Alice and Jasper songfict.
Hate Me by Blue October.
Stephanie Meyers owns Alice and Jasper, and Twilight related things.
Jasper paced, thoughts racing through his head, so many emotions coming off of the small, beautiful vampire sitting in the corner. She looked like she might cry. He felt awful, but Alice…why couldn't he make her understand. He didn't deserve her love.
"I have to go." Jasper walked with inhuman speed to the door, when Alice's soft voice caught his ear.
"Do you have to?"
Jasper paused, not turning to look at her. He felt her emotions and they saddened him.
The hurt, the confusion, the slight anger…the love.
He bowed his head and walked out the door into the darkness of night to clear his head.
I have to block out thoughts of you, so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape, to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
Jasper sat atop a boulder in deep thought. Alice. She deserved better than him. Much better. He was the monster than Edward feared himself to be. The monster was Jasper anyone could see that. His scars were enough proof.
He just wanted Alice to see that he was wrong for her. He wanted her to find peace, not his lifetime of war. He wanted her happiness. She'd earned it for putting up with him for this long.
He wanted her to never say she loved him.
Never to reach out to him in his dark solitude.
Never again.
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you, Will you never call again?
the way you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
the way you never try to reach me, it is I that wanted this
"Just go ahead and hate me, Alice," Jasper said bitterly to the wind.
"Hate today and tomorrow. Hate me for not being there for you.
Hate me, it'll be good for you."
Jasper got up and ran back to the house, where Alice was waiting for him. She wrapped her arms around his waist, and Jasper could feel nothing but love coming off her. So he couldn't help but to put his arms around her and hold her there, like the world would end if they were to but let go.
3 MONTHS LATER:
Jasper sat on the edge of the chair. He was craving human blood again. He ran his hands through his hair and held his face in his hands. Last time he had given in. Alice had been so disappointed in him. She hadn't said anything to him for a while. He hated to make her upset. She was so supportive of him though. She was always there to keep his head up, when he wanted it to fall. She helped him stay clean.
I'm sober now for 3 whole months, its one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again.
He owed Alice so much. The last night, she did nothing but sit there and hold him while he fought his cravings, while he ranted over things, while he downed himself for being so weak. Every time he had put himself down, she offered an encouraging word, or a reassuring smile, making him have a small amount of faith in himself. But Alice didn't need that. She didn't need his rants and deranged thoughts, or his weakness. He should leave. Just go so far away that Alice would never think of him again and could find someone else. Find someone else…just leave him behind. Forget him.
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so f**king far away that I'll never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind
The day Jasper went to leave and Alice tried to stop him, he turned and yelled at her,
"Just hate me Alice!"
"Hate me today and tomorrow!"
"Hate me because I can't be there for you!"
"Just go ahead and hate me! It'll be good for you…"
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you
Jasper's still heart broke seeing Alice's face, but he whispered goodbye, and gave a half wave as he left the house. He ran. Ran far before stopping and walked slowly, shoving his hands in his pockets.
"I always seemed like a boy to her. I was never the man she needed." Jasper stopped and shuddered as he closed his eyes and saw the way she looked before he left. It looked like she was crying. She was so upset. He could feel it.
His head snapped up and he ran back to the house as fast as he could. There he found Alice curled up in the corner, breathing erratically, and holding herself, rocking back and forth.
Jasper went to her side and knelt down, taking her face gently in his hands, holding her face to gaze down at her with broken eyes. He tenderly stroked her cheek with his thumb.
"Alice…please don't be upset, darlin'…just smile for me, okay. This is what's best. I don't deserve you in anyway. You need better than me." Jasper's heart broke at her next words.
And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
'Till I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hands
And then I fell down yelling "make it go away" just make a smile
Come back and shine just like it used to be
Alice looked up into his eyes and said with a broken voice, "How can you do this to me?"
Jasper's heart, what was left of it, shattered, leaving him in pieces.
And then she whispered "How could you do this to me?"
"Jasper…I can't hate you today or tomorrow."
Hate me today.
Hate me tomorrow.
"Jasper, I can't hate you for not being there because you always are here with me."
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you.
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow.
"Jasper…I can't hate you at all, because I know what good for me honey."
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.
"I know what's good for me, and you, Jasper Hale, are what's good for me."
"I love you, Jasper."
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.
"I love you too, Alice."