No more. No more anything. Pain, grief, heart wrenching sadness, nothing. There was also no joy, no elation, or excitement when he came to sit next to me. There was truly nothing there now. It was better this way, I cried, to feel nothing than to feel love and pain in a single moment.

"Kagome." Inuyasha started, obviously at odds with sitting so close to me. Why wouldn't he be? He doesn't care for me, he doesn't feel what I used to feel, and he never will. It's better this way.

"Yes Inuyasha?" I projected false cheerfulness into the words, instead of the monotone that tried to slip out.

He narrowed his eyes at me, his sensitive nose twitching. He didn't seem fooled by my merry mood, but choose not to comment. "Aren't you hungry?" He groused instead, jabbing a finger at the cook fire, where two untouched fish sat.

I stared at them blankly for a moment, trying to figure out his words. Hungry? Was I supposed to feel that? Deciding the energy it was to fake and choke down the fish was more than the upcoming argument, I shook my head no. "No thank you Inuyasha, perhaps you or Shippo would like them." I didn't state it as a question, and looked down at my book. I hadn't really been reading, just turning the page idly every once in awhile. My friends got anxious if I stared at the fire or out at the woods for too long.

Catching the eager kit by the tail, Inuyasha threw him away. "Listen wench, I'm not going to listen to your belly aching tomorrow when you are hungry. Eat the fish so ya won't. You need your energy for the shard hunting."

Ah yes, shard hunting. The only real reason I was around wasn't it? Sure I was here for my friends, but without the shards being cast about the country, none of us would even know each other. Without the shards, I would be safe back in my era with my friends, in school and maybe dating a guy that liked me back. I wouldn't miss my family's birthdays or holidays, or my brother's first goal. I would have been there when Grandpa had feel down the stairs, and laughed about it later when the reason why was because he was chasing 'demons'. I wouldn't have fallen in love with a half-demon who felt nothing for me in return, nor would I have met Shippo or Miroku or Sango. I loved and hated the shards.

"Don't worry Inuyasha, I'll be fine." I said, closing my book to place it in my bag. I didn't feel like pretending anymore, I just wanted to crawl into my sleeping bag and not think. Deciding to do just that, I stood up and stretched. "I'm going to bed, night guys." I waved at the two watching figures across the fire, which were watching me with equal looks of suspicion.

Why were they suspicious? I hadn't done anything out of the ordinary, had been cheery and nice. I hadn't fought with Inuyasha unless he was chasing poor Shippo around, or giving Miroku a hard time. I had stayed to the side lines like normal during fights, watching them and egging them on, telling Inuyasha were his precious jewel shards were.

A hand gripped my wrist quite hard, forcing me back into a kneeling position by its owner's side. "I didn't say go to bed, I said eat the fish bitch." Inuyasha thrust the fish under my nose, releasing my wrist momentarily.

A small amount of anger and sorrow stirred in my heart, quickly stilled by a wave of my subconscious hand. He was ordering me around? And did he ever call her bitch? No, he never once raised his voice to her, called her weak or stupid or useless. He kept her up there on her pedestal, taking her down to rub my nose in when I fell short of her accomplishments. 'Kikyo could have killed that snake demon without help', a small voice sneered, sounding like Inuyasha, 'Kikyo would have been able to keep her barrier,' it continued. 'she wouldn't have let him get hurt'. Perfect Kikyo. Stupid, weak, ugly, useless bitch Kagome.

For a second, I considered refusing. On principal, I wouldn't have bowed to his orders so readily. Like I was some servant filling in for the Lady. But that's what I was wasn't it? Nothing more than the filler when the real thing was unobtainable. "Alright Inuyasha." I sighed, taking them from him. Forcing myself to eat the cold fish sliver by tasteless sliver, I never once met his eyes.

Throwing the bones and the sticks back into the fire, I rinsed my hands and sat back next to him. I sat like that for a good hour or so, watching Miroku and Sango snuggle in the two-person sleeping bag I had got for them. They had finally brought their relationship out into the open, and while they had agreed to wait until the jewel shards where collected to start a family, they were open and affectionate to one another.

Shippo was curled up on my pillow, tail twitching and snoring softly. He looked so cute, so innocent. He didn't deserve to be dragged around with the rest of them looking for the jewel shards. He didn't deserve a useless mother like me.

Inuyasha finally acknowledged me, after dragging himself out of his thoughts. "Wench, I thought you were going to bed."

"Didn't think I was allowed to; you didn't tell me to." The words came out with more than a little bitterness, which was better than the fake joy. Bitter and numb, that's all I felt now. Years of my life wasted on nothing. Nothing that would leave me out to dry the second he was finished with me.

"What the fuck are you blathering about wench?" He snarled at me, turning to look at my face. I continued to look at the fire, counting the sparks.

I'd heard enough dismissals in the last four years to know one when I heard it. Standing, I changed without even checking to see if he was looking, which he wasn't, and climbed into bed. Moving Shippo to my stomach, I curled into a ball and lay there, staring at a tree across the glade. An oak tree, like the one that they stood under a week ago.

Flashback

Huh, which way had he went? Holding the cup of Ramen in one hand, I stepped carefully over roots and underbrush as I searched for Inuyasha. He had said he was going to scout around, and had told me to start him some Ramen. He was gone longer than I thought he would be, and his Ramen was getting cold.

Probably sulking somewhere for that last sit. It was a little harsh, I should apologize.

I stepped out of the trees to the edge of a small clearing, not big enough to be called anything else, it was big enough that our group could stand side by side and not touch the opposite trees.

Glancing around to see if there where any demons or wild animals before continuing, I froze.

Inuyasha and Kikyo stood facing each other, close enough to touch but not doing so. I could see neither face clearly, but I could hear a few words now and then.

"…Kikyo…I love you…go to hell…leave…Kagome…" Inuyasha spoke, looking deeply into his lover's eyes. "…mate…can't leave…love…sorry." That was enough for me, I didn't need to see the inevitable embrace or hear anymore.

Careful not to draw any attention to myself, I backed out and started back for camp. Half way back, it began to rain and I knew he wouldn't be able to pick my scent up as easily, not that he would be searching for it.

Stepping back into the camp, I crawled into one of the tents that I'd helped sit up earlier. Sango and Miroku were sharing one, which left Shippo, me, and sometimes Inuyasha, this one. Happy that Shippo was asleep, I sat the noodles down on the clear spot that Inuyasha would use, I changed and crawled into my sleeping bag.

No tears this time, no anger or jealousy. Just emptiness, in my mind and where my heart had been.

End Flashback

I didn't sleep much, but did manage to before dawn. Of course, three hours later I was awake again, not even waiting for Inuyasha to rouse me or the others to wake.

I fanned the coals and starting breakfast, seeing that by the sun they wouldn't be up for another half hour. Good, by then I could claim I had eaten and…

"What are you doing wench?" The irritable growl came from the trees, but the thump on the ground beside me announced where he was now.

"Making breakfast, what's it look like?" I asked, wondering if stupidity was catching.

"That's what it looks like, but something's missing." He studied it for a second, and I knew I wasn't getting out of this meal either unless I did some quick thinking.

For the moment though, I decided to stall and play dumb. "Nonsense, Sango and Miroku like the oatmeal, Shippo likes the rice, and your Ramen is sitting right there." I plucked it from the ground and handed it to him, avoiding contact like the plague.

"And where's yours?" suspicions confirmed, he ignored the treat and stared down at me.

Crap, I still didn't have an excuse. "I'm not feeling all that well, I don't feel like eating." I tried, hoping that Sango or Miroku would wake up soon.

A frown knitted Inuyasha's face, and he leaned forward to sniff. Idiot, he can smell when your sick, he'll know! Something clicked in his eyes. "Are you ok?" He removed one hand to press it against my forehead. "You feel slightly warm, can you walk?" The warm fuzzy feelings of hope were crushed under the harsh weight of reality. His only concern was if she could hunt or not.

"I'll be fine Inuyasha, just a little nauseous." I backed away until his hand fell. "I can still walk just fine, and I can still sense the shards. There isn't any reason to worry."

"Shards? Who said anything about shards? You're going home today." He still seemed concerned, and confused.

Home? Was I supposed to go home? Thinking back, I was. But it wasn't anything important. I was just formally dropping out, it could wait a few more months. "No, it's nothing too important, it can wait."

Now Inuyasha seemed even more confused and concerned. "You've been telling me that this is something you have to go home for." He stepped closer, inhaling deeper. "You're sick." He said, but he didn't sound sure. "And you're hurt." He got in my face, staring me down. It wasn't until then did I see his eyes. They were filled with concern and hurt. "Why didn't you tell me you were hurt?"

"I'm not hurt Inuyasha, I'm fine." Miroku and Sango had finally stirred, but they seemed more interested in watching then helping. "Really, just eat breakfast and we can head out, I think I sensed a jewel shard over to the west a few hours ago." There, that should distract him.

"It can wait, you and me are going to the well." He sit his uneaten Ramen aside and picked me up into a bridal carry. "Miroku, Sango, take care of Shippo. We'll meet you back at the village in a few days."

"My stuff!" I tried, wiggling in his grasp.

"They can take care of that too. Stop moving Kagome, or I'll drop you." Not a threat, but a warning.

"Shouldn't Kagome eat something first?" Miroku asked.

"She didn't make anything for her to eat, I'll make her eat when we get back to her time." With that he leaped away, carrying me with him.

This was new. Usually he was trying to stop me from going home, not taking me home. Unless I was seriously sick or hurt. But I wasn't, I would know if I was. Sure, I didn't feel anything, or care about anything, but that didn't mean I was sick.

There was another time. A small voice chirped. Remember, after the fight with Sesshomaru and he took the jewel shards so you couldn't come back. He promised me that he wouldn't do that again. And you believe him? Come on Kagome, your not that stupid. He's promised Kikyo that they'd be mates and he'd go to hell with her. You're just in the way. When you're gone, she'll take your place, her rightful place.

Can't you see it? Sango will have a new friend, a better one. Miroku will have a spiritual equal. Shippo will have a new mother. Images of Sango laughing with Kikyo, of Miroku meditating with her, or practicing spells. Of Shippo curled up in her lap, sleeping or drawing as she sang to him. Inuyasha will have who he reallywants. He won't have to put up with you anymore. Pictures of Inuyasha with his arms wrapped around Kikyo, smiling and laughing as they talked. Him carrying her on his back, sleeping with her in his lap. Kissing her, fighting alongside her, not with her, laughing with the rest of my friends.

They fell down the well, Inuyasha not letting me go as he jumped up out of the well and out of the well house. He carried me to my window, stepping through to sit me lightly on the bed. He stared down at me for a few minutes, and then went through my door to the hall. He said hello to Souta and asked where our mom was.

I looked numbly at the wall, fighting the images and trying to get my emotions under control. Can't cry, don't cry. Don't let him see you cry, it's weak and he hates it. Just like he hates you.

"Kagome?" Inuyasha knelt in front of me, forcing me to look him in the eye. "I'm going back, you need to stay here." He reached up and plucked the jewel shards from my neck, holding them in one hand. "Your mom is going to take care of you."

"You're leaving?" I managed to squeak. No, I'm sorry, don't leave. I can't live without you.

"Yes." He blinked at me, confused at the question.

"Why?" I whimpered, pulling myself away, wrapping my arms around my knees. He takes my dreams away, now he's taking my life away? My friends?

"Why?" He seemed even more confused at this. "Kagome, you're sick, you need to stay here. I'm going back to the others. What more to that is there?"

"I'm not sick!" I spat, forcing his hand away. "I'm perfectly fine! Let me go back!" In a softer voice, I added. "I can still hunt for shards, if that's what you're worried about."

Inuyasha stopped trying to touch me, finally, and just stared at me. "Shards?" he said, frozen in an attempt to touch my shoulder. "Kagome, is that what you think I'm worried about, wither you can hunt shards or not?" He sat back on his haunches, clasping his hands in front of him and bowing his head.

"What else would you be worried about?" I mutter back, unable to stare at him. Instead, I focus on my desk. Paints chipping.

"Am I that big of an asshole?" He asked, shaking his head when I made to answer him. "Kagome, I'm worried about you; you haven't been eating for the past week, you don't smile or laugh as much anymore, you smell wrong, and you've been acting like a servant to our friends. To me." He lifted himself up and sat beside me on the bed. "What's wrong Kagome? You can tell me."

Tired of him playing the clueless innocent, I lashed out. "That's what I am right? A servant? Or would you rather call me the 'shard detector' or 'replacement miko'? Wait," She waved her hand at him when he started to interrupt. "I got a better one. 'The stupid ugly useless weak wench who's only use is to find the jewel shards so that I can live my life the way I want to.'" I pitched my voice in imitation of Inuyasha, who was staring at me like a whipped puppy. "'Never mind that it totally ruins her life, why should I care? She ain't Kikyo, so she ain't as good. Hell, its laughable how fucking stupid the bitch is. I've had her going for the last four years.'" I took a gasp as the pain and anger that I had worked so hard to keep buried came back tenfold.

"I can't believe that for four years I wasted my life on someone who cares so little for me." I turned my streaming eyes on his, noting the wide scared look. "What, am I finally taking notice? Or are you shocked that I didn't want to take your abuse anymore? Hmph, poor weak Kagome, what good is she?" I spat, shoving him off the bed and away from me. "I'm tired Inuyasha, tired of everything. Tired of being dragged around and being in danger every minute. Tired of being second best at everything I do to a dead woman. But most of all," I took a deep breath, looking at the cover, "I'm tired of you."

"You're…tired of me?" Inuyasha was staring up at me with a look of absolute pain and loss.

Shocked that that was the only thing he got out of the whole rant, I felt not a shred of guilt for the look. "Yes, Inuyasha, I'm tired of you. Who wouldn't get tired of the insults and the looks and the hurt?" I gave a bitter laugh, fleetingly wonderingly where my family was and when they would come to investigate. "You know what I see when I look at you? Broken promises and a broken heart."

"Kagome-I-"

"I can't listen anymore Inuyasha." I closed my eyes, wishing him away. Maybe he'd take the pain away too. "Just go."

"No." His voice was firmer, and he sounded closer.

"Inuyasha-"

"You got your turn, Kagome, now it's mine." He sighed, and sat in front of me, taking my hands down away from my face. Holding them gently in one palm, he reached up to stroke one cheek, than the other. Opening my eyes, I saw his blurred face set in concentration. "I never was good with words huh?" he chuckled, and removed his hand. Keeping hold of mine, he stood up and pulled me into his chest.

Struggling, I fought to get out. I didn't want to feel his warmth anymore, it hurt too much. His arms kept me locked against his chest, refusing to let go.

Giving up, I let out my tears. Sobbing uncontrollably, I clutched at his chest. Wrapping his arms around me, he picked me up and sat back down on the bed. Cradling me in his lap, he tucked my head under his chin and began to rub soothing circles on my back. He started to hum, and that quickly turned into a soothing growl that was so deep I could call it a purr. He kept it up until my sobs guttered out, the only reason for that was my throat finally closed up from lack of moisture.

"Kagome, I want to know if you saw me with Kikyo last week? And how much you heard."

"Yes, I heard you tell her you love her, and something about your mate." I choked out the words, my voice sounding like sandpaper. "It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what you meant. Please leave." I begged, trying to fight the feeling of safety and love that I found in his embrace.

"I'm not leaving Kagome, now or ever." He grumbled at me, but the feel of his fingers soothing down my hair and back told me he wasn't angry. "You didn't hear all of it, so I'll repeat myself. I told Kikyo I had loved her, and that I would avenge her, but I wasn't going to hell with her. That I was staying with my mate, who I love, who is you, you silly wench. I've always loved you, since you set me free from that damn tree." He gave me a sigh. "I tired to kiss you, a few days afterward, but you freaked out. Understandable, since I had tried to kill you, but it still hurt. I would have tried it again too, but everything just kept piling up. Kikyo resurrected, the Jewel, meeting everybody, Naraku, it was one pile of shit after another, and I just couldn't deal. I lashed out at the only thing I could control, and was angry at myself for loosing that control."

"I called you names every chance I got, made you feel like shit, compared you to Kikyo, all to make you seem farther away. At first, I told myself that the farther away you were, the least likely it'd hurt when you left. It's amazing how stupid I can get, you'd think I'd learn." "I was so wrong, every time you left I couldn't breath, every time I made you cry or you cried for me my heart ripped in two." He stopped to take a breath, but never stopped rubbing my back. So much love and sorrow poured off him it felt like I was drowning.

"Kagome, I know I haven't got much. I know you deserve better, but I still want you. I love you with every fiber of my being and I want you to stay with me. Please Koishii, stay with me. Let me love you."

"I love you Inuyasha, always have and I always will."