I decided to pay a visit to my Grandma Stark. It had been a little over a month since I'd seen her, even though I only lived a mere hour away. The thought of visiting her home always made me uncomfortable. It had been a little over a year since Grandpa Stark died, and it felt wrong to walk into a home that he no longer occupied.
Without Grandpa there, I knew it would be quiet. Grandma didn't talk a whole lot unless she had something to say, and she didn't have much in the way of a sense of humor. I always got along great with Gramps; we were both outspoken, liked politics and had an opinion for just about anything under the sun. But he was gone now, and I needed to reconnect with Grandma.
When I arrived, she greeted me with a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. "Hi, sweetie," Grandma said with a smile.
"Sorry it's been a while; school's been keeping me busy," I said as I took off my shoes.
"School's important, Junior. You know I'm always here anyway and are more than welcome to drop by anytime you'd like. I'm just happy to see you, love," Grandma replied.
She poured me a cup of tea and we sat in the living room. Grandma asked me the usual questions:
"How is school?"
"What classes are you taking this semester?"
"Have you been getting enough sleep?"
Grandma could tell I hadn't been. There were slight bags under my eyes, and I yawned often. I had insomnia just like Gramps used to- yet another one of the many traits we had in common.
She gave me some home remedies to try out. After she finished speaking, I nodded and conversation dropped off.
In the silence I took a moment to look around the living room. Across from me was my Grandpa's rocking chair, untouched since his death months before. I had a slight urge to sit in it, but I resisted. I smiled for a moment was transported back in time; when I was little I used to sit on his lap and read my favorite stories to him.
My gaze shifted to the left-hand corner of the room and I saw a small table. Sitting on the table was a picture frame with my mother's junior photograph inside, and another frame with her deceased brother's senior year photograph- he had been killed in a car accident shortly before graduation. In between the photos was the urn in which my Grandpa Stark's ashes rested.
The urn was white with pink roses etched on its surface. I couldn't understand why my Grandma chose that one. He was allergic to roses, according to my mother, and I didn't think white was his color. Perhaps there were not a lot of choices when she had him cremated. Or maybe he allowed her to make the final decision. Grandpa was dead, after all, and at this point the urn's appearance didn't matter much. That point aside, it was a beautiful pattern and certainly radiated a positive energy.
"Grandma?" I turned to her.
"Yes, love?" she responded with a small smile.
"Why haven't you buried him yet? I'm just surprised to see that he's still here."
"Your Grandpa wanted to stay here with me, Junior. He didn't think it would be right if he was buried while I was still living in this house. Maybe it seems silly and I never really understood him, but Grandpa always believed that unless we were buried at the same time we wouldn't be able to share in eternity together. I'm not sure if I believe in that, but he always did have grand ideas of how the world worked…" Grandma rolled her eyes and smirked. I was concerned that my question would upset her but I was happy to see it had a positive affect instead.
Grandma Stark began to talk of their life together without prompt. She told me about their long courtship and all the hardships that happened along the way. It was clear that my Grandpa was a handful, and my Grandmother certainly had the patience of a saint. He needed that, and I was thankful to see that he found someone who kept him grounded. Dreamers like us always need someone to pull us back to reality, and she'd certainly kept a tight tether on him.
During our conversation the phone began to ring. I started to get up to answer it, but she told me to leave it be. I did, and after four rings the answering machine's automated message began to play:
This is Tony and Pepper Stark. We're not here right now, but leave a message and if Pepper badgers me enough I'll give you a ring back.
Hearing my Grandpa's voice fill the room sent a shiver down my spine. I had no idea that Grandma Stark still kept the same automated message.
It forced me to accept that my Grandfather was gone. I had still been in a bit of denial, but now there was no way I could go back.
I began to cry, and my Grandma Stark took me in her arms.
For me, what hurt the most was that I'd almost forgotten what he sounded like.