what. She'd grimace and fuss me out but still drink it. Pretty soon the lady was only ordering Jack the Man with out any encouragement. I smile when I think of the funny, silly faces she made when she first started drinking it. Man I really love this girl.
I hear the pilot huff out that we're making our final descend for landing. "Dickhead," I mumble as take my chair out of the recline position and refasten my seatbelt.
I'm standing outside staring at the hotel doors dumbfounded. I don't have a game plan. All I knew was I had to get here. Now I'm here, I want to run my ass in the opposite direction. But I can't. Knowing Giles he would have already spoken to Angel, so he's waiting for me. And if my slayer senses are working fine, he's staring at me right now from his office window. But I'm not going to acknowledge his presence. I can feel B also through our connection. She's about a floor higher but on the other end. If she's awake she'll know I'm here too.
I can't decide who to approach first. I want to talk with Angel. Look him in the eye, see where his thoughts are about B. See if I need to reach across the desk and stake his ass right there or we talk about ways of helping B to get over him. Then on the other hand I miss Buffy so much. I want to see her. I'm fucking aching to be near her. Even if she tells me she's in love with Angel, I don't care I just need her around me.
But if Buffy's in love with Angel and trying to be with him, she won't listen to anything I have to say or anyone else, including Angel. B's determined and stubborn like that when she makes her mind up about something. I guess I have our inner slayer to thank for that one. So if she won't listen, what do I do? I go for the obvious answer, Angel.
Touching my leather jacket to make sure my stake is handy, I strode into the hotel. As much as I love the big guy, this looks like his last day on earth. My logic is simple. No Angel. No problem. See, if I remove the temptation now from her, sure she may hate me for life, but at least she wouldn't be dead. But if I leave it alone and B turns up the juice, there's no way he'll be able to resist her for long. And if he loses his soul and hurts her, the conclusion would still be no Angel. See where I'm going with all of this.
I walk out of the elevator and before I can knock on his office door. He pulls it open and the tiny smile on his broody lips falters slightly when he sees the look in my eyes. No matter how friendly we've become. A vampire recognizes when it's dealing with a slayer. He simply steps back from the door to let me in. I walk through and sit in one of the chairs opposite his desk. He cautiously walks over making sure he's always facing me and sits down.
I glare him in the eye until he lowers his gaze slightly.
"What the fuck is going on Angel?" my voice steely.
"Faith, what's the ma--"
He stops talking when I touch my jacket. He knows what's there and he knows I'm not playing around.
"Soulboy, I'm only asking you this once and I suggest you fucking give me an honest answer." I wait for him to nod he understands what's on the line here. He knows I love him but I'm going to do what I have to do. Getting his nod I proceed. "What the fuck is going on between you and B?"
I see him give a big sigh, like he's relieved. What the fuck is he sighing about? And why the fuck is he sighing? It isn't as if stale air is in his lungs or any air for that matter.
Looking me square in the eye, nothing hidden. "Faith I swear to you, nothing is going on between Buffy and I."
I know he's telling the truth. Nothing may be going on now. But it still doesn't change the fact that Buffy's in love with him and he's in love with her.
"But you two are in love with each oth--"
"No, No Faith," Angel cuts me off.
"So you--"
"Buffy's not in love with me, Faith," he cuts me off again. Now that shit's starting to get annoying. He sees the look in my eye and shuts up.
"Well who the fuck is she in lo--"
The door to his office burst open, interrupting me again. I don't even have to look to see who it is. Tingles are going off throughout my entire body like fireworks on the fourth of July. Some slayer tingles but mostly the feeling tingles I get from being in love with B and near her. I guess, I was so caught up with talking to Angel about her, I subconsciously thought they were getting stronger because of that.
"Faith!" she says in a breathless voice. And oh god I have to suppress a moan and I feel myself get instantly wet.
"B" I whisper, but I don't turn around. I close my eyes for a second because I'm struggling to reel in all the emotions she just stirred up in me.
"I knew I felt you…" She says softly and walks into the office. "…I thought I was dre--" B trails off and stops walking at the same time.
"Yeah B" I say but I'm still not turning around. I open my eyes to see Angel's head bobbing between the two of us. Then I watch his eyes widen slightly then narrow. Then he looks back intently at me. I know he's just figured out that I'm in love with B. I mean he's a vampire he can smell my arousal a mile away. Plus he can hear my heart racing like a bullet train. I lift one eyebrow at him. Telling him not one word, not one fucking word I want to here from you. He gives a slight nod to say he respects my decision.
"Faith, what are you doing here?" B steps a little closer.
Jumping up out of the chair and plastering on one of my big dimple smiles, I turn to her. She's fucking beautiful. My eyes hungrily eat her up. I put every detail to memory. I almost forget to even answer her I'm so consumed with taking all that's Buffy in.
"Just had something important to discuss with Soulboy."
I see her gaze move slowly from my lips up to my eyes and a frown creases her forehead. Like she barely heard what I said and was having a hard time processing it. Suddenly, her eyes tear open in panic and she looks a little afraid then they quickly shift to Angel. I flicker mine just as quick and catch Angel shaking his head at her. Then she breathes a sigh of relief.
What the fuck? Rage erupts in me. Angel immediately picks up on the change in my body language and stands up real fast.
"No! Faith it's not what you think."
"Fuck you Angel," I spit out. How the fuck does he know what I'm thinking? I step back and turn to face him fully. B must have finally sensed the change also because I hear her in the background asking me what's going on. But I tune her and Angel out. What was that subtle message just now? I know they're keeping a secret. I barely survived the last secret they kept from me in back in SunnyD. It nearly drove me crazy and I'm going through something like that again. I trusted Angel not to lie to be. But I guess you can't trust a vampire.
"I asked you to be fucking honest with me."
"I am Faith" he says and slowly eases further back from his desk.
"Do you remember our agreement? One chance and one fucking chance only." I glint at him.
I see fear pass across the big guy's face for the first time in my life. I go to reach in my pocket to pull out my stake and feel Buffy's hand on my arm. She's using slayer strength.
"What's going on Faith?" she asked all puzzled, like she doesn't know.
"Back the fuck off me B" I tell her. I don't want to go into a throw down with her. I definitely don't think I can take her defending Angel right now. Her choosing him over me, like she did before.
"Faith please, tell me what's going on?" She tries in a smoothing voice.
I finally tear my eyes from Angel's to stare into hers. They're all full of concern and love. That damn near breaks me. I rip my arm from hers and stagger back a few steps. She really loves this dead piece of meat. Fuck. I close my eyes to block out what I just saw.
"Faith" She says softly and I feel her take a step towards me. I automatically take another back. She finally stops moving but I feel her staring at me. Fuck this hurts more than I ever thought it would. Why the fuck did I come here? What the hell was I thinking?
"Buffy?" I hear him call her name. She doesn't look at him because I can still feel her eyes burrowing into me. Shit, I wish I could make myself disappear. When will I ever learn? I'm such an idiot.
"Buffy" he tries again gently this time. She still ignores him.
"Buffy" Will he stop calling her fucking name. Shit I got to get out of here but I stop at his next word. "You have to tell her Buffy." Tell me. Tell me fucking what. That she's in love with him. That she's in love with someone else. I want to open my eyes but I don't think my heart can take hearing her say it out loud. Not right now. I'm not brave enough right now. Everything just feels to raw inside.
"I…I can't" B's voice comes out all choked up and she starts to cry.
Now I don't care what I'm going through if B is hurting or she needs me I'm there for her. I swallow real hard and push my own pain aside and open my eyes and look at her.
B's standing in the front on me with tears flowing down her cheeks looking like she's lost everything precious to her in life.
"Buffy…" I say softly, stepping forward. Now B is the one backing away from me and shaking her head.
"I can't" B says sadly and turns around and just walks out the door.
I stand there just looking at the empty door way. For how long I don't know. I finally feel Angel move a little towards me. I don't even have it in me to fight him anymore. I think he senses that because in the next instant he's wrapping me up in his arms. I sag against him. I don't even realize I'm crying until he pulls back and wipes a tear from my cheek with his thumb.
"Faith, trust me when I tell you. Go after her and tell her you love her." I choke out a cry because that's all I can manage and he hugs me again.
After a few moments and I compose myself a little, Angel kisses me on the top of my head "Angel I'm sorry." He knows I mean about going to stake him.
"Faith, I know you're going to do what you have to do, if that time ever happens. But I'm sure glad that this is not that time." I chuckle at that.
"Me too big guy. Me too." We tighten our arms around each other.
"Now go and check on Buffy." He says pulling me out of his arms and giving me a little push towards the door. I know we don't have to have a long discussion about me being in love with Buffy. He understands better than anyone else. I turn and give him smile before I make my way out the door and to the elevator.
I know Buffy is still in the hotel so I just follow the tingles straight to her room. From outside the door I can hear her crying. Not bothering to knock, I try turning the door knob gently, it's unlocked. But if it wasn't, I would have used my slayer strength to break it. Hey, Angel can afford a new door knob so I'm not worried about that shit.
And like that night I found B crying on her bed, I slip of my jacket and shoes and make my way towards the bed. I know B knows I'm here. She just doesn't want to acknowledge my presence right now. That fine by me. She doesn't have to. All I know is everything in me is telling me right now that B needs me. Stretching out on the bed next to her, I shuffle as close as I can get then I slip my arms around her and gather her to me. She doesn't move for a long but still sobs into my chest.
When her crying finally subsides, she snakes her arms out and pulls me even tighter into her. Molding our bodies perfectly together with her head coming up to rest in the croak of my neck. I try not to moan because this isn't about me it's about her. But fuck it feels so good.
We quietly lay in each others arms. I don't know for how long because all of my concentration is on trying to ignore the sensation of the warm air she is blowing on my neck with each breath she takes. Shit I want to moan and writhe around. There was one point I swear I had a mini orgasm when she exhaled a really deep breath. Fuck, I've said before and I'll say 'til the day I die, nobody turns me on more that B. I couldn't even fake the slight trembling of my body. I felt her tremble too. I wonder if trembles are contagious like yawns.
"Faith" B says softly.
"Mmm" I reply. I can't trust myself to say more because of the new onslaught of desire at hearing her say my name as her lips actually move against my neck.
"If I tell you something, will you hate me." B says timorously.
I want to groan and laugh at the absurdity of the question but I don't. Hate her. I could never hate her. She's my world and I love her. I don't even care anymore who she's in love with. As long as she lets me be apart of her life that's good enough for me. I give her a tight squeeze and kiss the side of her head.
"I could never hate you Buffy."
She lifts her head, pulls back a little in my arms and looks me dead in the eye.
"Faith I'm in love with you."