A/N: This is a random SPOOF that I decided to do for no good reason. It is late at night, I am tired, and this came out. OH, AND BTW, to all you sticklers, I created this randomly, it serves no purpose, if it is not entirely correct, then that is OKAY, because it is a SPOOF. A RANDOM SPLURGE OF INSANITY!(And yes, in case anyone is wondering, I DID make up that statement and should really copyright it one day.)
The Reason Behind The Ring
Once upon a time there was a person. His name was...well, never mind his name, because that is completely unimportant, and you will probably end up knowing it by the end of this story anyway. Where was I...oh yes. Everybody called him Sauron(and I shall tell you why, his name was Samuel Arnold Uphremski Ronald Oswald Nye, and if you put the first letters of all those names together, it spells SAURON.) and he rather liked his nickname. From his childhood on up, he was...peculiar. He kept to himself, drew pictures of people dying, and had an odd fascination with shiny things. And ducks.
He lived in a magical place called Middle-earth. And this, to throw down the common idea that it was the middle of the earth, was NOT the middle of the earth, because it was Middle-earth, and there is no 'of the' between 'Middle' and 'earth.' Moving on.
He was very very very evil. Extremely, utterly evil. A VILE person, really.
One day, he decided to make more shiny things(he already had a ton of them, let me tell you, and he sold them) and give them away to people. He was feeling rather lazy that day, so he decided to make rings, which are supposedly really easy to make.
Anyway, he made some, and gave three to the Elves(who he hated immensely, so, I ask you, why was he giving them pretty shiny things??) seven to the Dwarves(Whom he also hated. Or is it who he hated?) and nine to men(also a very dumb move, but he liked men the best because they were easily corrupted and greedy, etc etc etc. But he still hated them.)
And then he realized something.
"I realize something," he said aloud. He had realized, just then, that he was supposed to be greedy and selfish and that he had not made anything for himself. "I am supposed to be greedy and selfish, and I did not make a ring for myself." he said.
So he made a big, fat, gold ring, and poured his cruelty and malice and all those other wonderful attributes in it(though how can your pour characteristics into a material thing? Inquiring minds want to know!) and decided to be more evil than ever before, and to rule the whole of Middle-earth. Again, this is NOT the middle of the earth, though, by study, it is a liquid, hot place with metal that Sauron would probably like very much if it wouldn't kill him to be there. He also made up a pretty remarkable saying to go along with the ring, which he repeated constantly to himself, like a chant, though, it really was a chant, so...yeah.
And so he started a war! It was a very lovely war, if wars can be called lovely, which I don't think they can, so I better change that. It was a very...spectacular war, with lots of people dying, and Sauron was the nearest to happy he had ever been.
Unfortunately, some person cut his finger off and stole his ring, and he was very unhappy about that but he didn't actually die, he only created an illusion of dying since nobody really can DIE from getting a finger cut off unless it gets infected, with gangrene and stuff and they don't go to a doctor right away, or put the finger in ice so that it can be sewn back on, which he didn't, but in any case he really didn't care about his finger, as he was extremely mad that someone had stolen his ring, and his finger grew back again, anyway, or something like that.
And since this has gone WAY past the reason why he made the ring(which was explained earlier) I shall stop this Incredibly Random Story About Sauron, and leave you all in peace.
A/N: Wow... I'm going through all my old files and finding these old stories of mine(Most of which I've decided to repost)