Disclaimer: I own nothing to do or associated within the Universe of Mass Effect all rights reserved to Bioware. The only claim I have is to the AU lines of the plot for this story.
A/N: I wanted to take on writing an extremely unstable Shepard in the wake of her resurrection. This is a heavy AU merging of ME 2 and 3 there will be cannon moments, however most is my minds adventure into the complete unknown.
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"Every time I close my eyes
It's like a dark paradise
No one compares to you"
Lana Del Rey ( Dark Paradise).
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Pain it exploded everywhere like a prism inside of her fractured mind. Flashes of memory ignited physical response she shot up nails ripping into the flesh of her face hand claming down like a vice across her abdomen. She turned falling to the ground a tangle of limbs and various wires. She was wild ripping the offending things from her being, blood trailing down her temple and arms in her wake. She pushed herself to her feet muscle burning in protest as the machines once connected to her beeping angrily.
Lab she was in a medical lab she noted vaguely aware of her surroundings. Her mind was in a haze moving was painful and her heart was slamming frantically against her chest. Fear she was afraid something she rarely felt. She tried sorting through the shards of her mind her mind grasped on to once she felt her self gasp as she was suddenly thrust into a memory.
Fire her ship erupted into flames licking at her skin as someone called to her "Shepard I'm not leaving you" she turned facing Kaidan as she slipped on her helmet "Go, that's an order" She saw his body tense her voice left no room for rebuttal softening her tone she gave his shoulder a squeeze "I'll be right behind you" She watched him nod, she turned heading to the deck to retrieve Joker. Her ship was gutted she walked through what remained of her hull her skeletal remains floating in and out of atmo. She reached Joker who in vain was still trying to save the Normandy. "Let her go" she grasped his shoulder hauling him up as he protested. "Don't waste your life" he looked at her "I can still save her" Shepard pulled him from his seat "Hey watch the arm" she turned pulling him to the remaining escape pod.
"It's not worth your life" She motioned to the dying ship. Joker yelled suddenly "Their coming back around" Shepard pushed shoving him into the cockpit of the pod as another explosion rocked the Normandy the horrible laser melting through her tearing her apart at her core. She flew back from the impact Joker grabbing for her yelling her name. She grabbed the support bar near the eject switch she hit the button as the ship fell around her she turned as another explosion tore through the ship. She spun out into space her lungs burning as she struggled to breathe she could hear it crackling in her ear the hiss of her oxygen line severed in the blast she grabbed at it tears forming in her eyes she had told him she be right there "Kaidan" The vast expanse or space was silent and beautiful the stars shining endlessly as she sailed by them caught in the atmosphere of the planet below her she watched as she began to burn thinking she had never seen a more beautiful sight. His name was the last words on her lips her last breathe.
Spaced….she had been spaced. Then how, how was she here now. Nothing made sense her memories stopped at the Normandy's destruction and her awakening. Silence everything was quiet, too quiet aside from the hum and angry beeping of the equipment she had pulled off of her everything was shrouded in silence. She was clothed in only a thin surgical gown a large two way mirror was off to her left side it was there she finally saw herself. She slowly walked up to the mirror placing both hands on either side of her reflected face. Her red hair was long and disheveled her face pale her original scars gone replaced by a web of angry orange light. These scars were deep, jagged and they burned.
Everything was wrong the more she looked herself over nothing felt real she pulled her arms around her a chill hanging heavy in the air only one thought on her mind. Just where the hell am I.
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"Anderson" David Anderson had seen a lot in his lifetime, this war however by far was the most horrific. Humanity as a whole was running out of options, Earth was the sacrificial lamb millions dead, the rest scattered across the galaxy. The Reapers came in a conquering wave their only forewarning what Shepard and her crew had experienced. An experience that few believed, the council covered it up calling it the Geth acting as if the battle with Sovereign was nothing more than a fable. It had cost them dearly. Earth wasn't the only planet hit hard, the rest of the Sol system was burning. Palaven, Thessia, Tuchanka and the rest only a matter of time. Time they did not have. He turned at the call of his name.
The wear was evident on Admiral Hackett's face war having aged him even more he regarded Anderson with a tired smile. "Its time we played our wild card" Anderson smiled "It's about dam time". Hackett sat down across from Anderson "Project Lazarus, even with Lawson's full assurance were still walking into the unknown". Running a hand over his face Anderson sighed. "It may be our only chance". Hackett passed a data pad over to Anderson. "I've assembled a team to back her, the SR2's retrofits are complete". Anderson took the data pad reading over it. "Alenko will take charge until she is fully capable". Anderson returned the data pad. "Let's do this" Hackett stood Anderson following him out the door.
Waiting for them in the hall was a striking brunette woman with a frigid gaze "Ms. Lawson" Hackett acknowledged the woman. "Were ready to proceed I take it" Her Australian accent was light as she spoke. Anderson nodded stepping forward " Were ready, I have Major Alenko standing by" Hackett turned "I'll be leaving this up to the two of you" Anderson watched as Hackett walked away. Lawson turned to him "Just as we planned" Anderson nodded leading the way to Major Alenko.
Miranda Lawson, Anderson studied her as she let the way. Deflecting from Cerberus and aligning herself with the Alliance she was a brilliant and deadly woman. The head of "Project Lazarus" she had spent two years of her life dedicated to the recovery of Commander Shepard. In exchange for her sisters safety she had aided them in retrieving Shepard from the Illusive Man's control. A move the would not go without consequences.
Given their history Miranda had insisted Alenko be present upon Shepards awakening. Wanting the things to go a smooth as possible she strongly felt those that had been closest to Shepard would help to ease her transition. Project Lazarus was a top secret case heavily guarded Alenko had only been brought on board three out of the six months since they recovered Shepard. It had not been promising until he saw her body. Anderson had watched the poor boy deteriorate over the last year and a half since Shepard's death. It took revealing every aspect of the project and extreme in-depth research of his own for him to come around even now Anderson had his doubts, but for Shepards sake he swallowed them and processed on. They had no time to wait.
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It was time, time for what he breathed for his dreams to become a reality. Kaidan scoffed at the idea this was all so horribly wrong and yet he couldn't step away. How was this even happening, because Cerberus decided they could play God that thought alone caused bile to rise up in his thought. Two years spent in the hollow recesses of his mind a dark place full of despair and twisted perception his soul felt heavy as if he had aged a hundred times over.
Following the Normandy's destruction his life had ceased to be he couldn't remember a time he actually felt alive his existence blurring together in the minuets, hours, days and months. She had been the light of his life a beacon of hope that filled his world with meaning. No woman could ever hold a candle to her to him she was his everything the only one. As the journey to stop Saren raged on and he watched her walls come down, watched as she blossomed from a tightly closed bud into a fully blossomed beauty. She was no longer Commander Shepard the Alliance's iron will. She was simply Jane and she was so very human.
What is she now…the thought burned in his mind reanimated the single word caused a chill to run down his spine. Her body recovered by Cerberus thus the beginning of Project Lazarus the catalyst of her rebirth. Rebirth a deep frown etched into his face the grim reality of what exactly he was to face…the complete unknown. Jane had died, had been spaced. Her oxygen lines severed leaving her to suffer through the agony of asphyxiation. Her body had suffered sever trauma as it caught in the gravitational pull of Alchera's atmosphere, what Cerberus was left to find was unimaginable.
A purely immoral radical ideal brought to life through a terrorist organization hell bent on the advancement of humanity on a galactic scale. Meat and tubes that's how the ex security operative had described the beginning of Project Lazarus the state of Jane's body. He could hardly fathom it, he never wanted to. The truly most unethical experience he had ever found himself in and at its center the woman he loved. Resurrection Project Lazarus, Jane Shepard at this moment defied everything ever known.
The door behind him hissed open Kaidan turned to see Admiral Anderson and Miranda Lawson "It's time" Miranda spoke quick and to the point Kaidan took a deep breathe bracing himself as he followed the two of them out into the hall turning and heading down to the med bay.
The span of ten minuets felt like ten hours as they approached the last thing separating him from Shepard. Miranda input the security code the door opened they stepped in.
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Shepard steadied herself taking a deep breathe surveying her surroundings to her left were a series of caches she'd start there try to find any useable resources. The first and second held nothing the third held a set of alliance standard issue fatigues and a gun. She stared at first registering the familiar blue uniform taking it into her hands she quickly shed the medical gown and dressed herself with the fatigues. She shoved her feet into the pair of boots sitting next to the gun. She picked up the Predator smiling at the comforting weight of it in her hands.
She had clothes and she was armed so far a good start now to find some answers, behind her off to her left a terminal stood Shepard made her way there. As she turned on the machine extensive notes, bio scans, and skeletal reconstruction maps spread across the screens. She frowned not understanding all of it only catching the name "Project Lazarus" and medical reports with her name attached. These maps and scans were of her, yet it didn't make any sense the state of some of them the dates. A broken body, data dating back two years. Just what exactly was all of this.
Her head snapped up, she tensed somewhere behind her a door opened. She heard voices her mind a fragment of itself panicked. She reacted on instinct, she spun around safety off locked and aimed. Like a prayer on her lips she breathed his name "Kaidan" as he walked into the lab. Behind him David Anderson and a woman she had never seen. Something was wrong they were dressed in full body surgical scrubs. He mind struggled to understand her body betraying her she stood rigid gun trained right at Kaidan's head.
Fear swam in her gut it twisted in on itself knotting up, a light sweat broke out over her body. She didn't budge even as he called her name. They were different older somehow lines etched in places they shouldn't be, pre mature grays peppering hairlines. That woman she vaguely recalled her from before and in her minds eye she recalled the symbol ebonized brightly across her skin tight cat suit Cerberus. In the moments few and far between she saw her saw that symbol the jumbled mess of reports across the terminal the same symbol her chaotic mind screaming Cerberus.
This woman Cereberus, Kaidan and Anderson the Alliance…no fucking way. She locked gazes with the woman as she released her aim from Kaidan and landed it between the woman's eyes. Gaze hardened and narrowed she all but snarled "Just what the fuck is this"! Kadian tried calming her "Shepard" her bitotics flared. "Don't Shepard me" Anderson stepped forward hands up "Child please" he spoke with the yearning of a father. Shepard's body shook as she struggled to maintain composure, her body was in agony, her mind in pieces as she panicked trying to understand.
She wanted answers and she would have them consequences be damned in her current state she couldn't care less. "Since when do we side with terrorist" she spit the words out acidly. Miranda tried stepping forward "Do that again and I swear to whatever god there is I will end you". Her mind was shattering all coherent thought going out the airlock. Everything she knew was suddenly becoming a cruel mockery a twisted parody of itself.
She felt herself dying the darkest abyss crawling up and swallowing her whole, she didn't know who she was anymore the gaps in her memory so far and wide. The pieces struggling to fit together creating jagged cuts ripping her mental state to shreds. She suddenly wanted it to stop the pain, the anger, the confusion and misery. With a wild look in her eye Shepard suddenly turned the pistol on herself and without a moments hesitation fired.
All she heard before the world went black was Kaidan's raw and ragged voice screaming for her.