Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager does not belong to me, I don't make any money from this. I just let them out to play.

AN: this is a little plot bunny that wouldn't leave me alone. And it got away from me a little, so I broke it into a two parter. Turns out I need to write some sort of plot, even when there really isn't one. It turned into more of a slow burn than a full on smut piece. Time frame for this is up in the air, sometime after Resolutions. Light BDSM and sexual content ahead.

Submission

"You need to learn to relax, Captain," Chakotay said, stoically not looking up from the PADD in front of him.

"Excuse me?" Captain Kathryn Janeway looked at her first officer in surprise. They had been sitting in her ready room, going over reports. For hours.

"Relaxation," Chakotay said, "have some fun, do your holonovel. When was the last time you just let it all go?"

Janeway stared at him. He still wouldn't look at her. He knew that she wouldn't take kindly to him telling her she needed to relax. Her captain's mask was always firmly in place. He could count on one hand the number of times she had lowered that mask in the past year. He cherished those times, when she let the mask slip. At the beginning of their journey, she had turned to him often, but as their time in the Delta Quadrant had lengthened, she had withdrawn from the crew, from him.

She sighed and drew another PADD to her. "I don't have time, Commander. We need supplies, the crew needs shore leave-"

"The crew is worried about you, Captain, and you need to relax just as much as the rest of the crew," Chakotay signed off the PADD he was reading and drew another to him.

"Maybe even more than the crew," he muttered. Her eyebrow shot up. He glanced up at her, his lips twitching in a smile.

Janeway sighed and leaned back in her chair. She turned and glanced out the viewport at the stars streaking by. Chakotay set his PADD down and stared at her. She was beautiful, he thought wistfully. He could see that their years in the Delta Quadrant had aged her, the weight of carrying the ship and her crew home on her shoulders while refusing help had not been kind. But he still thought she was the most beautiful woman he had ever met.

Her auburn hair was in a disheveled bun, and how he longed to see it down again. He never thought of New Earth, but the memories often plagued him in dreams. Her skin seemed paler than normal, but he knew she probably hadn't slept for a while. She propped her chin on her hand and closed her blue eyes.

"So, Captain, how long has it been since you actually relaxed?"

She opened her eyes and glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. Her mind immediately went to New Earth- that was the last time she had really relaxed. But she sure as hell wasn't going to tell him that. She couldn't, no matter how much she wanted to. He sat across from her in his uniform, looking annoyingly perfect.

She closed her eyes again and turned back to the stars. His image was forever burned into her mind. She wanted to run her fingers over tattoo over his eye, she wanted to tell him that she wanted to throw protocol out the window and pursue whatever this was that lay between them.

Chakotay watched her, his heart in his throat. He glanced at the door of the ready room, and then back at her. "How long, Kathryn?"

He almost missed the slight hunching of her shoulders when he said her name. She kept her eyes closed. If she didn't look at him, she could ignore the look in his eyes, the look she wanted so badly to return.

"I don't know, Chakotay," she said softly, opening her eyes and staring into the void again.

He stood up and walked around the desk to her chair. She could feel the heat rolling off his body as he stood behind her. He put his hands on her shoulders. She tensed, but didn't say anything. He knew he should stop, she was going to put a stop to this, throw up that damn protocol wall again, shove him away again.

He began to knead her shoulders slowly, dipping his head to inhale the scent of her hair. She remained tense under his hands, but he continued to massage her shoulders. Her head dropped forward, and he took that as an invitation to continue.

"You're quite tense, Captain," he said softly, digging his fingers into the muscles of her neck and shoulders. He could feel her begin to relax, and he continued. A soft moan escaped her, and the sound went straight to his groin.

He closed his eyes. I need to stop this…but I get to touch her so little, I want to take every opportunity I can have…

His fingers danced over her back as he pushed her forward in her chair. His hands dipped lower, releasing the knots along her spine. She moaned again as he pressed against a particularly hard knot.

I need to tell him to stop, she thought, but I can't. He's right, I need to relax…oh God that feels good.

Chakotay leaned forward as she groaned his name. He inhaled the scent of her, and ran his fingers through the wisps of hair at her neck. He could see goosebumps rise where his fingers played over her skin.

He suddenly stopped and stepped back. Her eyes flew open and she spun to face him. He stared down at her, his dark brown eyes inscrutable.

"Commander?" she whispered, only far too aware that she should've put a stop to it. She stared up at him, aware of just how tall he was.

"I think it's time for dinner, Captain," he said. "I will cook for you, I've heard that Neelix's selection is particularly…atrocious…tonight. My quarters, 1900. Be there Captain."

He spun on his heel and stalked out the door. Janeway stared after him, her mouth slightly open.

"Did he just give me an order?" she asked herself. She knew he had, and she had liked it. A lot. "Where the hell did that come from?"

She glanced at the time. 1845. She looked at the PADDs on her desk, and back to the door. She really had a lot of work to do. Her stomach rumbled. When was the last time she had eaten something besides coffee? Had to have been a couple days at least.

She stood up and walked out of her ready room. It wasn't like tonight was a date or anything, right? Chakotay had cooked for her before. This wouldn't be any different from any of the other times he had cooked for her.

Right?

=/\=

Chakotay paced his quarters. What in the name of all the spirits had possessed him to order the captain to his quarters?

"She's going to rake you over the coals for this one, Chakotay," he muttered to himself. The chime to his door went off. He paused in his pacing and looked at the time. 1859.

"Enter," he said softly. She walked in, her face serene. He smiled despite himself.

"I have a rice dish made up, Captain, I think you'll like it."

"I realized I haven't eaten in nearly two days," she said, seating herself at his table as he carried the dishes to her, "I'm hungry enough that Neelix's leola root sounds good right now."

He sat across from her. "You need to eat more often, Captain, you need your strength up."

She swallowed a mouthful of rice. "Strength for what, Commander?"

"The day to day grind of life in the Delta Quadrant, of course."

She nodded and went back to eating. The food really was delicious. Chakotay watched her quietly. They didn't speak as they ate. Janeway's thoughts whirled about her head. She couldn't get the feel of Chakotay's hands on her shoulders, the feel of his breath on her hair, her reaction to him giving her an order…

When they finished dinner, Chakotay took their dishes and tossed them in the recycler. He gestured to his couch. She dropped onto the couch and looked around the room. Similar to hers with little touches that made it all his.

He sat on the couch next to her, perhaps a little closer than he normally would, his knee brushing hers. He watched, seeing if she would move away from him. He was surprised when she didn't.

"You were right, Chakotay, I needed to relax," she said, leaning back against the couch.

"You're still thinking about work, though…Cap-Kathryn," her eyebrow went up when he whispered her name. "When was the last time you didn't think about the ship, or the crew? When was the last time you thought about only yourself?"

She sighed and closed her eyes, thinking. "I don't…remember," she opened her eyes and looked at him, "I'm not sure I remember how, Chakotay."

He leaned forward ever so slightly, his fingers brushing her leg. "I might be able to help with that, Kathryn."

Her eyes locked with his. The tension in the room was suddenly palatable. "How can you help me, Chakotay?"

He took a deep breath, his fingers dug into her leg just a little. "Do you trust me, Kathryn?"

She stared at him, her heart thudding in her chest.

"Do you trust me?" he whispered again, his hand tight on her knee.

"Yes," she whispered, her eyes on his hand, "I trust you."

His hand clenched again on her knee, and he suddenly lunged forward, grabbing her wrists and locking them together in his grasp.

"Commander!" she gasped. His grip was iron; she couldn't move her hands at all. He stood up, dragging her roughly with him. She struggled, but couldn't break his grip. He lifted her hands above her head and pressed her against the bulkhead.

"Commander, what the hell do you think you're doing?" she snarled. Her heart was trying to crawl out of her throat. He didn't say anything, he just leaned in, pressing his cheek against hers.

"I'm helping you relax, Kathryn. You need to learn to let go, to let someone else take command every once and a while."

Her eyes widened in shock. Had he really just said that? She could feel his breath on her neck. He hadn't done anything yet, he just held her hands above her head with one hand, and nuzzled her neck. Her heart was trying to tear out of her chest.

Chakotay closed his eyes, his cheek pressed against hers. He couldn't believe he had Kathryn Janeway pressed against the bulkhead in his quarters, her hands pinned above her. If he looked at her, he might shatter. It would destroy the illusion.

He pressed himself closer to her, their chests pressed together. He wasn't sure if it was his heart beating so hard, or hers. She struggled slightly, and his breath escaped in a rush. That was exciting.

They stood like that for a few minutes, or a few hours, or maybe even days, Kathryn wasn't sure. She knew that the feel of his cheek against hers was glorious, his hand pinning her wrists above her, his body pressing hers against the bulkhead, all of it excited her.

Part of her whispered that she needed to put a stop to this, that if they continued, nothing would ever be the same. The other part of her told that part to shut the hell up and enjoy whatever it was Chakotay had planned.

The latter part of her won.

Chakotay felt her relax slightly against him. His breath caught in his throat. She wasn't fighting. She wasn't stopping him. He drew back and stared straight into her eyes. He loved her eyes, so expressive. She seemed almost calm, accepting, trusting.

She trusted him. "You can stop this anytime, Kathryn," he whispered, his voice raspy. He saw her pupils dilate as he leaned closer to her. "Do you want me to stop?"

She swallowed. Her throat was dry. "No," she took a deep breath and looked directly into his chocolate eyes, "no, I don't want you to stop."

He stared at her, wondering how far he was willing to take this, how far she was willing to go with him. He knew what he wanted, what he had fantasized about for years. He looked straight into her eyes.

"You have the power to stop me at any time," he whispered, "just say the word. Do you understand?"

"Yes," she whispered, her voice raspy.

"Have you ever done this before?"

She shook her head. When in the hell had he done this? Maybe she didn't want to know. She didn't want to imagine him with anyone else. He leaned in close, his very kissable lips hovering near hers.

"We'll take it easy, then, Kathryn."

He shifted slightly, making sure her wrists were pinned hard to the wall. He used his knee to spread her legs. She could feel his erection pressing into her stomach. She could feel his breath on her lips. She opened her mouth, she wasn't sure if it was to say something or invite him to kiss her. She really wanted him to kiss her.

"Chak-"

His lips crashed down onto hers. She arched into him as his tongue slid along hers. His mouth worked hers over. He pulled back, she stared at him, panting. He leaned close, a wicked smile lighting his face.

"You can start by calling me Captain."

=/\=

AN: Please review! I'll get part two up in the next couple days.