1: Life After Your Lie

Kousei Arima...

I love you.

The words still ring in his ears. The thought bounces around his mind. The ink burns into his eyes. Every atom in his body screams with sorrow.

April without Kaori Miyazono has come and gone. That final duet they performed is nothing but a distant memory, his pleads for her to stay merely whispers in a wind a million miles away. The once beautiful and vibrant world has been reduced to the monotone dullness from before he met her.

The photo she gave him rests in a frame next to his bed, it is the first thing he sees every morning and the last thing he sees every night. Kousei pinned the letter to his noticeboard the day he moved into his new apartment, along with photos of his friends and family. Over time, the board grew and filled, some photos were replaced but the letter never moved. The tears have stained and smudged the ink. Kousei never looks at it, never touches it, but never forgets it.

If he did, she would come back to haunt him.

Today is the first time he has played Piano in months. The last time was with Hiroko and Nagi, since then he has never had the chance. Homework and studying always took up his spare time and the rare chances he had to play, he could never muster a few notes before being reminded of her. The only way he had played with Hiroko was because of her adorable daughter cheering him on.

Now, he's going to play the Piano again. Chopin's Nocturne Op.9 No.2. Everyone is waiting, Tsubaki, Watari, Hiroko, even Nagi. His hands don't shake, the light blue blazer he wears just kiss the sides of his hands. The notes fly around in his head, he breathes out sharply to get rid of any uneasy feelings. Then he plunges onto the stage.

I haven't even properly practised. Kousei thinks. I know the notes off by heart but I've not been able to apply them.

The crowd becomes silent in anticipation, far at the back sits Tsubaki, her brown eyes widening at the sight of him. Please don't mess this up. She hopes. I know you've not been practising. Kousei sits at the piano, the white and black keys seem to go on forever, every one of them with its own sound. Everybody is waiting. Waiting for the Human Metronome to play however he likes. Just the way Kaori liked.

He breathes in, raised his hands to the keys and...

"Elohim, Essaim. Elohim, Essaim. I Implore you"

His fingers work calmly, pressing the keys lightly but with more power behind them than he can wish for. Nocturne Op.9 No.2 is calm, tranquil, beautiful. Kousei's heart skips a beat when he sees her standing at the edge of the stage once more, Violin in hand. Her dress is as elegant as before, her hair as bright as the day they played together. It's hard for Kousei not to stop playing, she looks back at him with those beautiful blue eyes and begins playing alongside him.

They play for what feels like an eternity and when they finish, she doesn't burst apart like before. This time, she fades away, her eyes locked onto his with a small smile, the colour that momentarily returned dying down miserably, the warm tears flicking down Kousei's face.

"Kousei! That was fantastic!" Watari yells as he sees Kousei trying to leave. Watari runs up behind him and slings an arm around him. "How did you play that without practising?" Kousei stops walking looks at him.

"Who told you I haven't been practising? I-I mean it's not like I haven't practised, I've been reading the sheets, just not playing it." Kousei blabbers, his gaze shifts to Tsubaki not far behind him.

"I came to visit you and I heard you playing," Tsubaki tells Kousei. "But then you stopped and didn't start again." She looks up at him. "I could tell just by looking at you that you haven't been practising, Kousei Arima." Kousei tries to brush it off and changes the subject, but although Watari seems to have already forgotten, Tsubaki doesn't seem to have let it go. Kousei gives his best smile and walks off with Watari. So far, he has done his best to appear okay in front of his friends, especially Tsubaki, now that she visits him regularly like she promised.

I'm going to stay with you forever and ever, like your guardian angel!

The thought still makes Kousei laugh, the two of them have been inseparable since childhood and Tsubaki has made it her mission to make sure it stays that way, even if it means moving to a tiny flat a few blocks away. Kousei had suggested that they share an apartment, but the thought made her blush and she refused.

"You aren't going to check if you won?" Tsubaki asks, Kousei turns to look at her, a small melancholy smile on his face.

"Not really, it doesn't matter to me," he tells her. "I just... wanted to play again, after everything." Tsubaki chews the inside of her cheek. After everything. She watches Kousei as he walks off with Watari. I heard you stop playing, but I couldn't stop myself from hearing you cry.

And I couldn't stop myself from hearing you talk to her.

That's why you didn't practice, isn't it? You see her whenever you play, I bet you saw her when you performed.

I'm so sorry.

"WHERE WERE YOU?" Hiroko's voice blares from Kousei's phone. "WE WAITED TWENTY MINUTES FOR YOU TO SEE US AND YOU ALREADY LEFT! YOU GOT FIRST PLACE YOU KNOW, YOU BET AIZA AND IGAWA AGAIN, DO YOU EVEN CARE?" The fierceness in her voice seems to make the phone twitch.

"S-Sorry Hiroko," Kousei manages to put in once she calms down. "I got caught by Tsubaki and Watari and they took me to the café and—"

"Kousei," Hiroko says. "They were looking for you too. Aiza and Igawa. They wanted to congratulate you for winning." Takeshi and Emi wanted to congratulate me? That's not like them. They're friendly rivals, but...not that friendly.

"I'm..." Kousei searches for an answer. "It didn't matter to me whether I won or not, I just wanted to play. I'm a musician after all." There is a moment of silence over the phone, he sits on his bed, the photo of Kaori staring at his back.

"You always did that, even when you thought winning would save your mother," she says with an almost happy tone in her voice. "You're so boring, Kousei Arima." This makes Kousei laugh slightly. They continue their conversation for a while, talking with Hiroko was always an easy thing to do. There's never been anything for him to hide, never anything she couldn't see in his eyes. When they hang up, Kousei hears a small knock on his door. When he opens it, he sees Tsubaki holding a small glass trophy in her hands with Kousei's name engraved on it in small letters at the bottom.

"You went back?" Kousei says when he sees it.

"Yes," she tells him. "And if you say you don't want it, then I'll take it and shove it so far up your—"

"Okay! Okay. I'll take the trophy!" he stops her. The look of anger in her eyes passes and he invites her in. She sits awkwardly on his sofa, the glass trophy now sat on his the table, Kousei goes about making some tea for her. His piano sits near the window to Tsubaki's right, the lid is closed and an almost invisible layer of dust has begun to form. Music has left you again, but not in the way it was before. This is almost worse. Tsubaki thinks. Kousei returns with two mugs in hand, steam pouring from the top.

"You're not just here because of the trophy, are you?" Kousei asks, sitting down next to Tsubaki. I'm here because I'm worried about you. She almost tells him.

"Why weren't you practising?" she asks him.

"Does it matter? I won anyway," Tsubaki smacks him over the head.

"You idiot!" she yells. "You won't win every time if you don't practice! You're lucky you didn't screw up!" Kousei falls back, rubbing his head and trying to keep her from hitting him even more. After she calms down, she sips at her tea.

"Tsubaki I..." Kousei searches again. "I tried to practice, I really did. It's just..." for a moment, nobody speaks, Kousei looks at the tea in his hands.

"It reminds you of her doesn't it?" Tsubaki says, Kousei looks up, jaw clenched slightly. He closes his eyes and breathes in, this is the first time they've properly talked about Kaori since she died.

"Yeah," he admits finally. "It's not like with my mother, it's just... she brought me back. Back from that ocean I was stuck under. I can't just let go of that yet." The air is filled with silence once more, Tsubaki chews her lip.

"Kousei..." she says. "Are you sure you're okay? Be honest." Kousei thinks for a moment, taking a longer sip from his tea, the heat scalding his tongue.

"Yes, I'm...okay," Kousei lies.

A/N:

This is basically going to act as a pilot. There'll be no rushing this story should I continue because I REALLY don't want to ruin it. Please tell me what you think!