Title: Why

Author: Sorsha711
Fandom/Pairing: SVU John/Casey

Rating: T, mild language
Disclaimer: The Munchkin isn't mine, except in my dreams! Sigh! DW owns him and the others.
Summary: A series of 'behind the scenes' one-shots that picks up where the episode Parts ended. Please R&R!!!

Feedback appreciated!!! Happy New Year!!

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"John? What brings you here?"

Her question shattered the determined resolve that had driven him to come to her apartment. His motivations had made sense when he made the decision not to wait until he saw her at the office, but to confront her immediately without worry of an unwanted audience overhearing their conversation. Now that he was at her door, the conclusions he had reached after hearing some surprising news no longer seemed as logical and undeniable as they had sitting in his car in the hospital parking lot.

Hesitating for a moment, John found his gaze wavering along with his confidence. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you, Casey. I won't…"

Casey reached out to grab his hand before he could turn and walk away. "John? Why are you here?"

Glancing back at her, he shook his head. "Stupid impulse. Forgive the intrusion. I'll see you tomorrow… or whenever."

"JOHN… talk to me… please," Casey insisted, pulling him into her apartment before pushing the door shut behind him to keep him from leaving before he told her why he had come.

John stared into the confused green eyes fixed on him, fixed on him as if he knew the secrets of life… as if she had but to ask and he would fill in all the blank places that weighed so heavily on her heart. "Why?"

Her confusion grew. "Why… why what, John? I don't understand what you're asking me."

"You put you career in jeopardy talking to her like that. Why would you do it?"

A shiver slipped along her spine. "What?"

"You talked to Amy Solwey," John whispered, unconsciously taking a step closer to her. "You could be disbarred for telling her to forget she ever saw me at the clinic… to forget I was the one…"

Shaking fingers covered his lips to prevent him from saying more, from making their situation more precarious. "No… don't say any more! I don't want to know. Right now it's just a logical inference on my part. I don't want to know what actually happened."

Reaching up to gently stroke the fingers that had lingered against his mouth, John closed the distance between them. A soft flick of his tongue caused her fingertips to tingle. He repeated his question, the words slipping through her fingers in a warm, moist gust. "Why… why would you risk your career for me?"

"John… I…" Casey began, feeling naked and exposed. Her fingers seemed to have a will of their own as they ghosted across his weathered cheek to gently cup his face. His hand followed and molded itself to hers, unwilling to break the unprecedented intimacy of the moment. "I… Why did you do what you did?"

John saw the uncertainty… the tears she was barely holding at bay glimmering in her expressive eyes. "I have to live with myself, Case. It was wrong to let that kidney be wasted because the law puts itself above a human life. If the kidney had never been harvested, that's one thing, but… two people may end up dying because the law hasn't caught up with the realities of the 21st Century."

"Do you… do you love her?" she whispered, unsure she wanted to hear the answer.

"Love… do I love Amy?" he asked, his surprise at the question obvious. "No, but… I understand her. She and I… we have something in common that binds our lives together, but… no, I'm not in love with her."

"Oh." A tear slipped down her cheek. His other hand left hers to catch the tear against the pad of one fingertip, the tear sparkling like a diamond in the soft light of her living room. "You haven't answered my question, Case. Why did you risk your whole career for me?"

"John… I'd risk my life for you," she whispered, the tears now freely streaming down her flushed cheeks. "Don't you know that?"

"Know?" John breathed, cradling her face between his hands, oblivious to the tremors that shook his body. "Casey, I'm not in love with Amy… never will be. I'm in love with you. I have been since the day you first blew into our offices determined to make your mark. You did… with SVU and on me personally. You had to have known…"

A radiant glow lit her eyes. Her choked whisper broke into his declaration. "You… you love me?"

"Yes."

Throwing herself into his arms, she murmured against his throat, "Oh, John… I love you too!"

Molding her body against his, John dropped his head to bury his face in her thick hair. "Damn, Amy was right!"

It took a few minutes for his words to sink into her dazed mind. "Amy… what does she have to do with this?"

Sighing against the side of her head, John admitted, "She's the reason I came. I went to see her in the hospital… she was supposed to get a transplant from a guy that died in a motorcycle accident. Amy gave it up to Kyle McGovern. She was leaving to go home when I got there. She was out the door of her room when she turned back… told me what you did. She asked me how much more time we planned to waste ignoring the obvious… that we love with each other. I had to come…"

Pulling his head down for their first kiss, Casey whispered against his lips, "I guess we're both bound to her now… we owe her. I love you, John."

"I love you too, Casey."

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Casey sat on the chair next to John's hospital bed, none too patiently waiting for Fin to go home. She needed to crawl into that bed and hold John close. She had come close to loosing him in the courthouse shooting earlier in the day. Now their decision to keep their relationship private… a secret from their co-workers, was playing hell on her emotions.

John deeply appreciated the friendship that had developed between himself and his partner. Fin Tutuola was the best friend he had ever had… and the best partner. They seemed to share an understanding that made their long-running banter flow seamlessly and their intuitions on the job meld without effort.

Tonight, however, his friend seemed to be clueless… oblivious to the subtle hints he was giving that it was past time for him to go home. /Damn, why did Case and I decide to keep our affair secret? I need to be holding her, not making small talk about the FBI… the evils of extreme hate groups!/

Chuckling, Fin rose to his feet. "I think its time for me to go… before one of you tosses me out on my ass. Want me to close the blinds so no one sees the two of you making out?"

Two sets of stunned eyes turned in his direction. "What… you thought I'd missed what's going on right in front of me? Neither one of you can act worth a damn, so it's a good thing you've never had to do undercover work. You'd have been nailed in no time!"

Pausing at the door, Fin turned to add, "Just don't do anything that might cause you to pop those stitches, Johnny boy. I don't think our insurance covers sex related injuries."

"I wonder how long he's known?" John mused, opening his arms to let Casey nestle against him as the door closed behind his smirking partner.

Sighing in relief to finally be in his arms, she mumbled against his throat, "Knowing Fin… probably since the morning after the first night we spent together."

"Probably." Relaxing after the strain of the day… and the strain of not being able to pull her into his arms the minute he woke and found her waiting anxiously at his bedside, he nodded. "I was so worried about you, baby… seeing that bastard put a gun to your head… I wanted to tear him apart. I lost track of everything else but you and that damned gun."

"What about me! I saw you shot!" she moaned against him. "I thought I'd lost you!"

"What happened today may be a close to a miracle as I'm ever likely to witness… proof prayers sometimes are answered," John mused, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "The woman I love… a close friend, could have died in front of my eyes and you're both safe… and I lived to see it. Thank God you're safe!"

"Amen, love… amen."

-----

"Care to explain that crack about Liv being off having your love-child?"

Turning to watch his lover walk out onto the roof of the precinct, John tilted his head to admire her beauty. "It was a joke… one I shouldn't have made. I'm sorry, Case, for hurting you with that crack, but this is getting old. I'm feeling frustrated and it showed. Are we together or is this just about sex?"

Sighing, she walked into the arms that opened to receive her. "We're together. I guess we need to decide when to go public."

"I know it complicated for you. Whenever you're ready, baby, is fine with me… but you may have to keep reassuring me in the interim," John whispered against the top of her head. "I love you. I want to shout it to the world… and Fin is giving me hell about our acting skills… or lack of same, if he's right."

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Casey found John sitting on a couch in a waiting room set aside for visiting family. Seeing the tears he was trying to hide… the drooped shoulders that told the story, Casey dropped down beside him. "Elliot couldn't get through to Andrew either."

Her comment had been a statement not a question, so he simply nodded his head rather than answering. It took no effort for her to pull him into her arms. "He told me goodbye… not to come again. I can't do that, honey. He's family… and I let him down once already."

Stroking his back, Casey settled his head against her shoulder. "No, you didn't. It's nobody's fault... it's just a part of life that sucks. We'll visit him together. Maybe our visits will keep him from sinking as deeply into the dementia as he did before."

"Yeah… maybe."

Several minutes passed in silence before he added, "Thanks for coming… for being there for me. I've never had that… and it means more than I can tell you."

"We're in this together, John. I love you."

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"Would you give me a kidney if I needed one?"

Looking up from his dinner, John grinned. "What?"

"Liv was telling me about a conversation she and Elliot had. It got me thinking," she supplied. "Would you give me a kidney if I needed one?"

"We don't have the same blood type, so mine wouldn't help you," John pointed out, enjoying teasing her. "And why were Elliot and Liv having this conversation? Don't tell me they have finally realized they're nuts about each other and had done the deed?"

"No, but they will… sooner rather than later." Frowning, Casey went back to her question. "Assuming we did have the same blood type… would you?"

Reaching over to catch her hand, he held her gaze. "Since I've already given you my heart, want's a kidney? You can have anything I have, baby. None of it would do me any good without you being there to share it."

He felt his breath catch at the smile that lit her beautiful face. "Ditto, John. Ditto."

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"How did we get stuck working New Year's Eve yet again?" John complained, tossing down the file he had been studying with evident irritation.

Shooting his partner a wicked grin, Fin countered, "You have plans, Munchkin? Something you want to tell the rest of us?"

Glaring at his partner… all too aware of the fact Casey, Cragen, Olivia, Elliot, and Huang had paused in the middle of their conversation to listen to his response, John hesitated… hating the lie he was about to utter. Before a single word could leave his mouth, slender arms slipped over his shoulders and Casey's chin came to rest against the top of his head. "He had plans, Fin… beautiful, romantic plans that got shot out of the water by this damn case."

Tilting his head to catch her gaze… ignoring the others watching with reactions ranging from shock to smug amusement, he countered, "How do you know what I had planned? It was supposed to be a surprise."

Leaning down to press a kiss to his lips, she admitted, "I heard you making reservations, love. Maybe we can reschedule. They sounded perfect."

When the kiss finally broke, John asked hopefully, "Does this mean we're out… official?"

Laughing, Casey pulled him to his feet. "I don't know what you had in mind, but this is about as 'out' as I ever plan for us to be! I don't think Arthur Branch would be too amused if Fin had to arrest us for getting any more 'out' in public!"

After a second kiss, John whispered, "Am I allowed to say I love you where someone might overhear or is that still just between us?"

Smiling into his twinkling brown eyes, she pretended to consider his question. "I think that's permissible… provided I get to say I love you too."

"Happy New Years, Casey."

"Happy New Years, my love."

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