Her breathing was hard. Her skin was cold and hot at the same time, a thin layer a sweat covering her forehead. She was propped up on her elbows and her eyes wide open as she tried to quickly come back to reality.
Another nightmare.
Well, another dream about everything she could have and probably should have done. They were always the same. She would be standing, sitting or lying there watching her leave. It was so real. The only thing these dreams gave her was the realization that she was being left because when the event had actually occurred she was too wrapped up to notice.
Tonight was one she had before. They were at a carnival, like the one back home and they were getting ready to leave. The lights were being shut off on the rides and the crowd was thinning out. She had turned her head for a moment to watch the cotton candy tent close shop but it was long enough for them to be so far apart. When she looked back Santana was standing a good fifteen feet away from her and her eyes were so sad. She was saying something but like a lot of the other times, Brittany couldn't hear her but she knew what she was saying.
Brittany shook her head, trying to rid her mind of the images from the dream she had just woken up from. She laid her head back onto the pillow and sighed. Her eyes turned and fell to the pillow beside hers, the one that had not been used for months now. She turned on her side and pulled the pillow close to her face and took a deep breath in, it still smelled like her. It was faint, but it was still there, the smell of Santana.
She closed her eyes and tried to bring the memory of her smile back, but it was so hard. It shouldn't be, but it was. Brittany hated the fact that she couldn't remember it and it made her understand how long she had not been paying attention. She huffed and turned onto her back to stare at the ceiling for a few seconds before getting out of bed and heading to the kitchen.
"I got the job." Brittany yells through the kitchen tossing the phone onto the counter. Santana comes running out of the bedroom, her shirt not even buttoned all the way but she had forgotten about it when she heard Brittany's news.
"Oh my god!" Santana shouts, equally excited as the blonde. She tosses her body into Brittany's arms and places small kisses all over her face and wraps her legs around her waist. "Baby I'm so proud of you." She announces loudly as though they had a party of people present, but it was only them.
"This is going to be amazing San." Brittany muses setting the smaller girl back onto her feet, smiling into a kiss she places to the corner of Santana's mouth.
"You're amazing." Santana beams loosely snaking her arms around Brittany's neck. Brittany blushes and dips her head never really being one for compliments. "I really am so proud of you." Santana repeats lowering her head to catch Brittany's eyes once again. "I knew you could do it."
That night they went out and celebrated. Santana took Brittany out to the nicest restaurant in town that she could think of. But of course when the bill came Brittany took care of it declaring herself Santana's 'sugar mama' now since her new job was going to be paying her handsomely.
Brittany pulled up to a red light when she realized the silence that filled the car. It had become a constant these days, these months, this almost year that when she got into the car the radio would be turned off and no CD or her iPod in. Music was her life, had been their life what had brought them together but now it only reminded her how wrong she had been. Now the music that brought her life and happiness only brought her heartache and pain.
She glanced to her right and saw the studio that started everything. The class inside was a class she had once taught, one that she had once been a student in, one that she had once dreamed of being able to even watch. Brittany worked at the studio for a few months before some big wigs for a company stopped in and wanted, no, needed her to join them. They worked with everyone from ballets, to plays and television and movies. Brittany had been recruited for super stars, musicians and crazy world tours. It was a dream of hers. It was one dream of hers.
Her eyes remained forward as she passed the park that used to make her smile but now made her want to cry. She didn't want to see it, didn't want to acknowledge it because she already knew how horrible she had been, she didn't need any reminders. Not today.
"Hey babe, I'm not gonna make it home till late." Brittany tells her over the phone. She can't see it but Santana frowns looking down at her hand that is smoothing out the fabric of the dress she had bought that day. "Can we do it another day, it's just getting crazy here and Bobby isn't close to getting any of the steps." She explains taking a sip of water. Santana sucks in her sadness and stands up from the couch and nods.
"Yeah, okay." She answers. She doesn't want to add anything else because she doesn't want to give away that she is really upset. It wouldn't be fair to Brittany, she has worked so hard to get where she is and she doesn't want to take away from that. "Another day. I'll see you later."
"Oh great." Brittany sighs with relief and Santana can't help but giggle into the receiver. "I'll see you later then." Santana doesn't even get the chance to reply, she hears the click within seconds of Brittany's last words.
Santana places her phone on the counter and walks slowly into their bedroom. She stands in front of the mirror and looks at herself in the little black dress. Her makeup is flawless as always when they were going out. She kicks her shoes off into her closet and walks into their bathroom, makeup removing products in her hand and sets up shop in front of the mirror.
Brittany doesn't get home until 3:30am and finds Santana sleeping on the couch holding tightly onto the remote control. The blonde grins and walks over sitting on the back of the sofa and reaches for the remote to turn off the television. She smiles down at the sleeping girl and brushes some hair away from her face which causes her to shift.
"Hmm?" Santana mumbles out something incoherent and gets a giggle from the blonde.
"Hey." Brittany whispers leaning down to get into Santana's sleepy vision. A small smile appears and she says 'hey' back. "Come on, let's get you into bed."
She gets Santana into the bedroom and then she starts to prepare herself to get to bed. When she slips under the covers she notices how Santana stays on her side of the bed. Normally when they are in bed, regardless of the situation, Santana always curls into the blonde's body. Brittany just shrugs it off though, figuring her girlfriend is really exhausted.
When she responded to the invitation she said she wouldn't be able to make it. Deep down it sucked, she wanted to go but she couldn't bring herself to go, get pretty and put on a happy smile that would be for the most part fake. But for some reason or another she found herself driving to the church anyway. She pulled up to the curb across the street and slightly off to the side.
She watched from inside the car as the wedding party and other guests exited the church doors all smiles and happiness. The groomsmen were stacked on the stairs to one side and the brides maids on the other. At the bottom of the steps she could pick out a few people she knew and a lot that she didn't.
Everyone's attention turned to the doors as they opened for a final time and she found herself smiling a little bit. He did look so handsome in his tuxedo. He looked older she thought, so much like a man. She wished she could be there, standing at the bottom of the steps blowing bubbles at the happy new couple. Waiting for Finn to spot her in the rest of the crowd so she could tell him how lucky he was and how much luck she wished him in their future together. But everything about saying those things to someone else felt like a lie. She wanted those things and the reasons why she doesn't have them are all her fault.
She sees them before she pulls away. They are standing off to the side, a little bit away from the rest of the group smiling and laughing with one another. She doesn't know her name and she's pretty sure she's never met her but she knows she hates her. Santana is grinning that grin she used to with Brittany, but now she's grinning like that to her. Quinn told Brittany about her two months ago but that it had been longer that they had been together she just didn't know how to tell her.
Santana and Brittany are out to dinner with Quinn and Rachel. They had just left Kurt's fashion show and were celebrating for him since he had to fly to Milan this evening. Quinn and Rachel were discussing their plans for a summer wedding and Quinn beams as she tells the girls about the dress she has her eyes on. Brittany doesn't notice how excited Santana gets at the prospect of their friend's wedding, she had been glancing down at her phone every few seconds trying to set up a meeting with a producer for a music video she was supposed to be getting creative control of.
She doesn't see how Santana gushes over Rachel's ring and how Quinn nudges Santana about getting married themselves. She excuses herself when her phone rings, incoming call, and heads outside to take it.
"So when do you think you two are finally going to do it?" Quinn asks again once Brittany is away from the table. Santana looks to the spot Brittany has just vanished from and bites down on her lower lip, her eyes looking down at her empty plate.
"I don't think that's in our near future just yet Q." Santana replies trying to lean back in her chair comfortably, but her hesitation does not go unnoticed. But, before she can get the third degree and twenty questions from either of her friends she continues. "B's just really busy and she is so focused on work right now. I'm okay with waiting." She shrugs and takes a sip from her wine glass and splashes on a huge smile when the blonde returns in a huff and starts complaining about work.
It was 4:12am and Brittany was spending yet another early morning/late night in front of the television with a bottle of wine and infomercials. She wasn't really watching, but every now and again would mumble something about 'I need that' when something was being offered.
Her eyes would move their focus from the screen and to the mantle just above their not working fireplace and stare at the pictures placed upon it. They were so happy then, in those pictures. Carefree, in love and honest. She couldn't help but wonder where the blonde in those photos had vanished to.
Taking another sip of her wine her mind wandered. What if she had done things differently? What if she said 'I love you' more or came home when she was supposed to? What if she put Santana first instead of after everything else?
It was another late night at the studio then at the office. She didn't mean for it to be an all night affair, but sometimes she gets so wrapped up in everything going on. It was earlier than most of the nights that week, but it was still rather late. She came home to find the table set for two, the food still out though it did not look edible any longer and the candles had melted the wax onto the table top. The only thing used was the wine glass proven by the empty bottle of wine settled next to it.
She scanned the room expecting a belligerent Latina sitting on the couch or in a dark corner ready to give her a piece of her mind. But when she didn't find her she figured her best bet was to check the bedroom.
Walking in she saw flower petals on the floor leading to the bed and candles set up around the room, some flamed out some still going faintly lighting up the room.
Santana was passed out on top of the comforter in a red dress and her heels still on. Brittany's eyebrows furrowed and she looked around the room once again and then it hit her, it was their anniversary. She opened her mouth to speak but she couldn't piece together what to say.
Instead, she went to the bathroom and got ready for bed.
Brittany sat in the middle of their bed a shoe box in front of her. She reached in and pulled out one piece of paper, one by one and read each one to herself. She had kept every single note, letter and tiny piece of paper Santana had ever written on to her. Some were from middle school others from high school and she had so many from in between and after.
"Where were you?" Brittany asks as soon as the door to their apartment opens and Santana struts in. "I've been waiting for you for like, an hour and a half." She exclaims standing up from the couch.
"Now you know how I feel." Santana says under her breath closing the door behind her and placing her jacket on the hook on the closet door.
"What was that?" Brittany quirks an eyebrow and crosses her arms over her chest. Santana sighs and turns her attention from her jacket and back to her girlfriend.
"Nothing B." She smiles and shakes her head. "Just a long day at work I should have called. I'm sorry." She walks over holding out her arms for the blonde to come to her. Brittany smirks and nods.
"Yeah, you should have." Brittany agrees slowly moving towards Santana and let's herself become engulfed by the Latina's arms.
"Babe?" Santana mumbles into her girlfriend's neck. "Sometimes I'm waiting forever for you too. And you never call or when you do it's already so late and it's to tell me you're going to be later." She can feel Brittany stiffen in her arms. Santana's voice was tentative, she wasn't sure how things would go when she finally spoke her mind about the blonde always doing this to her.
"Oh." Brittany lets out, apparently she hadn't realized what she had been doing.
"And I mean, I know you're working hard and you love your job so much but, sometimes when you don't call or come home at four in the morning it feels like you'd rather be there than here with me." She whispers into Brittany's ears afraid of how her words are going to be taken. Brittany quickly pulls back and takes Santana's face in her hands.
"Baby, don't ever think that for one second. I love you more than I love anything." Brittany tells her, holding her gaze to make sure the smaller girl understands her. "And I'm sorry for that… this shit that I, I had no idea I was doing." She shakes her head at what had just been brought to her attention. "Waiting around sucks." Santana nods letting out a relieved chuckle.
"Yeah, it does." She agrees.
Santana wanted to believe her girlfriend when she told her she was going to try and change her ways. Call sooner if she was going to be running late and more importantly try and not be late. She wanted to believe her when she told her she was so much more important than anything else in her life. But it was a short lived list of promises.
In fact, nothing changed and if anything they only seemed to get worse. But that was probably due to the fact that now Brittany knew exactly what she was doing and Santana couldn't help but feel like she was being taken advantage of because she had put up with it for so long.
Brittany pulled up to the small house. It was cute and something she could have seen herself in when she was settled down. She tore her eyes from the home as she remembered her thoughts on her future and how far away it has slipped from her grasp. Nothing had gone as she had expected it to, or wanted it to for that matter.
There were a bunch of cars parked along the street and filled the small driveway. She tried to smile at the fact that Quinn and Rachel had finally bought a home of their own getting out of that small apartment in the city.
She reached over to the passenger side and picked up the bottle of wine she had brought for the occasion, suddenly wishing she had picked up that bottle of tequila she had spotted at the store. Right across from where she parked she saw that Santana's car was right in front of the house. She knew that girl was going to be there on Santana's arm, smiling at her and laughing at her jokes and probably getting everyone to fall in love with her.
But, regardless of those feelings of wanting to turn on the ignition and get the hell out of the situation she sucked down a deep breath and got out of the car. The front lawn was immaculate and there was a small garden of flowers just below the bay window. She smiled to herself remembering how badly Quinn wanted a garden of her own.
Brittany was greeted by both homeowners before she could even knock on the door or ring the bell. They pulled her in to a hug and thanked her for coming to which Brittany replied 'thanks for inviting me'. She had actually been truly surprised at the invite she figured that she lost the two girls in the custody battle of friends after her break-up with Santana. But they had been true to their words of remaining neutral through everything.
When she walked inside she nervously let her eyes scan the living room where most of the guests were hanging around in. She wasn't sure if she wanted to see her or if she was hoping to see her and go off in the other direction and remain distanced the whole time.
"She's not angry with you." Rachel whispered into her ear as Quinn walked into the kitchen with the bottle of wine she had brought. Brittany whipped her head around to Rachel, trying to get away with the 'I don't know what you're talking about' face but it faltered. "She was for a while, but she's not anymore." She explained to the blonde who could only nod.
Brittany expected Santana to carry a hate for her forever actually so hearing she no longer held ill feelings towards her felt a little better. But only a little, because the thought of her no longer being angry kind of hurt a little more than it should because if she were no longer mad then she no longer cared.
The party went on and Brittany found herself every now and again in the company of old and new friends talking about what was going on in their lives. But even though her focus was on the conversation at hand, her eyes were wandering around searching for the raven haired girl whose heart she broke, breaking her own in the process.
Santana was sitting on the couch with the lighter haired girl holding onto her hand loosely but comfortably as she spoke animatedly to one of Quinn's co-workers. The girl attached to her looked on caringly and smiled as Santana spoke. Brittany couldn't help the memories flooding through her brain of how that used to be her role. When they were younger it was always Brittany sitting along Santana, holding her pinky eventually her hand while the Latina shared stories with others. She was the doting girlfriend, the one who was on Santana's arm and the one who was not the center of attention. It was so much easier then.
It wasn't until after college when she had begun working with the studio that their roles reversed only so dramatically different. Not only had Santana become a supporting character she had seemingly been reduced to just arm candy from time to time. Brittany had been wondering this past year how it had come down to that. How she had let her ego and drive to become so immersed within the field of dance that she had managed to push and alienate the only person who had ever meant anything to her.
The second to last show of their dance group had gone off without a hitch. Brittany is so proud of everything she has accomplished so far since becoming the head director of the group as well as its star. She was going off the wall inside and could not wait to go out and celebrate another sold out performance.
Heading out to the corridor of the building she checks her phone for a text from Santana who usually texts her where she is waiting. Brittany always finds it funny that she texts her after performances because she is always standing in the same spot. But her eyebrows furrow at the sight of an empty mail box but is quick to shrug it off and just make her way towards the double doors at the end of the opposite hallway where her girlfriend is usually waiting with flowers.
When she gets there she is not greeted by an excited and an overly proud Santana, in fact, she isn't greeted at all. She stops right before the double doors and looks around the area perhaps Santana has wandered off to the side and is on the phone with work or Quinn or Rachel or maybe she is in the bathroom. As Brittany makes her way to the bathroom she knows how it is going to turn up, empty. But she checks it out anyway.
Normally the taxi ride home is anything but silent, but here she is, phone in hand pressing ignore to all of the nonstop texts and phone calls from her co-workers. She nervously chewed on her lower lip as their apartment building came in to view and she even asked the driver to stop a block away hoping that the short walk in the cool breeze would relax her of her worries. Santana hadn't answered any of her calls or texts and she couldn't help the things racing through her mind.
The apartment is dark. The only sound is the ticking of the clock that hangs in their kitchen above the stove. She places her jacket on the hook and her bag beside the door and can feel something is off but cannot put her finger on it. She doesn't call out Santana's name, it's only 7:30pm and she knows the other girl is not sleeping.
There is no food on the kitchen table or champagne or wine to celebrate and she has a feeling this night is the opposite of a celebration. But as she begins her journey to their bedroom she turns back to the kitchen spotting something on the table. A piece of paper with a pen lying beside it.
It is a piece of loose leaf paper and considering her name is at the top of it she assumes Santana had planned on writing her a note or a letter. But it was empty, only two things written on the page.
Brittany,
-S
Santana signed off at the bottom of the page leaving the rest of it completely blank.
Brittany let the paper fall from her fingers and she ran to the bedroom. Santana's side of the closet is empty, her shoes gone and her draws were bare as well. On the nightstand on Santana's side of the bed lay the charm bracelet that Brittany had given her so many years ago. That is the only thing she left in their apartment.
It had been a long year and a half but somehow Brittany managed to survive, barely. After she had quit the studio she had gone on so many interviews for different types of job but nothing ever really made her feel better. She wanted something that was hers and to do something she loved. Quinn had tried to get her a job at her firm but Brittany had shot down the idea because she was not about to sit at a desk all day, plus she had no legal experience.
Rachel took her out to lunch one day and they spoke of their future. She admitted that she and Quinn were thinking of adopting and or having their own child and Brittany smiled at her friends plans. Deep down she was jealous because she had always thought she and Santana would be the ones telling them about kids first.
They sat in silence while they ate for a few minutes until finally Rachel spoke up hesitantly.
"I have something to tell you." She slowly began placing her fork beside her salad bowl. Brittany smiled and looked up from her food only to swallow hard at the seriousness in her friends face. "Quinn said I should wait to tell you but I think it's better you know now than later."
"Okay, why?" Brittany asked nervously not even sure of what information the brunette was about to dispense upon her.
"Because then maybe you can do something about it." Rachel quietly explained to her averting her eyes momentarily, she knew Quinn would yell at her for even suggesting such a thing.
"Do something about what?" Brittany tilted her head to the side and took a sip of water.
"Santana's engaged." She quickly stated and Brittany did all she could to not spit her drink across the table. She swallowed and nodded and gently placed her glass back down.
"That's wonderful." Brittany replied, her forced smile did not go unnoticed by either of them and her cracky voice was even more obvious. "It's good to hear she's so happy." In honesty it was not all that good to hear. True, Brittany did not wish anything bad upon Santana, but the thought of her being happy with another woman, another person just shattered her heart.
"Is it?" Rachel countered finally beginning to eat once again eyeing her friend suspiciously. Brittany nodded letting her eyes fall down to her own food.
"Yes, of course it is. Santana deserves to be happy." Brittany mused as she played with her food suddenly no longer hungry.
"I lied." Rachel admitted quietly. She said it into her food hoping that perhaps the blonde didn't hear her and the fact that she had let it out and lift the weight off of her shoulders that saying it out loud would make her feel better. But from her peripheral vision she saw Brittany's head shoot up.
"What?" Brittany asked curiously. Rachel cleared her throat putting her utensil down once again and placed her hands in her lap.
"I lied to you Brittany." She said a little bit louder, her eyes not able to meet those blue questioning ones. When she finally met Brittany's gaze she couldn't read her eyes. They were confused, sure, but there was also some fear behind them. "I probably shouldn't tell you this, or maybe I should have told you long ago but I guess I was just trying to keep you both from pain." Rachel shrugged at her admission. "In my defense I didn't really understand that I had lied to you when I did, not until last week."
Brittany listened carefully as Rachel brought up the time at her and Quinn's house warming party when she had told her that Santana was no longer angry with her or at her. That was the lie Rachel had been referring to. The brunette then recounted the event that had taken place a week ago. Quinn and Rachel had gone out with Santana and her girlfriend, now fiancé, Ashley. Brittany wished she didn't know the name of the woman who now had the love of her life but she took that piece of information and stored it somewhere far away from her brain.
Quinn and Ashley had been off at the bar getting more drinks when a very drunk Santana dragged Rachel outside for a cigarette, a habit she had acquired randomly in college, gave up for Brittany and then took up once again after their split. They were talking about the future and what not when Santana accidentally called Ashley by the wrong name, calling her Brittany instead. Santana in her drunk state hadn't picked up on her mistake but it did not go unnoticed by Rachel and she questioned her about it.
The Latina took a deep breath and another long drag and shook her head. She admitted to Rachel that she had always pictured her future to be with Brittany and though she felt that she loved Ashley, Brittany would always be in her heart somewhere. Santana explained how hurt she still was even almost two years after their break up and that she still stayed up late at night in bed thinking about everything. Wondering if she said something more to Brittany instead of just leaving that night that maybe they could have worked it out.
By the end of the conversation Santana mused that perhaps things happen for a reason and that maybe since Brittany had changed so much since she had worked at the studio that maybe they were not meant to be and were meant for different roads. And on the road she had landed on had brought her to Ashley who apparently was a great person according to Rachel.
Brittany has been trying to get in touch with Santana for weeks since her disappearing act. Rachel and Quinn are not giving her anything to go on and if she were being honest she could feel that their words were lies. Quinn is being short with her and Rachel is stumbling over her words which is very uncharacteristic of the brunette.
She had tried to call her office but every message left with the secretary goes most likely unpassed or tossed into the garbage. When she goes to the building she is not let in.
The blonde spends the first month of their break up in their apartment. Not answering phone calls not going to work and pretty much living life as a recluse. She quits her job citing creative differences. She realizes the life she has been living is not the life she wants or ever wanted. Because a life is not a life without her best friend in it.
After a month and a half Quinn finally stops by unannounced and gets the blonde cleaned up. She doesn't sugar coat anything and lets her have it. Brittany only cries when she's alone because she knows she deserves everything being thrown her way. She hadn't realized the distance she had created between her and her now ex-girlfriend.
"You need to get your act together Britt." Quinn tells her without filtering her tone.
Two weeks later she gets the keys to her new building. Three weeks after that is when the classes start. She's opened her own dance studio, something she has always wanted. It's her hours, her place and goes the way she wants it to. The only thing that will make it perfect is if she had Santana to share the excitement with. But for now, it's a job and excitement only exists in the eyes of the little kids she's teaching when they finally get a move she's been teaching for weeks.
Brittany was not surprised when she doesn't get an invite to Santana's wedding. She was surprised though to hear through the grapevine that they are getting married after only being engaged for five months.
Through conversation she heard Quinn talk about the church being at 12:00pm.
At 10:45am the day of there is a knock at her door. It's Rachel. She doesn't say anything. All she does is hand over a small piece of paper to the blonde and then walks away. Brittany closed the door in confusion and glances at the paper in her hand.
'Santana Lopez and Ashley Blue ceremony at 12:00pm on 675th and 23rd'
Her eyes dart up to the door wondering why.
It was a loaded question really. She knew why.
"You seem happy." Quinn sighs out taking a sip from her wine glass. Brittany looks up at her with a proud smile on her lips and nods. "Well, happier than usual." She corrects but Brittany doesn't let the let handed compliment get her down.
"I am." She replies sitting relaxed in her chair.
"That's great B." Quinn smiles at her friend and gives her a nod of approval. "You know she was always proud of you." She says quietly and it looks as though she is saying it to her wine glass rather than her friend. Brittany's smile fades into one of memory and nods slowly. "This would make her happy, for you ya know." She looks up and meets Brittany's eyes.
"I wish I could share it with her." Brittany admits in an almost whisper.
"Yeah, well, regardless she'd be just as proud." Quinn adds before getting up to fill her wine glass.
After everything that had happened Brittany couldn't help but feel as though she had been nothing but a disappointment to the Latina. But truth of the matter was it was the opposite and the only thing that went wrong with everything was her. She held herself and her job up so high it surpassed Santana, which used to be her main priority.
It was nice to know that in spite of all of those times she had picked her job and those late nights over Santana, the woman was still proud of her and her accomplishments. But this was by far her biggest accomplishment only she had no one to share it with and no one to really tell her how proud they were. So hearing Quinn say that nearly broke her heart all over again.
She had gotten there before the bridal party entered. She snuck in through one of the side doors and slipped into a seat on Santana's family side. Her seat was near the back but she was okay with that, it let her see the Latina before a whole slew of people. The mothers came in and were seated and she couldn't help but think how pretty Santana's mother looked and she was pretty certain she saw the older woman look at her.
The music began to play announcing the entrance of the brides and she nervously watched on as Ashley was brought in by her father, but she didn't follow her down to the front of the aisle. Her eyes remained fixed on the doors waiting for the other bride to enter.
She saw white enter the doorway and spotted Mr. Lopez holding on to his daughter's arm. Brittany could feel her mouth dry up making her realize it had been hanging open. Santana looked stunning in fact she looked the most beautiful she had ever seen her. She watched as the girl was escorted by her father all the way up to the alter to meet the other girl who was waiting for her.
They joined hands and stared at one another smiles present on their faces. Brittany slowly took her seat following the rest of the crowd. Words were spoken among other things going on in the church. But Brittany's brain was on overload she wasn't sure what was going to happen. She had only seen in movies people do crazy things at weddings, she wasn't sure if she had it in her to be that bold.
She hadn't even realized what she was doing until everyone was staring at her. Her hand was in their air and her voice echoed off of the walls of the church informing her that she had in fact objected to the marriage of these two women. Her eyes locked into Santana's who was staring at her in bewilderment a slash of anger and some embarrassment.
Brittany pushed her way through the row of people she had been stuck between and stepped out into the aisle that led to the love of her life, or just simply her life. She walked cautiously closer as Ashley looked from Santana to Brittany and then all over again.
"Brittany?" Santana whispered and the blonde couldn't help but smile because it had been so long since she heard the smaller girl say her name. It wasn't angry either, it was surprise in her voice that kept Brittany moving forward.
"I'm sorry but I can't let you do this." Brittany found herself saying, she hadn't practiced anything to say but perhaps, she thought, it was better this way. It was from the heart then. Santana turned her body more to face the blonde, Ashley still kept their hands together. "I still love you." Brittany admitted, small tears forming behind her eyes and her voice cracking with honesty. "I know I messed up but the biggest mess up besides losing you was letting you leave and not fighting for you, for us." She said finally stopping a few feet before the brides.
Ashley's parents stood up and told her to stop embarrassing herself but Brittany paid no mind to them and according to Santana's eyes still focused on her, she didn't either.
"I let my job come between us and I was a fool to let that happen. But I'd be even more a fool to go on with my life not telling you how I feel. Not fighting for you was the worse decision I ever made and I can't go on like that." Brittany admitted in front of hundreds of guests, mostly strangers. Before she knew it two guys from Ashley's family were pulling her down the aisle and towards the doors. "The job that was a dream, just a dream." She said louder the further she was being moved away from Santana. "You are my reality."
It's another one of those lonely nights at home, so pretty much it was just another day in the life of one Brittany S. Pierce. She sat on the couch with a glass of wine in one hand and something else in the other. Her eyes are closed as she has their Nationals performance from junior year on repeat on the DVD player.
When she hears the distinct sound of Santana's vocals she opens her eyes and smiles placing the glass down and bringing her other hand into view. A small box lay in her palm and she slowly lifted the cover. She didn't know when or how but she had actually been carrying around this ring ever since she got the new job because she could afford it.
Santana had thought their first purchase with Brittany's new income had been their bed but really it was this very ring in her hand now.
Brittany felt like she made such a jackass out of herself. When Santana had made no move to walk away from Ashley or say anything to the guys dragging her out of the church she didn't even bother standing outside the place to mope. She walked around the city for a few hours to clear her head.
Her studio was open and she put Jamal in charge of the classes for a few days explaining personal days. That was the best part of her owning her own place and she smiled half heartedly at the meaning of her owning her own space. It was all for Santana.
She had gotten a call from Rachel after her dismissal at the church but nothing since. Brittany wanted to call her friend back but she could only imagine the look of disapproval she would have been getting from her wife.
It was late in the evening when she had decided to go back home. In a way she kind of liked walking amongst the people, it helped her deal with the fact that she was going home to know one. At least out in the streets she was surrounded by people, regardless if they were strangers.
She trudged up the steps instead of using the elevator wanting to avoid the silence and loneliness her apartment had provided her over the past two years. As she put the key in the lock she let her mind wander off into the subject of food briefly, realizing that in her mad dash to the church she had forgotten to eat breakfast.
However, that train of thought was disrupted upon opening the door to her apartment. The keys fell from her hand causing a small raucous by her feet. She stepped in slowly closing the door behind her but keeping her eyes firmly fixed on the figure before her.
"Where have you been?" She asked.
Santana was sitting on the couch, her hands on her lap and a tentative playful smirk playing on her lips. She was still donning her wedding gown but when Brittany glanced down she noticed one particular piece of the outfit missing. There was no ring on her finger. Her mouth opened to speak but words had seemed to have escaped her, or maybe she had spoken all of her words she was allotted for the day in the church.
"I've been waiting." Santana told her looking down at her hands.
"I… uh… I went for a walk." Brittany stammered taking a small step forward. Santana stifled a small laugh and slowly brought her eyes back to meet those blue ones full of confusion.
"For two years?" Santana playfully poked, a soft smile dancing on her red lips. Brittany's eyes widened a little, her mouth partly opened taking in a sharp gasp of air. "So, I didn't know you…" She trailed off tearing her eyes from Brittany's and looking to the coffee table in front of her. She motioned to the small box placed there, and Brittany notices the box, recognizes it and sees that Santana had opened it. "Were you seeing someone?" Santana asked cautiously and nervously and there's a hint of jealousy. Brittany's eyebrows furrowed and she quickly shook her head.
"No." She answered immediately stepping closer again. "I've…" She dips her head, letting her chin come to rest against her chest. "I've had that for five years." Brittany admitted slowly letting her eyes come back up to Santana's eye level. She watched Santana mouth 'oh' and her eyebrows lift at the understanding of it all.
Santana kept her eyes on the ring for a few moments and Brittany watched her do so in silence. Then with a deep breath she pushed herself up from the couch and turned to face Brittany who had shortened the distance between them.
"Quinn tells me you have your own space now, your own school?" She brought up and Brittany could see that proud glimmer in the smaller girl's eyes as she spoke the words. Brittany nodded in affirmation. "That's great B."
"Yeah." She breathed out. "I make my own schedules now." She explained taking another step towards the girl in all white. Santana stared at her, her eyes looking into those blues with complete understanding at what that statement really meant. "I'm so sorry." Brittany came out with and both girls were kind of shocked that she had said it.
"Britt, it's okay. Now it's okay." Santana shook her head letting herself take a step forward this time. "Did…" She paused, glanced down at the floor where Brittany stood. "Did you mean…"
"Every single word of it." Brittany jumped in before she could even finish her question. A small smile played on Santana's lips and she nodded at the response.
"I do too, ya know." She said, her voice low and husky letting her eyes creep up Brittany's body falling into those pools of blue. "I still love you." She admitted and Brittany could feel her lips twitching into a smile. "The thing is, B… you were my dream and my reality. You are." She corrected herself and Brittany's smile slowly faded.
"Thing about dreams though San." Brittany interrupted before the once soon to be bride could speak more and moved slower creating only a foot distance between them. "You can't hug dreams and tell dreams everything is alright. You can't tell dreams you love them and let them feel the love. You can't touch dreams." Brittany tried to explain. "You can't marry your dreams and spend the rest of your life with dreams." She bit her lower lip nervously and Santana nodded with a soft smile. "I don't just want you in my dreams San, cause each time your there I lose you all over again. I make the same mistakes." She shakes her head closing her eyes tight to ward off tears. "At least in reality I can choose." She opened her eyes not even caring about the tears any longer. "And I choose you." Santana scrunches her nose, her eyes watering and Brittany knows she is fighting the tears too, but lets them take over.
The smaller girl threw herself into the blonde's arms and cried into her chest, words muffled into the fabric of her shirt. Brittany hugged her tightly, pulling her as close as humanly possible and then some.
"I choose you too B." Santana whispered after her tears faded away. "I always have."
"You are the best dream to ever come true S." Brittany breathed out onto Santana's skin.
THE END:)