Disclaimer: Ouran High School Host Club is property of Bisco Hatori. Of course. The fic, however, is mine.

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Worth a thousand words

An Ouran High School Host Club Comedy/one-shot.

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"Well, this is interesting, isn't it?"

"Tama-chan! Tama-chan! Look! You're in the newspaper!"

"Nice one, M'lord..."

"Well, this does help the 'poor, struggling' newspaper club sell papers..."

"Everybody loves a scandal..."

"Haruhi! Avert your eyes!"

Spread across the top of the Third Music Room's large grand piano was the school's club-run newspaper, a full color photo dominating the top of the page. The twins wore matching smirks on their faces, as they restrained panic-stricken Tamaki. Tamaki flailed his legs, as he attempted to free his arms, and looked pleadingly at Haruhi.

Haruhi made several 'tutt'-ing noises, as she stared at the picture Honey pointed at so eagerly. Kyouya adjusted his glasses on his nose, leaning over the club members, and eyed the article's headline.

"'The King's secret love'. My, what will our customers say?"

"He really will kiss anything, then, won't he?"

"Yup! Tama-chan is so full of love, nee, Takashi?"

"Ah-"

Mori-sempai probably would have said something to somewhat calm the situation, but Tamaki interrupted.

"No, Haruhi!! It's not what it looks like! They said it was an article about those who love nature! I never-"

"Kiss-a-holic."

"Eh-"

Tamaki froze, his eyes glazed over, and fell limp, in the twin's grip.

"Kiss-a-holic... Kiss-a-holic... Kiss-a-holic..."

Suddenly curled up in a ball, Tamaki buried his head in his knees, the rest of the Host Club letting out a unified sigh.

There was a brief period of silence, before Honey, tugging at Mori's sleeve, remarked.

"Nee... but why would he use his tounge?"

The twins and Haruhi murmured, glancing at each other in confusion.

"...He probably cared for that tree very much, Mitsukuni."

There was a group mumbling of 'Ahhh...'.

Kyouya smiled to himself, and swore he saw a piece of their currently woe-stricken leader's soul die.
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This was a fic request from the fabulous Lika-chan... Very random. Hah. That was crack. XD; Also, my first finished fanfic attempt outside of the CLAMP fandom! -throws confetti- If there are errors, I'm sorry.

Basically, the Newspaper Club told Tamaki they were reporting on how Ouran students love nature, and that was the result. Him raping...-ahem-... making out with a tree. XD; Huzzah. Only Tamaki.