Dean-
Tossing, turning, fumbling.. I could never get a break when I slept. First, it was dreaming about hell, now purgatory. Well, at least I could say that my life wasn't a boring one.
I woke up with a half-gasp, feeling eyes glare at me like they were trying to see into my soul. But… of course, it was only Cass.
I rolled my eyes, trying to seem nonchalant about being scared half to death woken up when he cocked a brow at me.
It was hard to push the thoughts of purgatory away, especially with seeing Cass, but I managed to store my feelings deep in the pit of nothingness that filled me.
Castiel was flicking through the television, apparently examining porn, once again. This time, though, his head was cocked to the side, and he spoke his thoughts aloud to me, "I don't quite understand.. How the hell do people find this such act attractive- especially with a man and a woman?" I was caught off guard there… Did I imagine the last part?
I scratched my head as he looked back at me for an answer, but I rubbed my eyes, laughing, "Uh, dude… I told you not to watch that shit with other men in the room," I gave a snort, but stayed smiling. "I don't know man.. I guess you just don't like that."
He huffed, walking over to the window inside of the small hotel room Sam and I was staying in. He pressed his palm to the glass, looking out. "I do not understand why I do not enjoy things humans do. Even Gabriel appreciated a fine female.. I'm sure Michael did when he was around, too, " His nose wrinkled, something I found… God, I couldn't think it. No, stop it, Dean… "If they can enjoy things that humans can, why can't I?"
I rubbed the back of my neck, swallowing hard. I already knew the answer, "Cass… You just don't enjoy girls. You don't hate everything else.. just girls. Woman are a big part of the world, yes, but there is more," I looked at the ground, trying to force the words out. "You're just.. you're gay, Castiel."
Castiel cleared his throat, lost in thought. But, nevertheless, his eyes met mine and he narrowed them. "Gay? Like.. happy, like?" He stuffed his hands into his trench coat pockets, biting onto his tongue. "Or homosexual gay? Like.. what we did in purgatory?" His voice shattered the room like a hammer against ice.
I refused to look at him. No, I wouldn't. I ran a hand through my hair, trying not to think of the time in purgatory spent with Cass.. what I thought I was doing out of desperation—out of need, I actually found… pleasurable.
I chewed on my inner cheek, shutting my eyes. "Yes, Castiel—like what we did in purgatory."
At that, he walked over to me, putting a hand on my shoulder, "Dean, there is no need to feel embarrassment. I do not understand why you will not look me in the eyes.." He inhaled sharply, "What we did was normal-"
I cut him off, "Stop, Cass, not here," I turned to Sam's figure curled up in a ball on his bed, wincing and making soft noises every now and then, probably dreaming of bad memories or maybe just what the good life could have been like. "wouldn't wanna wake Sammy." I grabbed my keys from the dresser and headed out the door, walking to the impala.
In a few minutes, we settled into the car, driving along the eerie night. Throughout the whole ride, I ignored Castiel's glares and comments. But, when all of the sudden the car was being jerked into the woods, then abruptly came to a stop, I groaned aloud. "Dammit, Cass! What the hell?"
His eyes flared as he looked at me. "I will not be ignored, Dean. You cannot stop what you feel by simply ignoring it. Face me. Look at me. See me." His voice sounded desperate, but it was strong.
He then put his hand to my chest, causing my eyes to meet his. "Tell me how you feel, Dean. I cannot understand what I am feeling if you do not. I can feel your heart beat fast, your blood pump abnormally around me—you want more. You want me, don't you?" His voice began to come out faster, eager to get to the punch line.
I jerked his hand away, stepping out of the Impala. "Why the hell do you need to ask me then, huh, Cass? Why don't you just use that stupid magic angel shit to figure the rest out!" I kicked the dirt, gripping the back seat door of Baby.
He got out, "Admit it, Dean! Admit you want it, too. You liked it. You cannot stop re-playing every second we spent doing—" I ran to him, pressing him against the passenger door of my car.
"Shut the fuck up, Cass!" My face was close to his, my diaphragm moving in and out abnormally quick. I breathed heavy, looking into his gorgeous teal eyes.
He looked me up and down, as far as he could down, and drew a pattern along my jaw with his thumb, "What we did in purgatory was natural, Dean. It was normal. There is nothing wrong with what happened.." His cool breath hit my neck and I shuddered, swallowing back tears.
He began to kiss along my jaw, making sure to get every piece of skin there. His lips then found mine, moving in their familiar rhythm that seemed always just as good as the last time, fitting my lips perfectly.
A small moan escaped from my lips and then I couldn't help myself. My hands went to his waist and I pull him closer to me, clutching his sides. "Cass, w-wee shouldn't do this.." I struggled to get the words out.
He chuckled, raising a brow. His lips trailed down to my neck, lightly brushing the skin with his feather light lips. He was truly an angel… "Yet, you grope me. Such a strange way to convince me to stop." He smirked—and by God, it was a sexy smirk. He bucked his hips onto me, allowing me to fall forward more against him, leaning him back onto the car at a perfect angle. His lips began to move on mine hard and slow, his hot tongue sweeping my lip's entrance, daring to go explore.
I groaned against his mouth, turning my head slightly to the side, his lips falling down to my jugular. "Cass," I breathed hard, "We can't do this.. what we did in purgatory….."
"Is the same thing we're doing now," He finished my sentence. His lips curved around my Adam's apple. "It's normal, it's right, it's so natural. There is nothing more pure than the act of love." His voice purred onto my skin, coming out like sweet honey.
I bit back a groan as he sucked on the skin there, leaving tiny bruises that would no doubt be noticeable for days, "It's different now that we're not there. It isn't the same Cass." I yanked him gently by the shoulders, "For an angel who used to watch Earth you really don't understand how everything works down here." I retorted a bit too harshly.
He growled, causing me to wince. He looked me dead in the eyes, speaking sternly. "I am not an idiot as you think I am to be, sometimes. Just because I do not speak modernly and understand the same type of logic you do well, does not mean I cannot nor will not do what I feel in my heart. I do not care what most humans here think to be socially acceptable- this is not just lust, Dean. This is more. And, to be quite forward, I do not care what anyone thinks of me wanting you. Let them humor themselves."
He leaned in, his hand on my neck. He bit my bottom lip, pulling it back some. I moaned throatily. "Do you feel as if this is wrong, Dean?" He dared me.
"Cass, I never called you an Idiot; I wouldn't. You say you're following your heart? Well, everyone who ever decides to love me ends up hurt or dead." I pushed away from him, looking at the deep topography of the woods.
"How many times have you seen it?" I asked, "Being with me isn't good for anyone unless you have a death wish."
His fingers reached for my wrist, curling around them. "You think too much, Dean. You are not getting that everyone feels pain, everyone gets hurt, and everyone loses. What you do not see is that I would do anything for you. I'd go through hell for you—literally." He pulled me to him.
I couldn't resist, then. "Let me show you how right this is." His voice lowered as he nibbled on my ear, grabbing me by the waist. He wrapped his arms around me, trench coat brushing against my torso.
He turned us with angel speed, opening the back seat of the Impala and throwing me in lightly. He slowly peeled off his trench coat, his eyes never leaving mine. When it dropped to the ground, he crawled inside of the car, his body on top of mine, shutting it.
When his warm body pressed against mine, I allowed my eyes to shut. He tore off my t-shirt with one hand, splitting it down the middle. I groaned, arching my back as his fingers traveled downward. Lord Jesus, this was heaven. No pun intended.
I grabbed the white collared shirt, yanking him by the tie to me, his warm lips dominating mine—something that I found could never get old. They moved fiercely, hunger filling the kiss as his tongue curled around the walls of my mouth, rubbing against mine.
As his shirt was off, his pants went next, sliding off of him easily. My fingers traced every curve of his chest while he undressed me, admiring my v-line. His fingers slid lower, cupping the growing hardness underneath my boxers. He stroked, gripping me with a tight hold, his movements carrying speed. When my boxers were off, his mouth took an expedition to my lower body, kissing every inch of me with patience, care, but even a bit of force.
His tongue snaked out, slithering around the tip of my member before sliding down, leaving me to arch up against his mouth.
He lifted my hips, rubbing the curve beneath them as his lips settled around my entrance. His tongue plunged in, fingers following it. When he loosened me up, it drove me over the edge. No matter how many times we had this act, it always seemed necessary; I never grew any looser. And he loved it.
His fingers pumped inside of me, dragging along the walls of my interior. When he felt satisfied that he was done, I made a grunt, moving my hips circularly as he pulled away. He slid up me, kissing me once again, I tasted the salty flavor of his tongue from me, gripping his ass to move him upward.
He didn't give me a warning, then. He slid inside of me rough, my whole body jerking with surprise. He rubbed my sides as my fingers clawed his back, little red lines no doubt staining his skin. He moved with incredible speed—a blur on top of me. It came as no shock to me that he did it, but the feeling of him doing it was defiantly a shock, no matter how many times it happened.
My fingers worked their way around his entrance, slowly gliding in as he did me. I moved my finger in and out, making a steady pattern. He continued to advance inside of me, hitting my sweet spot each time.
In a matter of time, my stomach clenched and I curled my fingers inside of him, come shooting out onto his hips. As he listened to the cry of my release, he shortly after went into orgasm, jabbing his manhood into my prostate once more, come flooding the insides of my hole.
We both made a noise of contentment, clinging to each other. He never slid out; he just stayed in, feeling the warmth of me. His fingers trailed down my neck, and I panted, my eyes shut tight and my heart filled with something I'd never felt before in my life. I only said one thing, but it was enough to start our future. I nodded, whispering, "This is the most natural thing in the world.." before falling asleep in his arms—something that was going to be happening quite more often than just this time.