I had high hopes to get the next chapter of SoH out this weekend...that clearly did not happen. It's almost done, but it's turning into a pain so instead, here's a little bittersweet ditty I've had written for a few weeks.
The cave was almost deathly silent, save for some dripping water off in some distance tunnel, and the howl of the occasion breeze through the high reaching ceiling.
Edge hadn't been in this cave for many months now, busy with other things and not feeling the need to run away for even a minute or two, but despite that, he felt like he should visit.
It wasn't like the gravestones looked different, or had gone anywhere.
But still, it had been long enough since his last visit that he was probably overdo.
He grinned and spoke up seemingly to nothing at all. "Try rolling your weight more on your feet. From the balls to the toes and back again."
There was a pause and then he nodded, "Better, but watch your breathing."
It a heartbeat Cuore plopped down next to him and smiled up at him, tilting her head, "How was that?"
"Pretty good. You learn really fast." he commented.
She looked pleased with the praise and he frowned, "What are you doing out here, though?"
"Following you. The seneschal didn't know where you had gone." she explained. "He asked mom, and she said she didn't know either, but I saw you leave."
He sighed, "Ah."
Cuore looked around the cavern and then back to him. "What are you doing out here?"
"Visiting." he mumbled, gesturing to the gravestones in front of them. "I don't come often, because it seems pointless and, as you would say, illogical. But sometimes I like to come here to think."
She paused, obviously thinking over what he said. Her blue eyes searched the stones and she looked back up at him. "Who were they?"
Edge smiled sadly, "My parents."
She glanced back to the stones and it was a few minutes before she spoke up again. "Death is an intriguing concept. People speak of it as if it is a bad, evil thing, however it is not an entity, nor is it anything but the end of a naturally occurring biological process…"
Cuore looked puzzled, peering up at him curiously. "If all life is designed to terminate at a set time, then why do you try so hard to live? Is this not counterproductive?"
"Well," he said, choosing his words carefully. It was an important question for any child. The concept of life and death; but even more so for the highly adaptive and inquisitive Cuore.
"I guess that's what makes living so important. You only get to do so much of it."
She blinked at him, vivid eyes searching his for a moment before she dropped her gaze to the ground.
"Oh." she muttered quietly.
There was a long pause as Edge tried to decide if he should continue to explain or if she was merely processing. Sometimes it was hard to tell with her, but finally she looked back up at him, a slight smile on her lips. "Then I am glad I decided to live."
He grinned and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, "Yeah, me too."
She leaned against him, eyes staring straight ahead. "If we only get to do so much of living, then I would like to spend as much possible time with you and mom as I can."
"That sounds like a great idea."
She smiled at him, and he blinked. It was odd; she was a genetic duplicate of Rydia, but he swore some of her expressions weren't copied from the summoner. Most, but not all.
"They would have liked you," he said.
Cuore blinked, "How can you be sure?"
"Because," Edge explained. "I just know."
Her eyes fell forward again. "Tell me."
There was a long pause, the cavern silent. He took a deep breath, "They would have thought you were adorable and quirky. My mom would have wanted to play with your hair."
"Why?" Cuore asked, looking confused.
He shrugged, "Because she used to have all these fancy pins and combs…I think she would have liked to share them with you. And my father, well, he would have been on my side for letting you learn to fight,"
"Mom said when I'm older," Cuore pointed out helpfully.
Edge tried not to scoff. "Yes, but what does that mean?"
Cuore hesitated and then spoke up, quietly. "I'm sorry."
"What for?" he asked, glancing down at her in confusion.
She bit her lip, eyes staring at nothing on the floor. Her tiny frame shivered and she closed her eyes, mumbling again; "I'm sorry."
He shifted so he could face her, one hand resting on her shoulder, "Hey, Cuore, are you okay?"
She wouldn't look at him, which was odd, and she was still shaking, expression miserable. This had never happened before, not even when she was distraught over a nightmare. Usually she was responsive somehow, but even when he gave her a gentle shake, she didn't stir.
Finally she took a deep, shuddering breath and spoke, quiet voice filled with tearful remorse.
"The Maenads needed to slow the progress of everyone that was trying to reach the creator, that was their final given task. It was their primary objective, by any means possible, stop the advance of the infiltrators, keep them from the creator, remove them completely."
She was lost to memories now, he could tell, but that didn't make him any less worried. Her hands were clutching at the fabric of her dress, her eyes were such tightly, her posture stiff.
"Direct attacks did little to slow the progress, it wasn't enough. However, humans were such emotional creatures…"
Instead of being tense, she suddenly sobbed and collapsed into herself, tears streaking down her face.
Startled, Edge just did the first thing he could think of and tugged her closer, maneuvering her so he could hold her. She flung her arms around his neck, still crying, but never stopped talking, as if she couldn't.
"We," she halted, caught herself, and continued; "They had some of High Summoner Rydia's memories, we knew what would provide crippling emotional effects."
And he suddenly knew where this was headed, but also knew there was no way to prevent her from continuing now so just closed his eyes and held her close.
"It was why they revived them, to slow you down. They didn't understand why it would work or just how painful it was, just that it would work."
Cuore pulled away and finally looked at him, tearful eyes full of guilt and haunted by dark memories.
"I never understood either, but now I do. I'm sorry."
Edge sighed and hugged her close, "Oh, Cuore, it wasn't your fault. I know you have all their memories, but it wasn't your fault."
She sobbed, and he winced, not quite sure what to do in this situation. He hated crying. It was bad enough when Rydia did it, but somehow it was ten times worse when Cuore did it.
Usually it was an easy fix; just a few minutes of assuring her the nightmares weren't real, or that she was loved and safe. But this was different, this was deeper and far more painful.
For both of them.
As guilty as she apparently felt about it, he felt just as bad that she was blaming herself for something that had nothing to do with her.
Her frame continued to shake, and he softly rubbed her back, trying to calm her down. "Cuore, oh, Cuore, it's okay,"
"No it isn't!" she cried, arms tightening around his neck. "It hurt you!"
"Yes, but it isn't your fault," he whispered honestly.
She sniffed and leaned back, looking him in the eye, swallowing back a sob and whispering, "It hurts me too,"
A fresh set of tears marred her cheeks and she shook her head slowly, as if trying to dislodge something from it. "I don't understand." she lamented, flicking a look at the gravestones. "I didn't know them. I have no emotional or physical attachment to them. So why, then, does my heart hurt?"
Before Edge could form an answer for her question, she rested her hand flat against his chest, above his heart and mumbled through her tears; "I feel…sad. But it's worse. I feel like I'm sharing what you feel. How is this possible?"
Edge wasn't sure where the words came from to speak to her, but before he knew it he was talking, and so he stopped overthinking it.
"It's called empathy, Cuore. When we know someone, when we care about them, then when they hurt, so do we." He swiped a thumb underneath her eyes, flicking away some of her tears. "It's the same when you have a nightmare and Rydia and I feel sad. It's because we love you, we feel your pain, we share it."
Cuore broke into another sob and threw her arms around him again, pressing her forehead into the top of his shoulder.
He closed his eyes and held her for a moment, stifling a sigh and trying not to become emotional himself. That would only make the situation with his little girl worse, he was sure. But beyond holding her, he wasn't sure what else to say or do.
Everything to Cuore was new and sadly, most of it was troubling and painful. This was just another step in her life, though he wished she didn't have to go through it.
"I'm sorry." she whispered again.
He barely heard her, and just reached up a hand to stroke her hair. "It's not your fault."
"But I still feel sorry." she said, turning her head to peek at him. "Because…I love you."
Edge smiled a little and brushed another teardrop away. Cuore closed her eyes and murmured; "They loved you too."
It took him a minute to answer, and finally he nodded. "I know."
They sat for a few minutes in silence, and after a time Cuore's sobs died down into light sniffs until finally she was quiet. Even after her tears stopped, he waited to release her for a moment, thinking over their conversation.
Yes.
They would have liked her. They would have liked Rydia. They would have been happy with the castle being rebuilt. They would have, maybe not right away, but eventually, been happy Izayoi was back.
They would have been a lot of things.
Cuore finally shifted in his arms and looked up, expression tired and hazy, and she sniffed lightly, obviously unsure where to go from here.
Edge just grinned at her and nodded to the cave entrance. "Should we go home?"
She nodded, smiling ever so slightly but refusing to move.
He gladly carried her, knowing they would likely never talk about this conversation again. Still, it had changed them both for the better.
Author's Note: I've been writing bits and pieces of this for months, but never felt it was very good and couldn't keep it into a cohesive story. But recently I ran across someone who had lost his wife only days before after 38 years of marriage. You could literally feel the sorrow hovering around him and it broke my heart, despite not knowing either of them, to the point where I cried.
(I saw him again a week later and he is doing much better, BTW)
BUT, having that heartbroken, empathetic feeling was helpful to write this, to properly describe Cuore's reaction.
Anyway, enough chit-chat. I hope everyone enjoyed this bittersweet one-shot.