A/N: If anyone that is reading this happens to be following my Persona 4 story, don't worry I haven't abandoned it. Chapter 6 is two-thirds of the way done, and I'll try to get it finished and uploaded by Sunday. I'm slowing down a lot with my writing because of things going on in my life. Namely preparing for my second year of college and such. Anyway, this is just a little side story I thought of while bored at work. May be one of many oneshots to come. Hope you enjoy it! Constructive criticism is welcome.
"I want you both to forget all about this, I plan on doing the same myself."
The girl standing next to me is visibly shocked as our senior tells us to forget all of the heavy information we have just learned.
"What? What do you mean by that?"
"Just what I said... Someone in the Far East branch is involved in this project, that much we know." The woman in front of me pauses before continuing, "If we make any waves, they'll crush us."
"But... What if we tried sending an urgent message to another branch, or to HQ?" The capped-girl pleads desperately.
"We have no proof!" The woman barks, "For all we know, they could be wire-tapping everything... do you still think we have a chance?" She seems to not want to believe what she is saying herself. "This terminal, the comms, even this very room might be under surveillance!"
The girl beside me can't help but clutch her arm in self-comfort, "But still..."
"That's why I'm telling you to forget about it... I'm sure that's what Lindow would have wanted." The woman facing us explains as she tries to hide the pain in her eyes.
It doesn't get past me, but I won't make a comment about it. Sakuya has been through enough for one day, after all. We all have, as a matter of fact. Defeating "the Emperor" and finally avenging Lindow... Finding his God Arc and armlet, confirming his death... And now we have discovered the reason for his death.
He knew too much. He was investigating, and someone with power at the far east branch wanted him silenced. And thus, Lindow Amamiya was no longer with us. Which led to the leadership position in the first unit being assigned to me. Although it made no sense, as Sakuya has much more experience than me and probably would lead us better.
"Could you..." Sakuya's expression is rigid, and she doesn't make eye contact at all as she says this, "I'd like to be alone now, please..."
"I understand," I nudge the blonde girl standing next to me with my elbow, "C'mon, Alisa."
"But- Yuu!" She protests, but then reluctantly concedes, "Excuse us."
Sakuya only nods in response and we turn to walk out to the hallway. Alisa looks down at the ground contemplating something.
"Giving up just like that... That's not like her at all." She looks me in the eye with a determined look, "I'm going to keep investigating. This isn't just her problem any more."
She still seems to blame herself. Not that I can hold it against her. I'd be blaming myself too. Brainwashing or no brainwashing.
"Yuu..." She mutters my name, but hesitates to say anything more. She looks in to my eyes, but still can't say what's in her mind. She has always had trouble really expressing herself honestly.
I point my thumb behind me to a door, "I can tell it's still bugging you. My room is right there if you'd like to talk." I offer her a warm smile.
Surprisingly, her face turns red at my offer, "I... I'd like that." She smiles back at me.
I turn around and walk over to my door. A pair of footsteps that aren't my own let's me know that she is following me. The door opens up and we walk inside.
I don't spend that much time in this room outside of sleeping. It's Lindow's old room after all, and it feels surreal that I'm the one living it. It just serves as a painful reminder of our old unit captain.
I feel as if I'm not able to live up to him, yet everyone tells me that he'd be proud if he saw me now. They say that he left unit one in good hands. Some go as far as to say I've surpassed him. None of this actually puts me at ease in this room. The only time I'm able to relax in this room is when I'm too tired to care.
Alisa sits down on the edge of my bed. Her expression is still just as troubled as it was when were in Sakuya's room.
"Would you like anything? I have a couple of extra rations and such." She shakes her head in response, so I grab a nearby chair and settle it in front of her. I sit down in it and wait for her to start talking.
She stares at the ground for a little while before speaking up, "I'm sorry if this is a rude question, but why did you become a God Eater?"
The question caught me off guard, but it makes sense. After all, I don't really talk about my past. It's not an entirely painful question to answer, but it's not quite painless either.
She sees the grimace on my face, and immediately regrets her question, "You don't have to answer that if you don't want to."
"No, it's fine. I've just been so focused on surviving these new missions that I had forgotten all about it." I pause for a moment before continuing, "When I was little, my father was eaten by an aragami."
"I'm sorry for your loss..." Alisa had an empathetic look on her face. She knows what it's like to have your parents eaten by an aragami.
"I was too young to remember what he was like," I continue, a bitter smile on my face. "My brother and sister, however, were both older than me and as soon as they were old enough they joined Fenrir. From what I hear, they were very adept God Eaters, and they rose in the ranks quickly. About a year ago, they were both killed in action, and about two weeks later my mother fell ill and passed on as well. We didn't have enough money to buy her medicine. The conditions in the ghettos are horrendous and unacceptable. So I became a God Eater in order to do what I can to help eradicate these damn things. No one should have to suffer what I have, losing your whole family..."
"I'm sorry for your loss... I know how it feels. I don't have any family left either." Alisa smiled at me with empathy scrawled all over her face. She is quiet for a moment before continuing to speak, "It's strange... You're always so level-headed. In fact, whenever we go on missions, you actually seem bored. Even when you do those stupid, reckless things you're completely calm about it."
It's true that I wear a different face whenever I'm around the others. I have this bored, lazy facade whenever I go on missions with them. As soon as the mission ends I'm telling everyone to hustle to the salvage points so we can get home and relax. But it's not because I just want to lounge around the Far East Branch lazily. It's because I don't want to spend any more time out in the field and risk the others witness just how much rage I bear against the aragami.
If the aragami actually bled, I'd need a new uniform every time I come back from a solo mission. I usually eliminate the target pretty quickly, but I use the excuse of salvaging some materials to completely eradicate the aragami in the area, including ones that happen to come in to the area after I have arrived there. So my solo missions take about twice as long as they would if I leave as soon as I eliminate the target.
Of course, Shio is an exception. At first I was apprehensive around her, but quickly I realized that she posed no threat to us and that she is different from other aragami. She's so child-like and bears such a strong resemblance to humans that I often forget that she is even an aragami.
"Still, you don't look quite sad. I mean, I see sadness in your eyes but there's something more..." Alisa's voice snaps me out of my thoughts.
I break eye contact promptly. A bit ashamed that I was letting my emotions get the best of me. "Over time, my sadness turned in to hatred. That hatred manifests itself as anger. The rage I feel is fueled by my sadness."
"It's okay to feel emotions. It's part of being human. You have all of us in the first unit, you don't need to shoulder it all by yourself."
I look back at her determinedly. "It's not that easy. I'm the leader now, I have to maintain a level head so that I can make the best decisions in order for us to survive."
"Don't be so stupidly stubborn." Alisa says curtly.
She stands up and walks over to me. Her figure is towering over me while I'm sitting down. I stand up so that my eyes don't wander to places they shouldn't be while she talks. After all, she does dress a bit provocatively. Not that any of the guys at Fenrir mind. She may only be a teenager, but she definitely has the body of a woman.
The next thing she does takes me by surprise. All of a sudden her arms were wrapped around my neck and her body is pressed against me.
"You can depend on us too, you know... We're a team, after all." She whispers in to my ear. "To think you were harboring these kind of feelings this whole time. Even during our resonance, I only felt warm, gentle feelings from you. Then again, there are a lot of things we don't know about resonance." She squeezes tighter as she says this.
I take myself by surprise by the next thing I do. I hug her back. We hold each other for a few moments while I try to choke out a few words in futility. A single tear streams down the right side of my face and on to her exposed shoulder.
We break the embrace, and I think I see something that looks like a blush on her face. I watch her walk over to the door to my room. She opens it and turns around.
"I'm glad you're opening up. Just remember that we're here for you okay?" She gives me the warmest smile that I've ever seen her wear. "Get some rest, you did well today. Goodnight, Yuu."
"Hey, that's my line!" We chuckle at the role reversal that was occurring. "Goodnight Alisa. And..."
"...And?" She looks at me expectantly.
"Thanks."
She smiles at me one more time and walks away, closing the door behind her. I turn out the lights, and jump in to bed. I stare at the ceiling for a few moments. I reach my hand up towards the ceiling and clench it in to a fist.
I feel more determined than ever to continue my work, but I feel the hatred that has been welling up in my heart start to dissipate a bit. In its place, I feel my desire to protect humanity from the aragami grow stronger.
That was the first time someone asked me about my past. I guess my usual demeanor makes it seem like I don't have as interesting of one. But I am glad that Alisa asked me. Telling someone about it has made my shoulders feel lighter. I should get her something as thanks.
"She acts tough and cold, but she really is sweet."
I cover my eyes with my forearm and drift off to sleep.