The Following Trailer Is Rated NM For No Mercy!


From the studio that never made an animated movie that they couldn't milk for all that it was worth, and then some, comes a film that will go down in Disney history as the most unnecessary prequel ever made.

The Little Mermaid: Ariel's Beginning

Before the masterpiece that was The Little Mermaid, there was a boring ass tale that did not need to be told, that had no real drama, stakes, suspense, villain, or anything that is traditionally needed to make a good movie.

When Ariel's mother sacrifices her life to protect her favorite music box, King Triton is so grief stricken by his wife's shitty priorities that he bans music from the kingdom.

Join Ariel in her first big adventure as she strives to restore music to the land, is a storyline that can only go one way because it's the fricken prequel to one of the most famous animated musicals of all time.

Chug down coffee in a desperate attempt to stay awake as Ariel's painfully predictable mission is opposed by her power-hungry governess, because everyone knows that babysitters are pure evil; And finally fall asleep as the film pretends to kill off Ariel during the climax, in a halfassed fakeout that wouldn't fool anyone over the age of twelve months.

So dive into the ultimate animated snoozefest that literally offers nothing to justify it's existence, except the all-powerful name of Disney, because when you are a creation of the God of the entertainment industry, you don't need to justify yourself to the hordes of drooling fans that will throw themselves, and their wallets, at your feet.

Starring:

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The Little Mermaid: Ariel's Cure For Insomnia!

I hear that Disney is making a Jungle Book prequel about when Mowgli learned how to wear pants. Oh, the magic of Disney never ends!