Self Esteem
by
Justin Asselstine
Disclaimer: Don't own Evangelion. Only character I own is Hiro Poe.
Author's Note: This story was a bet from one of my friends. We were listening to The Offspring and he said that this would be a good song for Shinji and Asuka and since I'm more of a Shinji/Rei fan this story was born. It turned out to be a lot harder than I thought and therefor didn't turn out to be as good as I wanted but, *shrug* I won my bet and it's not too bad.
~Words in these are song lyrics~
Shinji Ikari, the third child and savior of humanity stood outside the apartment. Steeling himself for the response, Shinji pressed the button for the intercom. After several moments of silence Shinji sighed and pushed the button again.
"Yes?" a quiet voice questioned from the intercom several seconds later.
"Ayanami, it's me Shinji," he replied. "I need to speak with you. May I come in?
"Very well Pilot Ikari," the voice replied.
Shinji jumped back in surprise as the door to Rei's apartment swung open.
"Wasn't expecting her to agree to talk with me," Shinji thought as he stepped into the dark hallway that led to Rei's living room.
Slowly walking down the hallway, Shinji thought about the first time he had ever entered the apartment. He had come to bring Rei her new ID card, but had found her coming out of the shower with nothing but a towel on. Being the nervous clutz he was, Shinji had tripped and fallen, knocking Rei's towel away and landing on top of her.
"No wonder I'm so nervous around her," Shinji mused as he stepped into the living room.
"Hello Ayanami," Shinji said with a sigh of relief when he saw that Rei was fully clothed.
"You said you required to speak with me, Pilot Ikari?" the young blue haired girl asked.
"When we're not at NERV you can call me Shinji."
"Very well Shinji. Then in private you may address me as Rei if you wish. Now what is the urgent matter which you needed to speak with me about?"
"Well there's something that has been bothering me. Since Toji and Kensuke aren't around you're the only friend I have left to talk to."
"Very well Pilot... Shinji. You may speak your mind and I will listen," Rei assured the young Eva pilot.
"Rei, you know how I'm in a relationship with Asuka?"
Shinji paused as a look of what could have been sadness quickly passed over Rei's face.
"Rei's never sad. I must be imagining things," Shinji though to himself before continuing. "I love Asuka, but she doesn't treat me very well, so I decided to break it off with her a few days ago."
"What happened?" Rei asked with an uncharacteristic, interested tone of voice.
"Well..," Shinji started.
~I wrote her off for the tenth time today~
~And practiced all the things I would say~
*Four Days Before*
Shinji, you gotta dump Asuka, man" Shinji's best friend Toji Suzahara said from his usual spot underneath the tree in the school yard.
"Yeah, dump the red haired demon bitch," Kensuke Aida added.
"I know I should, but every time I bring it up Asuka just kisses me and says that I'm hers."
"Well tonight, just go into her bedroom, tell her it's over then run into your room and barricade the door before she beats your ass," Kensuke suggested.
"I suppose it's worth a try," Shinji replied with a shrug.
*That Night*
~But she came over, I lost my nerve~
~I took her back and made her dessert~
Shinji stepped out of his bedroom and into the living room of Misato's apartment. Misato was at NERV, giving Shinji the perfect opportunity to break things off with Asuka. Sitting down on the couch beside the fiery redhead, Shinji began to speak.
"Asuka, we really need to talk."
"Isn't it time for you to make dinner, Baka?
"I'll make it in a minute, this is important," Shinji replied.
Suddenly saw Asuka's eyes flash with anger.
"I said make me some dinner," Asuka said with barely restrained anger in her voice.
"Gomen, Asuka. I'll go make it now," Shinji replied meekly. "Way to wuss out," Shinji mentally berated himself as he began gathering food for the meal.
"And don't forget dessert this time," Asuka shouted from the living room.
"Ok."
*Rei's Apartment, Present Day*
~Now I know I'm being used~
~That's okay man cause I like the abuse~
~I know she's playing with me~
~That's okay cause I got no self esteem~
"So you can see that Asuka doesn't always treat me very well," Shinji said.
Rei nodded in agreement.
"Pilo...Shinji, although I have not had first hand experience in what you would consider a relationship, from what I have observed in others when one likes another he or she does not physically and verbally abuse them. It would appear to me that Pilot Soryu is merely using you to serve her and does not truly care for you.
"I'm sure Asuka does care and this is just her way of showing it."
"If I was to use a frame of reference we should look at the relationship between Pilot Suzahara and Class Representative Horaki. They appear to care about each other greatly, yet neither one uses physically violence on the other and any verbal abuse between the two is merely in jest, unlike with Pilot Soryu and yourself.
"Well even if you're right and Asuka really doesn't care about me I can't dump her. Everytime I try she just intimidates me until I'm to afraid to even suggest it."
"Perhaps if you told me more, I would be able to better analyze the situation and offer more suitable advice," Rei suggested.
"Ok. Well the next thing to happen was..."
*Three Days Previous, In the Classroom*
~We make plans to go out at night~
"Asuka, would you like to go see a movie tonight?" Shinji asked hopefully as he sat down beside Asuka.
"I suppose after that dinner last night, you've earned the right to escort me to the movies tonight," Asuka replied. "I'm going to Hikari's after school to study. I'll be home around 8:00 so you better be ready."
It was at that moment the teacher strode into the room and began to ramble on about life before the Second Impact.
*That Night*
~Wait til 2 then I turn out the light~
Shinji glanced at the clock for the hundredth time that hour.
"It's past 2 am. I guess Asuka really isn't coming home tonight. She stood me up," Shinji thought sadly. "I'm sure she had a good reason," a little voice in Shinji's head justified. "I guess I'll just go to bed."
Sighing, Shinji reached for his lamp and turned off the light.
*The Next Day*
~All this rejection's got me so low~
~If she keeps it up I just might tell her so~
"She treats me so badly," Shinji thought as he laid on his bed. "Maybe it's my fault. Maybe I'm doing something wrong... No. It's Asuka's fault this time. She doesn't really love me. I have to break up with her. I will break up with her!"
Shinji was startled from his thoughts as he heard the door to his room open and Asuka stepped inside.
~When she's saying that she wants only me~
"Shinji, I'm sorry," Asuka began. "Hikari and I were studying and it got late, but we still weren't done so I stayed over there last night. I'm sorry I didn't call and tell you. Anyway we still aren't done yet, I just came home to get some books. I'm heading back to Hikari's now. See ya later."
With that Asuka turned around and walked out the door.
"What was that," Shinji thought to himself. "Asuka was actually polite to me. Something is up. Maybe I should follow her."
"Do it. Follow her," shouted one of the voices in Shinji's mind."
Sighing, Shinji grabbed his coat and headed out the door and after Asuka.
~Then I wonder why she sleeps with my friends~
Slipping around the corner of the building, Shinji came to a quick halt as he saw Asuka standing across the street at the front door to a house. Shinji watched as Asuka knocked on the door and a young boy who Shinji recognized as Hiro Poe, from their school, answered the door.
"What is she doing," Shinji muttered angrily as he watched Asuka enter the house. "Follow her," the voice continued to yell.
In another un-Shinji-like action, Shinji listened to the voice and sprinted across the street to the house. Spying an open window, Shinji made his way slowly towards it.
"I musn't run away. I musn't run away. I musn't run away," Shinji chanted in his mind.
Finally reaching the window, Shinji gathered his courage and looked in.
"No..." Shinji whispered in disbelief at what he saw.
Asuka sat on a couch beside Hiro, locked in a passionate kiss with him. (Author's Note: I know the lyric says "sleep", but I don't feel Asuka would be the kinda girl to sleep around at that age.)
"Damn you Asuka!" Shinji yelled as tears began to spring from his eyes.
Turning Shinji began to run away from the house. As he ran, in the distance he could hear Asuka shout his name.
*That Night*
~When she's saying that I'm like a disease~
"It's all your fault!" Asuka berated Shinji as they sat in the living room of Misato's apartment. "If you would treat me better then I wouldn't have had to go find Hiro to give me some attention."
Standing up, Shinji walked to his room, shut the door and locked it.
Asuka's voice could be heard on the other side of the door saying" Let me in, idiot. I'm not done with you yet."
Slipping the earphones of his SDAT into his ears, Shinji turned it on and closed his eyes.
*Rei's Apartment, Present Day*
~Then I wonder how much more I can spend~
"I decided then that I would dump her the next day no matter. Asuka could be so sweet sometimes and it made it seem like staying with her was worth her being so mean to me, but I didn't know how much longer I could take the abuse."
~Well I guess I should stick up for myself~
"Now that I have more data I have been able to come to a conclusion," Rei stated. "While I may be lacking in my knowledge of social interaction, especially the area of romantic relationships, I have decided that common sense would dictate that you end your romantic relationship with Pilot Soryu."
"But I'm lucky to have Asuka at all. She could pick any boy she wanted, but she chose me."
Shinji wriggled in his seat as Rei stared at him with an intense look.
"Shinji, you are a....," Rei began as she struggled for the correct word. "You are an impressive boy. You are intelligent, wise, brave and attractive," Rei continued as a slight blush appeared on her cheeks.
"Did Rei just call me attractive?" Shinji asked himself, as a blush began to form on his cheeks as well.
"Any girl would be lucky to have a boy such as you," Rei finished, the blush even brighter.
"Uh..... thank you Rei," Shinji replied timidly.
~But I really think it's better this way~
~The more you suffer~
~The more it shows you really care~
"But maybe I should just put up with it all. I mean, she may be mean most of the time, but she can be nice sometimes and she's beautiful. Plus she makes it so hard to break up with her. It would be easier just to stay with her."
"Perhaps," Rei replied quietly. "But you mentioned that these events happened more than a day ago. Why did you wait until now to come speak with me of this?"
"Well actually I haven't mentioned what happened last night yet."
"What occurred during the previous night?"
"Well it happened around midnight. Misato was already asleep and...."
*The Previous Night*
~Late at night she knocks on my door~
Shinji awoke to a knocking at his door.
"Go away I'm sleeping," Shinji replied angrily, before rolling over and closing his eyes.
"Come on baby, let me in," the voice answered.
"Asuka? Is that you," Shinji asked, as he got up and opened the door.
~Drunk again and looking to score~
Asuka stumbled into the room and fell onto Shinji's bed. Shinji could smell alcohol on Asuka's breath.
"Asuka's been drinking? But she doesn't normally. She must have got into Misato's stash for some reason."
"Shinji, baby, come here," the drunk Asuka said as she patted a spot beside her on the bed.
~Now I know I
"Sighing deeply, Shinji took his place beside Asuka on the bed.
*Present Day
~I may be dumb but I'm not a dweeb~
"Pilot Ikari, did you engage in sexual relations with Pilot Soryu?" Rei asked with a hint of anger in her voice.
"Wha?!?" Shinji said in surprise. "No we kissed for a while and I realized what I was doing and forced her to go back to her room."
"Well, Shinji," Rei began, her voice once again the usual calm monotone. "From what I can see, your best option would be to end the relationship with Pilot Soryu and find another female who would treat you more affectionately. One who's personality better matches your own."
"Where am I going to find someone like that Rei? The only person whose personality matches mine is...." Shinji trailed off.
"That's it!" Shinji thought to himself. "The perfect girl for me is Rei. She's just like me and so unlike Asuka."
Suddenly Shinji's excitement faded.
"But Rei doesn't like me. Maybe I should ask her out anyway and see what she says. Yeah. That's what I'll do."
"Who were you about to say was a match for you Shinji?" Rei asked. Concentrating on gathering his courage, Shinji missed the look of hope in Rei's usually emotionless, crimson eyes.
Shinji opened his mouth, prepared to tell Rei that she was his perfect match.
"...No one, Rei. I'll see you later. Thanks for being there for me."
Turning towards the door, Shinji walked outside.
"You're welcome, Shinji," Rei whispered, as Shinji rounded a corner and disappeared from her sight.
"Someday I'll tell her," Shinji thought as he looked up at the window of Rei's apartment.
"Someday I'll tell him," Rei thought to herself as she watched through her window as Shinji walked away
~I'm just a sucker with no self esteem~
Author's Note: Well this turned out surprisingly better than I thought, thought not as good as I would have liked. I might make a sequel out of this, cause I just cant stand leaving a couple like Shinji and Rei apart. Also I don't think Asuka is evil or anything, but Rei isn't the kind of person who would two time Shinji. Well I hoped you enjoyed the story. See ya.
by
Justin Asselstine
Disclaimer: Don't own Evangelion. Only character I own is Hiro Poe.
Author's Note: This story was a bet from one of my friends. We were listening to The Offspring and he said that this would be a good song for Shinji and Asuka and since I'm more of a Shinji/Rei fan this story was born. It turned out to be a lot harder than I thought and therefor didn't turn out to be as good as I wanted but, *shrug* I won my bet and it's not too bad.
~Words in these are song lyrics~
Shinji Ikari, the third child and savior of humanity stood outside the apartment. Steeling himself for the response, Shinji pressed the button for the intercom. After several moments of silence Shinji sighed and pushed the button again.
"Yes?" a quiet voice questioned from the intercom several seconds later.
"Ayanami, it's me Shinji," he replied. "I need to speak with you. May I come in?
"Very well Pilot Ikari," the voice replied.
Shinji jumped back in surprise as the door to Rei's apartment swung open.
"Wasn't expecting her to agree to talk with me," Shinji thought as he stepped into the dark hallway that led to Rei's living room.
Slowly walking down the hallway, Shinji thought about the first time he had ever entered the apartment. He had come to bring Rei her new ID card, but had found her coming out of the shower with nothing but a towel on. Being the nervous clutz he was, Shinji had tripped and fallen, knocking Rei's towel away and landing on top of her.
"No wonder I'm so nervous around her," Shinji mused as he stepped into the living room.
"Hello Ayanami," Shinji said with a sigh of relief when he saw that Rei was fully clothed.
"You said you required to speak with me, Pilot Ikari?" the young blue haired girl asked.
"When we're not at NERV you can call me Shinji."
"Very well Shinji. Then in private you may address me as Rei if you wish. Now what is the urgent matter which you needed to speak with me about?"
"Well there's something that has been bothering me. Since Toji and Kensuke aren't around you're the only friend I have left to talk to."
"Very well Pilot... Shinji. You may speak your mind and I will listen," Rei assured the young Eva pilot.
"Rei, you know how I'm in a relationship with Asuka?"
Shinji paused as a look of what could have been sadness quickly passed over Rei's face.
"Rei's never sad. I must be imagining things," Shinji though to himself before continuing. "I love Asuka, but she doesn't treat me very well, so I decided to break it off with her a few days ago."
"What happened?" Rei asked with an uncharacteristic, interested tone of voice.
"Well..," Shinji started.
~I wrote her off for the tenth time today~
~And practiced all the things I would say~
*Four Days Before*
Shinji, you gotta dump Asuka, man" Shinji's best friend Toji Suzahara said from his usual spot underneath the tree in the school yard.
"Yeah, dump the red haired demon bitch," Kensuke Aida added.
"I know I should, but every time I bring it up Asuka just kisses me and says that I'm hers."
"Well tonight, just go into her bedroom, tell her it's over then run into your room and barricade the door before she beats your ass," Kensuke suggested.
"I suppose it's worth a try," Shinji replied with a shrug.
*That Night*
~But she came over, I lost my nerve~
~I took her back and made her dessert~
Shinji stepped out of his bedroom and into the living room of Misato's apartment. Misato was at NERV, giving Shinji the perfect opportunity to break things off with Asuka. Sitting down on the couch beside the fiery redhead, Shinji began to speak.
"Asuka, we really need to talk."
"Isn't it time for you to make dinner, Baka?
"I'll make it in a minute, this is important," Shinji replied.
Suddenly saw Asuka's eyes flash with anger.
"I said make me some dinner," Asuka said with barely restrained anger in her voice.
"Gomen, Asuka. I'll go make it now," Shinji replied meekly. "Way to wuss out," Shinji mentally berated himself as he began gathering food for the meal.
"And don't forget dessert this time," Asuka shouted from the living room.
"Ok."
*Rei's Apartment, Present Day*
~Now I know I'm being used~
~That's okay man cause I like the abuse~
~I know she's playing with me~
~That's okay cause I got no self esteem~
"So you can see that Asuka doesn't always treat me very well," Shinji said.
Rei nodded in agreement.
"Pilo...Shinji, although I have not had first hand experience in what you would consider a relationship, from what I have observed in others when one likes another he or she does not physically and verbally abuse them. It would appear to me that Pilot Soryu is merely using you to serve her and does not truly care for you.
"I'm sure Asuka does care and this is just her way of showing it."
"If I was to use a frame of reference we should look at the relationship between Pilot Suzahara and Class Representative Horaki. They appear to care about each other greatly, yet neither one uses physically violence on the other and any verbal abuse between the two is merely in jest, unlike with Pilot Soryu and yourself.
"Well even if you're right and Asuka really doesn't care about me I can't dump her. Everytime I try she just intimidates me until I'm to afraid to even suggest it."
"Perhaps if you told me more, I would be able to better analyze the situation and offer more suitable advice," Rei suggested.
"Ok. Well the next thing to happen was..."
*Three Days Previous, In the Classroom*
~We make plans to go out at night~
"Asuka, would you like to go see a movie tonight?" Shinji asked hopefully as he sat down beside Asuka.
"I suppose after that dinner last night, you've earned the right to escort me to the movies tonight," Asuka replied. "I'm going to Hikari's after school to study. I'll be home around 8:00 so you better be ready."
It was at that moment the teacher strode into the room and began to ramble on about life before the Second Impact.
*That Night*
~Wait til 2 then I turn out the light~
Shinji glanced at the clock for the hundredth time that hour.
"It's past 2 am. I guess Asuka really isn't coming home tonight. She stood me up," Shinji thought sadly. "I'm sure she had a good reason," a little voice in Shinji's head justified. "I guess I'll just go to bed."
Sighing, Shinji reached for his lamp and turned off the light.
*The Next Day*
~All this rejection's got me so low~
~If she keeps it up I just might tell her so~
"She treats me so badly," Shinji thought as he laid on his bed. "Maybe it's my fault. Maybe I'm doing something wrong... No. It's Asuka's fault this time. She doesn't really love me. I have to break up with her. I will break up with her!"
Shinji was startled from his thoughts as he heard the door to his room open and Asuka stepped inside.
~When she's saying that she wants only me~
"Shinji, I'm sorry," Asuka began. "Hikari and I were studying and it got late, but we still weren't done so I stayed over there last night. I'm sorry I didn't call and tell you. Anyway we still aren't done yet, I just came home to get some books. I'm heading back to Hikari's now. See ya later."
With that Asuka turned around and walked out the door.
"What was that," Shinji thought to himself. "Asuka was actually polite to me. Something is up. Maybe I should follow her."
"Do it. Follow her," shouted one of the voices in Shinji's mind."
Sighing, Shinji grabbed his coat and headed out the door and after Asuka.
~Then I wonder why she sleeps with my friends~
Slipping around the corner of the building, Shinji came to a quick halt as he saw Asuka standing across the street at the front door to a house. Shinji watched as Asuka knocked on the door and a young boy who Shinji recognized as Hiro Poe, from their school, answered the door.
"What is she doing," Shinji muttered angrily as he watched Asuka enter the house. "Follow her," the voice continued to yell.
In another un-Shinji-like action, Shinji listened to the voice and sprinted across the street to the house. Spying an open window, Shinji made his way slowly towards it.
"I musn't run away. I musn't run away. I musn't run away," Shinji chanted in his mind.
Finally reaching the window, Shinji gathered his courage and looked in.
"No..." Shinji whispered in disbelief at what he saw.
Asuka sat on a couch beside Hiro, locked in a passionate kiss with him. (Author's Note: I know the lyric says "sleep", but I don't feel Asuka would be the kinda girl to sleep around at that age.)
"Damn you Asuka!" Shinji yelled as tears began to spring from his eyes.
Turning Shinji began to run away from the house. As he ran, in the distance he could hear Asuka shout his name.
*That Night*
~When she's saying that I'm like a disease~
"It's all your fault!" Asuka berated Shinji as they sat in the living room of Misato's apartment. "If you would treat me better then I wouldn't have had to go find Hiro to give me some attention."
Standing up, Shinji walked to his room, shut the door and locked it.
Asuka's voice could be heard on the other side of the door saying" Let me in, idiot. I'm not done with you yet."
Slipping the earphones of his SDAT into his ears, Shinji turned it on and closed his eyes.
*Rei's Apartment, Present Day*
~Then I wonder how much more I can spend~
"I decided then that I would dump her the next day no matter. Asuka could be so sweet sometimes and it made it seem like staying with her was worth her being so mean to me, but I didn't know how much longer I could take the abuse."
~Well I guess I should stick up for myself~
"Now that I have more data I have been able to come to a conclusion," Rei stated. "While I may be lacking in my knowledge of social interaction, especially the area of romantic relationships, I have decided that common sense would dictate that you end your romantic relationship with Pilot Soryu."
"But I'm lucky to have Asuka at all. She could pick any boy she wanted, but she chose me."
Shinji wriggled in his seat as Rei stared at him with an intense look.
"Shinji, you are a....," Rei began as she struggled for the correct word. "You are an impressive boy. You are intelligent, wise, brave and attractive," Rei continued as a slight blush appeared on her cheeks.
"Did Rei just call me attractive?" Shinji asked himself, as a blush began to form on his cheeks as well.
"Any girl would be lucky to have a boy such as you," Rei finished, the blush even brighter.
"Uh..... thank you Rei," Shinji replied timidly.
~But I really think it's better this way~
~The more you suffer~
~The more it shows you really care~
"But maybe I should just put up with it all. I mean, she may be mean most of the time, but she can be nice sometimes and she's beautiful. Plus she makes it so hard to break up with her. It would be easier just to stay with her."
"Perhaps," Rei replied quietly. "But you mentioned that these events happened more than a day ago. Why did you wait until now to come speak with me of this?"
"Well actually I haven't mentioned what happened last night yet."
"What occurred during the previous night?"
"Well it happened around midnight. Misato was already asleep and...."
*The Previous Night*
~Late at night she knocks on my door~
Shinji awoke to a knocking at his door.
"Go away I'm sleeping," Shinji replied angrily, before rolling over and closing his eyes.
"Come on baby, let me in," the voice answered.
"Asuka? Is that you," Shinji asked, as he got up and opened the door.
~Drunk again and looking to score~
Asuka stumbled into the room and fell onto Shinji's bed. Shinji could smell alcohol on Asuka's breath.
"Asuka's been drinking? But she doesn't normally. She must have got into Misato's stash for some reason."
"Shinji, baby, come here," the drunk Asuka said as she patted a spot beside her on the bed.
~Now I know I
"Sighing deeply, Shinji took his place beside Asuka on the bed.
*Present Day
~I may be dumb but I'm not a dweeb~
"Pilot Ikari, did you engage in sexual relations with Pilot Soryu?" Rei asked with a hint of anger in her voice.
"Wha?!?" Shinji said in surprise. "No we kissed for a while and I realized what I was doing and forced her to go back to her room."
"Well, Shinji," Rei began, her voice once again the usual calm monotone. "From what I can see, your best option would be to end the relationship with Pilot Soryu and find another female who would treat you more affectionately. One who's personality better matches your own."
"Where am I going to find someone like that Rei? The only person whose personality matches mine is...." Shinji trailed off.
"That's it!" Shinji thought to himself. "The perfect girl for me is Rei. She's just like me and so unlike Asuka."
Suddenly Shinji's excitement faded.
"But Rei doesn't like me. Maybe I should ask her out anyway and see what she says. Yeah. That's what I'll do."
"Who were you about to say was a match for you Shinji?" Rei asked. Concentrating on gathering his courage, Shinji missed the look of hope in Rei's usually emotionless, crimson eyes.
Shinji opened his mouth, prepared to tell Rei that she was his perfect match.
"...No one, Rei. I'll see you later. Thanks for being there for me."
Turning towards the door, Shinji walked outside.
"You're welcome, Shinji," Rei whispered, as Shinji rounded a corner and disappeared from her sight.
"Someday I'll tell her," Shinji thought as he looked up at the window of Rei's apartment.
"Someday I'll tell him," Rei thought to herself as she watched through her window as Shinji walked away
~I'm just a sucker with no self esteem~
Author's Note: Well this turned out surprisingly better than I thought, thought not as good as I would have liked. I might make a sequel out of this, cause I just cant stand leaving a couple like Shinji and Rei apart. Also I don't think Asuka is evil or anything, but Rei isn't the kind of person who would two time Shinji. Well I hoped you enjoyed the story. See ya.