Hola-la-la~

I was in a 5927 mood, so I (tried) wrote something from Gokudera to Tsuna. (I also wrote a reply letter from Tsuna... should I post that too? It's not as good, but then again, it's Tsuna.)

I don't own Katekyo Hitman Reborn!

What are These Words and Why do They Say 'I Love You'?

Dear Tenth,

The biggest tragedy of human language is its inability to properly sum up emotions with words.

Recently, I've been contemplating ways of how to tell you certain things that must be said. I've racked my brain day and night to try and find what, if anything, could do justice to this subject.

I can't speak it aloud because my voice disappears; I can't tap it out on the piano because my fingers stumble over themselves; I can't realign the stars and I can't have you live my life and I can't just make you realize out of the blue, because I am not God – all in all, there is no earthly way I could possibly, truly let you get an idea of how much you mean to me except this last resort of the written word.

I love you.

Please understand: my whole life, I've never been able to feel this way. Everything I ever loved ended up dying before my eyes. Love was a completely foreign concept to me. I've always lived a spiraling, self-destructive existence. Even the people I thought I could trust, people like my mother and my father and my sister, always betrayed and left me. Such horrible, calloused childhood experiences of pain and loss made my heart as cold as ice, and completely changed my perspective on life and my fellow man; it didn't take much time for me to outright trivialize and devalue a life, to feel nothing when I subtracted another disgusting human being from the face of this Godforsaken planet.

Thus when I first saw you, I didn't believe in you, just like I didn't believe in humanity itself. I was going to come in, kill you, leave and be done. But then, even though you and I had only just met at the time, when I was your opponent and made a threat on your life, you saved me from my own attack.

I don't think you know this, but on that day, you didn't just save my meaningless physical body. You saved my heart from being frozen for eternity. You saved my soul by taking out fear and hatred and putting hope in its place. And now, I feel there is no better way I can repay you for the beautiful salvation you have given me over these years than to give you everything I can, including my feelings.

Then again, these are only words. Words are worthless against thoughts and feelings and actions. What if I tell you that you are my destiny and you fill my mind all the time and you are the best thing that has ever happened to me? That means nothing. That's just symbols on a page, just sounds in the air. There are no words anywhere that could ever describe the way I feel about you. These, I can only hope, give you maybe some idea.

I love you, I love everything about you, I adore you, I cherish you, I want you, I need you… From the tip-top of your soft brown hair to your tiny running feet, and your sweet voice, and your cute, awkward movements, and your angel soul.

Writing this, I can only wish that you'll try to understand my position. I am not asking you to return my feelings, because I don't want them and they rightfully belong to you, and I know you'll never feel the exact same way about me that I feel about you. Just, please, hear me out, and accept this like you accept everything else. Please. That would mean the world to me.

This letter, full of words, is on your table forever.

With love, loyalty and eternal gratitude,
Hayato Gokudera
(The one you saved)

0o.o0o.o0

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