The Quiet Death of a Love Story
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: 8027
Warnings: Angst.
Notes: I'm always intrigued by birthdays. Maybe it's because I think birthdays are transition periods we go through every year even if we say: Meh, I don't feel anything. Even though things around us every single day, I guess we're just bad at acknowledging that lol. I love 8027, it seems like such an understated pairing. Hence, this fic is quite the same. The first part is Yamamoto-centric, the second one will be Tsuna-centric.
1: Yamamoto
Yamamoto and his father ate dinner together with the television turned on. His father loved watching the news,Yamamoto didn't really mind. They've been this way for 15 years so to suddenly complain about it seemed pointless.
A news report flashed on the screen that said: MAN BEHIND UENO SLASHINGS ARRESTED. Then it zoomed out and aired a shaky, grainy footage of the criminal in handcuffs. He was nearly bald, gruff and skinny. The cameras flashed and there was a commotion. The level of clamour was insane. Yamamoto couldn't believe his eyes.
Sometimes Yamamoto wondered why serial killers were sensationalized on TV. Something was a little off here. It was as though the world's switch was accidentally set the other way around. After all, good and honest men like his father would probably never get the kind of exposure they did.
He couldn't imagine a TV crew barging in while his family had dinner, with a beautiful news reporter showering his father with all the praise she could think of that was worthy of a man like him. What purpose did good and honest men serve? He simply had to wonder.
Yamamoto didn't understand why he began to ask himself this question, but it was there lingering in the back of his head like a ghost. It really made him lose his appetite. Reality is like that, sometimes it's so disgusting to think about that even someone like Yamamoto couldn't finish his meal.
His father, slightly annoyed-- switched off the television and resumed eating. "Bad things happen all the time, huh?" He mumbled before taking a sip of his sake.
Yamamoto lifted his head to look at the solemn expression his father wore. It was as though he was mourning the deaths of people that man on the television had killed. Of course his father wouldn't have said this out loud, but Yamamoto and his father were so similar that there were times that things didn't need to be said aloud.
Being 15, Yamamoto was prone to self-righteousness, but to balance this out Yamamoto learned to accept things in a way that his psyche found comfortable to deal with. If someone said, "It's horrible, isn't it?" Yamamoto would probably be the first to say: "Well, that's just how things are. But don't worry everything will turn out fine."
If he said this out loud, it would echo inside his head. Yamamoto would then fall into a calm state of mind.
That night, he dreamt of the school rooftop and a very long fall. With a soft thud, Yamamoto woke up. That was possibly the shortest dream he ever had, and yet-- it was already morning and the sun shone with such intense brightness that Yamamoto had to squint in order to see anything.
He propped himself up with his elbows, sat up and looked around his bedroom. Something felt out of place, he couldn't tell what it was though. It was as though he woke up in a completely different world.
Yamamoto placed a hand over his eyes and sighed."Wake up!"
Even someone like Yamamoto Takeshi had bad mornings. Despite this, he still worked up the energy to leave bed, do a couple of morning exercises and pretty much everything a normal teenager did in the morning.
By the time he had himself pepped up for school in his crisp white school shirt, his father went out of the house after him.
"Hey there!" His father shouted out from five meters away. "Aren't 'ya forgetting something?"
Yamamoto looked back, he wore a blank expression on his face and blinked. Did his father have some colossal revelation to make that could change the entire course of the future? Yamamoto was anxious, but intrigued at the same time. It's not everyday he forgets something. In the rare occasion he does, it was usually something incredibly important.
"Huh, what? What is it?" He asked.
His father shook his head and laughed a hearty laugh. "It's your birthday today!"
"Eh? Really?" Yamamoto tried to confirm this.
"I can't believe you'd forget!"
Yamamoto couldn't believe it either. Who in the world forgets his own birthday? His father wanted to say more but one of their neighbours started to complain from all the shouting. Yamamoto waved a hand and ran off.
This was the longest morning of the year. Yamamoto thought of this when he saw Tsuna walking down the same path.
"Mornin'!" He greeted Tsuna with the same wide smile he always wore.
"M-Mornin', Yamamoto-kun!" Tsuna straightened his back and grinned. Yamamoto took note of the new confidence Tsuna projected in his posture. It wasn't an overbearing kind of confidence but Yamamoto was certain that it was there, and in his own way, Tsuna had changed a little.
A year ago, it was easy for Yamamoto to kill himself. The small town he grew up in was no stranger to suicide. For some people, it was an excellent means to get out of trouble. When he recalled that day Tsuna saved him from killing himself, Yamamoto realized that perhaps he didn't like himself at all to begin with. He never told his family about his attempted suicide, they would find it uncharacteristic and disappointing, but most of all, Yamamoto was ashamed of it. He was ashamed of what little self worth he truly had.
A strange feeling grew inside his stomach. Was he sick? No, he wasn't. When the fact that he had turned sixteen set in, Yamamoto''s first thoughts were that of protecting that small light that he saw in the future Vongola boss.
He would've then gone and said: "Boy, are you a sight for sore eyes!" Like a typical carefree idiot, but wouldn't that be stupid? Who says that these days anyway?
"Yamamoto-kun?" Tsuna's voice stopped Yamamoto's long winding train of thought.
"Ah, sorry-- I didn't get enough sleep."
"I see." Tsuna stared at his shoes, a wistful look in his eyes. Tsuna gave the impression that he liked talking with Yamamoto like this, no matter how impersonal it appeared to some people. Tsuna started conversations like this, sparse exchange and a lot of quiet moments. Yamamoto appreciated it though, the sheer simplicity of it all was what he always preferred.
"You're early though." Yamamoto grinned.
Tsuna blushed. "Hahaha! Yeah. I think I should try a little harder, you know what I mean?" He started walking again, Yamamoto followed.
"I do." Yamamoto assured him. "It's great to put in effort into things, no matter how silly they seem to other people, it's better than putting no effort at all."
The cold air brushed against Tsuna's face. "You know, sometimes we're so wrapped up in our own world, it makes me wonder if anything I do has some sort of significance for everyone else in this planet. Do you feel like that sometimes, like-- you just stop doing your homework and ask yourself: What am I doing? Seriously? What the heck am I doing?"
"I try not to think too much because it causes a lot of strain." Yamamoto forced a smile. "It's like when you stare at the tv screen for too long."
Tsuna didn't say anything after that. They walked quietly together. During that period where he had monopolized Tsuna, Yamamoto was half expecting a familiar face to jump in. No one did though, not even Gokudera.
Yamamoto glanced at Tsuna, he didn't tell anyone when his birthday was so naturally he didn't expect Tsuna to know. It wasn't like he was going to jump into class handing out birthday party invitations anyway. He liked being treated ordinarily.
"I didn't expect you to say something so cold." Tsuna laughed as he buried his hands inside his pockets.
"Sorry, I didn't mean it that way."
For a moment there, Yamamoto was swept up in this amazing feeling of normalcy. If only his life could stay like this a little longer. Yamamoto had the nagging feeling that sooner or later, he'd leave this life behind for something extraordinary, something that had no place for quiet conversations or slow walks. He was already living a strange life, it was bound to get stranger.
"It's okay. By the way, I have something to give--" Tsuna zipped his school bag open and took out some kind of package, he was supposed to say more but he was cut off by one of Yamamoto's friends in the baseball team.
"Yamamoto!" He shouted Yamamoto's name as he ran. "Mornin'!"
Just like that, Tsuna stuffed back the package into his bag. Yamamoto didn't have the time to take a closer look.
"Man, did you watch the game last night?" His friend flailed his arms up and about, he was clearly disappointed. But not as disappointed as Yamamoto was when he decided to barge in just because he felt like it.
"No, my dad was watching the news." Yamamoto smiled apologetically.
"About the serial killer in Ueno?" Tsuna cut in. "The police arrested him yesterday, didn't they?"
"That's good, isn't it?" Yamamoto said.
"Well, as long as I don't live in Ueno it has nothing to do with me." Yamamoto's teammate replied nonchalantly.
Point taken. After all, what exactly did the killer in Ueno have to do with them anyway? Yamamoto found it scary, it was scary how easy it was to disconnect yourself if it was inconvenient.
When he entered the classroom, he spotted a bunch of cookies wrapped in a delicate looking plastic wrap, sealed by a ribbon right on top of his school desk. He walked to his chair and gazed at it like he was scrutinizing alien matter from another planet.
He looked around the classroom, but no one seemed to care. It must've been from an admirer from another class or grade. None of the girls in his class seemed to show any interest in him. Everyone was going out with each other and most of the good looking girls were dating older guys, some were even dating college students.
Yamamoto looked at the bag of cookies again. The card beside it said: "Happy Birthday Yamamoto-senpai."
It was an underclassman indeed.
Maybe she's cute. He thought to himself. Ever since he became one of Tsuna's guardians, Yamamoto nearly forgot about dating girls.This girl wouldn't be so bad I guess. How'd she find out it was my birthday though?
The quizzical look Yamamoto wore didn't escape the eyes of the guy who sat behind him, "Geez, did you really think no one would find out about your birthday? Even iI/i know you were born on April 24."
"Huh?" Yamamoto was startled.
"Listen, people these days have a million ways to get information. From the internet, from your phone, from my ass. Everyone can get everything they want in a push of a button. No point in keeping any secrets. If it's any consolation, the girl who made those cookies is damn cute."
"She is?" The other boy's eyes widened.
"I think her name was Aya or was it Karin?"
"It was Karin!" Someone shouted from afar. "Karin from the classroom next door!"
"I hope you don't mind me asking but, why are you telling me this?"
The boy shrugged."I don't know. You look like you need a girlfriend that's all. It's kind of an anomaly if a popular guy like yourself isn't hanging out with a cute girl during break or after class. It just makes no sense."
"Or maybe I'm not just the kind of guy to take a young girl's virginity." Yamamoto said jokingly.
"So you don't mind taking the scraps off the floor?"
"That's a bad way to put things." The baseball player took his seat and opened the plastic wrap. "Want a cookie?" He offered the guy behind him.
"I feel like I've heard that line before." His classmate picked out a cookie and chomped on it. "Hey, wasn't there a time you tried to kill yourself? Were you serious back then, were you really?"
Yamamoto froze. "Yeah I was."
"Bummer. Even popular guys can kill themselves that easily huh?"
A few minutes later, class started and Yamamoto began to write down his lined notebook. As he wrote down a quote from a book by Osamu Dazai, Tsuna's words echoed in his head.
You know, sometimes we're so wrapped up in our own world, it makes me wonder if anything I do has some sort of significance for everyone else in this planet. Do you feel like that sometimes, like-- you just stop doing your homework and ask yourself: What am I doing? Seriously? What the heck am I doing?
After turning 16, Yamamoto just had to ask.
What was he doing?
Tsuna handed him something wrapped in brown paper. "Happy Birthday."
Ah, so he knows too. Guess keeping secrets really is pointless. Yamamoto's deadpan face lasted for about five seconds before saying a short thank you. They were on their way back home but were waiting for Gokudera.
"I heard he has a bad case of diarrhea." Tsuna stiffled a laugh as he gazed at the number of students who began to leave the school premises one by one. He looked back at Yamamoto who began to open the package he handed him a few seconds ago. "Hey! Don't open it yet!"
"Ah, it's a Cross Game DVD."
"You-- You don't watch it, do you?"
"Nope not at all."
Tsuna hung his head and sighed. "You're not the kind of guy who reads anything by Mitsuru Adachi, huh?"
"It's not that I don't like him. I mean, he draws about baseball after all." Yamamoto rested his hand on Tsuna's head. Tsuna who seemed to small and carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. "I'll watch it though. It's your gift after all."
"Well, it's from Gokudera-kun and I, to be more specific. Gokudera-kun said you'd be happier if I gave it to you instead of him."
A jolt ran from his head to his fingertips. Yeah, that would make more sense. Being 16 was crummier than I thought. I didn't expect to be disappointed this much. I wonder if I'll look back on this very day and just laugh. But then, I'd probably be only laughing at myself.
Not that Yamamoto didn't want Gokudera to give him a Cross Game DVD, heck, throw in H2 and Touch-- Yamamoto wouldn't mind. He just wanted to be a little selfish.
"I think I like you Tsuna." He mumbled. He just went there and jumped into a metaphorical whirlpool. The kind you can't get out of easily.
Tsuna smiled. "I like you too Yamamoto-kun. Back then, I didn't have any friends-- but I always looked up to you. You're really cool and everyone likes you, so..."
"Hahaha! You think I'm cool?"
"Doesn't everyone?"
"I don't know about that. To be quite honest, I happen to think I have a bad personality. A pretty awful one. I'm just good at hiding it."
Tsuna bit his bottom lip. "This is the second time today that you said something so cold."
There was sadness in that voice and guilt crept up into Yamamoto's subconsciousness.
Just like everyone who jumped into metaphorical whirlpools, Yamamoto left a piece of him inside that whirlpool. He'd turn 25 and never get it back.
The next day, Yamamoto looks for Karin.
I might as well live as a 16 year old as much as I can. He thought to himself.