It was my fault, and it always will be. No matter what anyone says I know he's gone because I'm the one who forced him to go. The rain pounded down on the already muddy ground, it hadn't stopped raining since that day. My eyes are unfocused as I stare at the grave, his grave. And I can only wish or hope it's all a dream and I'll wake up soon, his smiling face greeting me like it always has. But in my heart I know it's all real, and I wont wake up from this nightmare ever.
People cry as the casket is lowered inch by inch into the ground, and I cant help but feel a pang of guilt in my heart, knowing it was my fault. He could've saved himself; he didn't have to save me. I should be the one six feet under not him. I feel a hand on my shoulder and I turn to see Risa, and I can't help but cry even more.
I shouldn't have said those things; I shouldn't have distracted him while he was trying to concentrate on the road. Maybe then he would've seen that drunk driver and been able to avoid it somehow, or at least prevent some damage. It was a stupid thing to be yelling about anyway, who cares if he forgot about something like an anniversary; I know he has more important things to worry about. But it wasn't like him to forget something like that. He always remembered things like that, no matter what. I guess I was lashing out because he had been gone for so long, away on some business trip. But in my selfishness I didn't care that he got to come home for a day and then had to leave again, all I knew was that he wouldn't be home on our special day.
I felt hurt and angry and I started to yell. I didn't understand that this trip was unavoidable, and I ignored the promise that he would make it up to me when he got back. I knew I was being childish, but I felt like I was loosing him. Then that car came out of nowhere and somehow he managed to shield me. The next thing I knew we were in the hospital and the doctors explaining to me that he was dead. At first I thought it was a bad joke before I remembered the argument I had started and the crash. He seemed so preoccupied, nothing I said seemed to reach him, and now I never can reach him.
I can never say I'm sorry, I can never say take care, I can never say I love you. Never again, no more laughter in the house, no more silly mistakes that he always seemed to make. The casket makes a thud as it reaches the ground and everyone seems to walk away. Except me, Risa hugs me and says take care as she too heads home, but not me. My home is empty, the only person who can fill it is in the ground, unmoving never to awaken again. My eyes blur with more tears as I look at the gravestone once more:
Daisuke Niwa
A beloved son, husband, and friend
1990-2016
My eyes shed more tears as I start the car and head home. The house seems empty without him and I can't help but start to cry again. A knock on the door beckons me to answer it. Risa had returned and I can't help but feel a bit happier, knowing that she's there for me. She helps me clean up the house and stays the night.
The next day I don't go to work, and neither does Risa. As noon came around another knock on the door tells me another visitor has come. I open the door and find a deliveryman with a large bouquet of flowers. He hands them to me and I sign a paper, not really understanding what this was all about. Closing the door I see these are all my favorite flowers, with a card inside. Gently placing the flowers down and opening the card I fall to the floor crying again. Risa comes and reads the card:
Dear Riku,
I'm sorry I won't be home for our anniversary, but I promise to make it up to you when I get back. You are very special to me never forget that, no matter where I am I will always love you.
Happy Anniversary
Love
Daisuke