A/N: My first fic. A simple H/L fluff piece, all critiques welcome! Dedicated to LASOS for all her awesomeness.
Disclaimer: The Star Wars universe belongs to George Lucas and the song is property of Stephen Speaks.
The OTHER Kiss That Changed Everything
"Trying to make sense of this puzzle, but feeling like the pieces are scattered all around this room. Oh, and when will I just listen to the truth, that the pieces of this puzzle just don't fit without you."
-Stephen Speaks, Puzzle Pieces
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I'm in big trouble. HUGE trouble.
Not that that's anything new. I'm always in trouble; let's face it, I have more lives than an overly curious Alderaanian pittin. I've just never been in this kind of trouble: the kind I can't talk or shoot my way out of. Give me laser fire and garbage chutes any day, but this?
Force, that's what started it all—laser fire and garbage chutes…and one Corellian spacer whose ego was bigger than his ship.
Three years later, here we are. Here I am, aimlessly pacing in my quarters, trying to find my way out of an epiphany that has swallowed me whole. The walls of ice seem to mock me with their clarity. What I wouldn't give for an answer as clear as the crystal lattices surrounding me. My enlightenment came only moments ago, and it blindsided me like a Tatooine sandstorm. I can't believe my own discovery, and yet the more I hesitantly investigate it, the more sure I am that it is all too true.
I love Han Solo. I am IN love with Han Solo, and it took kissing another man for me to realize it.
Oh boy. How did this happen?
The day started out innocently enough. Well, okay, even that is a lie. I woke up this day cycle after having one of those dreams that could melt the walls of my icy room. The kind of dream that I wouldn't admit to if an Imperial interrogation droid was hovering over me. Of all the infuriating things that have happened to me, all the enemies I've encountered and situations where I have barely escaped with my life, my dreams are the biggest adversary I have. No matter how hard I try, I might as well be playing a game of Roonadan roulette every night cycle. I cannot control what goes on in my head, and that terrifies me. Things happen when I'm not in control; planets get destroyed when I'm not in control.
I guess the dreams should have been my first clue though. Instead, I chalked it up to the frenzy of the past couple of days. We hadn't been back from Ord Mantell more than three days, and in that time Han had announced his departure, ridden off into the lethal Hoth night, and returned to base no worse for wear. Luke, however, hadn't been so lucky.
We had been keeping silent vigil over Luke all that day. It was the most civil we had been to each other since Han had admitted he was leaving, and I think we were both too scared from the events of the previous night to say much of anything. Finally, Han had surprised me by looking me squarely in the eye and admitting, "You know, you kept me going, Princess."
"What?" I was immediately spellbound by his unwavering gaze.
"When we were stranded out there. It was so cold. I just kept thinking to myself, Leia Organa would never let a little weather beat her."
I laughed at that moment, and the tension in the room seemed to evaporate. I couldn't believe how silly we'd been over the past twenty-four hours. I couldn't believe how little we'd spoken since he'd come back from his suicide mission alive. I couldn't believe—
"Of course, thinking about that flight suit you wore on Yaga Minor didn't hurt my chances either."
Son of a Sith!
"Why of all the—I can't believe you! You scrawny excuse for a Hutt!" I admit, I could have come up with a better retort had I not been so flustered by his blatant innuendo. You'd think I'd be used to it by now, but at that moment I was caught between being indignant and trying to remember exactly how I had looked on Yaga Minor.
"Why, Sweetheart! I didn't know your tastes in men leaned more towards the slimier species, but when I see Jabba I'll give him your best."
"Oooooo!" That was all I could manage before storming out of the med center. I walked briskly back to my quarters and finally succumbed to sleep two hours later after replaying the conversation in my head at least a dozen times. It's no wonder he assaulted my dreams.
So of course, the next morning I was anything but cheerful. I had just finished pinning up my hair when my comlink went off. I answered it with a hurried, "Organa."
"Princess."
"Carlist, is he okay?"
"He's out of his third round in the bacta tank and fully awake now."
"I'll be right there."
I hadn't gone into the med bay with the intention of kissing Luke…quite the opposite, actually. I had spent the better part of the last three years trying to oh-so-subtly show Luke that I wasn't in love with him. So naturally, when I walked into his room, I gave him nothing more than a platonic hug, and told him sincerely that I was glad he was okay. Everything was going just fine until Han entered the room with his know-it-all swagger. I was already poised like a sand snake going in for the kill when he remarked that I "couldn't bare to let a gorgeous guy like me out of your site." Honestly, the nerve of that man! He went on to suggest that we had done something scandalous in the south passage, and that's when I lost it.
I was furious. I wanted him to regret every pass, every wink, every smug innuendo that he had slung so casually at me since the day we met. It was my turn to leave him speechless. I wanted to show him.
Boy, I sure showed me.
I knew as soon as my lips touched his that Luke was the farthest thing from my mind. It felt so vindictive, so childish, so…not like Han. Han's kiss would have been fiery, passionate, just as I had dreamt it so many times before. This was Luke. What was I doing?
Then it hit me. I didn't want to make him speechless. I wanted to make him jealous. And there was only one reason I would want that. One even I couldn't deny.
Oh stars, I love him.
Suddenly, it all made sense. My overt display of hatred was such a false bravado that I couldn't believe I had fallen for it all these years. How had I not seen past it? Kest, how had he not seen past it? And that's when I realized that Han already knew.
We need? What about YOU need?
I need? I don't know what you're talking about.
I truly hadn't. But now the meaning behind his words was glaringly obvious. Even Luke had suggested as much when we had returned form Ord Mantell. Dear Gods, had everybody known about this before I did?
By the time my stream of consciousness had ended I realized that I was still kissing Luke, and what's more, he wasn't kissing back. I pulled away with as much dignity as I could, but I couldn't face either one of them. I looked at Han without really seeing him, and, scared to death of my own discovery, promptly fled the med bay.
And now here I am, trying to wrap my mind around the magnitude of my emotions. Think rationally, Leia. Okay, so I love him. That doesn't mean I need to act on the mutiny my heart has pulled on my head. For Force's sake, he's leaving! He's leaving as soon as the energy shields go up, and what am I supposed to do then? If only I had more time to think this through, but short of the Empire showing up outside our doors in the next standard hour, he'll be gone before I can say—
"Final call, all headquarters personnel report to command center immediately."
Final call?? How long ago had they sent out the initial call? How late for this meeting am I? Kest, it figures that no good could come from loving Han Solo. As I high tail it over to the command center, I try to ascertain what would warrant an urgent meeting to be held an hour before our normal morning briefing.
"Princess, we have a visitor."
It appears I may have some time after all.
This could be interesting.