disclaimer: I only own The Raekarak characters, myself, and partially Hannah, Rachel, and katie.R&R!!!
Act One Scene one
(scene opens to the Black pearl, where Captain Jack Sparrow-CJS-is steering the pearl, and singing to himself)
CJS: Yo holy hoax pirates life for me. Drink up me hearties,yo-
Mr.Gibbs: Captain, look at the sky! A black speck!
CJS: So?
(William turner-WT-walks up behind Gibbs)
WT: But its flying fast, and against the wind towards us.
CJS: Mr.Gibbs,get the telescope!
(CJS looks through the telescope that Gibbs tosses him, and shouts: )
CJS: Everyone back up, we have an incoming-
(Sarah lands in a heap on board the Black pearl's deck)
Sarah: AHHHHHHHHH!!! thump Oofff!
WT: A girl in strange clothing lands on our deck? A THREAT! Draws sword
Sarah: puts up hand and sits up No! Wait, Parley!
CJS: What do you want, you interrupted the best part of my song!
Sarah: Sorry, Jack. My name is Sarah Author Sarah Kat, and I am here on an important business from the council of fiction. I must speak to Jack and Will alone.
CJS: To my cabin!
(scene enters CJS cabin, where CJS sits at his desk,WT paces,and Sarah fixes her hair in the window)
CJS: We are alone now, what do you want?
Sarah: clears throat You are all in danger, every thing ever created is! Somewhere, the balance between good and evil was overturned, and evil won. I have been sent here to gather characters from all over fiction, to help win a catastrophic battle that takes place tonight.
CJS: knocks something over Bugger!
WT: And what if we refuse?
Sarah: Then the elders will write you out of fiction. You really don't have a choice.
CJS: Why do you need us in particular?
Sarah: condescending smile You know yourself that you are famous for your...experience in pirating, and fighting.
WT: We'll go. But how did you get here?
Sarah: holds up emerald shaped crystal and taps it with fingernail This. Its a traveling crystal that the elders loaned me after my first mission. Lets Go!!! SHOOP
Scene Two
(Scene enters Cair paravel,Narnia,where High King Peter-HKP-Is having a not so nice discussion with his brother and two sisters)
HKP: Well, I say that we go hunting on Friday!
Lucy: But I"M having a ball that day!
Edmund: Yawl-
Susan: Stop bickering and look! There are three black birds out the window!
HKP: An omen of ill-WATCH OUT!
(Sarah,CJS,and WT crash through a large window and land heavily on the floor)
CJS: Is there any possibility that you could have that thing fixed?
Sarah: This is the second best crystal. Next time, I'll just take the first class one and not ask for it.
Lucy: Oh Peter! They are Pirates!
(Sarah tries to do the "Live long and prosper■ but fails)
HKP: State your names and business in the name of Aslan,or-
Sarah: No need for all of that,Peter,no need. I and my companions are her to enlist your aid in righting the balance between Good and evil. A catastrophic battle that will decide the outcome takes place tonight. Only you can come.
HKP: And if I refuse?
Sarah: long sigh You cannot, because Narnia will cease to exist if you do not help.
Edmund: Why just him?
Sarah: The elders chose him.
HKP: I'll go. After you tell me who these hooligans behind you are.
CJS: Have you not met Will Tuner? Terrific Soprano,Eunich-
WT: HEY!Why do you always-
Sarah: Time to go!
SHOOP
Scene Three (Scene enters Kaindoria,where Rai,Retwa,Rief,Raeth,and General Ellenora Gonaraeg'-GG- are riding across an open plain and talking amongst themselves)
Rai: So, If we combine the fire tongue with-
Retwa: Listen! Do you hear something?
GG: Yes.
Raeth: It sounds like a bird when it takes off, but then it sounds like loud yelling.
(CJS,WT,Sarah,and HKP land in an ungraceful heap on the plains)
The company: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
HKP: OOF!
WT: I am oddly getting used to this.
Sarah: Good.
CJS:Squishing sound as CJS steps into a cow pie BUGGER.shakes foot
(Everyone gets up and brushes themselves off)
GG: Who are you? What are you doing here? Are you spies of Carrolblakata?
Sarah:Tries and fails again to do the "live long and prosper" Hello, my children! I am your creator, and wish you no harm!
Retwa: How do we know you aren't lying?
Rief: Aye, prove it!
(Sarah smiles wickedly, and takes out pen and notebook. She writes "Raeth kissed his wife.■ And Raeth does as she writes)
Sarah:shows them sentence SEE!
GG: You are much needed, and welcome, in this dark hour.
Sarah: As are you,General.You and your company is needed to come with me on a venture that will assure your success against Carrolblakata if we win.
Rai: I will go!
Retwa: We all will.
Sarah: Splendid! Let's go!
CJS:Oh,no,here we go again with the falling.
SHOOP
Scene Four NOTE: This segment was once dedicated to the dwiggies of Derbyshire writers guild,but,unfortunatly,They betrayed me, so now this segment is just using them.
(Scene opens to Pemberly,Derbyshire,where Mr.Darcy is having a cautious conversation with his steward. Three rooms away, The company lands)
HKP: Thinks to self Sarah lands so gracefully compared to the others...out,decieving thoughts, OUT!
WT: Glares at Rai,Retwa,Rief,GG,and Raeth who land gracefully by using magic to float downHee-haw come they get to do that!
Rief: Because we just happen to be smarter and more competent than you mere mortals.smiles provokingly
WT: Why you.
Sarah: Break it up, break it up.looks at listOh!Someone is supposed to meet me here, actually two friends.
Rai: Who? More of us?
Sarah: No, but one has violent tendencies-
CJS: Do you hear something?
Raeth: Shuts eyes and mutters an inaudible word I hear about 11 people coming, running wildly towards us, but that is not what-HIDE!
HKP: What is it?
GG: What part of "Hide" do you have something wrong with? Listen to my husband!
(Everyone gets down and hides in all not so comfortable positions, as Darcy walks in alone, and constantly looking behind his shoulder)
Sarah: NOW! GET HIM!
CJS:grunts as everyone gets upHey,guys.
Darcy:utters a loud shriek of horrorNO! Don't turn me over to them! I'll do anything!
WT: Over to who?
Darcy: The Dwiggies.They are all insane, and they have been hunting me since I was created. I was just now talking to my steward about installing a brick wall.
CJS: Hey guys.
Rief: I've heard of them, but isn't it just a group of over bossed women?
Darcy:shuddersYou have no idea of the trouble and chaos they can make. In fact, your leader was once among their ranks.
(Everyone▓s head swings around to look at Sarah, who has acquired a dazed look)
Sarah: What? Hoys I once was, but I am no longer fully dependent upon them.
Darcy: And for that I am thankful.
(Colonel Fitzwilliam, or studmuffin,or Colonel Hot pants, and Mr. Knightly enter, with old heirloom sabers that hung on Darcy's wall)
CF: LET HIM GO!
Knightly: Or we'll have your guts for garters!
(Darcy and CF give knightly a surprised look at his sudden, unexpected venom)
Darcy: Thank you, but there is no need. They are not Dwiggies.
CF:Embarrassed lookWell...this is awkward.
Knightly: Who are you anyway?
(Two chatting girls walk into the room with notebooks)
Sarah: Greetings,sister,Katie!
Hannah: Hey!Fancy meeting you here!
Katie: Hello Sarah, You won't believe where we've been!
(Sarah, Hannah and Katie group hug)
CJS: So sorry to innterupt,butnods head towards doorBut I really don't want to be here when those Dwiggies find us.
Raeth:They're close too.
Hannah: In aweIs that.
Katie: MR DARCY!!!AND MR KNIGHTLY!
Hannah:recovers and squealsCOLONEL STUDMUFFIN!
CF: wincesUghh.
Sarah:Rubs eardrumYou all should know my company so far.
(Gentlemen bow, and CF kisses Hannah's hand. Knightly casts a sidelong look at Katie, and Darcy rolls his eyes)
Katie: Also casts a sidelong look at knightlySo what is your business here?
Sarah: The usual, saving the universe on a mission the elders sent me on.
Hannah:Rubs hand where CF kissed itWe are on our coming-into-adulthood trip, across our favorite story sites. We saved the best for last.
Katie: Oh!Maybe we could go with you for the rest of your venture!
Sarah: That would be Splendid!
CF: We'll go too!
Knightly:clueless lookYEAH!
CJS:exasperated sigh and longing look at the doorGUYS!
(Dwiggies run screaming through the doorway. The company draws swords to fend them off)
CJS: I TOLD YOU!
Rief: Yawl.
Retwa: Stop this! We have other thing more important to worry about!
Darcy: And what are we to do now? They are RELENTLESS!
Dwiggie1: GET THEM!
Dwiggie2: Leave the Pirate standing!
Dwiggie1:Dibs on Colonel hot pants!
Hannah: Get your Grubby hands off of him!
Sarah: WE need to leave. Now!
(Dwiggie2 takes out notebook and tries to write everyone away but Darcy,knightly,CF,and CJS,but)
Sarah; Stop the writer!
WT: AYE!Tackles pretty Dwiggie2
Dwiggie2:Thinks to selfHmm,what an advantageous position, and he's not bad looking, so.
(Dwiggie2 kisses WT is very suprised,but pleased, and responds in kind)
CJS:Rolls eyes and sheathes swordnow, why did I know that he was going to end up like that?Exits shoutingStill rooting for you, mate!
WT:a minute laterFare well, my love, I shall soon return.
Sarah: Is everyone we want here?
Katie: Yes, HURRY!
(They leave just as the dwiggies enter the empty room they hid in)
SHOOP
Scene Five (Scene opens to Middle earth, where Legolas,Aragorn,Gandalf,and Gimli are riding across a particularly large section of plains)
Legolas: Look! A group of flying specks is falling towards the ground in front of us!
Aragorn: Is it a trap? Some new devilry of Sauron?
Legolas: I will ride ahead to investigate.
Gandalf: As will I. Faster Shadowfax!
(Legolas and Gandalf spur their horses, leaving Aragorn and Gimli the dwarf far behind)
HKP: Why do I even bother trying to remain presentable?
Rai: Now where are we?
Sarah:sits up and smiles gleefullyMiddle earth! The place of my dreams!
Rief: Is this the place you used to base Kaindoria on?
GG: That and Alegasia,I think. I know this place well, in Kaindoria,its just more enhanced here.
Hannah: Sarah, How did I know that we would end up here?
Katie: Because we know our Sarah!
Darcy: This is highly.
Knightly: Unnatural?
CF: I agree, though this place is beautiful.
Raeth: Aye.
CJS: Where is the sea?
Retwa: Very far away. I can sense it.
WT: We cannot stay. I sense danger.
Hannah: Look! Two horsemen!
Sarah: Three,actually.Aragorn and Gimli are more behind. That would be Legolas and Gandalf.Now,will,I warn you, something strange will happen when you see Legolas.
WT: What does that mean?
Sarah: Exactly what I said.
HKP:Meanwhile debates with himselfDare I ask her? YES! I DO!Later,though.
(Legolas and Gandalf reach the company, though neither Sarah nor WT has made eye contact with Legolas)
Legolas:Draws arrow and points it at them What do 5 maids and 9 men do on the plains?
CJS: SarcasticallyWell,normaly we ride on horseback, but today-
Gandalf:Raises staff threateninglyState your Business!
(Sarah and Legolas make eye contact.Legolas looks surprised and lowers arrow, then raises it again jerkily. Sarah smiles weakly, and does the "live long and prosper" correctly)
Sarah: We,um,we.
Hannah:rolls eyesWe are on a mission to save every universe from certain destruction!
(Aragorn and Gimli have caught up, and Aragorn laughs at the statement, which sets Sarah to rights)
Sarah: Listen here,buddy,heir of Isildur you may be, but I am the mad authoress, and I can make your life miserable.
Gimli: Do not speak ill of the true king!
Legolas:recovers from encounter with SarahYea,well,Aragorn has needed a little humbling these days.
Gandalf: Legolas!
(WT and Legolas make eye contact)
Legolas and WT: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Legolas: Why do you look like me?
WT: How should I know!
Sarah: I told you!turns to Aragorn and the restAnyway, the balance between good and evil is upset, and if you want to defeat Sauron,then you must come with us first to win a catastrophic battle that takes place tomorrow.
Hannah: Hey! I thought it was tonight! And I'm hungry!
Sarah: We have a lot more characters to pick up than I thought. The battle has been delayed.
Gimli: How do we know you aren't lying?
Raeth: Belive me, she isn't.
Sarah: Maybe I did not make myself perfectly clear. You will LOSE the battle against Sauron,if you do not come with us. I should know.
Gandalf: If what you say is true, then the white wizard will see it done.
Aragorn: And the heir of Isildur also.
Legolas: Aye.
Gimli: Aye.
Hannah: Good, I▓m hungry!
CJS: I need more rum!
Sarah: Yeah,I want a smoothie too. Lets go!
Darcy: Where to no-
SHOOP