It took nearly a month for the news to reach her. The message had gone first to Gale but he was off in Asia playing a series of gigs and was as unreachable as Katniss. The message then went back to Prim in New Haven who thought she might be able to reach Katniss by email and then finally to Haymitch, who called his friend Mags down in Tijuana to get someone hired to ride a burro into the back country where Katniss was working for the summer on a Mayan ruins dig.
Three weeks after the message reached her, she got on a plane in Mexico City, flying into Philadelphia on the red eye and driving for six hours straight home and right to his doorstep. She knocked hard on the door, flying into his arms when he finally opened it. He banded his arms tightly around her body, neither of them speaking as they held on to each other and breathed.
When he finally pulled back, his eyes were red and swollen, tear tracks marring his cheeks. She didn't bother with useless platitudes or anything as trite as sorry, because he'd probably heard it all by that time and it never really helped anyway.
She stared at him, tilting her head as she studied him. He needed another haircut and several days' worth of sleep, but overall, he still looked nearly the same as he had three years ago when she'd left for Spain. "Have you eaten?"
Peeta shrugged. "I don't know, maybe?"
She reached out and threaded their fingers together, pushing the door closed with her foot before leading him towards the kitchen. "Come on, let's see what you've got that I can cook."
He followed her blindly, completely unresisting as she led him to a chair and gently pushed on his shoulder for him to sit. Leaving him at the table, she walked to the pantry, hoping there was something in there she could heat up. Cans she could handle, even biscuits if she was feeling ambitious, but anything else was pretty much beyond her skill level. She passed the coffee pot, stopping to put on a pot before stepping into the cavernous pantry, eyes scanning the shelves rapidly. Finally, almost at the back, she spotted a few cans of heat and eat soup. She grabbed one to take back out to the counter, snagging the loaf of fresh bread that sat untouched on the small island. Reaching up, she pulled a small pot down from the rack over the stove, setting it on the burner before opening the soup and dumping it into the pan. Filling the can with water, she dumped that in as well before pulling down a frying pan.
Peeta was still sitting where she'd left him, staring out at nothing, his hands loose on the table. Her heart clenched as she walked by him to the fridge, pulling open the door and peering inside. She found some whitish brown cheese wrapped carefully in paper and plastic in one of the drawers and pulled it out. Lifting the cheese, she sniffed it, smiling at the slightly sweet, nutty flavor that filled her senses. Smoked mozzarella, her favorite. It'd make a good grilled cheese to go along with the soup she'd found in the pantry. Taking it back to the island, she pulled open the drawer to find a knife for the bread.
The loaf was one of Peeta's favorites, a deep hearty rye that smelled so sharp and tangy that her mouth began to water. She cut off four thick slices and then opened the cheese, piling several slices onto each piece of bread. Turning back to the stove, she lit the burner under the frying pan and dropped a dollop of butter into the pan from the crock next to the stove.
She loved his kitchen; it was designed for someone who loved to create. Everything was in easy reach and designed for the minimum of effort to get things done. Sliding the first of the sandwiches into the pan, she took a wooden spoon from the holder on the stove and stirred the tomato soup, removing it from the heat before it bubbled over.
The rye was toasting nicely, filling the kitchen with a warm, homey smell that made her stomach growl. She hadn't eaten since Mexico City, gulping down a taco and soda before her plane took off. She'd been so exhausted from her trip out country that she'd fallen asleep almost before they took off.
Pulling out a plate from the cupboard next to the stove, she slid the first sandwich onto it and put the other one into the pan. She took one of the oversized coffee mugs that were conveniently located on a tree next to the coffee pot and returned to the stove to fill it full of the soup. Opening a drawer by the sink, she pulled out a soup spoon. Setting the cup on the plate next to the sandwich, she brought it over to where he was sitting, putting it in front of him, laying the spoon next to his hand. "Eat, Peeta. You look like shit."
Red rimmed blue eyes met her gaze. "You said that the last time you came home too. Don't you have a better repertoire by now?"
Katniss smiled, shaking her head. "Truth hurts," she said softly, running her fingers lightly through his hair.
He shook his head but lifted the spoon, dipping it into the soup and taking a careful bite. Satisfied that he wasn't going to starve, she returned to the stove, flipping over her sandwich, letting the other side toast lightly as she pulled another mug from the tree and filled it with coffee. Back to the fridge and the creamer, she set both in front of him on the table.
Her sandwich was done by the time she got back to the stove and she slid it out onto a plate, following the same routine she'd used for his meal, taking hers over to the table and sitting down next to him. He was almost finished by the time she sat down and she lifted her sandwich, taking a bite as she watched him sip at his milky coffee.
He set the mug down and glanced over at her. "Where were you?"
She sighed. "Mexico, deep in country working on a dig."
"I didn't think you'd come."
She frowned at him over the edge of her own coffee cup. "Of course I'd come. You shouldn't be alone." And she wanted to kick herself as the word left her lips. He was alone; he'd just lost every member of his immediate family in a horrific car crash, one that he would've been in too if he hadn't stayed later to finish up an order for a wedding cake. "Sorry," she mumbled.
He shrugged. "It's the truth, I am alone."
"You've got me."
His gaze found hers again and she shivered at the pain in them. "No I don't, not really. You never stay; keep finding excuses to leave me."
Katniss sighed again, setting her cup down. "You really don't want to have this argument right now, do you?"
"Why not, you said it yourself, truth hurts."
"I can't stay here Peeta, you know that."
"No, I don't know that. All I do know is that I love you and I'm pretty sure you love me, but you keep running from whatever this is."
"I hate this place, Peeta," she said softly. "The only good thing about it is you. You could leave, come with me."
He sighed, raking a hand through his hair. "My life is here, Katniss. You could have a life here too, if you'd only let yourself."
She narrowed her eyes. "Don't go blathering on about how I don't let myself do anything, Peeta Mellark! When was the last time you even left this shithole? You do realize there is a whole huge world out there that's nothing like it is here."
"I've left," he said defensively.
"Whatever, a day or two doesn't count." She scooted back her chair, gathering her plate up, appetite gone.
His heavy hand settled on her wrist. "I don't want to fight with you."
Katniss sighed, shoulders slumping. "I don't want to fight with you either." A soft smile crept onto her lips. "C'mon, I'm exhausted and you look worse than I feel. A nap will do us both good."
He rose, gathering his own plate and cup and taking them to the sink. Katniss followed behind him and set her own dishes into the cavernous steel sink beside his own. His fingers threaded with hers and he led her not down the hall to where his bedroom used to be, but rather towards the hallway and the stairs leading up. "Made some changes since you've been gone," he said as they walked slowly up the stairs.
Katniss woke to Peeta's mouth on her pussy, fingers pumping lightly in and out of her as he licked and sucked the delicate skin. She groaned his name as he curled his fingers, stroking against her g-spot just enough to make bliss race through her, licking and curling along her nerve endings until she felt like she was consumed.
"Ahh," she gasped, awareness sinking in as he bit down lightly on her clit. Her hips jerked up off the bed, nails scrabbling hard against the sheets as her orgasm ripped through her with blinding force.
He licked her through the aftershocks and finally moved up to lie beside her, a contented grin on his face. Katniss turned to look at him, one brow arched lightly. "Pleased with yourself?"
He gave her a lazy grin. "Fuck yes; I've been dying to do that for three years now."
She rolled onto her side, leaning up on her elbow. "You knew where I was, Peeta. Nothing was stopping you from getting on a plane or in your car."
He shrugged. "True, but it isn't the same in a strange bed." He rolled to his side, tucking his elbow beneath his head, the other hand resting lightly on the bare skin of her hip, drawing gentle circles on the skin. "You belong here, with me."
Katniss rolled her eyes. "I'm not fighting about this with you again." She reached out and pushed lightly on his shoulders, rolling him onto his back. Rising up, she straddled his hips, rubbing against his rapidly hardening cock through his boxers. "We can fight later; right now I want to come again."
"I'm tired, it's your turn to work," he said, running his hands lightly over her hips.
She stared down at him, rolling her eyes. "Whatever." Lifting the hem of her t-shirt, she pulled it up and over her head. Her bra came off next, landing somewhere on the side of the bed. Cupping her breasts, she teased her fingers over the nipples, already hard and aching under his heated gaze. "Get naked."
Bracing his feet on the bed, he lifted his hips and she tugged on his boxers, shifting first to one side and then the other to pull them out from underneath her body. She half turned and pulled them the rest of the way off, tossing them over the side of the bed with the rest of her clothes. "Still the neat freak," he said, laughing.
She arched her brow, turning back to look at him. "Do you want to get laid or watch me do laundry?"
Strong hands slid up her back, pulling her down towards him. "I want to make love to the woman who makes me crazy with need," he said against her lips before kissing her deeply, his tongue delving into her mouth, mating hotly with hers.
She braced her hands beside his head and rocked against his cock as they kissed, long wet deep kisses that ignited the fire he'd built just minutes before back into a conflagration of need and want that made her crazy. Lifting one hand, she reached between them, grasping his cock in her fingers. She slid her fingers over the scorching, silky skin, guiding him to where she most needed him. Lifting her hips, she slid slowly down the hard length, her breath hissing out as their hips met.
"Perfect fit," he said, grinning widely, palms covering her ass, guiding her into a slow, steady rhythm that matched his.
"Always," she panted as tension began to build within her core, the hard ridge of him hitting her clit on every down stroke. "Fuck that feels good."
"I like it when you ride me," he said, sitting up lightly and licking her nipple. "Let's me play with these." He moved to the other breast, biting down gently on the other nipple. Heat flashed through her straight from her nipple to her pussy and she ground down against him, nails digging into his shoulders.
'Damn you," she hissed, his hands holding her to the slow, steady pace when all she wanted to do was ride him hard and fast to ease the ache between her legs. "Fuck me harder," she bit out, reaching behind her to cup his sack, rolling it across her palm.
"No, I don't want to come yet," he panted, hips thrusting up as he braced his knees wider on the bed.
She leaned back against them, fingers gliding down to push against her clit. Bliss shot through her, short-circuiting every nerve she had, her vision going black as stars burst against her tightly closed lids. "Yes!" she shrieked, fingers still buried in the damp curls, brushing over his cock as he pushed in and out of her. "Oh, Peeta, fuck me…yes!"
He lost his easy rhythm, pounding up into her with a frenzy that made her head spin. Another hot wave of ecstasy rushed over her, dragging her down into the abyss. She was boneless, held up by his hands and knees. A few ungainly thrusts later and he came hard, shouting her name to the sky.
Katniss slumped down against his chest, breathing hard. His arms came up around her, stroking lightly over her back as they both fought for breath. "Damn, forgot how good we are at that," she muttered, listening to the rapid thunder of his heart beneath her cheek.
"Yeah," he said breathlessly. "Best I've ever had."
She pushed up off his chest. "You've slept with other people? Since we've been together?"
He sighed raggedly. "Yeah, haven't you?"
She narrowed her gaze. "No."
Peeta leaned up on his elbows. "You're telling me that in six years, you never slept with anyone else? I don't believe you."
Katniss climbed off of him and stalked around the bed, searching for her clothes. "Fuck you. Just because I wasn't here playing Susie Homemaker in your perfect little fantasies you think I was out fucking anyone who came along?"
"Ah fuck me," Peeta said, flopping down against the bed. "I thought.." he said weakly.
She jerked her t-shirt over her head and thrust her legs into her jeans. "Well you thought fucking wrong. I'm going to Haymitch's, don't call me, I'll call you."
"Katniss!" He leapt out of bed and chased her down the stairs, finally catching up with her at the front door as she was jamming her feet into her boots. "Please, don't go. I want to talk about this."
She glared up at him, eyes shiny with tears. "You've done enough talking, don't you think?"
"You left me!" he roared angrily. "You said you were going off to study for a semester in Spain. Then it was school was too busy, you couldn't come home for the summer. Excuse after excuse. Six fucking years of excuses, Katniss! What the hell was I supposed to think?"
Katniss closed the distance between them. "You were supposed to remember that we love each other," she hissed. "You knew how I felt; you've always known how I felt."
"Yeah," he said bitterly. "You love me but you won't stay with me. How fucked up is that?"
She inhaled sharply. "No more fucked up than you sticking your dick into someone else's pussy when you claim to love me so much!" She spun on her heel and jerked open the door, stomping out to her car and disappearing out of his driveway in a cloud of dust.
The text came three days after she drove off.
Peeta,
I can't do this anymore. You hurt me, more than I thought anyone could. I knew better than to fall in love, it never works. I'll love you forever, but I can't ever come back. Don't try to find me, I'm deleting your number and I don't want to hear from you ever again. You told me I didn't try, but that's not true. I begged you to come with me, to start our lives somewhere new that didn't have the taint of that place on it, but you refused every time. You gave me just as many excuses why you couldn't leave as I did for not coming back. I guess we're both to blame for that.
Katniss
He broke four bones in his hand punching the wall.
He reached for his phone with shaking hands, scrolling through his contacts until he found the right one. Waited impatiently as it rang again and again.
"Hello?"
"I fucked things up royally. She's gone and she's never coming back."