It was a bright day out in New Bark. Everyone was up and running, be it to do some shopping in Cherrygrove, go to school in Violet, or off to follow the Johto Dream. Everyone, that is, but Kris, despite her mother's best attempts.
"Wake up... Wake u-up... WakeupwakeupWAKEUUUUUUP!
WAAAAAKE *gasp* UUUUUUUUUUUP!
...*sigh. Teens these days."
And then her mother eyed the CD collection.
"...No, that wouldn't work. I've seen her sleep through worse."
Meanwhile, on the phone lines that lead to Kris' house, a pair of Murkrow were having a conversation.
"Clean her windows, lady! It works on TV!"
"Pipe down, you'll wake the guy next door."
Here, the Murkrow was referring to the Pidgey that was sound asleep on the telephone pole.
"Zzz... birdseed... zzz..."
Back at the house, Kris was still fast asleep. Her mother had tried everything, from fiddling around with the power tools to waving a hot dog wrapped in bacon within close proximity of her nose. No luck. Therefore, one of the Murkrows decided to intervene.
"Nothin's workin'. I'm goin' in. Wish me luck."
The Murkrow hopped off the cable and made a kamikaze dive for what it thought was an open window...
"BANZAAIIII-OOF!... ...owwww..."
Despite not having the aid of a spatula, the bird was able to remove itself from the windowpane. Like a disoriented butterfly in a windstorm, the Murkrow drunkenly flapped its way to its post on the cable.
"You never told me there was a window..."
"You never asked."
Not even the unmistakable thud of a Murkrow hitting a glass pane could wake Kris up. Her mother decided to bring out her last resort. She put on an umpire costume with football shoulderpads and a motorcycle helmet. She stuffed several pillows down her sweatpants. You would think that she was trying to bathe a Meowth. Then she broke out the pièce de résistance: A ten-foot wooden dowel. She slowly crept up to Kris' bedroom, being careful not to trip over anything. Then she poked Kris with the stick-and waited.
3... 2... 1...
"AAAAAAAAAAUGH! AAH! AAGH! AAAAAAAAAAAAUGH-Oh. Geez, Mom, ya almost scared me half to death there."
"Well, there was no other way to do it."
"Really. No other way?"
"Yeah. You didn't even wake up when that bird hit the window."
"Bird? What bird? All I see is an angry Pidgey chasing two Murkrow off the... Oh.
"Why were you up so late?"
"What do you mean?"
"Agh-You know what- *sigh* Well, I guess it's okay, I mean, You just turned eleven, so you don't go to school anymore..."
"Does this mean I can go back to sleep?" asked Kris.
Her mother stared at her for a while, as if thinking it over, then replied, with a cheerfulness that seemed to come out of nowhere: "I made paaan-caaaakes!"
"Wow! Thanks, Mom! You're the best!" Kris gave her mother a hug before running to the living room, still in her pajamas, and getting her breakfast. She ate while watching the TV. Her favorite comedy was playing. How they came up with Crunchy Frog, she'd never truly know. Her mother came walking after, stuffing her armor back into the walk-in closet.
The two sat next to each other, mother and daughter, watching the TV and laughing. After the two had finished their pancakes, Kris put everything in the sink. Her mother had washed the dishes recently, and the sink was spotless. It was at that point Kris' mother remembered something.
"Hey, you know the professor who works next door?"
Kris' stomach lurched.
"He wanted you to run an errand for him. He wouldn't go into details, but he wants you to meet him at the lab."
Kris was relieved. She disobeyed Elm's orders not to touch anything roughly a week ago, and she was now living in fear that something was going to explode.
"I'll be headed next door, then."
But just as Kris was about to leave, her mother handed her something.
"Your Pokégear came back from the shop. They found several Przcureberry leaves lodged in the speaker system, could you believe it?"
Kris turned bright red and walked out.
Meanwhile, next door, Professor Elm was wearing a gas mask and what looked like a baggy spacesuit. He was carrying a pair of tongs which held what looked like a flaming Glo-stick over some outlandish device that looked like a cross between a rain basin, a motorcycle, a CD player, and a fresh Piloswine skeleton. He was working with the precision of a surgeon, though only he knew what he was doing.
And then the door slammed open.
"HI, PROFESSOR! You called?"
With a deafening yelp, Elm dropped the tongs, thus rendering the machine a smoldering wreck. The lab had to be quarantined.
Several hours later, Kris went up to the lab, being careful to knock this time.
"...Hello?"
Kris slowly opened the door.
"Professor? ...Professor Elm? ...Uh, Sir?"
A whimpering noise came out of nowhere.
"...Please don't kill me..."
"Um... Professor? I'm here for that errand you called for..."
The professor stood up from behind a trashcan. He was twitching and shaking like never before. It was a minor miracle he wasn't bouncing across the floor like a wind-up toy.
Kris decided to speak up. "Look, I'm sorry about the machine-"
"It's o-ok-k-k-kay," said an incredibly rattled Professor Elm. "Th-that's not t-t-too hard to rep-place... Hey... c-could you go on over to M-m-m-mr. P-pokémon's place?"
"Mr. Pokémon?"
"H-h-he's an ac-cquaintance of mine... His house is j-just alo-long the path to your s-school..."
"I'm home-schooled, remember? I almost set Mr. Dervish on fire, and now he screams like a girl and runs every time he sees me."
"Oh. Just go t-t-to Cherrygrove... Then take th-the north exit... and g-go east at th-the fork. It's th-th-the only house until the next... town."
"All right, then. I'm off-"
"WAIT!"
"Huh? What's up?"
"Y-you can't go out like that!"
Kris was a little confused.
"I-i-i mean unprotected! Unprotected!"
"What kind of girl do you-" asked Kris before she was cut off.
"I MEAN FROM WILD POKÉMON!"
"Oh. Whew."
"Please... take... a starter pokémon. There's a Cyndaquil, a Totodile, and a Chikorita on that shelf. Please... take one of them."
Kris then walked up to the desk.
"Eenie, meenie, miney-IWANTTHISONE!"
She promptly cracked open the Poké ball which held a Totodile.
"...Good choice..." said Elm shortly before the Totodile clamped onto his arm. "AAAAAAUGH! ...somebody get me a crowbar... ...ouch..."
"Meatmeatmeatmeatmeatmeatmeat..."
After Kris searched around a bit, she found something suitable.
"Hey, will this oar suffice?"
"...no..."
She searched a little longer, and she found a car jack.
"...no..."
A Tauros prod.
"...no..."
A tire iron.
"...no..."
Professor Elm's favorite spatula.
"...no..."
And so on and so forth, with all manner of equipment, ranging from crutches to can openers to even a lab assistant, until Professor Elm finally snapped.
"IN THE NAME OF GOD, LADY, IT's RIGHT OVER THERE!" he hollered, pointing at a tool shelf with his free hand.
"Meatmeatmeatmeat-huh? Probably nothing. Meatmeatmeatmeatmeatmeatmeat..."
Kris turned her head to the shelf.
"Who would have thought..." she said, picking up the crowbar. "You hide things in the weirdest places, professor." she said, prior to attempting to pry open Totodile's jaws.
"Meatmeatmeatmeatmeatmeat-Hey! Let go! Let go! Alright! I'm gonna let go of him, just put down the crowbar! LET GO ALREADY! LET GO!"
Eventually, Kris took the large hunk of steel out of Totodile's mouth, right after Elm got his arm free.
"That was relatively easy..."
"Speak for yourself, Kris."
"Just get me some meat..." the Totodile said as Kris gave it a pat on the head.
"Aww, who's an adorable little cold-blooded flesh-eating reptilian? Yes you are, yes you are!"
"Tonight, while you sleep..."
"I wouldn't do that if I were you," said Professor Elm. "That thing's got a slight Napoleon complex."
"I SHALL RULE THE WORLD! BOW DOWN TO ME!"
"Anyplace where I can go get him treats?
Totodile's mouth began watering.
"Might I suggest the butcher shop?"
After giving her brain a long enough pause to process the information, Kris got a little scared about what she had gotten herself into. Meanwhile, Totodile was bouncing off the walls.
"Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!"
"All right, I'm off." said Kris. Then, looking at the vicious man-eating beast that had become her friend, she decided that she was gonna name it Beartrap.
As soon as the two walked out, Professor Elm got his head back together.
"Well, back to work, I guess..." he said as he put on his gas mask.