A/N: I do not own Twilight or anything else in this amazing world- we all know who does. Enjoy my attempt to explain Edward's story. Please review.
In the quiet stillness of her room, it is hard for my mind to not wander. But for the first time, in my very long existence, they are peaceful thoughts. School had only been in session for a few short weeks, and while I find it tedious, it is made bearable due to the wonderful woman asleep beside me. I brushed a few strands of her auburn hair from her face and trailed my fingers along her cheekbone. Even in her sleep, her body elicited a slight shiver from my chilly fingers. She nestled closer to me, stirring up her familiar scent of freesia and lavender. It caused a slight ache in my throat, but I managed it easily.
Even the past summer was enjoyable. Being a vampire and one that throws freakish rainbows in the sun, summers can be the bane of me and my family's existence. Living in Forks, Washington, which boasts being the most sunless place in the United States, we get the chance at a semi-normal life. But summers are meant for sun and so I don't usually look forward to them. Yet, by some miracle, this summer was perfect. It could have been that it was the rainiest one ever recorded, but I knew it had to do with Bella.
Being able to spend all day and then all night, of course only after her dad, Charlie went to bed, with her; it was my idea of heaven. The only blemish was Bella's ridiculous idea that she needed to work. She ended up with a job at Newton's Outfitters, which only made Mike Newton deliriously excited. He had the delusional notion that being able to spend time with Bella, alone without me, would give him time to put the moves on her. I can't tell you how many times, as I picked Bella up, his thoughts were bordering on insane. Even after all the time that Bella and I were together, he thought he had a chance with her. Even though I knew he deserved no girl of his own, I found myself wishing he didn't break up with Jessica. At least then his thoughts didn't revolve around Bella.
Several times I tried to persuade her from working, there was no need, I could give her whatever she wanted. I wanted to give her everything, but leave it to Bella to ask for the impossible. She did not want my money; in fact she was strongly opposed to it. She has some absurd idea that my giving her money throws us out of balance. She regards me much more highly than I deserve. I was the unworthy one. No, Bella wanted the one thing I can never bring myself to give her; immortality.
At various points in the last few months, we had several discussions of Bella becoming a vampire. Actually, it was more her pleading her case and me adamantly arguing against the idea. She thinks it is what she wants, she makes it seem like she understands the ramifications of her choice. But, I know better than anyone what the consequences entail. I have had over eighty years to think about what happened to me, and I still struggle with it.
I long since forgave Carlisle for what he did; I understood that it was loneliness that prompted him to make his decision. He had been wondering this earth for close to two hundred and fifty years and desired a companion above all else. My illness and impending death provided him with an opportunity that he could not overlook. The guilt that Carlisle felt after wards was immense. But, over time, he reconciled himself to his choice and never looked back.
To say that I never thought of Bella as a vampire would be a lie. Like Carlisle, I have my selfish side, especially when it comes to her. To keep her with me for all eternity, well, it would make my heart pound if it still could beat. But how could I be that selfish, to want to take Bella's soul so I did not have to be alone? The thought alone makes me cringe. Bella deserves so much more; more than an existence as a vampire, forever in shadows, more than me.
Not wanting to dwell on something I was bound and determined would never happen, I turned towards Bella. She was sleeping peacefully and curled up next to me. Watching her sleep was fascinating. The expressions of contentment and serenity made me jealous. I wanted to sleep, to have a chance at tranquility, to dream of her. Instead, I was resigned to just watching her. There were benefits however, for Bella talked in her sleep. These unconscious mutterings give me a glimpse into her otherwise silent mind. I learned what she was concerned about, what she was dreaming about, but mostly, I counted the times she said my name. After all these months of watching her sleep, I still get a thrill when my name is murmured.
Bella had been quiet for some time, so I turned my thoughts towards later today. It was her birthday, her eighteenth to be exact. I knew she didn't want a fuss made about her birthday, in fact deep down I knew it was a day Bella dreaded. She has an issue with the idea that she would be older than me, which I find laughable. I may have been seventeen at the time of my change, but now I was close to a hundred and ten years old. It was this imaginary issue she had with age that fueled her desire to be changed.
However, I want to celebrate her birthday and acknowledge it for the special occasion it is. I do not want my interference in her life to take away from any of the normal human things she should get to experience. I began to hum 'Happy Birthday', knowing I would not be able to do it when she was awake. When I finished, I transitioned into the lullaby I wrote, letting the soothing melody wash over me. The intricate notes swelled and quieted, painting the image of a sleeping girl. It was my homage to all the nights I spent watching her sleep.
As the last notes sounded, inspiration struck. I had been struggling with an idea for Bella's present. I desperately wanted to give her something, but any amount of money I spent would upset Bella. That seriously reduced the list of potential gifts she would graciously accept. But if I gave her a gift that cost nothing, she couldn't get too upset.
Knowing I needed some time to put her gift together, get ready for school, and check in with Alice, I reluctantly decided to leave Bella for the night. Giving her one last kiss on the forehead, I whispered my love to her and leapt out her window.
Excited by the prospect of knowing what I was giving Bella, I ran full speed to my house. I expected to hear Alice, fully immersed in plans for Bella's birthday party later tonight, that it took me a second to comprehend that I was hearing Rosalie.
A birthday party? Really? For a human? Ugh! I can see why Alice is thrilled, but even Emmett is excited. We were having such a wonderful time in Africa. Disgust and disbelief colored Rosalie's thoughts. If it was up to me, she would have stayed in Africa. But when Alice told Emmett she was having a party for Bella he wanted to be there. He found Bella and her clumsiness hilarious. Rosalie, on the other hand, found Bella to be a complication to her perfect existence.
While the jealously of me preferring Bella to her wasn't as prevalent in her thoughts, she still wondered what drew me to Bella. She did not find her attractive, feeling her perfect looks were preferable. The fact that Bella knew our family's secret also upset Rosalie. But, deep down, I knew Rosalie was jealous that Bella was human. Out of all my siblings, Rosalie was the one who do anything, give up anything just to become human again.
I dismissed Rosalie as I walked up the porch stairs and into the front room of the house. The sight that greeted me stopped me cold. Instead of the normal living room setup, the sofa was pushed against one wall and a table was in its place. The table was covered in a cream table cloth and huge glass bowls were set on each end. The bowls were filled with a multitude of pink flowers and their scent filled the room. Unlit pink candles of various sizes and shapes were also on the table.
That's perfect! With the cake in the center and the presents, it will look gorgeous. I think I should continue with more candles and flowers throughout the room. Maybe even carry it outside? Alice closed her eyes to see how it would look with more decorations on the porch. As she made different decisions, the visions changed giving Alice a chance to see the completed look. She settled on one that would place the table directly in Bella's line of sight as she entered the room.
"Jazz, Em..I need your help!" Alice trilled with excitement. When my brothers entered the room, she directed them where to move the table. "It needs to be centered right here." She watched them with a critical eye.
I shook my head in dismay; this was out of control, even for Alice. "Even if she doesn't see it right away, she will not like this. It's too much. And pink, really?" I was teasing her, unable to hide my amusement at Alice's joy. "You know, she already made me promise I would not acknowledge her birthday."
Sticking her tongue out at me she replied, "That was your fault; I made no such promises to her. Besides, everyone loves a good party and Bella's birthday is something to celebrate!" Alice flitted out of the room to cut more roses before I could protest anymore.
Jasper chuckled at Alice, he knew she would get her way and wondered why I even bothered to argue. "You're not helping at all Jasper," I chastised.
"I'm not the one trying to fight against the inevitable." He tried, but was unable to keep the smirk off his face. I ignored him as I turned towards Emmett who was laughing to himself.
"Aww, he's just a bit sensitive that his girlfriend is older than him now."
"Seriously, Emmett? Could you be any more childish?" I rolled my eyes trying to convey my unspoken thoughts that he just grow up. He may have been older than me when he was changed, but he can be so juvenile at times.
"Sounds like I was right. Don't worry Ed, my man, dating older chicks is all the rage now." Seeing my utter distain for his crass remarks, he sped out of the room before I could get to him.
"Don't think I'll forget this, Em. I am just biding my time." His echoing laugh told me he had heard and he was looking forward to any possible rematch between us.
Turning towards the piano, I sat down and ran my hands up the keys listening to its perfect tuning. Taking a few deep breaths to calm and center myself, I began to play. The music filled the room, with sweeping crescendos and soft melodies. I pour all of who I am into my music; my love, needs, wants, desires, and fears. The stories that I weave into all my compositions played out in my mind. Soon I was lost in the stories and the music, forgetting all else that was going on around me.
It wasn't until I heard the thoughts of my parents that I realized that anyone else was in the room with me.
Listen to how he is playing, it's breathtaking. He plays with such joy when he plays for Bella. She is so good for him. The obvious joy and pleasure in Esme's thoughts would have made me blush if I was capable. She has always been very supportive of my relationship with Bella. She worried that I may never find someone to love.
He is content, and happy, my son has found his mate at last.
Carlisle's words surprised me. He considered Bella my mate? Is that what I wanted her to be? Images I had seen of Bella from Alice's visions flashed; Bella in a gauzy white dress, being walked down the aisle by Charlie, an exchange of rings. My breathing sped up as I replayed them over and over, realizing that I did want to marry her; I wanted her as mine forever.
I ended the lullaby and Esme came to sit by me, her smile illuminated her face. She enjoyed when I played and encouraged me to do so often. She was so much like a real mother in those moments. Continuing with making Bella's gift, I played the composition I wrote as a tribute to the love she shares with Carlisle.
In my peripheral vision, I watched as they danced slowly, becoming lost in the music. Seeing Carlisle hold his wife closely and with such tenderness as they spun in slow intricate circles made me smile. Memories of holding Bella close at our prom last spring as we danced weaved through my mind as the song continued. I closed my eyes and allowed the music to take control, filling my spirit.
Thank you, for playing our song. I love it. Esme kissed the top of my head and Carlisle patted my shoulder as the song ended on a sweet note. I nodded my thanks and continued to play. Towards the end, Alice came to add her lilting voice as she provided wordless vocals to the last few songs. She was the only person who was able to join with me musically. The final few notes hung in the air as the last song came to an end. I placed a soft kiss on Alice's cheek. "Thanks, it was the perfect addition."
Grabbing the disc, Alice commanded, "I'll wrap it and you can go get ready for school." Flashing Alice the smile I knew Bella loved, I raced to my room to change and met Alice at the car.
I lifted my eyes when I saw she had the CD in her hands, "Do you honestly think she will allow you to give that her, in front of everyone?" We piled into my car and Alice flashed her own dazzling smile.
"I can be very persuasive, don't you worry."
But I did worry, a lot. Bella had been dreading this day all summer long. I was bound and determined to make it the best birthday she ever had. When arrived in the school parking lot, I parked my car and waited with Alice for Bella to arrive.
We both heard the truck before we saw it. She really needs a new car Edward. That should have been her present from you. I fought back a smile at Alice's musing for I tried several times this summer to convince her to let me get her a new car. Each time she vehemently protested. One day that rusty truck would keel over and die. Then maybe I could get her a better, faster, safer car.
We watched as Bella pulled in the lot and parked a few spaces down from us. Alice was bouncing in place and I knew Bella would notice. "Calm down Alice, wait till she gets to us," I muttered under my breath, "and hide the gift." But I was too late, for Alice bounded over towards Bella with the gift clearly in her hand. The scowl etched on Bella's face told me I was right, she saw the gift and was not happy.
"Happy Birthday, Bella!"
"Shh!" hissed Bella. I had to chuckle as she made sure no one heard Alice. Bella really did not want anyone to know it was her birthday. Maybe getting her to the party would be more difficult than I imagined.
"Do you want to open your present now or later?" Alice asked as they slowly walked over to where I stood. I kept my eyes on Bella, anxious to see how she would react.
"No presents," mumbled Bella.
Gee, why so glum? A birthday is a happy event. "Okay…later, then. Did you like the scrapbook your mom sent you? And the camera from Charlie?"
Bella winced and sighed as she was reminded of her parent's gifts. Alice had seen them a few weeks earlier and mentioned them to me as she planned for the party.
"Yeah. They're great."
"I think it's a nice idea. You're only a senior once. Might as well document the experience."
"How many times have you been a senior?"
"That's different." Yet, if the future holds true, she will have many other senior years. Images of Bella cold and hard as marble with blood red eyes flew through Alice's mind. I was too familiar with these images. While I dreaded them, anxious to keep them from coming true, Alice relished them. She was eager to play them for me as a way to say nothing I have done has changed this future.
I hissed too low for anyone but Alice to hear, stopping her train of thought. I will never let Bella become what I am; she deserves so much better and I would strive to make sure she stayed human. It seemed I was fighting an uphill battle to keep Bella human.
As they drew closer, I reached out automatically for her hand and reveled in her warmth. A feeling of relief coursed through me as we touched. Bella seemed to like that as well for she eagerly grasped my hand. Squeezing her hand gently, I stared into her warm brown eyes, listening as her heart picked up in tempo.
Without thinking, I traced her lips with my finger feeling her gentle breath wash over my hand, "So, as discussed, I am not allowed to wish you a happy birthday, is that correct?" I continued to stare into her eyes, hoping to dazzle her into letting me celebrate her birthday.
"Yes. That is correct." She sounded so serious.
I sighed inwardly; why did she need to be so difficult? "Just checking. You might have changed your mind. Most people seem to enjoy things like birthdays and gifts." But when was Bella ever like most people? If she was, she wouldn't be standing here with me.
Alice chimed in laughing, "Of course you'll enjoy it. Everyone is supposed to be nice to you today and give you your way, Bella. What's the worst that could happen?" But Bella was selfless, she didn't need to get her way, she much preferred to have others in the spotlight. I knew that Alice's rhetorical question would bother her. Again I was rewarded with another furrow of her brow.
"Getting older," she replied shakily. This troubled me; Bella had some strange ideas about getting old, or more to the point older than me. I tried not to show my displeasure, but I failed; my lips tightened.
"Eighteen isn't very old," Alice tried to soothe her, "Don't women usually wait till they're twenty-nine to get upset over birthdays?"
Bracing myself for Bella's irritated response, I was not disappointed as she mumbled, "It's older than Edward." I couldn't help the sigh that escaped. Would she ever get over this nonexistent age issue she had created? I feared not.
"Technically," Alice replied, she tried to make light of the situation, "Just by one little year though." I rolled my eyes at Alice to get her off the subject of age; once Bella got fixated on something, it was nearly impossible to change her mind. "What time will you be at the house?" Alice asked finally getting my hint.
Bella looked confused for a moment, but then suspicion crept into her eyes. "I didn't know I had plans to be there."
'Oh, be fair, Bella!" Alice complained with narrowed eyes. I could tell Alice was gearing up for a major guilt trip. "You aren't going to ruin all our little fun like that are you?"
Not to be out done, Bella challenged Alice, "I thought my birthday was about what I want."
I stepped in to diffuse the situation before Alice could steam-roll Bella into compliance. I tried to be a bit gentler. "I'll get her from Charlie's right after school." I glared at Alice, warning her not to push so hard.
"I have to work," protested Bella.
"You don't, actually," Alice replied with a satisfied smile. She always planned ahead. "I already spoke to Mrs. Newton about it. She's trading your shifts. She said to tell you 'Happy Birthday.'" Don't worry Edward, she will eventually agree. She played for me a vision where Bella would finally agree. Yet, I wondered if Alice even noticed the unhappy crease between Bella's eyes. She did not want this party, not in the slightest.
Bella's eyes were wide and she was beginning to panic, "I-I still can't come over. I, well, I haven't watched Romeo and Juliet yet for English."
Alice and I knew she was grasping at any excuse to not have a party. Before I could calm her nerves, Alice snorted, "You have Romeo and Juliet memorized"
"But Mr. Berty said we needed to see it performed to fully appreciate it- that's how Shakespeare intended it to be presented."
I rolled my eyes; that was not going to stop Alice or I for that matter in making sure she never missed out on any human experiences especially with Alice being partial to the ones where she gets to throw a party.
"You've already seen the movie," Alice's eyes narrowed in on Bella, she just didn't understand how Bella could be so stubborn. Edward, there is no way she is going to back out of this, I am just giving you fair warning.
"But not the nineteen-sixties version. Mr. Berty said it was the best." Her voice came out whiney; she really did not want a party.
That's it; she's tested the last of my patience. "This can be easy, or this can be hard, Bella, but one way or the other-"
I interjected before Alice did or said something she would regret. Plus, Bella was still in panic mode, and I did not want her to be unhappy, I wanted to see her smile instead.
"Relax, Alice. If Bella wants to watch a movie, then she can. It's her birthday." I could tell that Bella felt I was coming to her rescue, especially when she said, "So, there."
"I'll bring her over around seven. That will give you more time to set up." Bella would protest, but I knew I could change her mind.
Alice laughed with glee, "Sounds good. See you tonight, Bella! It'll be fun, you'll see." Smiling brightly, she kissed Bella on the cheek and skipped towards her class. Thanks, Edward. She will have fun; I will make sure of it. I chuckled so only Alice could hear.
"Edward, please-"begged Bella, but I silenced her with a finger to her lips. We needed to get to class and it could take hours to calm her down. "Let's discuss it later. We're going to be late for class."
Always the responsible one, I knew Bella would not want to shirk her duty to go to class. We walked hand in hand towards our first period room. I pulled a few of my charming tricks and was able to secure us almost identical class schedules. Now, unlike last year, I got to spend all day long with her, watching her. It made high school much more bearable. Throughout the day I watched to see if Bella would finally relax and just go with the flow. Finally, by lunch time, I think she was able to do just that.
Planning ahead to keep her from finding an escape route, I walked Bella to her truck at the end of the day. When we reached the decrepit truck, I opened the passenger door, telling her I was coming home with her and there was no way she could back out of the party. But I had to fight a smile when she just looked at me with her arms crossed. There's my little tiger kitten.
"It's my birthday, don't I get to drive?"
"I'm pretending it's not your birthday, just as you wished." I still fought the smile; she could be so stubborn. Good thing I was more obstinate.
"If it's not my birthday, then I don't have to go to your house tonight…"
"All right." Not wanting to fight over something this trivial, I closed the passenger door and opened the driver's side, "Happy Birthday." There, I finally said it.
"Shh," she sighed and climbed on in. She had to know I was not going to give in so easily.
I hated her truck; it was old, rusty, went about twenty miles per hour and had a horrible radio. I couldn't help but shake my head; if only she would let me get her a nice car. I tried not to dwell on that as I desperately looked for any sort of radio signal.
"Your radio has horrible reception." Good thing that could be easily remedied, and soon.
"You want a nice stereo? Drive your own car," she retorted. I was miffed that she would take her anger out on me, it was so unlike Bella, but then at the same time, she was my tiger kitten, all fur, no fight. I fought a smile as we pulled up in front of her house.
As she turned off the car, I reached over and held her delicate face in my hands. I could feel her warmth radiate into my hands and down my arms. The feel of her warm soft skin, it was pure bliss. I whispered gently," You should be in a good mood, today of all days." I heard her breathing hitch as my icy breath caressed her face.
"And if I don't want to be in a good mood?" Her eyes were slightly unfocused and her heart continued to beat out an uneven rhythm.
I stared in to her liquid chocolate eyes, feeling as if I was looking into her soul, "Too bad." Ever so gently and cautiously I leaned over and pressed my cold marble lips to her warm yielding ones. Electricity flew between us as we kissed. Our mouths moved in harmony. The taste and feel of her lips on mine was not a feeling I would ever get used to. Her warm breath caressed my face and she gasped for air between kisses. The scent of freesia grew in intensity, my throat burned.
But Bella being Bella, she let her hormones get the better of her and threw her arms around me pulling me closer. Suddenly she became much more forceful, trying to meld our lips together. As was common at times like this, she had stopped breathing. Grinning, I pulled away from her face and unwound her arms from around my neck.
"Be good, please," I whispered against her cheek. Every time she threw herself into our kisses, it was increasingly difficult to remember why we should stop. Bella had no idea how tempting she was to me.
I watched as she placed her hand over her thudding heart, a sign that she desired me and my kisses, and one that I would never tire of. "Do you think I'll ever get better at this? That my heart might someday stop trying to jump out of my chest whenever you touch me?"
"I really hope not." The steady beat of her heart was such a significant sound to me. It was one of the few ways I truly knew how she felt, since her mind remained silent to me. Hearing her reactions to my kisses, to my very presence, was music to my ears.
For some reason, she rolled her eyes at me, "Let's go watch the Capulets and Montagues hack each other up, all right?"
"Your wish, my command."
A/N: What do you think?