Disclaimer: I don't own anything
A/N: So I didn't like some parts of 7x02 Proof- loved the JJ-Reid scenes, hated how a pasta party fixed everything, hated how Morgan's emotional storyline was dropped, hated how Prentiss had awesome lines "You mourned one friend. I mourned six" but they seemed so out of context because it was a JJ-Reid fight not a Prentiss-Reid one, and finally hated hated hated HATED how JSB didn't seem to be reading what she'd written. "I can't (be mad at you), I didn't come crying to you for ten weeks" says Reid to Hotch. By that logic he should not have been mad at Emily either, and apparently he was. Also, Hotch heard the whole fight, he knew why Reid was mad at JJ specifically and he would never have been so un-perceptive as he was. /rant. Lol my full rant on facebook is two pages long.
But I did LOVE the JJ-Reid scenes. Props to Matthew and AJ!
XXX
"You couldn't? Or you wouldn't?"
"No, I couldn't," she answered forcefully, close to tears, and if the strength in her voice surprised him, he didn't show it.
He chose his next words carefully, calculated the best words for maximum impact. "What if I'd started taking dilaudid again, would you have let me?"
A cheap shot, but effective nonetheless. Her eyes snapped up, and he could see the confusion and hurt in them, and the doubt. "You didn't," she said, slightly uncertainly.
"No, but I thought about it," Reid said, coldly, before storming off, ignoring her apology. He felt slightly guilty when he saw that the team were standing there and had heard everything- JJ wouldn't like that- but pushed it down immediately. No, he was not going to do that. He was not going to spin this onto himself. It was her fault, and maybe he was acting petulant but ten weeks was a hell of a long time.
JJ stood silently, eyes red. This was what she'd been afraid of…in fact, she'd been tempted to turn him away when he'd shown up at her door the second time. She'd known it would come to this, and if she was being honest, she didn't blame him. It was a terrible thing to find out, and from someone you loved? Not great.
But, she thought, walking out of the room and into the conference room, pointedly ignoring the stares from her teammates, it wasn't her fault either. It was nobody's fault except Doyle's, and it wasn't fair for him to treat her like crap just because she was trying to protect her best friend.
"What the hell was that?" Prentiss murmured, watching JJ leave.
Morgan looked a little shocked at the outburst from two of the most (usually) soft-spoken members of the team. "That was…those barbs were nasty." He shook his head in wonder. "Making it about his profiling skills? And the dilaudid comment? Jeez, they're both stooping pretty low, don't you think?"
Rossi nodded as Hotch spoke up. "I'll talk to him, later. Maybe I can get him to see things differently."
"Good luck with that," Emily said wryly. It was going to be all the more difficult since he wasn't annoyed at her or Hotch- he'd made it into a personal crime against him, by JJ.
After a couple of minutes of discussion in the conference room, Hotch watched as everyone filed out- Morgan, Rossi and Emily purposefully leaving quickly in order to allow Hotch to catch Reid alone. JJ wasn't a problem, almost running out of the room to avoid them all.
Reid was just about to exit when Hotch stopped him. "Reid."
At the sound of Hotch's voice he stopped, and gave a little roll of his eyes as if to say I know what this is about.
"Look, I understand where you're coming from," Hotch started carefully, keeping his eyes on Reid's, "but-"
"But what, you going to tell me not to be mad at her?" Reid interrupted, eyes blazing. "Going to tell me to be mad at someone else- you, Emily?"
"No," Hotch said firmly. "I'm going to tell you that the only reason she hasn't completely exploded at you is because she understands where you're coming from. You need to do the same and put yourself in her shoes for a minute." Hotch continued carefully, "She doesn't deserve that amount of anger, Reid."
"She doesn't?" Reid exploded, looking furious. "She doesn't, really? I came crying to her for ten weeks, Hotch, so I think I know what she does and doesn't deserve!" He left angrily, leaving Hotch looking and feeling worn-out.
He met Emily's eyes through the window to the main room and gave a slight, imperceptible shake of his head. She rolled her eyes in exasperation and turned back to her conversation with Rossi, vowing to have her turn at talking to Reid. She would get through to him if it was the last thing she did.
Her chance came, on the plane. He was sitting silently, alone, reading a book he wasn't completely focused on. She approached the seat opposite him and slipped in.
"So…" she started, searching for an ice-breaker, "the surgeon thinks he can restore feeling to Tammy's hands."
He glanced up briefly and then returned to his book. "Good, we got there in time."
She nodded slowly before trying again. "I heard Mr. Bradstone wants to watch the tape."
Looking up from his book again, Reid didn't look surprised. "People have an innate curiosity to see things in order to confirm them."
Emily jumped at her chance, smiling. "Oh, that explains why I'm going to Rossi's tomorrow night. I want to see if he really can cook." She gave a small laugh, watching him closely. "You coming?"
"I don't know; I'm not so sure I can make it."
Emily's face fell, and she sighed and leaned forward. "Look, Reid," her serious voice got his attention, "I know you're mad at us because we didn't tell you-"
"JJ."
"What's that?"
"JJ," he said, louder. "I'm mad at JJ." Then he gave her a slight nod, as if to say 'Continue'.
She floundered for a second before continuing. Damn Reid! She had tried to direct his anger at them both, knowing it would make it easier for him to forgive JJ. No luck. Of course he was smarter than that. "Uh. Okay, I know you're mad at…JJ because she didn't tell you what really happened, and I understand that. But I promise, she had no choice."He looked unconvinced. "You mourned the loss of a friend," she said quietly, "and so did she. So did Hotch. So did I- six of them. I know it's not anywhere near the same thing, believe me, but I also know how it killed her to have to do that. It killed all of us."
He didn't say anything for a moment. Then: "She could have told me. She had so many chances to!"
"She couldn't. Put yourself in her position for a second. If it were you, if you were asked to protect me and JJ came to your house crying, would you choose to stop one friend's tears by risking another's life?" She leaned back again. "I know it's hard, and she's not expecting you to forgive her any time soon. But you need to think about whether acting like this is really fair or not."
She let a pause form before trying once more. "So…are you coming to Rossi's tonight?"
Reid answered with a vague "We'll see."
Emily took that as a victory.
The next night, they were all gathered around Rossi's kitchen, watching him cook.
"In a pot of boiling water, we cook our spaghetti until it is al dente, firm to the tooth." He passed a handful of the pasta to Garcia. "Here you go, everybody pass it around. Feel the texture?"
Emily noted with satisfaction that Morgan and JJ seemed to be getting along fine, remembering their conversation.
"You're not pissed at me too, are you?" she'd asked him, suddenly panicking.
"Come on, now, how can I be? You're here aren't you?"
She'd wanted to hug him. "Thanks."
"And about Reid…I don't think you have a problem."
"Uh, Derek, did you not see what I saw today?" she asked, nudging him teasingly. "Profiling skills getting a bit old, huh?"
"Not a chance in hell." He grinned back but then quickly turned serious again. "I don't think you have a problem; I think it's only JJ who does."
She hadn't know whether to be relieved for herself, or worried for her friend. "You're not…"
He shook his head. "Nah, I'm fine. I was pissed, don't get me wrong, but I talked to her and Hotch earlier, and it shook them up pretty badly having to do what they did. And it feels horrible that they didn't tell us, but they were saving your life in the process…can't really fault them for that, can I?"
She started at him with an exaggerated mock astonishment. "When did you get so mature? What happened to the 12-year-old Derek Morgan?"
"Shut up!" He'd pushed her good-naturedly. She knew he still had issues- they were slightly deeper and less healed than he was making them out to be, but he would work through them quickly. The main reason Morgan was so compliant was probably because he was so close to her, and realized that JJ and Hotch had saved her life.
Now Reid, on the other hand…
JJ bit her spaghetti thoughtfully, glad that things were fine with the rest of the team. Maybe it was a good thing Reid hadn't come. Maybe she just needed to relax and unwind without feeling constantly stressed and tense.
Knock-knock-knock!
"I'll get it!" Morgan volunteered. For some reason, JJ noticed, Emily looked pleased with herself, and she realized why when Reid walked in.
"Sorry I'm late," he said to Rossi, who retorted with a mock-annoyed "Yeah, this is why I cook alone."
The entire team turned to smile at Reid, including JJ, although her smile was much more hesitant…and Emily's was more of a smirk. The smirk dropped off her face when Reid ignored JJ's smile, and her eyes dropped down.
"Then we add parsley, and we mix," Rossi was saying. JJ's body was turned away from Reid's, and she was making a deliberate effort not to look at him, as he was purposefully trying to make her see that he hadn't forgiven her. Every time he smiled or laughed, he would deliberately look at JJ halfway through and the mirth would be gone, replaced by coldness. Emily and Morgan, who had both noticed, exchanged glances, neither sure which side to be on.
Rossi, Hotch and Garcia tried to mask the awkwardness in the room with more jokes and light-hearted banter, but they could all see JJ and Reid both getting more and more tense with each passing minute, although Reid was pretending that he thought everything was fine, save for the frequent, stony glances at JJ.
Finally, when Rossi handed out the ingredients to everyone and deemed them "good enough to attempt the spaghetti", JJ put down her wine glass and started to get into it.
"Hey, this is actually turning out good!" she exclaimed, mixing the pasta around the bowl.
Morgan glanced into it. "That's because you haven't even started adding the other ingredients yet. Wait 'til you get to where I am…This sauce is a bitch…"
"Morgan!" Rossi reprimanded. "The food will not taste good to you if you insult it."
"I'm sorry, sauce," Morgan teased, bowing to the bowl as JJ started adding the other ingredients.
"Wait, how much parsley?" she asked Rossi, laughing as he demonstrated by dumping a fistful into her bowl. "Oh, Henry is never going to eat it if he sees the green!"
Emily grinned. "You could always lie and tell him it's what Superman eats; I bet he'd gobble it up then."
Reid suddenly leaned down and said quietly in JJ's ear, "Yeah, you should, you'd be good at that- I mean, you've had plenty of practice, right?" It was so soft that only Morgan and Emily heard, and they knew why JJ's face dropped.
Hotch stopped in the middle of his recount of all the vegetables he'd tricked Jack into eating when he heard JJ's fork clatter onto the table as she dropped it.
"Uh, you know what, Rossi, I think I'm going to head out now," she said, grabbing her sweater from the chair and pulling it swiftly over her head.
"What?" Garcia complained. "But we haven't even started cooking yet!"
"Yeah, well, I feel a little sick," JJ lied, not fooling anyone. "I think I'll just…go to bed. Go home and go to bed. I'm just going to use the bathroom before I go…?"
"Down the hall and to the left," Rossi instructed, looking sorry.
"See you tomorrow," Emily told her quietly on her way out. JJ nodded as she left the room, Reid watching her go with a mixture of relief, indifference and annoyance. Suddenly, he looked at Emily, then down the hall, then back at Emily. He turned to Rossi.
"I'll be right back."
"Please don't let him do anything stupid," Emily prayed as they watched him run off.
"Wouldn't bet on it," Morgan said. "Come on. Let's just…give them their privacy and keep cooking."
In the hall, Reid waited impatiently for JJ to come out of the bathroom, and when she did, he noticed that her eyes were red. It only annoyed him more.
"Oh, so now you're crying. What lie would you like me to tell you, because that's how this works isn't it?"
"Spence-"
"One cries, one lies, that's it right? Hey, that rhymes, we could turn it into a song."
"Please stop…"
"We could call it 'Betrayal', I bet it'd be popular." He paused then and took in her red eyes, waiting for her to say something- she wasn't sure what.
JJ met his gaze, hurt clearly displayed in her teary blue eyes. "I…I don't know what to say."
"Of course you don't," Reid snapped. "What are-"
"No," JJ said loudly. "I mean I don't know what you want me to say."
That threw him for a loop. "What?"
"I don't know what you want me to say," she repeated. "I've apologized, I've told you why I did it, I tried to understand where you're coming from…"
"Oh, you call that trying to understand where I'm coming from?" he said harshly, taking a step forward. For once, he felt like the more powerful one, and he was glad for his height advantage as she took a small step back. "You thought I was upset because I didn't notice your 'micro-expressions'!" He spat out the word. "Are you that bad a profiler or do you just not know me at all?"
"I never thought that!" JJ yelled. "I never, ever thought that, not even for a second! I was just trying to say it to get you to open up! And if you thought that I could ever think that about you, then you know what, Reid," she bit out his last name, "you don't know me."
"I don't think I ever did," Reid said coldly. "I thought I did, but obviously not."
JJ swallowed. "And how could you…"
"How could I what?" he asked, knowing immediately what she was talking about. "Bring up my drug addiction? Why, Jennifer, do you not like knowing the consequences of your actions?"
"They weren't my actions!" she cried, the tears starting to fall. "I had no choice! Do you think, all those times when you came to my house in tears, do you think I didn't want to tell you? That I wasn't crying myself to sleep every one of those nights after you left?"
"It obviously didn't impact you much," Reid said furiously, "if you couldn't even open your mouth and say two little-"
"I couldn't!" JJ said. "If I had said anything to you, her life would be in danger! They weren't my actions or my choices, and bringing up dilaudid just to make me feel like crap was low!"
"I hope I made you feel bad," Reid said quietly. "I hope I made you hurt, and feel betrayed. Because whatever you felt, that was nothing compared to how I did."
"You don't know how bad I felt," she told him, wiping away the tears with one hand. "And do you even know what you're asking me to have done?"
"No, enlighten me," Reid said sarcastically.
"You want me to have told you…you want me to have put Emily's life in more danger. The more people that knew, the larger the risk of an information leak…I know you, and you wouldn't have wanted that."
He was brought back to Emily's words 'Would you choose to stop one friend's tears by risking another's life?'
When he didn't answer, she continued. "Look, Reid, I'm so, so, so sorry. I wish it had never happened. I don't know…I don't know how to make it better. I wish they hadn't picked me to tell, I wish you hadn't picked me to come to, I wish Interpol had never picked Emily to do the damn Doyle mission…" she wrapped her arms around herself. "But you know what? If I had to do it again, I would. And I know if you had to, you'd do the same."
"That doesn't make it better," he said coldly, eyeing her.
"It doesn't," JJ agreed. "But I…please, Spence, just try to…I just…I don't know how to fix this…" Her voice cracked. "I'm sorry."
Reid looked at her then, really looked at her, and saw what Morgan had seen when he'd talked to her and Hotch. The determination and resolve to keep her friend safe, but also the pain, and the sadness, and the guilt.
The steel wall around him cracked, and he took a step closer to her. JJ's eyes immediately snapped up to meet his, looking to gauge his emotional state. He tried to soften his features, but he hadn't forgiven her yet, and it was hard.
"JJ…" he said, in the least harsh voice he'd used with her since Emily had returned. "I don't know how to…"
"Me neither," she admitted brokenly. "I don't know what to do. But I'm so sorry, I really am. I just…I-I'm sorry."
He stepped closer to her and put his hand on her arm. "Me too."
She looked up. "For what?"
"The dilaudid comment. It was unnecessary and mean. And I don't…no matter how much I hated you, you didn't deserve to carry any guilt about my addiction returning."
"I forgive you," she said softly. "Do…do you…?" She was hesitant and unsure, not really wanting to know but needing to.
"I don't know," he answered honestly. "I understand why, but some part of me just doesn't want to accept that telling just me would have added any risk."
"But you would have wanted to tell Morgan and Garcia and Rossi," she pointed out. "And…if anyone figured out that you weren't as upset as you should be, they would have…"
"I know," he said. "It'll take time but…I don't hate you anymore." He trailed off, knowing she understood that he had started to forgive her. Her shoulders sagged in relief, and he wrapped his arms around her. She leaned into him gratefully, her back shaking.
"I didn't think you'd ever forgive me," she murmured.
Reid felt guilty, and he hugged her tighter. "I feel bad now," he teased, getting a small tearful chuckle from her. "And honestly, I know if it was anyone else they would have killed me by now. So I'm sorry, for the snide comments. And…JJ? We've still got issues to work through, but…"
"We're getting there," JJ finished for him.
She let go of him and stepped back, wiping the last of the tears off her face as they started to walk back into the kitchen together. "Hey Spence?"
"Yeah?"
"If you ever call me Jennifer again, I will castrate you."
XXX
Couldn't resist adding that last bit XD
A/N: I didn't want JJ-Reid to have a huge blowout, but you know, a little more than showing up to a cooking lesson and clinking wine glasses would have been good…oh well. I suppose, even if the ending was crap, JSB wrote two AMAZING JJ-Reid scenes in the episode, so I can live with that
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