It's hard to believe I'm here again. It's been over ten years since I last posted fanfiction. Perhaps it was Kingdom Hearts imminent release that finally spurred me into writing again. Who knows. But I've missed it, and I can only hope that my story will be enjoyed!
I've been promising myself I would get this Akuroku story out before Kingdom Hearts released and thus made it completely invalid. Unfortunately only hours ago it released in Japan, but not in America, so I at least made the timeline I set for myself!
I've been wanting to do a series of KH songfics using Utada Hikaru songs. But apparently that's not really a thing anymore, and posting lyrics can be a little iffy depending on the site. But I'd still like to do a series of song inspired fics regardless, so I'm starting with the fic and song that first put the thought in my head. It's the Utada Hikaru/Sheena Ringo colab song Nijikan Dake no Vacance. I used a line from it that I think best sums up the story.
Comments and reviews are very welcome. It's good to be back!
Title: Nijikan Dake no Vacance
Rating: M for minor suggestive situations, but mostly Axel's coarse language
Characters: Axel/Roxas, Sora, Riku
Summary: Axel is only asking for one thing; a couple hours to talk with his best friend. It might be his last chance….
*二時間だけのバカンス いつもいいとこで終わる
Vacations for just two hours always end just at the good part.
"I want to talk to him."
Two blank stares come back at him. Sora's face stayed that way, mouth hung open, unable to grasp Axel's words. But Riku's face morphed quickly, his eyes turning hard as his hand went to Sora's shoulder.
"No. Even if we knew how, we don't know how it would affect Sora."
Axel snorted and settled back in his chair, arms crossing over his chest. They were all gathered in Yensid's room in the Mysterious Tower, though Yensid was currently not present. Sora had returned from Olympus Coliseum, and Axel and Kairi's training had been put on hold until their next move against Xehanort was finalized. Sora and Riku were itching to go into action; Axel, however, could only focus on one thing. A little thing Kairi had let slip out while they had been sparring.
"I heard you saw him. You talked to him. If you spoke with him once, you can do it again. Maybe even let him talk through you. It won't hurt to try."
Sora's hand went to the back of his head as he laughed nervously. "Yeah…Ax…Lea, I've got no idea what you're talking about."
Axel rolled his eyes skyward. He knew he had Sora's obliviousness to contend with, but it didn't make it any less frustrating. For months he had been struggling with this feeling in his gut that something; no, someone, very important to him was missing. And then Kairi casually let the name drop, and like an electric strike straight to his heart, the memories came flooding back to him. The heart that he could have as Lea. The heart that had begun to form when he was Axel.
Because of Roxas.
He uncrossed his arms, leaned forward in his chair, and tapped his head. "Try using this every once in awhile Sora. Roxas. I want to talk to Roxas. Blonde, looks a little like you. Much cuter. Less dense."
Sora's eyes went wide as realization came crashing down, but Riku's expression quickly fell from annoyance to anger.
"You're not in our good books enough yet to be that insulting. Sora had no way of knowing what and who you were talking about."
"And yet you knew."
Riku blushed and threw an embarrassed look at Sora. Axel smirked as he could see the wheels turn in Riku's head; how to admit his own superior insight without insulting his best friend's lack of it.
"Well…I mean, I actually met him a couple times in person. And I know you guys were close. But…" He looked at Sora again, the confusion on his face only becoming more pronounced. It made the grin on Axel's face stretch wider. "Anyway, how I knew doesn't matter. What does is what you're asking is impossible. Sora was deep in the dream realm when he spoke to Roxas. It was dangerous enough the first time. Even if we knew how to recreate the situation, I wouldn't risk it. What if it leaves him vulnerable again?"
"Hey hey I get it. You're concerned about your 'best friend'." The emphasis ad slightly sarcastic cadence Axel put on the words "best friend" didn't sit well with Riku, but Sora didn't seem to catch it.
Sora crossed his arms, head tilted to the side in a way that Axel could see as being endearingly adorable to the right person. He just wasn't that person.
"I've never really tried to 'talk' to him."
Riku quickly swiveled his whole body towards him, panic making his usually calm and fluid movements jerky. "Sora, please tell me you're not considering this. We don't know how. Besides, Zexion…I mean Ienzo, he's working on…the thing." Riku looked back towards where Axel still sat perfectly calm.
"Oh don't worry, I know all about that. Developed a bad habit of listening at doors as a kid. And you know my moral compass got kind of skewed when I was the other me." Axel finally stood, using his height to loom over Sora and make Riku sweat just a little as he hadn't quite matched Axel in his beanpole proportions. "That's precisely why I want to talk to him. See what he thinks about this plan of yours. I mean, no one wants him back more than I do." Axel stopped for a moment, hoping they hadn't noticed the catch in his throat as he'd said the words. "You want to keep your best friend safe. I get that. I just want mine to exist. If he thinks this is a bad idea, I want to know that too. I need to know…" Axel trailed off, feeling the tingling of fire itching to play across his fingers. He could still call on it, even as "Lea", and now with Roxas' memory burrowing through every part of him, it took all his concentration to keep it from shooting from every pore of his body. His patience was starting to wear thin. Confusing Sora was hardly a challenge, but ruffling Riku's feathers took some effort, so Axel enjoyed messing with him. But he'd been "training" long enough for a battle he really had no stake in other than the slight chance to see his best friend again. If he could only talk to Roxas, maybe that "slight" chance would bump up to a real one.
"Maybe I don't have to go back to sleep again. There's gotta be another way to talk to him, right? I mean, he's right in here." Sora touched his chest, a slightly dopey grin on his face.
Riku grabbed his best friend by the arms, spinning him so they were face to face, panic fully setting into his features. "Sora, you CAN'T. We don't know what it will do to you. Ienzo is working on a solution. We'll figure it out. Axel…Lea can wait."
Axel felt the fire jump from his fingers, licking its way up his knuckles despite his efforts to stop it. He could feel his mouth twist in anger, but before words and fire tumbled forth Sora shook Riku off, his hands going to his hips and chest puffing out.
"Riku, Roxas is Axel's friend. His BEST friend. You do thing for your friends. Annoying things, dangerous things…if it means you can help your friends, you do whatever it takes!" Sora put a hand to Riku's shoulder. "You're my best friend, right? So I'm asking you to help me."
Axel smirked as he saw the slightly sad eyes glance at the hand on his shoulder. The kid really was too dense at times. "Yeah Sora, we're friends. So if you're really set on doing this, I'll help you." He turned his neck to set cold eyes on Axel. "Don't look so smug. If anything goes wrong, at any point, I'll put a stop to it. I'm not risking my best friend for yours."
"Riiiiku." Sora whined his arms folding. "I am a keyblade wielder same as you. I might not be a master like you yet, but I'm just as strong."
Riku turned to his friend, his smile slightly sad but full of warmth. "Yeah. You're super tough Sora." He ruffled Sora's hair affectionately.
"Cut it out already!" Sora smacked the offending hand away and turned back to Axel with a huge grin on his face, hands going to the back of his head in his usual manner. "Anyways, I'm going to try it. Maybe I just have to call out to him or something." His head tilted again, and the look of concentration on his face was so comical it took everything Axel had not to burst into laughter. At least the fire had cooled, and he could think a little more clearly.
"Do you have any ideas? Roxas was your best friend after all."
'I could kiss you,' was the first thing that came to mind, but he knew that would only accomplish setting Riku off. He couldn't stop the grin that graced his face however, and one look in Riku's direction convinced him that he at least had an inkling of what Axel had been thinking. It made him grin more, and Riku scowled.
"Well, was sleep the only factor that allowed you to speak tor Roxas last time? If so…just a thought here, we could use SLEEP magic on you."
Again, sea green and blue eyes fell on him. He frowned a bit; he hadn't though his suggestion seemed a bad one. Granted, outside of fire magic, he wasn't very proficient in spell-casting, but he'd had heartless cast sleep on him once or twice. It wasn't pleasant, and he always woke up more banged up than before, but the spell itself had no lasting troublesome effects. It was just really REALLY annoying.
"It's…not a horrible idea." Riku finally drawled out, crossing his arms as he spoke.
"Wow. Thanks for the ringing endorsement."
Sora plopped into the chair Axel had vacated, elbows going to rest on the table, a thoughtful look on his face. "I've never tried to cast a spell like THAT on myself. CURE and stuff, sure, but SLEEP? Could you even do it?"
"I'll be happy to do it for you."
Riku clearly didn't like the teasing delight of Axel's words, and his hand found Sora's shoulder again. "No thanks Pyro. I can cast the spell on him. We both know that FIRE spells are about the only thing you're good at."
Axel shrugged, but couldn't completely stop the grimace that slipped onto his lips. Even though he'd thought the very same thing himself moments before, he didn't appreciate having it thrown in his face. Not to mention he wanted to control just how long and deep a sleep Sora would be put into. He didn't trust Riku to give him enough time to really speak with Roxas. He didn't trust Riku to really try at all.
"The spell's going to have to be especially strong. I don't know if you've ever had it cast against you, but it doesn't last too long. I need more than just a few measly minutes with Roxas. You owe me that. I've saved your asses enough by now."
"Yeah. And put us in danger enough times before too." Riku sniped.
"Aww c'mon. I'm a hero now. Can wield a keyblade and everything." Axel's words started with a smirk, but a frown quickly followed. He wasn't asking for a week; not even a day. Just a couple hours. A couple hours to speak with the only person he gave a damn about anymore. Lea had had friends once…but time as Axel had shown him there existed a person in the world that could give a being with no heart something very close to it. Roxas had made him feel. He needed that back. Because right now, with a heart, he felt more empty than ever.
"Alright you guys, enough. If we keep arguing the final battle's going to be here before we know it and Xehanort's gonna kick our butts." Sora grinned widely at his own joke but his audience was less than impressed.
"Fine. We'll try it. A SLEEP spell should be safer than the dream state Sora was in before." Riku said.
"It's too bad Namine's not around." At the startled looks on their faces, Axel wondered how much the two remembered about her. Their expressions could go one of two ways; either they didn't know who he was talking about, or they were remembering exactly what she had done to Sora the last time.
"You know that's impossible." Riku was angry again, his hands clenched at his sides, his body on the verge of trembling out of temper.
"Namine?" Sora's eyes were sad, but the recognition was not there.
Axel hurried on, regretting his words for once. He had the feeling he'd finally pushed Riku too far. Normally he couldn't have cared less, but he NEEDED to get what he wanted.
"Forget it. I'm not thinking straight, you know? SLEEP spell. You think you can do a strong enough one?"
"Strong enough for sure." Riku replied, his emphasis not lost on Axel as their eyes met. Both challenged. Neither backed down.
"I sure hope so, you being the only officially qualified master and all." Axel knew he was already pushing his luck again, but he refused to let Riku get away with doing the bare minimum just to uphold his side of the bargain. He WOULD get more than five minutes with Roxas.
"Guys." Sora sighed, pushing himself up off the chair, rolling his eyes as he went. "I'm the one this affects the most. I WANT to do it. I'd like to know what Roxas thinks as well, and he deserves the chance to tell us. I'll cast SLEEP on myself if I have to." He turned to Axel, his face as serious as it ever got for him. "I promise you'll get to talk to him." He turned, walked towards his own best friend, and gave a comforting pat to his shoulder. "I know you can do this Riku. You're always there for me."
Axel turned before he could see Riku's reaction. He knew how he had been when Roxas gave him any sort of affection; how hard it had been for him to conceal what he had, for lack of a better word, "felt". He wouldn't have wanted anyone to see his face at those times. He'd give Riku that; because he knew in the end, Riku had it harder than he had. Especially when those feelings were directed at someone as innocently clueless as Sora.
"Well then!" Sora grinned at both of them despite their grave faces. "I'm gonna go tell Donald and Goofy what's going on. I think there are still some heartless floating around outside if you want to get some practice in Riku." Sora ran out the door without looking back.
Axel had to give that to the kid. He never hesitated, especially when it came to his friends. And whether he liked it or not Sora considered Axel a friend.
Axel turned to Riku as he heaved a large sigh, his body slumping as all anger seemed to drain out of him. "Sora's right. I need to practice this if I want to get it right." He turned to Axel, his eyes devoid of his previous anger as well. "I know what this means to you. If it hadn't been for you, Xehanort and his lackies would have gotten Sora then. I can't thank you enough for saving him, even if your intentions hadn't been 'completely' self-less." He held out his hand to Axel, a tired smile playing at the corners of his mouth. "I promise you I will do my best with this. Sora's head is pretty thick, and it won't be the first spell he's had directed at him."
Axel stared at the offered hand, and pushed down his natural defensive snarky reply. "Thanks." He hesitated a moment before accepting the handshake. "Anything for our best friends, right?"
Electric green looked into sea green. "Yeah. Anything for them."
xxxxxxx
Three days. Three days Axel had waited patiently; he'd practiced summoning his keyblade, he'd made small talk with the three fairies as they tried their best to convince him to let them design an outfit for him; had even suffered through a tedious poker game with Sora and his two traveling companions. He still had no idea what Donald had been complaining about that had cut the game short. How Sora even understood him half the time was a mystery to Axel. The fact that he spent weeks on end with them was even more incomprehensible.
Axel knew that for those three days Riku had been practicing. He hadn't even seen him at meal times, and he'd definitely been looking. Patience had never been a part of his personality; not as Lea or Axel. As much as he hated to admit it, he knew Riku was a damn good wielder. He wasn't as good at the magic spells as the duck was, but Riku was still a very proficient spell caster. And something as simple as sleep couldn't possibly take three days to perfect. He was clearly stalling.
And so on the fourth morning as Axel stared up at the starred ceiling of his room in the Mysterious Tower, he decided that patience was not the virtue everyone said it was. Ripping the sheets from his body, Axel swung out of the bed, picked up his Organization coat, thrust his arms furiously into the sleeves, and stormed his way into Yensid's study. Riku deserved to have Axel's morning breath flung into his face as he yelled.
But Yensid's study was empty, as was the fairies' room, and the chamber Sora and Riku were currently sharing. Donald and Goofy were stuffing their faces in the cafeteria, but Axel didn't feel like deciphering whatever info Donald may attempt to tell him. Goofy was more comprehensible, but he tended to speak slowly, and Axel didn't trust himself not to yell when the dog didn't get to the point. He needed a compliant and willing Sora; yelling at his friends was not the way to accomplish that.
Axel continued his search; got lost three times on the damnable magic stairs, until he finally found himself at the door to the courtyard. Smirking that he'd at least have Riku cornered as they were on a floating island little bigger than the tower that stood on it, Axel forced the doors open with a flourish and an "Ah-hah!" poised on his lips.
The sound died in his throat however, not the least of which because he wasn't quite lame enough to shout "ah-hah" like a five-year-old child catching his parents stealing his cookies. Riku was indeed in the courtyard, sitting with his legs dangling over the edge into the nothingness. His keyblade was laid across his lap, shoulders slouched forward. He was not expecting an attack or company. Axel was about to give him both.
"There you are." At his words, Riku neither flinched or acknowledged his presence. Again, Axel had to grudgingly respect that despite his relaxed exterior, he'd been completely aware of his surroundings. He'd known Axel was there, and he knew he wasn't a threat. This thought was a little vexatious, but he shrugged it off and strolled across the yard to join him.
"Little bit dangerous sitting on the edge like that, don't you think?"
Riku, not even turning his head, picked up his keyblade, pointed it out before him, until it came in contact with an invisible wall with a ping and a flash of light. Turning the blade downwards, he performed the same action at his feet with similar result.
"Yensid's got it enchanted so no one falls off by accident. If the heartless jump off stupidly it wouldn't matter, but you know Sora doesn't always pay attention to where he leaps."
Axel sat next to him, pretending not to see the pained smile on Riku's face.
Before he could speak, Riku gave a sigh, still not turning to him as he spoke first.
"I know you've been looking for me. I'm not going to insult your intelligence by lying and saying I wasn't avoiding you. Yes, I mastered the SLEEP spell. I kept on practicing well after I needed to. If I actually believed heartless had any brains I'd say they're actually avoiding me at this point. I just…"
Axel could have been angry. He could have been sarcastic, or snarky, or just downright obnoxious, but all the annoyance and frustration he'd been harboring drained out of him, and he found his own shoulders slumping in defeat, and commiseration.
"He honestly doesn't know, does he?"
Riku let out a huff, a real but tiny smile fliting across his lips.
"You seriously think he would know unless I bashed it into his head?"
"I guess not." Axel's hand went to the back of his head in the way it always did when he was uncomfortable. "I get it. But you can't put this off forever. Sora's eventually gonna start bothering you about it too."
"Easy for you to say. At least you know where you stand with your 'best friend'." There was no mistaking the bitterness in Riku's voice. It was perhaps the most emotion outside of anger he'd ever seen from him. He was also a little surprised he knew exactly the nature of his and Roxas' relationship.
"Yeah, the best friend that I can't even see because he's stuck in your friend." Now Axel's own voice rose in bitterness, but he tried to quash the feeling down as much as the fire that threatened to spill from his fingers.
Riku finally turned to Axel, his eyes closing as he let his keyblade disappear from his fingers, letting the simple action show that he was letting the anger go. "I'm sorry. I'm trying to be…diplomatic about this. Roxas really was his own person. We didn't meet on the greatest terms but…he still didn't deserve what happened to him. It never really sat well with me how DiZ treated him." Suddenly Riku looked away, fists digging into the ground beneath him. "It never really occurred to me how much of a part I played in Roxas' assimilation back into Sora. All I could think of was getting my friend back."
Riku was startled back into looking at Axel by his loud and sudden bark of laughter.
"Who do you think you're talking to? I'm the king of doing reprehensible shit to get my best friend back." Axel leaned back on his hands, face tilted up towards the slowly darkening sky. "Kairi's more understanding than she should be. But I'll give it to her, she's a quick learn in combat." Axel's head lulled towards Riku, his trademark smirk settling on his lips. "I think she knows, if that makes you feel any better. She hasn't said so in so many words, but she gets this sort of maternal smile when she sees the two of you together."
Axel's grin widened when he saw the small dustings of a blush travel across Riku's cheeks. "Does anyone besides Sora not know?"
"I'm pretty sure the duck doesn't."
"That doesn't make me feel any better."
"Was I supposed to be trying to make you feel better?"
"As you're the one that wants something from me, it would have been a smarter move on your part."
"Ouch keyblade master. That hurts." Axel was surprised to find his annoyance all but gone. "Listen, I get how you feel." Axel looked back up at the sky. It was strange, admitting out loud this secret that only he and Roxas had shared. "It wasn't like it just happened for Rox and I. He wasn't always the cocky little spitfire we came to know and love." He couldn't believe he was confiding these things, and to Riku of all people. But the words continued to tumble out, and it felt good. "We were Nobodies. Convinced that we didn't have hearts. I just figured feelings were something to be emulated. Not actually have."
Riku didn't speak, but he could tell that he was really listening to him. Riku had lived in darkness too. He understood it. It was a comforting thought, and spurred him on while the more natural side of him screamed for him to shut his mouth. "It was all stolen moments for us. A secret kiss in the back alleyways of Agrabah after a mission, sneaking into each other's rooms after everyone had fallen asleep. But in the beginning, it was mostly me. If I hadn't started things, I don't know where we would've been."
He was on auto-pilot; all those things he'd never said, that the Organization just hadn't known, spilling forth because he just couldn't not say them. If Riku knew….if he just understood, he wouldn't make him wait anymore. And, he supposed, might help him with his own situation.
"I never once hesitated playing both sides. But when Roxas left, and I had to pretend that I didn't care, that I was willing to kill him and be the good little Organization tool that Xemnas believed me to be; it was the hardest thing I'd ever done. It wasn't just my normal acting; all I'd ever done as Axel was pretend to be whatever was necessary to get the job done. I'd never cared about the lives I played with. I'd…killed my fellow Organization members before." He didn't dare look at Riku, see the judgement there. "I mean, we weren't real anyway, right?" He tried to justify his former self. He still needed Riku to trust him. "But to have to go after Roxas…I told myself I had to do my job, but I knew that the order to 'get rid of him' for me was just an excuse to find him and convince him to…I dunno. Come back. Run way with me. Not freaking leave me to go back in some happy-go-lucky…"
Axel stopped again, finally training worried eyes on a silent, frowning Riku. Suddenly he feared the confessions he'd hoped would convince Riku to get on with their little experiment had back-fired royally, and any headway he'd made in proving to him that he had well and truly changed was now in the negative. Before he could start spouting any words of contrition however, Riku pulled one leg up and rested his arms on his knee.
"Neither of us have clean hands. I sometimes think there's nothing I could ever do to atone for what I've done. Having Sora's forgiveness means everything to me, but he's too kind for his own good. Even if he thinks everything is fine, I feel like I have to do more. You did a lot of crap, sure, but like you said, you saved Sora. You're still trying. So am I. I owe Roxas his chance to let us know what he's thinking, and how he wants things to go down. And I owe you because you saved Sora when I couldn't. More than once. You gave me this time with my best friend," he stumbled over the last two words, but turned to Axel with a smirk playing on his lips, "so I need to give you this time with yours."
"If you're feeling generous then," Axel began to stand, dusting his hands off on his coat before he rose completely, "can I ask an additional favor?"
Riku looked up at him, eyebrows drawn in, but it quickly fell into a small upturn of lips. "You're pushing your luck Pyro."
Axel shrugged, convinced that he still had the upper-hand despite all his confessions of his Nobody dealings. "If I don't ask, I shall not receive. What's the worst that can happen? You say no and I go behind our back to get Sora's permission instead."
"God you're an ass."
"Like you didn't know that. C'mon man, we had a moment there." Axel felt more on his own footing. He wasn't used to seriousness and pleading; he had to mask how much he needed this.
Riku seemed more comfortable himself; glad to get away from having to voice out loud all the things he'd been trying to keep hidden, especially from a certain too trusting for his own good keyblade wielder.
"Fine. What is it that you want now on top of everything else?"
Axel held out his hand to Riku who, despite his startled expression, took the offered hand and hauled himself up.
"After you cast the spell, can you leave me alone with him?" The vulnerability was back, and Axel hated himself for it. But he had to get this. He knew Roxas wouldn't say the things he needed to with an audience, and frankly, Axel did not want to share that time. "No funny business, I promise." Axel tried to give a snarky smile, but he knew it didn't reach his eyes. The fire was there again, crackling under his skin.
Riku gave a small snort, his own expression mirroring Axel's so perfectly that he wasn't sure whether to hope or fear what his response would be.
"Trusting your words isn't something I think I can just DO at this point. But when it comes to what you're doing for Roxas, I can at least admit you're going to be serious about it." He turned from Axel, walking back towards the tower, stopping only as he reached the door. He turned his head back, only far enough to make his words more intelligible, but not enough that he could look into his eyes. "We'll do it tomorrow morning in the library. It's right across from mine and Sora's room. I think I can give you two hours at the most."
"How generous."
"I'm glad you can see that."
They both grinned, but it only lasted as long as the large ornate door closing behind Riku's retreating form.
xxxxxxx
Axel sat on a plush horribly patterned armchair, long legs crossed and head propped up on his hand as he looked lazily across the table. Riku and Sora were currently in a pre-spell casting pep-talk, Riku's face grimly set, Sora's eyes continuously rolling upward in good-hearted frustration.
"So when I cast it, try and be as relaxed as possible. The more the heartless fought it, the more painful it seemed when it took."
"I know. You TOLD me. That's why I'm sitting. In a chair with sides. I'm not gonna fall."
"This isn't just about where you'll land when you fall asleep! It can actually be physically painful if you fight it!"
"I KNOW." Again the eyes rolled up, and he raised his hand to tick off the warnings on his fingers. "Don't fight it. If something doesn't feel right speak up. If Roxas tries to stay in control make sure to challenge him as best I can."
At those words Axel jerked forward, and despite how amused he'd been at the bickering before, he couldn't stop the fire that leapt from his fingers and scorched two perfect handprints into the arms of the chair. Two pairs of nervous and chastened eyes turned towards him quickly. The anger cooled slightly at their stare, but he couldn't keep it out of his voice.
"Guess you're more prepared than I thought, HERO." Axel ground out, his attempt at a cheeky smile turning into a sneer.
Ture to their characters, Riku's face slid into silent fury as Sora looked sheepishly apologetic. Sora was quicker however, and he addressed his best friend with exasperation.
"You see how ridiculous all this preparing is? There's no way any of that is going to happen. You know how I do things Riku. Act, don't think. Right Ax…Lea?"
How he wanted to wipe that stupid grin off the kid's face. They'd been planning things behind his back. Thinking things about Roxas that couldn't be true, making him out to be…he didn't even want to contemplate it. At least, Riku had been. Maybe they had had their "planning session" before his and Riku's "heart-to-heart", but the fire had sparked within his gut, and only more and more throughout his veins just thinking about what had been said without him.
He gripped the arms of his chair, smelled the burnt material his temper had caused, and willed himself to calm down. He finally looked into Sora's face, those large blue eyes that were so close to those he was aching to see, and hissed out between his teeth.
He didn't want to play anymore. He was so tired. And so Axel did something he never thought he'd stoop to. He begged.
"Please. I'm done fighting about this. I don't want to talk about it anymore. Just…let me hear him. Let's get on with it. PLEASE."
Sora's smile faltered, eyes going wide at the shocking honesty the usually cloaked in sarcasm and barbs fire-wielder was spouting. He shifted uncomfortably, looking to Riku for guidance.
Without acknowledging Axel's words, Riku softly pushed Sora back more firmly into his chair. "Relax. You'll need to be as calm as possible, like I said." He flicked a quick glance in Axel's direction, granting them an unspoken truce. He would keep his promise. "I'll be right next door." He took his time removing his hand from Sora's shoulder. "Two hours." The words were thrown casually at Axel, but he heard the finality in them.
"Two hours. I know." Axel tried to be flippant again, but hated himself for the urgency that crept into his voice.
"Should I close my eyes?"
"As they are going to close anyway, up to you." Sora's innocent question worked magic as nothing else had, and both Riku and Axel found themselves grudgingly smiling at him.
Sora stuck his tongue out, and then closed his eyes with a flutter.
Riku looked at him for a long moment, closed his own eyes briefly, called upon his keyblade, pointed it at Sora's heart, and breathed out, "Sleep."
With a shudder, Sora's shoulders slumped and his head fell limply to the side.
Once more, sea green met acid. Riku nodded, ignoring his desire to see the fruits of his spell, and quietly departed the room without a glance back.
Actually receiving something he'd wanted for so long was a foreign concept for Axel. Sometimes his memories as Lea were very hazy, and all he had from his time as a Nobody was longing and broken promises. Even knowing that all he had to do was call out and he might have his best friend, his everything back, he was suddenly terrified. It wasn't going to work. All he'd get back was silence. Or, he thought with a sick and painful urge to laugh, snore.
"Roxas? Rox, can you hear me?" His voice was quiet and hoarse, almost unrecognizable in its hesitation.
Sora's head snapped up as his eyes shot open, the blue just the smallest fraction darker, not quite as wide; eyes that betrayed years they'd never seen. HIS eyes.
"Hi Ax. Or should I be calling you Lea now?"
Roxas' voice washed over him in a wave of warm caresses, sweet smells, and hushed whispers. He felt the sob lick its way up his throat, so much like his flames, his arms itching to clutch him to his chest. But he reminded himself that it was still Sora's body they were dealing with, and any untoward noises that emerged from the library would bring Prince Charming running. So he simply leaned forward, his most suggestive smile curling over his lips, and mustered with as much calm as he could,
"Come back to me Roxy, and you can call me honey butt for all I care."
"Perv." It was murmured with a chuckle, and Axel couldn't help but close his eyes and savor the sound. He opened them just as quickly, and focused on the eyes that he loved so much. If he only focused on them, he could ignore the brown hair, the cheeks that were slightly too round, the lips that weren't quite full enough.
The amount of words he had wanted to say seemed to all catch in his throat at their sheer volume, and he just didn't know where to begin.
Roxas, seeing him struggle, gave a snarky grin, and teased, "I never thought I'd see the day when you would be speechless." The grin softened, and Roxas placed his hands on the small table separating them, stretching his fingers towards Axel, but not far enough to touch him. "I'm sorry Axel."
These words roused him from his struggle, and Axel placed his own hands in much the same way, again close, but not touching Roxas' fingers. "Sorry? What can you possibly have to be sorry for?"
Roxas turned from him with a sigh, though his hands never left the table. "Leaving like I did. I don't…regret what I did, but I regret that I hurt you. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, walking away from you that day. My stubbornness led me to that chamber under the Old Mansion, but I would do it again. Sora had to be whole. We need him. And it's kind of impossible to hate him." The smile appeared back on Roxas' lips, and his index finger ghosted over one of Axel's knuckles.
Of all the feelings Axel thought he'd been having being with Roxas at last, annoyance was certainly low on his list. "We need you too Rox. I need you." Despite the promise he'd made to keep his hands to himself, Axel placed his palm over the back of Roxas' hand, trying to ignore that it wasn't the right size.
Roxas turned his own palm up, gave Axel's hand a brief squeeze, and pulled away with a gentle smile. "I've missed you too Ax."
Axel could see what Roxas was trying to do. They didn't have much time; they couldn't spend it in anger and what ifs. And so he pulled on his cloak of charm and let the desperation sink back into the recesses of his heart.
"How much did you miss me?" He waggled his eyebrows.
Roxas snorted loudly, but continued to stare at Axel's face. Axel's own smile grew, and he propped one elbow on the table to hold his head up with a tilt.
"Did you forget how unbelievably handsome and sexy I am?"
Roxas rolled his eyes, but didn't look away. "As much as I'd hate to deflate your ever-growing ego, it's not that." At Axel's raised eyebrows, he rolled his eyes again. "Well…not only that." A light dusting of a blush crept across his cheeks.
As much as he wanted to press for more compliments, Axel let him off the hook. "What is it then?"
"I know its kind of hypocritical for me to say considering the situation…" he gestured quickly to the face that wasn't his and then put his hands into his lap, "but it's like I'm looking at you, but not. I can't really pinpoint what it is, aside from the obvious."
"The tats?" His smile brought more attention to the smooth, unblemished skin under his eyes, and Roxas nodded, rather sadly.
"I didn't realize you liked them so much."
"They were you. Of course I miss them."
The confession had Axel's smile falter, and he raised his head from his hand in surprise. "Damn Roxy, you're being all sorts of honest. I'll have to have the fairies work their magic and ink me up again."
"Maybe they can get you some new clothes too. Why are you still wearing that thing?"
Axel looked down at his Organization coat, smoothed it, and focused back on the eyes that kept drawing him home. "Couldn't risk you not recognizing me, now could I?" Roxas shook his head, and they couldn't help but grin at each other.
"But yeah, no tats. Lea was pretty young when he turned. Hadn't quite reached that rebellious teenage stage yet."
Roxas frowned at the words, and Axel found his serious side again just for a moment. "What's wrong?"
Roxas shook his head again, and then, taking Axel's lead, put his head in both hands, propped up on his elbows.
"It's just surprising. I know that you're technically not a Nobody anymore, not really my Axel, but if feels like you're not really comfortable with being whole again either."
Axel sat back, his hand going to the back of his head as he scratched it sheepishly. "When I first opened my eyes as Lea it was strange to say the least. My chest felt simultaneously full and empty. I thought, 'I'm me again, but something's not right.' I talked to Kairi about it a lot. She always got this look in her eyes when I told her I felt like there was someone I should be remembering. And then one day she accidentally said your name. I don't even remember why. Everything clicked into place. In the end, I know I'm Lea but…as long as there's Roxas, I'm always going to be Axel."
They were quiet for a moment, losing themselves in the knowledge that they were actually together, that Roxas wasn't a shadow hidden just beyond Sora's eyes, and that Axel was still the same hot-headed fire-starter he'd always been. But their lack of time crept back into both of their hearts, and there was still so much to say.
"So this plan of theirs," Axel began, sitting back with crossed arms and legs, "do you know any of it? How much do you hear? Are you always…" he struggled for the right word, "present?"
Roxas sighed, his arms sinking to the table, his head following the descent to settle on top of them. "It's hard to explain. Sometimes it's like I'm simply him; that I have no sense of self, and I just am his eyes, his ears, his thoughts. Then there are times I feel like I'm floating, and things come in vague pieces. And sometimes," Roxas visibly shivered, and Axel felt the twitch again to touch him, "I feel like there are others there too. Not just Sora and I. But it's just a feeling." He lifted his head enough to send a comforting smile Axel's way, his chin settling on his fists. "When he's sleeping, I'm the most me. It's when I can really think for myself. I never thought Sora could feel me. I still don't think he consciously can, but subconsciously…" His smile had an embarrassed tilt to it, but it also held sultry promises; it was a smile that had never graced Sora's face before, and it jarred Axel for a moment. But he regained his composure, and let how own smile turn predatory.
"What were you thinking about Rox?"
The blush blossomed now, and Roxas briefly hid his face in his arms before sitting back up completely straight, messing with the zipper on Sora's jacket.
"I may have let myself indulge a little too much in some more…private memories of us." His blush spread to his ears, and he shoved his hands into the pockets of Sora's jacket to mask his embarrassment. "Ever since I first saw you again after you rescued Sora, it was hard not to think about you. Apparently I've been thinking about you a little too hard during his sleeping hours," he ignored the flash of teeth at his word choice, "because the other day when Sora met you in the hallway after you had just gotten out of the shower…"
Axel's bark of laughter rang around the room. "Is that why he was so weird that day? I mean, I know I'm a sexy beast in nothing but a towel but I thought his eyes were going to pop out of his head. I've never seen anyone turn that red. And I thought I saw him go to touch me before Riku called for him down the hall."
"Don't remind me." Roxas huffed. "I've tried to keep my thoughts PG-13 since then though." Axel laughed again, shortly followed by Roxas' more subdued chuckle.
As their laughter died, Axel's eyes shifted back to a more serious gaze, an he moved his chair closer to the table that separated himself and Roxas. "Don't think you're getting out of talking to me about this plan though Rox. I know I'm weak to flattery, especially coming from you, but I'm not going to let this go."
"I know." He glanced down at his hands as they clenched together in his lap, and breathed deeply. "Sora's convinced it'll work."
"When has he ever not been aggravatingly optimistic? Frankly, I don't give a rat's ass what either of them think." He could feel the fire creeping into his voice, an he tried to calm himself in the blue of Roxas' eyes. "They're reworking that prison you were in to extract you into your own body. I know that Ansem guy is called wise for a reason, but I hate that we have to rely on something that essentially took you from me in the first place."
"Axel…" Hearing his name spoken by Roxas' voice, even out of Sora's lips, calmed the fire. "It's different now. Sora really does want to make sure I come back. He wouldn't let them just give this chance up."
Axel, calmer but still waiting for a real answer, raised one eyebrow at him. "And you?"
Roxas closed his eyes and bit his lip softly. "Honestly, I don't know. That place certainly felt real. And the idea of being me again…God how I want it." His hand found its way back to the table reaching tentatively towards the person he knew wanted it, if possible, even more than him. Axel let his hand inch onto the table and forward as well, their index fingers just brushing against each other.
"But there's so much to consider; what the effects will be on Sora, whether that body can survive in the real world, whether my conscious will even survive the transfer. I'm not like him. I can't just believe that things will work out." A tear that he so desperately tried to hold back pooled at the corner of one eye and slid down his cheek. "In my experience…in our experience, it usually doesn't."
Ignoring the honorable part of his brain that told him he was supposed to keep his hands to himself and indulging what his heart had been so longing to do, Axel finally reached out, cupping Roxas' cheek and catching the tear on his thumb.
"What can I do? What should I do?"
Roxas shook his head.
"Don't get all quiet on me now Roxy." He had to force the joking back into his voice, or he'd have his own tear ducts betray him. "You know I need you here to tell me what to do."
Roxas let out a breathy laugh, and leaned into the hand that still held his cheek. "We have to try it. As afraid as I am, I have to let them do this." Roxas turned ever so slightly, lips grazing over Axel's palm, and they both closed their eyes and imagined so much more.
"I'll make sure they do this right." His hand tightened slightly on Roxas' cheek, and he saw the fire flicker in the emeralds of Axel's eyes.
"I know you will. Sora isn't the only one with a Prince Charming."
The laughter was back, creating the perfect time for Axel to reluctantly take his hand back. "I've met that guy you know. Not all that charming. Not like me."
"You know charming and smarmy are two very different things, right?"
Axel clutched his heart in mock hurt. "You know just how to cut a guy Roxy baby!"
"I begged you not to call me that."
"Funny, I remember lots of different begging, but that doesn't come to mind."
"Some things never change."
"Don't act like you ever wanted them to."
xxxxxxxxx
As Axel gestured wildly, recreating a recent sparring match he'd had with a Large Body heartless in which he'd finally mastered relying more on his keyblade than his fire magic, Roxas' teeth suddenly clenched, his hands clinging to the arms of his chair and eyelids shuttering briefly. Axel was up in a moment, ready to knock the heavy table aside in his fervor to help his best friend. Roxas quickly waved him down, eyes opening, but teeth still slightly clenched.
"I think our time is up Ax. I can feel something pushing inside." His voice gave a small shudder at the end, an Axel grasped his hand without thought.
"Just hold him back a little longer Rox. Just a little longer. We deserve that."
"I can't Axel. It's his body, and it makes him stronger than I could ever be." His smile was simultaneously pained and fond, and he squeezed Axel's hand back with all the love he could convey through the touch.
"Before…I go." They both hissed, so afraid that this might be the last time they ever spoke, ever looked into each other's eyes. "I need you to promise me something."
"Anything. You know that."
Roxas was gripping his hand so hard that Axel was sure he'd have Sora's finger shaped bruises along the back of it.
"If this doesn't work," Axel's own grip turned the pain back on Roxas, "if it doesn't work, please, don't do anything. I know you." He brought their joined hands to his face and breathed in Axel's smoky scent. "When it comes to me, I know what you can do. So please, just…let it go. Be happy."
"As if I could." Axel growled, but let Roxas keep hold of his hand.
"I know it's selfish of me. But please Ax. Try."
He couldn't say no to those eyes, even as they flickered for a moment to a shade of lighter blue. "I promise Roxas."
A sniff escaped Roxas' nose, but he covered it with a grin. "I gotta go now Axel." Axel's eyes turned wild, and Roxas released his hand, only to lean forward, reaching for the lapels of Axel's Organization coat. "And I think we deserve one last thing before I do." And with very little pressure on his pull, Roxas brought Axel's lips down to his own.
Those lips were different, but the way they moved was so achingly familiar, and Axel forgot everything but how good it felt to kiss him again, and he let out a groan that perfectly summed up everything he'd been struggling to keep inside.
There was a moan from Roxas as well, quieter but just as needy. Unable to be passive any longer, Axel's hands went to Roxas' hips to pull him as close as the table could possibly let him.
The problem, however, was that they weren't Roxas hips. The moan turned to a grunt of surprise in Sora's throat, and Axel pulled away only to be looking into wide cobalt blue eyes. Sora's large, shocked, disbelieving eyes.
The anger exploded in Axel's heart, too quick to even bring on his fire, and he grabbed at Sora's shoulders, his lips finding his in a bruising, punishing kiss; somewhere in his brain a half-formed thought that he could bring his best friend, his lover, back.
Sora jolted, hard enough that he sent his armchair crashing on its back. Riku thundered in at the sound, wrenching Sora out of Axel's grasp with a roar.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Riku was fuming, and Sora could just stare at Axel wide-eyed.
Axel wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, unable to admit he'd finally taken a step too far. "Guess I let my temper get the better of me. You know how us fire-wielders are."
Riku took a step in Axel's direction, but Sora's words stopped him in his tracks.
"You…Roxas…"
It was all he had to say. Axel threw his head back and laughed, filled with all the anguish he thought he could hide. "Of course me and Roxas. I don't know about YOU," his eyes flickered to Riku with a flash of teeth, "but you don't do the shit I did for just a friend. Not even a BEST friend."
Riku's keyblade was summoned instantly, and though he couldn't do it quite so quickly or effortlessly, Axel brought forth his own blade and raised it defensively.
"No!" Sora was between them in a flash, arms outstretched, back to Axel and looking determinedly into Riku's murderous face. "Don't do this you two. Not now. Not when we need to be as united as possible."
He looked over his shoulder with sad eyes. "I'm sorry Lea. I know two hours wasn't enough."
Axel didn't lower his blade, but he let Sora's words crack his anger. "Don't call me that."
Sora was startled even though Axel's words had lost much of their heat. He turned his head towards him a bit more. "What?"
"It's Axel. Got it memorized?"
Sora's arms lowered slightly and he turned his body more fully towards him. "Axel?"
"As you've been struggling about it and all." He looked at Riku, whose own blade was slowly dropping to his side.
"Don't worry, heart's still intact. Just knows where it belongs now." Sora's arms completely dropped at those words, as Riku let his blade fall fully at his side. He had their rapt attention, and he couldn't help but bask in it a little bit. Despite his covert role as the Organization's unknown assassin, he'd always liked being the center of attention. He liked making an impression.
Axel let his own blade fade back into nothingness and Riku grudgingly did the same. They all stared at each other for moments in silence, until Sora couldn't take it anymore.
"What did he say? Is he okay with Ienzo's plan?"
Axel shrugged, earning a disgruntled frown from Riku. "He's not against it. That's all I'll say for now. We all have things we want to keep just between friends."
Sora's smile faltered and Riku's fingers twitched, poised to call back his keyblade at any moment.
Axel figured he had had enough of the two keyblade wielders for one day. He was tired, and his eyes ached from all the tears he had kept at bay from Roxas' sake. He scratched at his head with a grin, and slowly walked past the two boys who made no move to stop him.
He paused at the door. "Oh yeah, there is one more thing." He didn't turn to face them, but his voice rang true and steady. No emotion, no heat, just truth.
"I made a promise to him. If this doesn't work, I'm supposed to just leave it be. No fighting, no crazy schemes…just moving on." He let the fire go then, and it curled around his hands in swirls; he didn't control them, they just were.
"So for your sakes…" he finally turned to them, the emerald of his eyes flashing red for just the briefest of moments. "You better fucking hope it works. I'd hate to disappoint him."
Without waiting for a reaction, he was gone in a haze of crimson and smoke.
Thanks for sticking it out with me! I hope you enjoyed it. Fingers crossed for Kingdom Hearts 3! I know we won't get canon Akuroku (not really!) but I just hope they don't do anything stupid like Roxas/Namine Roxas/Xion. Happy playing!