Title: Forget
Author: Shila / Crazy Jane / Entropy / Asuza / BeautifulDorian
Rating: PG-13
Warning: References to twincest and a kiss. Don't like it? More for me!
Disclaimer: The MacManus brothers are not mine. If they were, I wouldn't be at my computer, I'd be in bed. No, they belong to Troy Duffy. I'm just playing with them. It's not really my fault they're MADE for slashing!Summary: 374 word drabble.
"Sometimes, late at night, Connor forgets God. Connor forgets pain. Connor forgets guilt.
But he cannot forget Murphy, and it will be the death of him."
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Forget
...in Nomine Patris... et Filii... et Spiritus Sancti...
Sometimes, at night, Connor lets himself forget.
In the dark, where the only noise is the dull crackle of cheap lighting from outside and the passing of traffic on the worn highway, he lies on the cheap, smelly motel bed and stares up at the cracked ceiling, and doesn't think of anything at all. Not God, not the killings, not their life on the run. Not Da's grave, fresh and stained with tears, left behind in Boston.
Not Murphy, lying next to him, eyes shut, looking as innocent as a babe.
Connor doesn't want to remember the guilt, or the desire, that his faith tells him are wrong. So for those few precious moments, he doesn't. In that dingy silence he isn't a Saint, isn't a criminal, isn't anything but a man crippled by love. He's torn himself up over it time and time again - God declares that love is a benediction. But this is a perversion of the love he should feel for his twin - or so they say. It didn't feel perverted. It felt like reverence.
Connor doesn't want to remember that he breaks a commandment every day - that he holds Murphy closer in his heart than any god could ever be. He prays every day for their salvation and that they never be parted. But here, scratchy sheets under his bare back and his gaze following the cheap grey molding overhead... here he doesn't bother to pray that he can have the strength to resist the desire for his twin. No, here he merely thinks about nothing... well. As close to nothing as he can.
Sometimes, late at night, Connor forgets God. Connor forgets pain. Connor forgets guilt.
But he cannot forget Murphy, and it will be the death of him.
As he rolls over in the bed, he comes face to face with his twin, whose blue eyes are open and looking right at him with an unreadable expression.
And as Murphy leans close to kiss him, Connor knows he will never forget this; and if it his love for his twin is the death of him, then they will go down into darkness together.
Sometimes, at night, they make each other forget, and nothing else matters.
- sin sin -