RFSP episode 7

Ace Of Spades

Synopsis: Dylan and Jessica stop by South Park for a bit to see all the progressive change that's taken place. After meeting up with the boys, the subject of sexual orientation suddenly comes up, and Dylan comes out to the boys as asexual and aromantic, which is new news to all but Kenny and Jessica. PC Principal is then made aware of the subject and vows to educate the town about the least well-known sexual orientation.

Ace Of Spades

Chapter 1-Ace of what?

A/N: Hello everyone! After taking a break from writing, I'm finally back!

If the title didn't tip you off, this episode of RFSP is generally going to be about asexuality. In case you didn't know, or just didn't read my profile, I identify as both asexual and aromantic. If you don't know what that means, rest assured, all will be explained in the story; unless you look it up yourself of course.

As for chapter 6 of "Worlds Collide", it's not likely that it'll be finished by the end of the year. Chapter 5 was posted over two months ago, and I haven't even STARTED chapter 6. I have a bad procrastination habit that flares up at the most random times, and I'm actually writing this one at the same time as the Christmas episode.

I'm sure you're wondering exactly what inspired me to do this episode. Well I was thinking the other day "You know, I bet Trey and Matt likely aren't that aware of asexuality." I figured that with the whole PC theme of the season, Season 19 would be the perfect time for South Park to do an asexuality episode, but now that the season's over, I'm not sure that'll happen; even though PC Principal is still on the show.

And with that being said, I decided to write this story. As far as the RFSP fanon goes, this episode takes place after "PC Principal Final Justice" and all of Season 19 is now treated as canon in the RFSP fanon starting…with the end of this sentence. :)

(Geez, I really need to work on not rambling so much in my author's notes.) As usual, I don't own anything, blah, blah, blah.

Enjoy!

("C'mon guys, he's just dropping by for a visit, I swear!")

It was a quiet morning in the now bustling and progressive town of South Park. Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny found themselves at their usual bus stop that day, and Kenny had broken the silence with some news that the other three boys could only groan at in response.

"Well, you DID say that Dylan and Jessica are coming, didn't you?" Kyle asked Kenny.

("Yeah, so? What's the problem there?")

"Because it's…him!"

("Why, do you hate them?")

"Kenny, we really have nothing against Jessica you know, it's just that Dylan-." Stan got interrupted by Kyle.

"He has to keep secrets on EVERYTHING!"

("What do you mean?")

Kyle continued. "Kenny, we've never really hated him, it's just that ever since the two of them joined the CIA, their missions tend to have some sort of impact on our daily lives, remember?"

("Well, he IS a CIA agent.") Kenny responded as placatory as he could. ("Everything he does at that job is classified you know, so he can't exactly warn you of when he's going to randomly parachute in on your roof.")

"Well that doesn't make it any less annoying!" Cartman replied. "Do you know what that son of a bitch did to me the other day!?"

("Cartman-.")

"I can't even have a fucking picnic with Wendy without that asshole just randomly parachuting out of nowhere and asking some stupid question like 'Have you guys seen a laser pen anywhere?'!"

Kenny just rolled his eyes. He had known Dylan for years and as such, had gotten used to his unpredictable life, not like reminding his friends about that was going to have any effect.

"So you swear that they're just dropping by for a quick visit?" Stan asked the orange-hooded kid.

("I swear. Anything else that happens is pretty much beyond my control.")

It was true that Stan, Kyle, and Cartman (or at least Stan and Kyle anyway) really didn't hate Dylan Scralp. It was just the fact that after all that had happened when they first met him, the boys were never sure when Dylan was telling everything he knew, or if he was hiding something. And it's not like Cartman could be too thrilled on a day where he'd return home from school, only to find Dylan sitting on the living room couch; casually drinking a soda or something. As one might think, the fact that Dylan had always been good friends with Liane Cartman meant that he'd sometimes randomly drop by her house for a quick visit.

"Whatever, just tell us when they get here." Cartman snorted.

("Sometime within the next 24 hours I believe.")

"I'll bet they'll be completely unfamiliar with the town once they arrive." Stan remarked. "Now that we've undergone a lot of changes as we all know…."

Later on in the day, Ms. Nelson, the woman who replaced Mr. Garrison after he left town to run for president with Caitlyn Jenner, was running a little late, so the kids made conversation amongst themselves…well, almost everyone.

Red was still in a predicament over her attraction to Kyle. The other girls were all trying to help out, but their advice didn't seem to match up with Red's decision making methods.

"But I thought I saw you two kiss at the Halloween dance?" Bebe reminded her.

Red sighed. "I wish. We were about to, but then that damn costume contest just had to start at that exact moment."

"But he didn't he walk you home?"

"Well yeah, but…I don't know you guys. I just don't know what to do now."

"You just need to be open with him!" Wendy suggested. "If you don't you might not like the long-term misery that comes with it. It could've happened with Cartman you know."

Red raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"Why do you think I decided to go out with Cartman?" Wendy asked rhetorically. "The day he confessed his feelings to me, I could tell that, for the crook he typically is, he was being entirely honest with me at that moment, and I decided to give him a shot."

"Are you sure it wasn't just because he had saved your life? Don't you remember where we all were when he did confess his feelings to you?" Red asked.

"Love goes beyond that Red, trust me." Wendy tried to reassure.

Red let out another depressed sigh. "I do want to tell him…but on the other hand, a relationship with him could fail miserably, I'll break his heart, and he'll hate me forever!"

"Everyone is different in that aspect, but bottling up your feelings certainly isn't going to improve anything. Just tell him."

"I…I guess I'll…try." Red sighed, not knowing what to do.

It was later after school that day that the boys, Butters including, went down to the restaurant that David's father owned, Nueva Familia, in the Historic Shi Tpa Town to meet Dylan and Jessica. When the group arrived, they noticed David cleaning the outside tables.

"Ooh, ooh, David!" Cartman called out as they drew closer. David looked up and groaned when he saw it was Cartman.

"What?" David asked very nonchalantly.

"Do you ride your teeny, tiny bicicleta to school?" Cartman asked while Kyle just rolled his eyes.

David donned a blank face and said: "Yes, I do ride my teeny, tiny bicicleta to school."

"You haven't given me tomorrow's lunch yet!"

David, while pretending to care, turned around and grabbed a paper bag that was sitting on the table and handed it to Cartman.

"Here you go Mr. Yelper Elite!" David exclaimed, while pretending to be excited. Cartman was still convinced that, just like all the other Yelpers, he was the one and only Yelper Elite. Better yet, the Yelpers were still unaware of the nasty ingredients that the restaurant owners were still putting in their meals.

Cartman grabbed the bag and headed inside.

"What's in that burrito?" Kyle asked, eager to find out what tainted meal his fat ass rival was getting this time.

"Expired tomato sauce mixed with whale vomit."

"Aw, sick!" the other boys said as they burst out laughing.

Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Butters, entered the building only to find Cartman having a hard time locating Dylan and Jessica, even though there were only two other people in the dining room.

"Where the hell are those assholes?" Cartman asked.

Kenny was certainly no stranger to Dylan's random methods of how he decided to show up somewhere. Even if the restaurant was packed, he'd know that Dylan was the one sitting in the far corner with the fedora, dark shades, and baggy clothing and that Jessica was the one in the shutter shades, sports jersey, and false fingernails; Dylan didn't use that disguise that often however.

("Dumbass!") Kenny told Cartman. ("There's only two other people here! That IS them!")

Kenny walked over to the two with the other four trailing behind him. Kenny sat down opposite the two and began his typical greeting for him.

("Is this who I think it is?")

"Who the hell are you kid?" Dylan responded in a gruff tone of voice.

("Cut the shit, will you? I know that it's you.")

"Oh yeah, runt!? What makes you so sure!?"

Dylan and Kenny stared viciously into each other's eyes before they slowly began to laugh their asses off at how stupid their greeting tended to be.

"That's seriously how you guys say 'Hello'?" Stan asked.

"It changes every year. But anyways, hey guys, what's happening! Long time no see!" Dylan remarked as he and Jessica took off their shades.

"It's great to-AH!" Jessica emitted a small shriek once she realized that Butters had a neck brace. "Oh my God, Butters! What happened to you!?"

"Reality happened, that's what." Butters answered as he mashed his knuckles together.

"Huh?"

("I'll tell you later.")

"So uh…what brings you two here, exactly?" Stan asked as he, Kyle, Cartman, and Butters all took a seat.

"Well we were about halfway across Colorado on a routine mission the other day." Jessica began. "When Kenny here called us and told us about how the town was changing so much. Neither of us had been here in a while, we were curious as to how the town had changed, and we wanted to see you guys again!"

"Uh…thank you?" Kyle replied as Kenny pulled out a gift-wrapped box and handed it to Dylan.

("Happy belated 18th old pal!")

"Hey, you remembered! Thanks dude!" Dylan responded as he took the box with joy.

("No problem!")

"So if I understand this correctly…." Jessica began. "All these changes were brought on by this new principal at your school."

Cartman answered in his usual arrogant way. "PC Principal was his name. That bastard was one of the mightiest foes I had ever face, but as you would expect, The Coon brought him down swiftly and-."

"No you didn't!" Kyle immediately retorted. "You didn't 'defeat' him fat ass! He beat the shit out of you in the faculty bathroom!"

"I'll beat your ass in the bathroom you stupid Jew!"

Cartman and Kyle began yet another one of their trivial arguments, to which Dylan just leaned back in his chair, chuckled, and took another sip of his drink.

"Ahh…old habits die hard I see. Heh, heh." Dylan noted to which Stan pinched his nose and Kenny just rolled his eyes. "So…I understand that you guys used to have a Whole Foods?"

"We certainly did." Stan answered. "I'm sure my dad's quite happy that the store's gone."

"Oh God, what'd he do now?" Dylan asked. He laughed a little; well aware of Randy's oft troubles that led him to make stupid decisions. "This ought to be good. What'd he do now Stan?" Dylan asked.

"Nothing, the cashier just liked being a huge dick to him every time he didn't want to donate money to charity, that's all. How goes life as an agent?"

"C'mon Stan, you know I can't tell you that stuff."

"Yeah, yeah, I know, I know. Secretive may as well be your middle name, huh?"

"Exactly." Dylan flashed a small smirk. "So, can we check the place out now?"

"Sure!"

Dylan and Jessica followed the boys outside, but Butters couldn't help but notice the presence of a black ring on Dylan's right middle finger.

"Say, what's that ring for?" Butters asked, immediately getting Dylan's attention.

"Oh…uh…nothing. I got it from some dumb…uh…claw machine thing, I totally forgot I was wearing it!"

"Oh…alright!" Butters fell for Dylan's lie, due to his gullibility.

("Um…why didn't you tell him what that thing REALLY is?") Kenny asked Dylan when the other boys were out of earshot.

Dylan sighed. "Why bother? It's not like he'd understand."

("Butters doesn't understand a lot of things.")

"Exactly. I can't see how this could be any different."

As the group walked through town, they passed the DMV at some point, only to find it swarming with news reporters.

"What's going on over there?" Jessica asked.

"Ah, some kind of minority group of some kind tried to get their driver's license renewed." Kyle answered.

The group walked closer to the DMV building where a woman was being questioned by several media officials.

"Oh I know who she is!" Kyle stated to the group.

"Who?" Stan asked.

"She's that newly appointed DMV clerk, Kimberly Davison!"

"Oh yeah…." Stan began to recall. "Wasn't she the one who refused to renew some gay guy's license or something?"

"Yeah, but I don't think the guy was gay."

The group looked to the front of the group of media officials where they saw a woman who looked to be in her mid-50's standing by the door; as she was being hammered with loads of questions from news interviewers.

"Ms. Davison, can you explain to us exactly why you refused to renew this man's driver's license?" one interviewer asked.

Kimberly Davison began to answer. "My personal beliefs are that asexuals should be barred from certain privileges."

Kimberly's answer drove the crowd into an uproar.

"Under whose authority do you have the nerve to cite for your discrimination!?" another interviewer asked.

"G.O.D.D's authority!" Kimberly responded.

"God's?"

"No not THAT God. GODD is just the acronym I use for 'Get On 'da Dick!'"

"Get on 'da dick?" Cartman wondered. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

Kenny and Jessica took a quick glance at Dylan; who looked like he was getting a tad angry at Kimberly Davison's "Get On 'da Dick" comment.

"…Bitch." Dylan whispered to himself.

Meanwhile, the media buzz had gotten worse.

"May we remind you that this is your JOB?" one interviewer asked Kimberley. Kimberley just held her hand up, shook her head, and walked back inside the DMV, prompting a few observers threatening to call the police.

The boys on the other hand, were trying to make some sense out of what had happened.

"She discriminated against a…asexual?" Kyle stated.

"What the hell is an asexual?" Stan asked.

"Beats me!"

Jessica nudged Dylan and motioned towards the boys; to which Dylan just sighed and shook his head.

Much to Cartman's displeasure, Dylan and Jessica were staying in the guest room at his house for the time of their short visit.

It was later that night at Cartman's house, that Cartman and Wendy were watching TV together. Wendy had originally come over to work on their project, but they were putting it off to have some alone time together, as they hadn't had any recently.

As for the project, earlier that day at school, PC Principal announced that he had heard word of Kimberly Davison and said that he "highly disapproved" of her beliefs. As you would expect, PC Principal felt the need to make people more aware of asexuality, as that was the group Davison didn't tolerate. Therefore, PC Principal asked for volunteers to do an asexuality awareness presentation. Wendy, mainly because she was just about the only other one who knew what asexuality is since she, due to how she was often the one to be an activist and such, had immediately raised her hand to volunteer herself along with Cartman. Cartman wasn't too happy about this, solely because it meant more work for him.

Wendy had arrived at Cartman's house twenty minutes earlier and wanted to get started right away, but Cartman felt like they hadn't had a lot of time for each other recently; which is how Wendy decided to snuggle up with him on the couch instead.

"Are you two OK in there, hun?" Liane came out to ask for what felt to Cartman like the billionth time.

"Yes mom, you can leave now!" Cartman huffed.

"Sure, hun!"

"Wendy, why exactly did you volunteer us for that asopality, whatever the hell it was, report?" Cartman asked after his mom left the room.

"Asexuality, and I did it because asexuality is the least known sexual orientation! And like you said earlier…." Wendy said with a smile. "We haven't been around each other a lot recently."

"What the hell is asexuality?" Cartman asked.

"See? You don't know what it means either!"

"Whatever, just tell me what it is already."

"An asexual is someone who lacks any kind of sexual attraction."

Cartman sat there puzzled for a bit, as he tried to comprehend what that meant.

The next day was a Saturday, and Stan, Kyle, Butters, and Kenny were meeting up with Dylan, Jessica, and Cartman at his house.

"So what is this incredible, although probably completely useless and retarded, information you said you had fat ass?" Kyle asked as they walked in the door.

"Remember how we were trying to figure out what asexuality meant yesterday?" Cartman asked. Kenny was the only one who noticed that Dylan and Jessica had begun to descend the stairs, but had stopped halfway down when Cartman said that. Kenny shot Dylan a "They're getting closer" kind of look.

"Yeah, so?" Kyle replied.

"Well Wendy told me what it meant and…I'm not quite sure I get it."

"Well, what is it?" Kyle asked.

"It's probably another word to describe his mom." Stan replied, prompting a laugh from him and Kyle both.

"Oh shut up you assholes!" Cartman retorted. "Wendy told me that an asexual is…something about a person not having any kind of sexual attraction or something?"

Kyle, Butters, and Stan stood there with blank expressions for a bit before anybody said anything.

"Not having any attraction?" Stan asked.

"Cartman, what the hell are you talking about!?" Kyle asked, thinking that he was making it up.

"It…means exactly what it sounds like." Dylan interrupted the other's trains of thought.

Stan, Kyle, Butters, and Cartman turned around and noticed Dylan and Jessica.

"What do you mean dude?" Kyle asked. "Do you know?"

Dylan sighed. "Boys, there's one more thing about myself that you don't know yet, and I think it's something you guys should know."

("Dude…you're going to tell them?")

"Yes Kenny, I am."

"What's going on here?" Butters asked.

"Boys, I don't just know what asexuality means…." Dylan continued. "I don't just know what an asexual is…I am one."

A/N: I feel like this chapter was a bit of a weak intro, but hopefully it'll get better. :)

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