Disclaimer: I own no part of Farscape or its characters.
Setting: After Unrealized Realities (Of course since there are no new episodes until January 2003, this is all speculation and fantasy on my part.)
Summary: There comes a time in every life when you reach a crossroad. When you must decide what you truly want and if you have the guts to go after it.
After returning to earth in true heroic fashion, John Crichton is now faced with his own crossroads.
Part 1 Home Sweet Home?
The North Carolina air was thick with humidity. It was threatening rain for a couple of days but nothing had come of it. John stood on the porch of his family home staring at the sky. He had a strange feeling inside. He knew the conditions were right for a wormhole. He was amazed at how in tuned he still was with wormholes, even though he was on the ground. Even though he could not see the wormholes he was predicting, he knew they were there.
The elder Crichton stepped out into the heavy air. John was staring up at the sky
Jack: John?
He did not respond. Jack walked up and touched his arm. He was startled and the moisture covered glass slipped from his hand and shattered on the porch. John looked down then back at his father.
John: Sorry Dad.
He bent down and started picking up the bigger pieces of glass.
John: I did not hear you come out.
Jack: I have been calling you for five minutes.
John stood up and walked passed his dad into the house. Jack followed behind him.
Jack: John, I think we need to talk.
John: Sure dad. Just let me throw this away and wash my hands.
John dropped the glass into the trash. He walked over to the sink and washed the sticky tea off of his hands and grabbed a paper towel from the roll. Jack walked in the kitchen behind him.
John: What is on your mind?
Jack: I could ask you the same.
John: What do you mean?
Jack: You have been home for a year and a half just about and I get the feeling that you have not fully returned yet.
John: (biting his lower lip) The adjustment is harder than I thought it was going to be. I will be fine. I just need a little time.
Jack: You have had a whole year. I do not understand what the problem is. You have been practically given the key to IASA for your knowledge and work on wormholes and yet it seems that you wish you were somewhere else. Somewhere far, far away perhaps.
John: When I accidentally found my way back home, I thought (voice trailed off)
Jack: You thought what?
John looked into his father.
John: I knew I had changed in a lot of ways from the John Crichton I was four cycles, years, ago but I thought somehow just being back in my home world that everything would fall into place and it would be like I never left.
Jack: Four years is a long time for things to stay the same.
John: I do not mean external things. I mean inside. I thought things inside would just click and it would be like I never left. That is just not happening.
Jack: Is that why Carolyn does not come around anymore?
John: I tried to explain to her how I have changed. She says I am too withdrawn. I hold my feelings to close and I am not letting her in.
Jack: Is she right?
John: Like you said four years is a long time for things to go unchanged.
John stared out the window. He could feel the opening of the wormhole inside his gut. A slight smile came to his face.
Jack: Whether all the stories you have told us really happened or not, you have obviously been through something. You just have to give yourself time to readjust. With experiences come change, it is how we deal with that change that defines us.
John: A lot of things happened to me out there, Dad. I have changed in ways even I could not have imagined. I tried to explain to Carolyn but she just could not understand what I was trying to say or may be she was just afraid, like a lot of people are, to know that there is such a violent and complex universe so close to ours.
Jack: People fear what they do not understand.
John: (sighing) I know.
John turned around leaned against the sink. He crossed his arms.
Jack: You have not spoken of your crew mates for quite a while now. When you first came back, they were practically all you talked about.
John looked over at him.
John: Talking about them makes me realize how much I miss them.
John laid his hands behind him against the counter edge.
John: For four years all I thought about was coming home. Getting back to earth and trying to get some semblance of my life back the way it was before I got sucked through that wormhole. But now that I am here
He trailed off again.
Jack: Now that you are here, all you think about is what you left behind.
John: Life was not easy up there. We were constantly being thrown into one dangerous situation after another but I felt alive. They needed me and I needed them to survive. They were aliens, warriors from a distant universe we never even heard of and I earned their respect, their trust, and their love and they earned mine.
Jack: You are talking like you want to go back.
John: They must think I am dead. I disappeared down a wormhole, the same way I arrived.
Jack: Are you speaking of someone in particular?
John lowered his eyes.
John: I can not stop thinking about her. I can only imagine the pain she must have gone through thinking that she lost not one of us, but both of us. There were so many unresolved things between us. The biggest being the child she is carrying.
Jack: So you believe the child is yours?
John looked up at him.
John: When Aeryn first came back that seemed to be all that mattered to me, whether the child was mine or not. But being home and surrounded by my friends and family made me realize something. It does not matter. If that child is carrying my DNA or not, that child is part of Aeryn and that makes it a part of me.
Jack: What do you want to do John? Do you want to use that knowledge in your head to go back?
John: I am not sure what I want. All I know is that I have not felt like John Crichton, the John Crichton I have come to know, since I got back.
John looked at his father.
John: (looking around the room) I fell down the rabbit hole, and now it feels like Alice does not live here anymore.
Jack: It sounds like you have resolved your feelings for Aeryn Sun and she is the reason you want to go back.
John: She is a part of it, a big part, but not all of it. It is hard to explain.
Jack: I need you to try.
John: It has to do with who I became while I was Buck Rogers saving the universe from critters. I am not the son you remember anymore. I have not been him for a long time. Before I left in my module that day, I had this preconceived notion about the space program and my place in it. I knew exactly who I was and what I wanted to do with my life. Then fate dropped me onto Moya with this group of alien misfits. It turned out we were all like the broken toys on Santa's train. We needed each other to heal and to grow and to become who were meant to be. Life experience shapes who we are and I have had an experience of a lifetime and it has shaped me into the man you see before you and this man no longer fits into this world.
Jack: Sounds like you have made a decision.
Jack looked into his clear blue eyes.
John: Dad.
Jack cut him off. He leaned against the counter beside him.
Jack: When you disappeared off of the radar, I can not even begin to tell you what that felt like.
John: You do not have to. I am the son of an astronaut, remember? The great Jack Crichton.
Jack: I thought you were dead. I mourned you and memorialized you and then miraculously you returned to us. I had my son back but I could see he was not the same man I said goodbye to that day.
Jack smiled slightly.
Jack: Having you back has been amazing and I am grateful to have had the time that we have had but I do not want to be the reason for the pain and loneliness I see behind your eyes.
John stared at him.
Jack: You have her eyes, your mom. Whenever you wanted to know exactly what she was feeling all you had to do was look into those amazing eyes.
John: Dad.
Jack: Having said that, I think you should, if you can, go back home. Go find your other family, the woman you love, your child.
Jack shook his head in amusement and disbelief.
Jack: My grandchild.
John stood in stunned silence for a moment.
John: Do you mean that? I would have your blessing?
Jack: Knowing you as I do, I am sure you have all ready worked out several plans of departure. My only question, it has been a year and a half since you left this Moya, how are you going to find them again? How will they find you?
John was excited. He took his arm.
John: Sit down Dad.
John sat down at the table. Jack sat across from him.
John: In my head is the ability to not only predict when a wormhole is going to form but I can also navigate them with my mind. I only need the clarity of my own thoughts and a familiar signature. That is what drew me to Earth when I was looking for Moya. I felt a familiar signature and I followed it.
Jack: So you need a ship.
John: I need the suit I arrived in.
Jack: IASA has it. They have it in a high security area. They are still trying to figure out the material and how you lasted so long in orbit without sustaining any physical damage.
John: I have been talking to DK. We have come up with a plan to retrieve it.
Jack: You said that the knowledge in your head made you a target in this other universe. The fact that you have mastered wormholes will make you an even bigger target?
John: Do you remember what you told me the first time I was going to fly solo when I was 18?
Jack lowered his eyes. He thought for a moment then looked up at John.
John: Decide what you want and then decide if giving into your fears is worth giving up that thing which you want.
Jack: First time in your life you have ever listen to me.
John: Not the first time.
They stared at each other.
Jack: So what is the plan to get the suit back and how can I help?
John laid out the plan that he and DK came up with. It was simplicity at its best.
Jack: John, what are you hoping for from Aeryn Sun? From what you told me, the situation between you two was left pretty badly and now she must believe that you are dead, like the other John.
John got quiet. He looked away from his father.
John: That was the one thing she could not bare to see again. Me dying. I heard her voice over my com before I got sucked through the wormhole. She was watching. I do not know what I am going to find when I get back there but whatever it is, (he paused for a moment) I love her, Dad. No matter how I tried to fight or even forget it. I love her.
Jack: That was really all I needed to hear.
John: I wish there was a way I could let you know that I am okay once I get out there.
Jack: When do you leave?
Setting: After Unrealized Realities (Of course since there are no new episodes until January 2003, this is all speculation and fantasy on my part.)
Summary: There comes a time in every life when you reach a crossroad. When you must decide what you truly want and if you have the guts to go after it.
After returning to earth in true heroic fashion, John Crichton is now faced with his own crossroads.
Part 1 Home Sweet Home?
The North Carolina air was thick with humidity. It was threatening rain for a couple of days but nothing had come of it. John stood on the porch of his family home staring at the sky. He had a strange feeling inside. He knew the conditions were right for a wormhole. He was amazed at how in tuned he still was with wormholes, even though he was on the ground. Even though he could not see the wormholes he was predicting, he knew they were there.
The elder Crichton stepped out into the heavy air. John was staring up at the sky
Jack: John?
He did not respond. Jack walked up and touched his arm. He was startled and the moisture covered glass slipped from his hand and shattered on the porch. John looked down then back at his father.
John: Sorry Dad.
He bent down and started picking up the bigger pieces of glass.
John: I did not hear you come out.
Jack: I have been calling you for five minutes.
John stood up and walked passed his dad into the house. Jack followed behind him.
Jack: John, I think we need to talk.
John: Sure dad. Just let me throw this away and wash my hands.
John dropped the glass into the trash. He walked over to the sink and washed the sticky tea off of his hands and grabbed a paper towel from the roll. Jack walked in the kitchen behind him.
John: What is on your mind?
Jack: I could ask you the same.
John: What do you mean?
Jack: You have been home for a year and a half just about and I get the feeling that you have not fully returned yet.
John: (biting his lower lip) The adjustment is harder than I thought it was going to be. I will be fine. I just need a little time.
Jack: You have had a whole year. I do not understand what the problem is. You have been practically given the key to IASA for your knowledge and work on wormholes and yet it seems that you wish you were somewhere else. Somewhere far, far away perhaps.
John: When I accidentally found my way back home, I thought (voice trailed off)
Jack: You thought what?
John looked into his father.
John: I knew I had changed in a lot of ways from the John Crichton I was four cycles, years, ago but I thought somehow just being back in my home world that everything would fall into place and it would be like I never left.
Jack: Four years is a long time for things to stay the same.
John: I do not mean external things. I mean inside. I thought things inside would just click and it would be like I never left. That is just not happening.
Jack: Is that why Carolyn does not come around anymore?
John: I tried to explain to her how I have changed. She says I am too withdrawn. I hold my feelings to close and I am not letting her in.
Jack: Is she right?
John: Like you said four years is a long time for things to go unchanged.
John stared out the window. He could feel the opening of the wormhole inside his gut. A slight smile came to his face.
Jack: Whether all the stories you have told us really happened or not, you have obviously been through something. You just have to give yourself time to readjust. With experiences come change, it is how we deal with that change that defines us.
John: A lot of things happened to me out there, Dad. I have changed in ways even I could not have imagined. I tried to explain to Carolyn but she just could not understand what I was trying to say or may be she was just afraid, like a lot of people are, to know that there is such a violent and complex universe so close to ours.
Jack: People fear what they do not understand.
John: (sighing) I know.
John turned around leaned against the sink. He crossed his arms.
Jack: You have not spoken of your crew mates for quite a while now. When you first came back, they were practically all you talked about.
John looked over at him.
John: Talking about them makes me realize how much I miss them.
John laid his hands behind him against the counter edge.
John: For four years all I thought about was coming home. Getting back to earth and trying to get some semblance of my life back the way it was before I got sucked through that wormhole. But now that I am here
He trailed off again.
Jack: Now that you are here, all you think about is what you left behind.
John: Life was not easy up there. We were constantly being thrown into one dangerous situation after another but I felt alive. They needed me and I needed them to survive. They were aliens, warriors from a distant universe we never even heard of and I earned their respect, their trust, and their love and they earned mine.
Jack: You are talking like you want to go back.
John: They must think I am dead. I disappeared down a wormhole, the same way I arrived.
Jack: Are you speaking of someone in particular?
John lowered his eyes.
John: I can not stop thinking about her. I can only imagine the pain she must have gone through thinking that she lost not one of us, but both of us. There were so many unresolved things between us. The biggest being the child she is carrying.
Jack: So you believe the child is yours?
John looked up at him.
John: When Aeryn first came back that seemed to be all that mattered to me, whether the child was mine or not. But being home and surrounded by my friends and family made me realize something. It does not matter. If that child is carrying my DNA or not, that child is part of Aeryn and that makes it a part of me.
Jack: What do you want to do John? Do you want to use that knowledge in your head to go back?
John: I am not sure what I want. All I know is that I have not felt like John Crichton, the John Crichton I have come to know, since I got back.
John looked at his father.
John: (looking around the room) I fell down the rabbit hole, and now it feels like Alice does not live here anymore.
Jack: It sounds like you have resolved your feelings for Aeryn Sun and she is the reason you want to go back.
John: She is a part of it, a big part, but not all of it. It is hard to explain.
Jack: I need you to try.
John: It has to do with who I became while I was Buck Rogers saving the universe from critters. I am not the son you remember anymore. I have not been him for a long time. Before I left in my module that day, I had this preconceived notion about the space program and my place in it. I knew exactly who I was and what I wanted to do with my life. Then fate dropped me onto Moya with this group of alien misfits. It turned out we were all like the broken toys on Santa's train. We needed each other to heal and to grow and to become who were meant to be. Life experience shapes who we are and I have had an experience of a lifetime and it has shaped me into the man you see before you and this man no longer fits into this world.
Jack: Sounds like you have made a decision.
Jack looked into his clear blue eyes.
John: Dad.
Jack cut him off. He leaned against the counter beside him.
Jack: When you disappeared off of the radar, I can not even begin to tell you what that felt like.
John: You do not have to. I am the son of an astronaut, remember? The great Jack Crichton.
Jack: I thought you were dead. I mourned you and memorialized you and then miraculously you returned to us. I had my son back but I could see he was not the same man I said goodbye to that day.
Jack smiled slightly.
Jack: Having you back has been amazing and I am grateful to have had the time that we have had but I do not want to be the reason for the pain and loneliness I see behind your eyes.
John stared at him.
Jack: You have her eyes, your mom. Whenever you wanted to know exactly what she was feeling all you had to do was look into those amazing eyes.
John: Dad.
Jack: Having said that, I think you should, if you can, go back home. Go find your other family, the woman you love, your child.
Jack shook his head in amusement and disbelief.
Jack: My grandchild.
John stood in stunned silence for a moment.
John: Do you mean that? I would have your blessing?
Jack: Knowing you as I do, I am sure you have all ready worked out several plans of departure. My only question, it has been a year and a half since you left this Moya, how are you going to find them again? How will they find you?
John was excited. He took his arm.
John: Sit down Dad.
John sat down at the table. Jack sat across from him.
John: In my head is the ability to not only predict when a wormhole is going to form but I can also navigate them with my mind. I only need the clarity of my own thoughts and a familiar signature. That is what drew me to Earth when I was looking for Moya. I felt a familiar signature and I followed it.
Jack: So you need a ship.
John: I need the suit I arrived in.
Jack: IASA has it. They have it in a high security area. They are still trying to figure out the material and how you lasted so long in orbit without sustaining any physical damage.
John: I have been talking to DK. We have come up with a plan to retrieve it.
Jack: You said that the knowledge in your head made you a target in this other universe. The fact that you have mastered wormholes will make you an even bigger target?
John: Do you remember what you told me the first time I was going to fly solo when I was 18?
Jack lowered his eyes. He thought for a moment then looked up at John.
John: Decide what you want and then decide if giving into your fears is worth giving up that thing which you want.
Jack: First time in your life you have ever listen to me.
John: Not the first time.
They stared at each other.
Jack: So what is the plan to get the suit back and how can I help?
John laid out the plan that he and DK came up with. It was simplicity at its best.
Jack: John, what are you hoping for from Aeryn Sun? From what you told me, the situation between you two was left pretty badly and now she must believe that you are dead, like the other John.
John got quiet. He looked away from his father.
John: That was the one thing she could not bare to see again. Me dying. I heard her voice over my com before I got sucked through the wormhole. She was watching. I do not know what I am going to find when I get back there but whatever it is, (he paused for a moment) I love her, Dad. No matter how I tried to fight or even forget it. I love her.
Jack: That was really all I needed to hear.
John: I wish there was a way I could let you know that I am okay once I get out there.
Jack: When do you leave?