A/N: This was a Christmas gift for LJ user curriejean.

There are dark shadows on the earth, but its lights are stronger in the contrast.
-Charles Dickens

It was the most obnoxious thing that Ianto had ever seen.

It towered over the homes surrounding it. It demanded attention – no, it demanded reverence. It had no less than five smiling Santas. Eight reindeer. A sleigh. Three luminescent trees. Thousands and thousands of Christmas lights strung over every available edge. They all flashed to the low, constant sound of "Jingle Bells", tinkling out from hidden speakers.

Jack stood beside him, frowning at the scene from their place on the sidewalk. "Happy birthday, Jesus." He stuck his hands in his coat pockets. "I thought that only Americans decorated like this."

"It's becoming more popular." Ianto pulled his collar up a little closer against the cold. "This is an egregious waste of electricity."

Jack grunted. "I've never understood this holiday. The Christians stole it from the Pagans. Just took one of the Pagan sun holidays and called it something else, made it the birth of the son of God instead of the sun god." He shook his head. "Or something like that."

"Do you really think they would have had that clever turn of phrase in Latin or whatever they were speaking back then?"

Jack smiled slightly. "Give me a break. I'm cold and I can still fire you."

"If it gets me back inside any faster, do your worst."

"You'll survive, princess."

Ianto laughed. "All right. Now you'll have to fire me for insubordination when I kill you for calling me that."

"If Owen's any example, it takes more than that for me to fire you."

"But pointing out your logical fallacies is grounds for dismissal?" Jack gave him a look. Ianto smiled. "I'm up two points."

They looked back at the garish display.

"Are we going to move any time soon?" Ianto rubbed his gloved hands together, watching his breath frost in the air.

"Where the hell do we start?" Jack spread his arms to encompass everything on the lawn. "It's a goddamn lightbulb."

"It's a rather large lightbulb."

Jack sighed. "This is going to be like finding a needle in a pile of needles."

Ianto stepped up onto the grass. "The faster we get this done, the faster we can go and do something warm and enjoyable."

Jack leered, following. "I can think of a few things."

"I hope that some of them don't involve your freezing little bunker."

"Several."

Ianto grinned, but didn't turn back to let Jack see. He examined a waving Santa, its face lit by some internal glow. Its expression was more of a rictus than a smile. He shuddered. "You would give me nightmares if I were nine," he told it quietly.

Jack sighed dramatically from the middle of a consortium of knee-high glowing elves. "Can't we just confiscate all of them in the name of public safety and sort through them somewhere with central heating and coffee?"

Ianto shook his head, combing through the line of flashing reindeer. "This city already thinks that we're the worst thing that ever happened to it. We probably can't afford to add 'The Grinches Who Stole Christmas' to our list of offenses."

Jack barked a laugh. "You'd be the little dog with the antlers, pulling my sled down the mountain."

Ianto paused and looked over his shoulder. "I cannot believe that you have seen that film."

Jack looked up. "I have existed for the last hundred or so Christmasses, Ianto. I'm bound to have seen a few Christmas movies."

Ianto blinked at him. "Rudolph and the Island of Misfit Toys."

"Love Hermey. Follow your dreams."

Ianto laughed, continuing his search through a small plastic Christmas tree. "The Year Without a Santa Claus."

Jack sang from the other side of the lawn, "I'm Mister Green Christmas, I'm Mister Sun, I'm Mister Heat Blister, I'm Mister Hundred-And-One.If only I actually was."

"The Muppet Christmas Carol."

Jack stopped. He thought for a moment. "Nope, not that one."

Ianto grinned. "You fail. It's the only version of A Christmas Carol worth watching."

Jack's brow furrowed. "They're all the same."

Ianto shook his head sagely. Jack put up his hands in surrender. He started going through some bushes heavily hung with colored lights. Ianto watched him for a moment. Then, "I bet I can tell you what your favorite Christmas movie is."

Jack glanced up. "Oh yeah?" He pulled the next pair of bushes apart. "Try me."

"It's A Wonderful Life."

Jack looked up at him. He smiled. "I think you know me too well."

Ianto shrugged. Never well enough. "Just look at you. The older, the better."

"I'll attempt not to be insulted by that."

"Try very hard, Jack."

Jack scanned the yard with his eyes, focusing intently on anything out of place. Suddenly, he pointed and hurried across the grass, almost tripping over a collection of Christmas stars. From among them, he pulled out a small disk. It pulsed white light out of sync with the rest of the display. He smiled at it and held it up to look at it. "Hello there, beautiful."

Ianto came up next to him, peering at the disk. "What is it?"

"Sonarian Iridescence Wheel." He shook it, then frowned. "This one's broken."

"What's it supposed to do?"

"Put out a constant beam of light." He tapped it and bought it up to his ear, listening for – Ianto didn't know. Probably nothing. "Looks like the internal light source is on the fritz."

Ianto took the disk out of Jack's hands, and it immediately flashed in his eyes. He looked away, burned after-images dancing behind his eyelids. He blinked a few times, then looked back at it. "What is it meant for?"

Jack shrugged. "It's a portable light source. Like a torch. A very futuristic torch."

"We've come out here for a futuristic torch?"

"It's alien."

Ianto rolled his eyes. "'If it's alien, it's ours.'"

"That's about right." He took the disk back. "Torchwood One was a little more stringent in that policy."

Ianto sighed. "Look what it got them."

Jack cut his eyes to him. He frowned. Looked back at the disk and tapped it again. "I think I like it better broken."

Ianto raised an eyebrow. "Glad you enjoy your damaged torch, Jack."

"No, listen," Jack said, holding it out to Ianto. "If it hadn't been flashing, I never would have found it. It would have been just another bright thing in the garden. But it's broken and flashing out of sync with everything else, and that made it easier to see, so it caught my attention."

Ianto stared at him for a moment. "Jack, are you attempting to be metaphorical?"

Jack smiled. "Maybe."

"We should get out of the cold before it further affects your mental processes."

"Hey, can't a guy even make an attempt? It's Christmas!"

Ianto took the disk out of Jack's outstretched hands. "There are some things that should be left to professionals, Jack. Literary devices are among those things." He turned. "Come on. Coffee and other things await us." He moved for the street. Jack followed.

At the sidewalk, Ianto stopped for a moment. He turned slightly and met Jack's eyes. He smiled. "But let's not fix it."

A/N2: Just so that you are aware! I have a new story on my LiveJournal that is rated a bit higher than I feel comfortable throwing on here. So, if you'd like to see it, you can go to solsticezero(dot)livejournal(dot)com. The story is called "Ratio". I promise it isn't terrible! In fact, it's the first story I've had rec'd at a big reccing community (torchwood_house), which was all kinds of exciting. I do plan to continue to upload both here and at livejournal, but sometimes there might be fics that are a bit inappropriate for FFnet. This is one of those times.