If you think this belongs to me, you might want to see to the fact that your brain is missin'…beta'd by chazzer…the lady with the pixie grammar magic.
"What d'ya s'pose they're doin' in there?" Mal asked. "Makin' cookies?"
"Nah, none of 'em can cook, 'cept Kaylee," Jayne answered. "Braidin' each other's hair maybe."
"You know, whatever they are doing, they're talking about us," Simon added.
The men of Serenity sat on the back porch of the Frye farm as the sun set. The moons were beginning to rise, but the men barely noticed. Their minds focused completely on what the women of their boat were doing. About an hour ago Inara had suggested the ladies venture into her shuttle for some girl time.
"Can't believe Zoë went with them, she ain't a girl, and she sure ain't one for girl time," Mal lamented.
"It did look like Inara had to drag her," Simon said. "But, she went. I hope they aren't trying to give River a make over again. She looks fine without all that muck on her face."
"Damn straight," Jayne agreed.
"She just didn't look right, too old." Simon said.
"Think she looked old for her old boyfriend?" Jayne glared at Simon
"Okay, let's not have you two come to blows," Mal scolded. "Again."
"Maybe, they're getting all oiled up and giving each other massages, and then…" Jayne's eyes glazed over.
"Jayne!" Simon and Mal yelled.
"What, we live on a boat with some mighty attractive women-folk," Jayne argued.
"Stop, please don't finish that thought," Simon pleaded. "Let's go in the house, they won't tell us what they're doing we might as well keep ourselves busy inside. We don't need to know what's going on."
"Yeah we do," Mal said. "It's my boat, I'll just make them tell me."
"Has that ever worked?" Simon asked, smiling, while Jayne laughed.
"Fine, let's come up with a way to get in there," Mal suggested. "We'll tell 'em that Fuss has come down with something. That will give us good reason to storm into Inara's shuttle."
"But Fuss isn't sick," Simon told Mal. "Kaylee would never forgive us for lying about that. We don't want her mad at us, she throws tools when she's mad."
Mal sighed, "What about if we tell 'em Alliance soldiers are headin' this way?"
"What'd they be out this far for?" Jayne asked. "We gotta come up with something that's real, then they can't get mad at us and toss us outta our own bunks."
Simon looked at Jayne, shocked. "You're right. How'd that happen? You're never right."
"Ain't as dumb as I look Doc," Jayne defended. "Now, how's about we tell 'em that we want to know what they's doin'?"
"Just barge in there and ask what they are doing?" Simon clarified. "Nope, I was wrong, you're still an idiot."
"Now wait," Mal interrupted. "I think he's onto something."
"Yeah, he's gonna get us kicked out of our home, and get the girls mad at us," Simon added. "I'm not a big supporter of that idea."
"No, no, I think if we get in there and ask them what they are doing, then we look noble and all polite," Mal explained.
"This is a bad idea," Simon warned.
"C'mon, let's be manly, and all that," Jayne stood as he spoke.
Simon shook his head but followed behind the other men. Walking up to the shuttle they heard giggling.
"Oh, please let it be the oil," Jayne whispered.
Mal glared at him and knocked on the shuttle. Oddly enough, Inara's voice could be heard inviting them in.
The three men looked at each other a bit confused, but shrugged and opened the shuttle door and walked in. They wished they hadn't.
Four women sitting on the couch, in robes, with green stuff on their faces, cucumbers over their eyes, and they had their feet in tubs of water.
Mal found his voice first. "What in the ruttin' hell are you doin'?"
Three women giggled, Zoë smiled and shook her head. Unfortunatley, when they smiled, it made the green goo on their faces crack a little.
"Ya'll look like aliens!" Jayne grimaced. "Damn, the bakin' would have been better than this," he finished.
"Right, well, we'll just be going," Simon started to go. "Jayne, Mal, let's go…and leave our lovely ladies to their privacy."
Mal followed Simon out, but Jayne still lingered in the room. "Was there massages with oil? Did we just miss the good part and c'min on the weird alien part?" River threw a cucumber slice from her face at Jayne. "Okay, I'm goin'!"
"Sure took care of that didn't we?" Kaylee asked.
"I'm sure we will be given complete privacy now," Inara said.
"Shall we continue talking about them?" River said smiling.
"Yes, but can we get this goop off our face, it's hard now," Zoë said as she poked at her own face. "I can't believe you talked me into this."
"I'll get the washcloths," Inara answered.
"What was Jayne talkin' 'bout oil for?" Kaylee asked.
"You don't want to know," River replied.