okay, first off, this is totally AU and im sorry if you get upset of offended by this. (i dont think you should cuz its only fiction but just incase you do...whatever. :P) i needed a sad fic, so this is it, :[
Disclaimer: i own nothing. except the idea. shames. :[
song: "Angel" by Sarah McLachlen. READ&REVIEWPLEASE. :D:D
Spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there's always one reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
"Where's Mommy?" she asks while he strokes her arm. It's warm to the touch, purple pyjamas bunched up to her elbow from a fitful rest.
"She'll be back," he assures her with a firm pat. "She's still with grandpa."
And with that she eases back down on the hospital pillows and the straight line in her mouth that she gets from Stephanie turns sheepishly upward to a tiny grin. "Can we read?"
"Of course," he replies. He lets her do as she pleases when it's his turn on the rotating shift. It's all he can give. The thin pages fall open over cotton covered legs and slowly he whisks them both away to another land. One with cotton candy coloured sand, lapping waves, and children who play under the sun.
I need some distraction
oh beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty
and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
"Dad, please. Can I go now?"
"Stephanie, we really need to go over this."
Stephanie looks to the ground, her head shaking slightly in disparity. "Daddy I don't care anymore…please. I just want to be with my daughter and my husband."
Vince nods, he gets it. Everyone gets it. Nobody can understand how she still makes it to the office everyday, how she manages to order everyone around like nothing is wrong when infact her daughter is lying, helpless and unaware of everything from a hospital bed.
"Thank you" She whispers. Standing from her chair, stretching her back slightly before patting her fathers shoulder and walking briskly out of the room. Vince sits there, watching his daughter walk out with her head held high when he knows that deep down she's dying inside.
in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
Paul watched as his daughters head turned sharply towards the door upon hearing the sound of heels clicking on the marble floor of the hospital corridor. Seconds later his wife appears at the door, exhaustion obviously consuming her but a look of excitement on her face, just for their baby girl.
"Mommy!!" Aurora squealed and clapped her hands together as her mother walked nearer to the bed.
"Hello Princess, how are you today?" Stephanie asked as she slipped off her dark blue coat and high heeled shoes, slipping onto the bed, mirroring Paul's current position on the other side of their daughter.
"Im good. Daddy and I watching nemo." Aurora smiled up at her mother. Her eyes gleaming as she spoke about the day she spent with her father. Stephanie smiled at her husband as their daughter went into detail about the book Paul had read her and she made him hand over the drawing she did before asking if they could continue watching the movie.
No was not an option that came to Aurora anymore, anything she wanted she could have, if she wanted to watch the movie, the three of them would sit and watch the movie without a complaint.
As the end of the movie neared Stephanie felt a weight off her arm as Aurora's head slipped from the leaning position on her arm to laying on her lap. Stephanie ran her fingers through her soft blonde hair.
"How was she today?" She asked, without taking her eyes from her daughter.
"Okay, she was complaining a little this morning about her chest hurting but the nurse came in and sorted it right out…she's been fine ever since. Today has been a good day."
A good day…that is what their daughters life had resulted in. Good days and bad days. A good day was Aurora waking up and not caring that she's in a hospital, not needing to have her medication upped a dosage. A good day was Aurora making it through the night before.
Stephanie looked at her evidently tired husband. This was hard on the both of them. No-one had expected this. Aurora was a perfectly healthy little girl. Four years old and as sharp as a tool. Until three months ago, she had been complaining of chest pain and nobody thought anything of it until it resulted in a screaming Aurora not being able to sleep.
Test after test concluded that Aurora was suffering from a rare heart defect, which was never picked up. After many threats of suing by Vince and tears of heartache from the entire family. Aurora was taken in for surgery. As successful as it was, she would never be cured, it was now a waiting game. A game that no-one wanted to be a part of. Neither Paul nor Stephanie wanted to admit it but that fact that their precious daughter was still here was a miracle.
"Are you okay?" She questions, running her other hand down his arm, lacing their fingers together, her thumb running softly over the gold wedding band adorned his left hand.
"As I said, its been a good day." Paul replied quietly, careful not to wake the four-year old who was currently curled in her mothers lap. He ran his free hand softly down his daughters back before turning to his wife.
"Coffee?" He asked.
Stephanie just smiled and nodded as Paul got up and left the room.
so tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there's vultures and thieves at your back
and the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lie
that you make up for all that you lack
"What the hell happened?" Paul shouted, trying to be heard over the nurses and doctors and beeping machines, the cries from his wife broke the reality barrier that he had been holding up for so long.
Something was wrong.
"Steph?" He questioned again, watching the tears fall freely from his wife's eyes, his arms pulled her in, holding her close, trying to comfort her in any way possible.
"She stopped breathing, she just….stopped." Stephanie said, between tears
Moments later a nurse came up to the couple, asking them to leave the room while they intubate.
"I cant watch this…" Paul said, leaving Stephanie standing there while the doctors struggled to get the plastic tube down Aurora's throat.
Stephanie felt nauseas watching her daughter go through all of this. She ran from the room and the hospital completely, outside of the hospital she fell to her knees, the tears falling hard and fast as she begins to empty the contents of her stomach onto the path at the far side of the hospital, where no-one can see. Paul chases after her and comes to halt, he leans down pulling her hair from her face, rubbing her back in a soothing manner.
After he is sure she has finished Paul pulls her into a tight embrace, kissing her head softly, telling her everything will be okay.
"No it wont." she whispers, in-between hiccups, the result of crying to much.
"Well we don't want to be sitting out here if it wont do we?"
it don't make no difference
escaping one last time
it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness
that brings me to my knees
The couple walk hand in hand back into their daughters room, awaiting their fate.
Paul held back the tears as he saw his little girl, laying peacefully on the bed, wires and tubes going in and out of her. This was not meant to happen, she is four years old, this isn't meant to happen he kept telling himself.
He and Stephanie looked and the doctor with hopeful eyes, maybe they could fix this.
"Im sorry…" the doctor told them. "She's stable. Because of the breathing tube. Without that, she cant breathe, her lungs are not strong enough anymore. Im so sorry but there's nothing more we can do."
"You have to do something…" Stephanie whispers walking towards her daughter. "She's four years old, she hasn't even started school yet, she is so excited about it" She tells the doctor as she runs her fingers through Aurora's soft blonde hair. "She loves reading, and movies, and drawing. And for her fifth birthday she wants never to be in a hospital again. Her birthday is in three weeks. You have to do something to make her better."
"Im sorry Stephanie, there's nothing more we can do. Without a transplant, there is nothing more. Her body just is not strong enough to survive another surgery. Im really sorry. But all we can do is wait, the tube is keeping her alive but eventually her organs will slowly give up, you can wait for that to happen or you can end her suffering now, by removing the tube." With that the doctor left the couple to be with their child.
"Steph…"
"Im not ready to lose her yet."
"Me either, but I think…"
"Don't say it…"
"Honey.."
"Stop. She is not going to die."
"Stephanie, we knew this would happen…I know you don't want it to, but do you think I do? Do you think I like sitting here in this hospital day after day watching my baby girl suffering like this, do you think I want to watch her spend her last days lying here with that tube down her throat!?" Paul was beginning to get angry, his emotions getting the better of him.
"Paul…please calm down."
"Stephanie, I cant do this. Im not strong enough to watch Aurora go through this anymore. She's been through enough. She's not our daughter anymore…"
"How can you say that!?" The tears started falling again, Stephanie got angry walking up to her husband.
"Look at her Steph! Look at her! That isn't Aurora! That's just her shell! She's not her anymore…" Paul said, finally letting the tears that he had been holding back for so long fall freely down his face.
"I think we should call our parents." she whispered.
in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
Stephanie watched as her family went in and out of the hospital room saying their goodbyes. Walking in with their heads held high, coming out broken-hearted. She wasn't ready for this. Her little girl was leaving her, they knew this day would come, they knew for months and they thought they were ready for it.
Finally she watched as her mother and father walked out of the room, Vince making his way towards her.
"Its your turn princess…" Stephanie looked up at your father, he's always been there for her, through everything, he was there when she fell, he was there at her school plays, he comforted her when she got her heartbroken during the teenage years, he walked her down the aisle when you married the man of your dreams. Steph has always been daddy's little girl, Aurora was the very same, she looked up to her father for everything and she knew this would be hitting Paul as hard as its hitting you.
"I cant…" Stephanie says, her voice barely above a whisper.
"You have to, she's waiting for you. She wont go without your permission. Let her go sweetheart. Go be with your daughter."
"Daddy…" she pulled him into a hug, the tears falling once again, just when you think there are no tears left. More come flowing.
"You have to pull together on this, You and Paul, this cant distance you, this will be the hardest moment in your life, he is hurting just as much as you are. Please don't shut him out." Linda adds as Stephanie watched her husband, standing at the door, watching his little girl live her last moments.
She took a deep breath and walked up to her husband. She took his hand in hers as he pulls her close and kisses your forehead.
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
"Hey princess, its daddy. Just so you know, its okay. Mama and I are here, and we love you very much. And we'll see you soon okay?" Stephanie watched the interaction between father and daughter. How could he be so strong? she thought to herself. Paul reached out for Stephanie's hand and pulled her onto his lap, both sitting on the edge of the bed, they watched as their daughter slept peacefully.
"Steph…"
"I cant do it, I cant say goodbye."
Paul kissed her shoulder. "You have to…this isn't fair."
"No Paul, whats not fair is the fact that our four year old daughter is going to die! Im not ready to let her go, I cant. She means the world to me."
"And you think she doesn't to me!?"
"I didn't say that, its just…your so strong, you can say it, how?"
"Because ive been saying it everyday day for the past three months, every time I leave the room I tell her how much I love her and that I will be back. And I will, sometime down the line we will see her again, I believe that and you have too as well. Stephanie we have to let her go. She wont go if you don't say goodbye and this isn't fair, keeping her like this, she isn't Aurora anymore…"
"I love you Angel." Stephanie whispered as she kissed Aurora's head softly.
The couple stood and nodded at the doctor to remove the tube. Both parents watched as the heart monitor slowly stopped, eventually a flat line appeared.
Leaving both Paul and Stephanie devastated.
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here
Aurora-Rose Levesque
7-24-2006 - 3-7-2010
Daughter of Paul and Stephanie Levesque
You're in the arms of the angels now, Princess.
omg, i know, im a horrible person.
but i needed a sad fic, i always write happiish ones. :P
sorry, it wont happen again.
comments?
merci beaucoup (y)
J.x