Running Away

By Kaen

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I don't want you to give it all up and leave your own life collecting dust…

And I don't want you to feel sorry for me.

You never gave us a chance to be.

Lady Yui, please take care of yourself because I won't be able to protect you any longer. And please don't pity me. And whatever happens, never let me be the cause of your tears. I never wanted to hurt you in any way- I love you too much to ever allow myself to be the cause of your pain. But I can't help but wonder if you'll miss me? I had always tried to be there for you and the thought of never seeing you again is a sorrow beyond telling. I know you're strong, though, and also that you had never loved me. You never wanted me, but you had accepted me and I'll love you forever for that.

And I don't need you to be by my side

Or tell me that everything's all right.

Just why don't you tell me the truth?

You know I'd do that for you…

You had saved my, Lady Yui. When I thought I'd lost my brother, I'd also lost my purpose in life. I knew I'd lost the only person in this world who'd cared for me. I was truly alone for the first time in my life and I was lost. It was then that I had wanted to die more than anything else I'd ever wanted and it seemed so simple to end it all. Besides, who would have missed me? I'm sorry I snapped at you then, Lady Yui. I was scared of your strange display of kindness; benevolence was something that had long since been dismissed as ever being a possibility in my meaningless life. Meaningless life, yes. Before you, I felt -no, knew- that my life had been hollow and a burden on everyone. I was always so weak and my poor had Aniki suffered for me, doing both the chores I could not accomplish and by leaving me to search for a better life for us. And I repaid him by denying that I even had a brother. Am I really this cruel, Lady Yui? Is this why you always pushed me away? Maybe you even hated me? Tell me, please, and maybe then I'll be able to rest eternally in peace. You know I'd do anything for you, no matter how high the consequences or how hard the words came.  I'd do anything for you, even with the knowledge that you hated me…

So why are you running away?

Why are you running away?

Maybe I have no right to question this, but why do you hide from your fears? I know it's painful, but all I wanted to do was help ease the pain and yet you wouldn't let me. Had you truly suffered too much to remember how to love? And do you remember how to forgive? If you do, please forgive me for I have failed you…

'Cause I did enough to show you that I was willing to give and sacrifice

And I was the one who was lifting you up when you thought your life had had enough.

But when I get close, you turn away.

There's nothing that I can do or say.

So, now I need you to tell me the truth.

You know I'd do that for you…

I gave up everything to be with you. I had a chance to be truly happy with my brother and have the life that was stolen from him and me when we were just nine years old. I could have lived peacefully with a normal life and loving family, but I turned away from it. It was my love for you that I couldn't forget. I lost my brother that night. It was truly the last time I'd ever see him or feel his love for me and I can still recall the hot tears that streamed down my face as I watched him be tended for and taken inside. I had wanted to go after him so desperately; to tell him thank you and that I loved him, but it was too late. He had forgotten me. Bidding my big brother one last silent and mournful farewell, I took my place as your seishi. I then lived for you, and only for you. I had tried so hard to help you fight the pain, but you wouldn't have it. You refused my love and it was almost as if you wanted to be lonely and feel unloved. Had Nakago poisoned your mind into thinking such things were good, Lady Yui? I had tried to warn you, but I suppose it's too late now. It's too late for me to do anything but lie here and call out to you with my tears. Lady Yui, there's nothing left anymore. No Konan, no Kutou, Suzaku or Seiryuu; only you and the only other person who had cared about me.

So why are you running away? Why are you running away?

Is it me? Is it you?

Nothing that I can do to make you change you mind.

Is it me? Is it you? Nothing that I do…

(to make you admit you're afraid)

Is it a waste of time?

Is it me? Is it you? Nothing that I do to make you change you mind…

I hope you will find the strength to mend your shattered heart, Lady Yui. I hope those faint scars on your wrists will fade and vanish entirely and that you'll never feel so desperate ever again. Even now, I am drifting- there is so much pain, and I can't help but be afraid. Were you afraid, too? Were you so stubborn because you were afraid that you had been abandoned? Was there nothing that could bring that fault to light, so you suffered alone in the darkness? You were and still are loved, Lady Yui, but I think that soon it will be by one less person. Even the Priestess of Suzaku never abandoned you. You don't know what it means to be completely alone, and I hope that you'll never learn. I hope that you'll never have to suffer what I have had to in my short life. I have so many hopes and prayers for you, Lady Yui, but I'll have to ask for your forgiveness again. It seems that I won't be able to tell you my wishes for you. I can feel my own blood flowing rampantly away from me and yet, it's almost calming. Was death the answer all along? Did I want to die? No, as long as I had lived for you, death was never an option. Lady Yui, if I could continue this life, I would have told you this one last time: I live only for your sake and I love you. I always will.

So why are you running away? Why are you running away?

Lady Yui… Aniki… Good Bye…

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Well… *bawls eyes out* I can't believe I just wrote that! How incredibly depressing… I'm sorry if that was too disappointing for anyone. It was really just a spur of the moment fic idea that came to mind while listening to a song on a CD, so it wasn't planned very well. The lyrics just reminded me so much of Suboshi and Yui that I couldn't help but write just a little something to share with everyone. Thank you so much for reading and please review! I really am just exploring different types of writing styles and this one happened to be a fair bit more depressing than others. I'm entirely new to most of this (especially humor, as in "I've Been Waiting For You…") and believe me, the more reviews I get the more I'm encouraged to write and get out more chapters and fics (good old-fashioned bribery, ne?). Thanks again and please review!

-Kaen ^^ (Or after writing this fic, T-T)

Song Rights: Hoobastank "Running Away" (Go buy this CD! It's awesome!)