Disclaimer: I do not own the cartoons used within or the movie Animal House.

This is a parody of the movie Animal House. You know, John Belushi? National Lampoon? Of course you do. If you don't, you're missing out, but that's beside the point.

Cast list (some people may be left out by accident):

John "Bluto" Blutarsky- Peter Griffin (Family Guy)

Donald "Boon" Schoenstein- Zuko (Avatar: The Last Airbender)

Katy- Mai (Avatar: The Last Airbender)

Eric "Otter" Stratton- Pietro Maximoff (X-Men: Evolution)

Larry "Pinto" Kroger- Danny Fenton (Danny Phantom

Kent "Flounder" Dorfman- Tucker Foley (Danny Phantom)

Robert Hoover- Double D (Ed, Edd, n' Eddy)

Daniel Simpson "D-Day" Day- Bender (Futurama)

Dean Vernon Wormer- Father (Kids Next Door)

Doug Neidermeyer- Robin (Teen Titans)

Greg Marmalard- Scott Summers (X-Men: Evolution)

Mandy Pepperidge- Jean Grey (X-Men Evolution) (Holy crap! Is this cast list long or is it just me?)

Babs Jensen- Trixie Tang (The Fairly OddParents)

Marion Wormer- Judy Neutron (Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius)

Prof. Dave Jennings- Jiraiya (Naruto)

Clorette DePasto- Sam Manson (Danny Phantom)

Chip Diller- Beast Boy (Teen Titans)

Mayor DePasto- Mayor Adam West (Family Guy)

(More minor characters are unlisted.) This cast list is pretty solid... meaning that chances are very slim I'll be making any changes to it.

Since I feel it's proper, I'll be "toning down" some elements of the movie. This means less pot and less sex, for example (there will still be enough of both, don't worry). The drinking, however, will probably remain to be a recurring plot element, as it was in the movie. If you have a problem with the drinking or swearing, or on the flip side, you have a problem with my toning things down a bit, then make it easier for both of us and don't read the fic.

P.S. I won't make special exceptions for certain characters. Everyone who drank in the movie will drink in the fic. Which means... nearly everyone will drink.

Miyazaki College is a fair college. Not huge, not small. Mostly white on the outside. Unimposing but shade-sufficient foliage is in patches across the campus. Prominently displayed is the university's logo, "Knowledge is Good."

But tonight draws a crowd. Tonight, naïve, ingenuous, occasionally adorable freshmen come from around the state to pledge to get into the fraternity houses. Where you end up determines the rest of your college life. It will impact your social life, your grades, your well-being.

Choose wisely.

A couple of freshmen are on their way to the most prestigious, disciplined, generally successful house on campus: Totoro House. Now, they're a little insecure about their chances of getting in. After all, they weren't the coolest nor the smartest kids in their classes, but it was worth a try.

"Take off that beanie!" Danny Fenton reached for his best friend Tucker Foley's beanie hat as they stopped in front of the large, two-story white-painted wood, pristine and proper fraternity house with Japanese characters spelling out 'Totoro' across the front. "You're already wearing a hat anyway!" Danny wasn't an unfortunate-looking boy, but had never made it even near the top of his social ladder. The dark-haired, blue-eyed boy could have made it a lot higher if he used some of his physical skills on a sports team and abandoned his even dorkier friend, but he chose not to for the sake of a good friendship.

What Danny had said was true; Tucker's red cap was ever-present. "But we're supposed to wear them!" Tucker, with his glasses and obsession with gadgets and gizmos, ranked even lower than Danny on the social food chain. There was no hope for his progression. But he had learned to live with that.

"Don't be a fruit loop, okay?" Danny adjusted his new, slightly oversized Miyazaki College black blazer. Tucker did the same as he inhaled and exhaled to calm himself.

Danny knocked on the door.

In an instant, the door opened. Robin, leader of the college's young superhero group and widely known tight-ass, was there to greet them, clad in a blazer and his usual white mask over his eyes. His hair was covered in cheap hair gel. "Robin, Totoro membership chairman." He shook hands with Danny, keeping his face in only a slight smile. He didn't want to seem too welcoming.

"Hi, I'm Danny Fenton! This is my roommate, Tucker Foley!"

Robin now shook with Tucker. "Robin, Totoro membership chairman." He turned to the side, allowing them to come into the well-furnished house. Robin gestured to three girls. "These are our name-tag hostesses, Jean Grey, Trixie Tang, and Veronica… uh… that's Veronica." One was a very pretty girl with unrealistically red, flowing hair and a good figure she probably had to work hard to get. Another was an also very pretty Asian girl with a white skirt and boots, lavender sweater and matching purple headband in her thick black hair. The other was a blonde girl, pretty but not quite as pretty as the first or second, in a pink and white cheerleading outfit.

Trixie, the brunette, wiggled her fingers in a wave at the boys. "Hi, Danny. Hi, Tucker."

"Welcome to the house!" Veronica said in a shrill voice.

Danny hit Tucker's hand, signaling him to put his P.D.A. away, which he had taken out in an obvious attempt to soothe his nerves. Danny smiled at the girls. "Nice to-"

"Why don't we meet some of the guys?" Robin interrupted, his face stern and emotionless, which was his standard.

He led them way as a piano sounded classical music in the background. Trixie, Jean, and Veronica watched them leave, then Trixie and Veronica giggled. Trixie said, "A glasses-clad gadget geek and a dorky little dipstick."

Meanwhile, Robin was leading the boys around the house through crowds of people in sweater sets or blazers. "There are so many great people here, so don't feel you have to meet everyone." Robin led them on a complicated path as they passed another Totoro member bragging about the records of the Totoro House and the success of those who spawned from it.

The three reached a crowded couch and table with innocent punch and a cookie tray on top. Robin forced a slight smile at the motley bunch on the couch.

"Fenton, Foley…" He looked at the couch. "…This is Stitch…" Stitch was a small, bright blue, furry alien-looking creature with multiple arms. "…Lazlo…" Lazlo was a monkey. An orange monkey. "…Spongebob…" Spongebob looked perfectly content with his punch and cookie. This was interesting considering that he was a large, yellow, square sponge. "…and Calvin and Hobbes." On the armchair separated from the couch sat a young boy with spiky blonde hair, way too young to be in middle school, let alone college. He sat with an orange stuffed tiger.

Robin put his green-gloved hands on his hips. "Grab a seat and make yourselves at home. Don't be shy about helping yourselves to refreshments." With that, he hurried off.

Danny, without a word, smiled at Tucker awkwardly as he sat next to Stitch, who growled.

However, Tucker was not content with being obviously seated at the rejects' couch. He made his way over to a boy who was curiously green-skinned and green-haired, wearing a pledge beanie like himself. The boy was nodding as a tall, rather handsome Totoro guy in khakis, a green sweater, and red sunglasses talked about his wonderful house.

The sunglasses-clad guy gestured gently as he talked. "I'm not saying Totoro's the best house on campus. But a lot of outstanding cartoons figure they'll pledge Totoro or they won't pledge at all." He hadn't acknowledged Tucker's arrival yet. "We do have more than our share of heroes. Something that never looks bad on your permanent record, Beast Boy!"

The green lad, now known as Beast Boy, nodded in agreement. He was taking it very, very seriously. "Sure. I mean, everyone knows Totoro's the best, but I'd hate to seem…" He paused, turned around, made eye contact with Tucker, and gave him a look of unrequited and pure contempt and disgust. Then he turned back to the older guy. "…you know, pushy."

"Well, let the minor characters, villains, or mostly useless sidekick characters worry about that, because after tonight, they're-…" Scott finally looked up at Tucker. "Oh, hi there! You are… Tucker! I'm Scott Summers, president of the Totoro House." They shook his hands. Jean Grey walked into the group, and Scott put his arm around her shoulders and continued talking to Tucker. "These are my friends, Jean Grey-"

"We've met," he said.

"And Beast Boy."

"How are you?" Beast Boy didn't even look at him this time.

Scott began leading Tucker away, back to a rather familiar location, as he pointed out various peoples of interest. "Over there is Neji Hyuga, head of the shinobi squad. That's Juniper Lee, captain of the girl's volleyball team…" They reached the reject's couch. "This is Hobbes, Calvin, Spongebob, Lazlo, Stitch, and Dandy."

"We've already met," Tucker murmured.

"Excellent! Then you'll have lots to talk about, eh?" Placing a lot of emphasis on the 'x' in excellent, Scott gave Tucker a pat on the shoulder and left him back with Danny.

----------

Now Tucker and Danny were back outside, walking past yet another frat house, on the way to the end of the block.

"Look, Danny, no sweat! I knew Dib. He was a Chihiro. I got a recommendation from him, I worked with him. They have to take me!"

Danny rolled his eyes as they reached a dingy-looking house with thumping rock-and-roll music playing. "Oh, great. I hear Chihiro's the worst house on campus." As if on cue, the second they stopped in front of the house, a life-size doll of a nude girl went flying out the window and fell in front of them. "Mr. Meaty's" was spray-painted on it. Tucker ignored Danny's cross look and stepped toward a fat man with glasses, green pants, and white button-down urinating on the house. "Excuse me, my good man. Is this the Chihiro House?"

The man, turned to them, unfortunately turning his target to their legs. "I guess so. Welcome to my humble abode." He opened the door.

It was a mad house. Screams mixed with rock music like a cocktail of din. Some people were on skateboards. It reeked of booze and smoke (tobacco and marijuana, and probably something else). Something crashed.

"Grab a beer. We stole them, so it doesn't cost anything. Convenient, huh?" Then he stood with them in silence, beer in hand, for a few more seconds. "See you later." He turned and left.

Danny and Tucker went their separate ways (kind of a stupid move, isn't it?). Tucker came across a bunch of people playing cards. Kidomaru, a scary ninja man with six arms, had his hand distributed evenly among his limbs. Jay and Silent Bob smoked something illegal (not sure what) that they pulled more out of from their baggy clothes. Blackfire, scantily clad in black leather clothing and a smirk, was the only female there.

Tucker grinned. "Sooo! You guys playing cards?" His voice cracked.

---

"You want another beer, Danny?" A dark girl asked Danny. He turned around to see a pale girl with black hair partially pulled back, with shiny bangs that nearly covered her narrow eyes. Her outfit was a long, flowing, dark red dress. She was behind the counter, serving up beer, and she looked incredibly bored with the party scene.

Danny suddenly wondered how this girl knew his name, but smiled. "Yeah, sure!" He sipped the drink handed to him and looked to the side. Installed in the wall were a couple of half-spherical aquariums placed to look like breasts on a hot girl's body painted on the wall.

The girl rolled her eyes. "Nice fish, huh?"

Behind them was a slight crashing noise, a thump, and a "Sorry!". A skinny, kind of gangly boy with a black cap on his head and a large gap in his front, top row of teeth came to the bar. He and the girl behind the counter were the only ones Danny saw that night who didn't appear drunk.

The newcomer shook hands with Danny. "I'm Eddward, known as Double D. I'm the Chihiro House president! Welcome!" Then Double D turned to the bartender. "Mai, have you seen Zuko?"

"He disappeared when we got here," Mai said.

"He's probably upstairs talking to Pietro…"

"Duh," Mai leaned toward Danny a bit and finally smirked, her first show of emotion besides ennui that night. "They're well-known homosexuals."

Double D let out a nervous giggle. "Help yourself to another drink, Danny! She's just kidding around." He turned to the man sitting in the corner, where the fat guy Danny and Tucker had met when they first arrived sat. "Isn't that right, Peter?"

Peter picked up a five-gallon water cooler, which was part of the bar, and attempted to crush it on his head.

---

Inside a musty bedroom on the second floor of the house, two college boys sat together. One, a boy with black hair hanging over a terribly burned and scarred eye (on an otherwise decently handsome face), sat on an unmade bed. The other, a skinny boy with bright white hair, whistled a fast tune while combing his hair in the mirror.

"Going out tonight again, Pietro?" The dark-haired one said. He looked up in thought (mostly mock thought). "Is it Irma Lair?"

"No. Lemme give you a hint, Zuko. She's got a couple of major melons, man. Major." The white-haired boy, Pietro, spoke very quickly.

"Ah. Is it Foxy Love?" Zuko made a disgusted face just saying the name.

"No! No, no! Do I want an STD? No! You're not getting any warmer. Here. I'll give you another hint." He first waved his hands wildly, then put them on his hips. "Shut up! Do this! Do that! I hate you!"

Zuko gave a slight smirk. "You're going to have sex with Angelica Pickles?"

"I anticipate playing the submissive one tonight." Pietro went back to his hair, stiff with gel. "Hey, hey, hey. Why are you interested in my social life? Where's Mai?"

Zuko ran a hand through his hair, sighing. "Downstairs. Upset with me. Again."

"She thinks you're not living up to your full potential?"

Zuko didn't respond.

Double D knocked on the door.

"Whaaaat?" Pietro half-whined.

"There are people trying to get into this fraternity! Pietro, you are rush chairman! You should be present downstairs!"

Pietro ran out the room zipping outside and accidentally knocking Double D away. He shook hands with Tucker, who had just made his way upstairs. "Hi, I'm Pietro Maximoff, rush chairman, bla bla, damn glad to meet ya." He turned away from Tucker before the freshman could respond. Pietro was about to take off down more steps, before stepping aside to let a dirty motorcycle drive straight up the stairs and in between him and Tucker. Tucker flattened himself up against the wall and yelped in fear. "Bender!" Pietro called out in happiness. But then Pietro moved on, jumping down the steps and shaking hands with some random person at the bottom. "Pietro Maximoff, rush chairman, bla bla, damn glad to meet ya." He darted off.

Zuko slinked down the steps and nodded to the other people. "That was Pietro Maximoff. He was damn glad to meet you."

Danny was back, beer cup in hand, watching as the guy who was on the motorcycle took off his helmet. He was actually a robot. "Ah, Danny! I see you've met Bender!" Double D joined them. "Are you having a nice time together? Fantastic!"

Bender looked at Double D, then grabbed two empty beer bottles from inside his steel chest cavity (apparently doubles as a storage container). He played a few quick beats of 'Blue' by Eiffel 65 on his head with the bottles and on the last note they broke. He gave a welcoming point of his metal finger to Danny, somehow perfectly making the sound of a zipper.

Pietro shook Danny's hand. "Pietro Maximoff, rush chairman, bla bla, damn glad to meet ya! Nice tie! Zuko! Look at this tie!"

Zuko, appearing behind Pietro, fingered the tie a bit like Pietro. "I've seen better."

Pietro continued. "Ninety-percent rayon! Nice! Nice. Did your mother buy that?"

"Uh, yeah…" Danny blushed.

Double D inserted himself in their conversation again, Tucker in tow. "Tucker is a legacy, Pietro. He got personal recommendations and was the pupil of Dib. You remember Dib!"

Tucker gave a hopeful nod. "Dib said that since his formal training of me in the field of paranormal studies through computers was on my resume, I'd get asked to pledge automatically. Legacies are, aren't they?"

Pietro said, "Yeah. Sure. Usually. Unless the pledge in question is a real closet case. Like Dib."

Zuko nodded in agreement. "Yeah, Dib and Zim were always going at it. They almost burned the house down."

Tucker swallowed. "Uh, Dib said-"

Pietro interrupted him. "Oh, Tucker, get over here! I like the tie!"

Zuko glanced at it. "I've seen better." But he turned his head just in time to see Mai leaving. "Mai!" he called out as Pietro introduced himself to more people. "Mai!"

Mai walked outside into the brisk night air. At least outside it didn't smell like booze and men.

"Mai!" Zuko ran up to her. "Where are you going?"

"Home," she said firmly.

"We just got here."

"No, you just got here." She crossed her arms. "I've been downstairs, entertaining some kid from Cliché Teenage Male Superhero Cartoon Number Ninety-two."

Zuko gave a slightly suggestive smile as he moved in a little closer to Mai. "Maybe we could drive up to your parents' estate this weekend…"

Mai was apathetic as usual. "Fabulous. My car filled up with your drunken stooges going up to clean out my parents' liquor cabinet? It's too depressing to think about."

Zuko shook his head. "No, no. Just you, me, Pietro, and another girl…" He thought about Pietro's habits and murmured to himself, "…or five other girls."

Mai's tone was still calm. "Is this what you're going to do with the rest of your life? Hang around with failures, getting drunk every weekend?"

"No, after I graduate I'm going to get drunk every night."

Silence. Then Mai gave him a pat on the shoulder. "Nice try at humor, Zuko."

"It's not really my style."

"I'm in love with a retard."

"I'll kill him."