A/N: In which Gollum decides he just doesn't want to be nearly bald anymore.

A/N2: Oh, wow... I wrote this two and a half years ago... and just found it. So, I'm reposting it.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gollum or Lord of the Rings. I own the storyline and plot...

The Wig

Gollum sat on his haunches, staring into a mirror. "Yessss, preciousss," he muttered, over and over.

Sharp blue eyes which were often menacing glared back at him as he looked at himself, judging and thinking of any way to improve his appearance.

"Need hair, my precious my love. How do we gets hair?" He asked himself. Going over to a little chest(I don't know how it got there) he pulled out a magazine.

Flipping to the centerfold, he saw an ad.

"Get hair! Get it fast, get it now!" Gollum smiled. "Yessss, precioussss..."

And so he called a taxi(I don't know how it got there) and made them go to this "place where we gets hair".

Crawling on all fours towards the first official looking person he saw, he looked up, imploring. "Need hair, we does. You needs to get ussss the hair, preciousss." Gollum said.

The woman turned around and looked down. Her name tag read "Miss Bossy-Boss". Her face was strange and a smile adorned her features. It would be permanent for a few hours yet.

She had been taken as another Botox victim. Gollum, who, for some reason, knew of this "Botox" shook his head.

"Yes, and how may I help you?" Gollum looked up at her, "We needssss hair, preciousss, gollum, gollum,"

"Certainly. Right this way!" She went behind a counter while Gollum struggled to seat himself on a stool.

"First, we have the Hawaiian!" She shrieked, setting out a head with a hairpiece made of leis.(It was ordered later by some eccentric old mule, if you want to know)

Various other hairpieces, dubbed peculiar names(The Fiddler On the Roof, to name one. This one came with a Fiddle.)

Finally, Gollum found one he liked.

It was big, poofy orange hair. Not really curly, or frizzy even. Just poofy.

"The preciousss," he said as he looked upon it. "We takesss this one,"

With that, he grabbed it, and ran out the door. Well, he crawled very quickly out the door, with Miss Bossy-Boss screaming after him about some sort of savings card he could get.

A/N: Why did I do this? I dunno. Its really stupid. A/N(11/17) Wow. How true it is. It is very stupid.